Female aggressiveness. Causes of attacks of aggression. What tests and examinations can a doctor prescribe for irritability?

IN different periods In life, a woman may experience irritability, nervousness and even attacks of aggression due to the influence of external and internal factors. It could be stress, illness endocrine system, psychologically traumatic life circumstances or hormonal imbalance associated with pregnancy, menstruation or menopause. Irritability and aggression in women often cause misunderstanding and condemnation among others, interfere with building normal relationships in the family, and cause depression and guilt.

Causes of irritability

Cyclic changes in hormonal levels

Premenstrual syndrome is the most common reason Periods of emotional instability regularly occur. The reason for the sudden changes in mood in the days preceding the onset of menstruation lies in the disruption of the normal metabolism of progesterone, as well as in the disruption of the exchange of neurotransmitters in the central nervous system. Statistics show that there are risk groups most often suffering from premenstrual syndrome:

• PMS can occur throughout a woman’s life, but there is evidence that with age, the intensity of all its symptoms steadily increases.
• Irritability, desire for sweets, tearfulness and Bad mood are more annoying to women with various organic diseases.
• Abortion and gynecological diseases, associated with ovarian dysfunction provoke a more pronounced course of PMS.
• City dwellers leading socially active life Those with a low body mass index are prone to the appearance of corresponding symptoms even at a young age.

Pregnancy

Irritability during pregnancy is observed in women in the first trimesters due to hormonal changes in the body. In the last trimester hormonal background stabilizes, but the woman begins to experience increasing anxiety about imminent birth and numerous physical discomforts associated with a growing belly. Future mother experiences high levels of anxiety, is nervous and irritable, but this is completely normal.

The phrase “menopause in women, symptoms, age, treatment” is typed into search engines not only by representatives of the fair sex who have reached fifty years of age. Age-related restructuring of the body can begin much earlier, there is a concept “ early menopause“associated with reproductive diseases or severe psycho-emotional shocks.

Symptoms of menopause in women They may appear all at once, or they may grow gradually over several months or years. A decrease in estrogen levels and an increase in prolactin provoke a violation of the body’s thermoregulation, manifested in periodic sensations extreme heat, heavy sweating and dizziness. These attacks can be repeated up to hundreds of times a day; from bycatch, a woman wakes up at night, which violates normal sleep. Physiological discomfort, fatigue and lack of sleep negatively affect the psyche, the woman feels old and sick, and depression sets in.

Nervousness and irritability at women persist for several years, as they adapt to the new hormonal levels It’s not easy for the body. This period is complicated by many diseases associated with a decrease in estrogen levels, which does not contribute to emotional stability.

Thyrotoxicosis

Excessive production of hormones thyroid gland provokes, in addition to the main symptoms, irritability in women. The disease is accompanied autonomic disorders: fatigue, insomnia, sweating, rapid heartbeat, hand trembling. If you ignore these symptoms, the disease develops rapidly. This leads to a thyrotoxic crisis, which is accompanied by fever, vomiting, and psychosis. Attacks of aggression in women at this stage of the disease can be completely uncontrollable.

Constant intoxication

General intoxication of the body due to alcohol poisoning, disorders of the liver and intestines are accompanied not only somatic manifestations, but also affect the psyche. Constant nausea, weakness, constipation and diarrhea negatively affect mood and well-being, causing such emotional disturbances, like irritability and aggression in women.

Depression associated with negative factors life, stress or grief can trigger nervous disorders. Neurosis is considered one of the most common diseases in women. The vulnerability of the female psyche leads to impaired perception of reality, inadequate reactions to everyday stimuli, and regular breakdowns.

Unmotivated aggression and irritability may be signs of schizophrenia or another mental illness. The difficulty of diagnosing such diseases makes them the most dangerous for the individual and the people around the woman. The unpredictability of a sick person’s actions puts his physical health and life.

Depending on the cause of emotional instability, treatment is prescribed only after consulting a doctor. You cannot self-medicate or take medications recommended by friends or neighbors. The sooner the cause of emotional instability is identified, the easier it is to cure the underlying disease.

But how to get rid of irritability caused by natural causes, for example, premenstrual syndrome or menopause, how to relieve constant tension? First of all, you need to change your diet and lifestyle. Regular walks or jogs fresh air will help improve sleep and appetite, and restore peace of mind. Exercises in the pool or Spa treatment, trips to the sea - these methods are used in the treatment of various nervous disorders a long time ago. It is believed that water treatments have a beneficial effect on the vegetative nervous system, eliminating sweating and weakness, water perfectly relaxes. Baths with decoctions of plants that have sedative effect, help eliminate insomnia.

All drinks and foods that have a stimulating effect are excluded from the diet. These are coffee, alcohol, black tea, carbonated drinks. Fried foods and it is advisable to eat meat in minimum quantities, giving preference to vegetables, fish, vegetable oils.

Since a light, relaxing massage helps relieve tension, several massage sessions with aromatic oils. Positive attitude, self-irony, understanding of the processes that lead to feeling unwell, help control attacks of aggression.

Manifestations of irritability

Sometimes irritability is accompanied by a feeling of anger, even aggression. Movements become sharp, voice becomes loud and shrill.

An irritated person is characterized by repetitive actions: continuous walking around the room, tapping his fingers on objects, swinging his leg. These actions are aimed at restoring peace of mind, relieving emotional stress.

A typical phenomenon that accompanies irritability is a decrease in interest in sex and favorite hobbies.

Causes

• psychological;
• physiological;
• genetic;
• various diseases.

Physiological reasons– hormonal imbalances caused, for example, by pregnancy, menopause, premenstrual syndrome (PMS), thyroid diseases. Physiological causes of irritability include a feeling of hunger and a deficiency of microelements and vitamins in the body. Sometimes irritability can be caused by incompatibility of medications that the patient is taking - this is also a physiological reason.
Genetic causes- inherited increased excitability nervous system. In this case, irritability is a character trait.

Irritability as a symptom of the disease, can develop with the following pathologies:

• infectious diseases (flu, ARVI, etc.);
• some mental illness(neuroses, schizophrenia, dementia, Alzheimer's disease).

Irritability in women

Added to genetic factors is the excessive workload of most women. household chores. This leads to chronic lack of sleep, overwork - psychological causes of irritability are formed.

Regularly occurring in female body hormonal changes(menstrual cycle, pregnancy, menopause) are physiological reasons irritability.

Given such a complex of reasons, it is not surprising that many women are characterized by increased and sometimes constant irritability.

Irritability during pregnancy

A woman becomes nervous, tearful, her feelings and tastes change, even her worldview. Of course, all this leads to a state of increased irritability. Such changes accompany even a desired, expected pregnancy, not to mention an unplanned pregnancy. Close people should treat all these whims and quirks with understanding and patience.

Fortunately, around the middle of pregnancy, the hormonal balance becomes more stable, and the woman's irritability decreases.

Irritability after childbirth

But in postpartum period A lot depends on the woman’s character. If she is calm by nature, then her irritability is minimal, and sometimes completely absent.

PMS (premenstrual syndrome)

Outbursts of anger, aggression, sometimes even with loss of control over one’s behavior, are replaced by tearfulness and a depressed mood. The woman feels causeless anxiety and restlessness; she is absent-minded, interested in usual activities decreases. There is weakness and increased fatigue.

Menopausal disorders increase gradually. Outbursts of aggression are not typical for this period; irritability is accompanied by touchiness, tearfulness, sleep disturbances, unreasonable fears, depressed mood.

Severe manifestations of menopause require consultation with an endocrinologist. In some cases, the doctor prescribes hormone replacement therapy.

Irritability in men

A deficiency of this hormone makes men nervous, aggressive, and irritable. At the same time, they complain of fatigue, drowsiness, and depression. Irritability caused by physiological reasons is aggravated by overload at work, as well as the fear of developing impotence.

During menopause, men, just like women, need patient, attentive treatment from loved ones. Their diet should contain a sufficient amount of protein dishes - meat, fish. Definitely needed good sleep(at least 7-8 hours a day). IN severe cases carried out as prescribed by a doctor replacement therapy– testosterone injections.

Irritability in children

In addition, childhood irritability can be a symptom of diseases and conditions such as:

• perinatal encephalopathy (brain damage during pregnancy or childbirth);
• allergic diseases;
• infectious diseases (flu, acute respiratory viral infections, “childhood” infections);
• individual intolerance to certain products;
• psychiatric diseases.

How to get rid of irritability?

Drug treatment

If the cause is a mental illness - for example, depression, then antidepressant drugs are prescribed (fluoxetine, amitriptyline, Prozac, etc.). They improve the patient's mood, thereby reducing irritability.

Special attention in case of irritability, attention is given to normalizing the patient’s night sleep. To do this, the doctor prescribes sleeping pills or sedatives (tranquilizers). If sleep is ok, but there is anxiety- use sedatives, do not drowsy– “daytime tranquilizers” (rudotel or mezapam).

If increased irritability caused psychological reasons, and is mainly due to stressful situations in the patient's life - mild herbal or homeopathic medicines anti-stress (Notta, Adaptol, Novo-Passit, etc.).

Traditional medicine

• borage;

However, there are contraindications for folk remedies. These are mental illnesses. For patients with this diagnosis, any treatment can be used only with the permission of a doctor. For example, hot baths can trigger an exacerbation of schizophrenia.

How to get rid of irritability - video

Which doctor should I contact if I feel irritable?

There is no need to be afraid of a visit to a psychiatrist, because a doctor of this specialty treats not only severe mental illnesses (for example, schizophrenia, manic-depressive psychosis, etc.), but also treats any disorders mental activity, conditioned for various reasons. Therefore, in order not to suffer from irritability and not cause unpleasant moments For your loved ones and work colleagues, it is advisable to contact a psychiatrist and receive qualified help.

In addition, if irritability is present against the background of an obvious illness, then you should also contact the doctor who diagnoses and treats the existing non-mental pathology.

For example, if irritability bothers the patient diabetes mellitus, then he should contact a psychiatrist and endocrinologist (make an appointment) to adjust and emotional background, and the course of diabetes.

If irritability bothers you in the background respiratory diseases or the flu, then you need to contact a psychiatrist and therapist (make an appointment). However, with such diseases, it makes sense to wait for recovery, and only if irritability remains after the flu or acute respiratory viral infection has passed, you should contact a psychiatrist.

When irritability appears after suffering stress due to trauma, you need to contact a psychiatrist and Rehabilitation doctor (make an appointment), which deals with the normalization of the functions of injured organs and systems after the main treatment (after surgery, etc.).

When irritability bothers a woman during periods of premenstrual syndrome, menopause or after childbirth, it is necessary to contact gynecologist (make an appointment) and a psychiatrist.

When a man suffers from irritability, he should turn to andrologist (make an appointment) and a psychiatrist.

If a child is irritable due to an allergic disease, then it is necessary to contact Allergist (make an appointment) and a child psychiatrist.

If the child early age very irritable, and at the same time he was diagnosed perinatal encephalopathy, then you need to contact neurologist (make an appointment). There is no point in contacting a psychiatrist, since the child does not speak yet, and his brain is only developing.

What tests and examinations can a doctor prescribe for irritability?

To assess brain function, a psychiatrist may prescribe electroencephalography (sign up) and the evoked potential method. To assess the state of various brain structures, their connections and interactions with each other, the doctor may prescribe a tomography (computer, magnetic resonance imaging (sign up), gamma tomography, or positron emission tomography).

This in itself is unpleasant, not only for those around them who are suddenly plunged into negativity, but also for the aggressors themselves. In fact, among the latter there are not so many clinical scoundrels who derive pleasure from splashing out violent emotions on other people or objects. Normal people are also capable of such outbursts, but they then experience remorse, try to make amends for their guilt and at least try to control themselves. Aggression is especially destructive in men; the reasons may turn out to be so far-fetched and strange that the presence of a problem becomes obvious to all participants in the situation.

Types and types of male aggression

It is worth immediately noting that negative emotions with spilling out are not exclusively a male prerogative. Women are just as capable of being aggressors; they do not monitor their actions and words. The paradox is that male aggression is partly considered socially acceptable. Of course, extreme manifestations are condemned, but at the same time there are many justifications for such a phenomenon as aggression in men. The reasons can be very diverse - from competition to health conditions.

There are two main types of aggression that are easily defined even by non-specialists:

• verbal, when negativity is expressed in shouting or openly negative language;
• physical, when there are beatings, destruction, attempted murder.

With auto-aggression, negativity is directed at oneself and manifests itself in all sorts of destructive actions. The motto of this type of aggression is: “Let it be worse for me.”

Psychologists classify what we are considering into several types according to the following criteria: method of manifestation, direction, causes, degrees of expression. Self-diagnosis in in this case is practically impossible, since in most cases the aggressor seeks self-justification, does not see and does not want to see the problem, and successfully shifts the blame to others.

Verbal aggression

The external manifestations of this type of aggression are quite expressive. This can be a furious scream, curses and curses. They are often supplemented by gestural expression - a man can make offensive or threatening gestures, shake his fist, or swing his arms. In the animal world, males actively use this particular type of aggression: whoever growls loudest declares himself as the owner of the territory; outright fights come about much less often.

However, verbal aggression in men, the reasons for which may lie in both mental health, and in the pressure of society, is not so harmless. It destroys the psyche of those who are forced to live nearby. Children get used to an abnormal pattern of communication and absorb the pattern of their father’s behavior as the norm.

Physical aggression

An extreme form of aggressive behavior, when a person moves from shouting and threats to active physical actions. Now this is not just a threatening fist swing, but a blow. A man is capable of causing serious injuries even to those closest to him, breaking or breaking personal belongings. Man behaves like Godzilla and destruction becomes his main goal. It can be either a short explosion, literally just one blow, or a long-term nightmare, which is why aggression in men is considered the most dangerous. The reasons given are varied - from “she provoked me” to “I’m a man, you can’t make me angry.”

When wondering how permissible this is, it is best to take the Criminal Code as a guide. It says in black and white that bodily harm varying degrees gravity, attempted murder and intentional damage to personal property are all crimes.

Features of unmotivated male aggression

We can conditionally divide manifestations of rage into motivated and unmotivated. It is possible to understand and partially justify aggression shown in a state of passion. This is often called "righteous anger." If someone offends this man’s loved ones, encroaches on their life and health, then an aggressive response is at least understandable.

The problem is such attacks of aggression in men, the causes of which cannot be calculated at first glance. What came over him? Just been normal person, and suddenly they changed it! This is roughly what witnesses to sudden unmotivated rage that erupts in any form, verbal or physical, respond to. In fact, any action has a reason, explanation or motive, they just don’t always lie on the surface.

Reasons or excuses?

Where is the line between reasons and justifications? An example is the phenomenon of aggression between men and women. The reasons are often the most common attempts to justify oneself, to shift the blame onto the victim: “Why did she stay late after work? She’s probably cheating, she needs to be shown a place!”, “I didn’t have time to serve dinner, I need to teach a lesson” or “Allows herself to show dissatisfaction, provokes aggression."

Behind such behavior there may be personal hatred towards to a certain person, and banal misogyny. If a man seriously considers women to be second-class citizens, then is it surprising that he receives malicious attacks against them?

However, outbursts of aggression may not occur because the man is simply an evil type. In addition to far-fetched excuses, there are also those based on serious factors that can be identified and eliminated.

Hormonal background

A significant proportion of aggressive manifestations are due to hormonal imbalance. Our emotions are largely determined by the ratio of the main hormones; a deficiency or excess can lead not only to violent outbursts, but also to severe depression, a pathological absence of emotions and severe psychiatric problems.

Testosterone is traditionally considered a hormone not only of sexual desire, but also of aggression. Those who are especially harsh are often referred to as “testosterone males.” Chronic deficiency leads to increased dissatisfaction and makes a person predisposed to negative manifestations. Outbursts of aggression in men, the causes of which lie precisely in hormonal imbalance, needs to be treated. To do this, tests are taken to measure hormone levels, and the disease that led to the disorders is identified. Symptomatic treatment in this case it brings only partial relief and cannot be considered complete.

Middle age crisis

If such cases have not been observed before, then sudden aggression in a 35-year-old man can most often be associated with the age of maximalism being left behind, and the man begins to weigh whether all the decisions made were really correct, whether it was a mistake. Literally everything comes into question: is this the right family, is this the right woman, is this the right direction in one’s career? Or maybe it was worth going to another institute and then marrying someone else, or not marrying at all?

Doubts and hesitations acute sensation missed opportunities - all this weakens the nervous system, reduces the level of tolerance and sociability. It begins to seem that there is still time to change everything in one jerk. Everyone around seems to have conspired and does not understand this emotional impulse. Well, they can be put in their place by force, since they do not understand good. Fortunately, the midlife crisis passes sooner or later. The main thing is to remember that periods of despondency are normal, but this is not a reason to ruin your life.

Retirement depression

Second round age crisis catches up with men after retirement. Women most often endure this period easier - a significant part of everyday worries remains with them. But men who are accustomed to their profession as a central part of their life’s plot begin to feel unnecessary and abandoned. Life stopped, the respect of others turned off along with receiving a pension certificate.

Aggression in men over 50 years of age is closely related to attempts to shift responsibility for a failed life onto others. At the same time, objectively, the man who suddenly caught the demon in the rib is all right, but there is a certain dissatisfaction. At the same time, all sorts of health problems, overwork, lack of sleep can be added - all these factors aggravate the situation. Aggressive attacks begin to seem natural reaction to everything that is happening.

Psychiatry or psychology?

Who should I go to for help - a psychologist or straight to a psychiatrist? Many men are afraid of their aggressive impulses, fearing, not without reason, that they will do something irreparable. And it is very good that they are able to relatively soberly assess their actions and seek help from professionals. Who deals with such a phenomenon as aggression in men? The causes and treatment are in the department of the psychiatrist exactly until he confirms that according to his profile the patient does not have any problems. This is exactly what it consists of the right approach to treatment from such a specialist: you can safely make an appointment without fear that you will be labeled “crazy.” A psychiatrist is first and foremost a doctor, and he first checks whether any completely physical factors: hormones, old injuries, sleep disturbances. The psychiatrist can recommend a good psychologist, if the patient does not have problems that require drug treatment.

The first step to solving the problem

In many ways, the strategy for solving a problem depends on who exactly makes the decision. Aggression in a man... What should a woman do who is next to him, lives in the same house with him, and is raising children together? Yes, of course, you can fight, convince, help, but if the situation develops in such a way that you have to constantly endure assault and risk losing your life, it is better to save yourself and save the children.

The best first step for a man is to admit there is a problem. It’s worth being honest with yourself: aggression is a problem that needs to be dealt with first of all by the aggressor himself, and not by his victims.

Possible consequences of aggression and comprehensive work on oneself

We have to admit that in places of deprivation of liberty there are often prisoners who have precisely this vice - unreasonable aggression in men. Reasons require elimination, but excuses have no force or weight. It is worth pulling yourself together, but not relying only on self-control. If outbursts of rage are repeated, then the reason may lie in violation hormonal balance. This may be overwork, depressive symptoms, as well as social pressure, an unbearable rhythm of life, age-related changes, some chronic diseases. Seeing a doctor is the right step to help you cope with destructive behavior. Separate reasons from excuses, this will help outline the initial plan of action, and soon life will sparkle with new colors.

Have you ever encountered aggressive behavior from other people? Have you ever had to show aggression, anger, rage, irritation? Did you like yourself at such moments? Or maybe they regretted it later? Have you noticed destructive effect aggression, for example, on your relationship with the person towards whom you showed your aggression, anger, dissatisfaction? Has your relationship with him strengthened, improved, become more trusting, or has it become colder, more strained, more tense? Would you like to learn to “control” yourself and stop falling into aggressive states? If so, then understanding the causes of aggression is indispensable. Knowing the cause, you can learn to influence that cause. So, what are the causes of aggression in women– you will learn from this article.

Common causes of aggression – in both men and women

Psychologists have formulated a model of filling with emotions, using the example of a jug.In this model, the “jug”, there are 4 layers, where the bottom layer causes the top layer above it to appear.

The picture “Causes of negative behavior” is taken from the book by Yu. Gippenreiter

These layers appear in order from lower to upper, but you can see and then “remove” these layers only in the reverse order - from upper to lower.

The first layer of the “jug” is the topmost one, which lies on the surface and can be observed “with the naked eye.” This upper layer literally spills out of the jug, splashes over the edge.

To see the manifestations of the second and deeper layers, you need to observe yourself, your behavior, thoughts, reactions. And only then can you find in yourself those feelings, states and emotions that relate to these deeper layers.

1 layer. Anger, rage, aggression

This includes behavior such as protest, struggle, indignation, resistance, actions “out of spite”, “fighting back”, “revenge”, forcing, shouting, pressing, putting the squeeze, quarrels, confrontation, indignation, punishment, name-calling, insult, etc.

Wherein, aggressive behavior It can be either pronounced, manifested externally, or only at the level of thoughts and internal state.

In addition, it can be directed both at another person and at oneself. If you notice that you are behaving aggressively towards others, then it is absolutely certain, at least mentally, that you are doing the same thing towards yourself, perhaps in other situations.

2nd layer. Pain, resentment, fear, shame, guilt

This is the reason why aggressive behavior occurs. This layer is the cause of what lies above, in layer 1.

Research by psychologists confirms that “anger and aggression are secondary feelings, and they come from experiences of a different kind, such as pain, fear, resentment.” (Yu. Gippenreiter)

Always, under manifestations of anger and aggression, in parallel or shortly before, a person experiences pain, fear, resentment, the cause of which may be shame, guilt, resentment, self-hatred, disappointment, “I should have,” “I couldn’t handle it.” etc.

Examples from method consultations

Example 1. A woman comes to new team at work and feels an aggressive attitude from colleagues. Inside she has a competitive attitude, “I will show you who I am, you will respect me!” Even deeper under this state - she is ashamed of herself. These two layers are easily detected in a client's state of absorption, when the client slows down in meditation and the focus of attention is directed inward. Shame for herself appeared in her childhood, and in school years was especially pronounced. Shame about herself is an old habit, dating back to childhood, but in fact, it comes from past lives.

Example 2. A woman is on a date with a man she likes. He did something that was not part of her understanding of “how a man should behave if he likes a woman.” As a result, she felt indignant, did not say anything to him yet, but pretended that she had important work on the phone and went deeper into the phone, leaving the man to himself. But at the same time with indignation at the man, she had a feeling of hatred for herself - for the fact that the man behaves disrespectfully towards her, since that is how she assessed his action.

Example 3. A man is talking on the phone, the interlocutor tells him that he cannot repay the debt today. The man burst into anger at him and insulted his interlocutor. Simultaneously with anger, he began to hate himself - for being so thoughtless and lending him money, and also for having already promised to give this money to another person. Essentially, hating yourself for two is wrong decisions made. This self-hatred burst out at the interlocutor.

3 layer. Needs for love, attention, respect, freedom, independence, importance, significance, success

The cause of pain, fear, and resentment is the unsatisfaction of needs.

At the same time, needs are physical - needs physical body in food, sleep, warmth, sex, physical safety, etc.

And also, since “man is a social animal” (Aristotle), that is, a person also has needs that are associated with expressing himself in society, in interaction with other people. And these needs are considered by psychologists to be more high level than physical needs.

These are the needs:

• so that a person is loved, understood, accepted, there is a feeling of closeness
• for a person to be recognized and respected
• for a person to be successful in what he does
• so that he can realize himself, develop his abilities, improve himself, respect himself

Behind any negative experience there is always some unsatisfied need from the above.

4 layer. Basic aspirations to BE good, to be loved, to feel powerful, to have the right to life and existence

If the above needs are not satisfied, then it is in your attitude towards yourself that you will find the reason. The extent to which you accept yourself, with all your merits, do you see “shortcomings” in yourself, are you afraid to realize yourself because you are afraid to make a mistake, etc.

All this affects whether you allow yourself to be successful, loved, happy. If you allow it, then you will; if not, then most likely you will look for those “to blame.”

Attitude towards yourself formed in childhood. Based on how you were treated by your loved ones and significant people, especially your parents. But from the point of view of reincarnation, the attitude towards oneself was formed in past lives - in each, to varying degrees.

If in your current life you are afraid to prove yourself, to realize yourself, because you are afraid to make a mistake, then most likely you have already done this in past life, in one or more. It is quite possible that this was not any mistake, but you thought so, you gave yourself an “assessment”. Or there was still an error, but you couldn’t do it correct conclusions from this experience. And instead of acting on the mistake, you abandon this activity altogether.

If you don’t accept yourself, then tension forms inside you about yourself, and the people around you subconsciously pick up on this. Even if you say, “Everything works out for me, no matter what I try,” but inside you have internal rattling and tension, your interlocutor will pick up on this. Because verbal communication gives us only 10-20% of information about a person, the remaining 80-90% of information we receive through nonverbal communication(voice intonation, pauses, facial expressions, posture, gestures, body movements, etc.).

In past lives, we have already accumulated experience, thanks to which we either allow ourselves to be successful or do not allow ourselves (“I’m bad”, “I’ll make a mistake”, “I can’t handle it”, “I won’t succeed”, etc.). After all, this is why we come into a new incarnation precisely to those parents who, through their behavior, will demonstrate to us exactly this attitude. After all, you yourself have NOT solved this problem in past lives, so now is the time to solve it!

What to do about it now

Attitude towards oneself is the basis of a person’s mental well-being, and therefore success. Read the biographies of successful people - do they criticize themselves? You might be surprised, but no, they don’t scold you! That's why they are successful - they believe in themselves.

If you were not praised in childhood, were not supported, were not told that you were loved, that you would succeed, then it’s time to start saying these words to YOURSELF. For example:

• I definitely accept my actions! (any!)
• I'm happy to give myself time and attention! (and do it! every day!)
• I rejoice at my successes! (rather than taking them for granted and pretending that nothing special happened!)
• I share my feelings with loved ones! (which means I trust them!)
• I'm happy with myself!
• I'm glad that I exist!
• I'm glad that I am exactly who I already am!
• I'm glad to see you! (every time(!) when you see yourself in the mirror, reflection in a shop window, etc.)
• You are my good one! (YOURSELF!)
• Of course I can handle it! I’ll still think about how I’ll do it, but I’ll definitely do it!

Important believe it yourself that everything will work out for you, that you are loved, that you are happy, that you have a happy future ahead of you, and that you, of course, can handle it!

The Hidden Benefit of Aggression

Aggressive behavior is destructive to the psyche, to a person’s health, and to relationships with other people.

From the information above it becomes clear that aggressive person“hits” those around him when he HIMSELF suddenly became hurt. It was then that his own internal pain was activated.

Yes, it is wrong to “hit” others when it hurts inside, that is, the person “hit” himself.

It is important here to work with the underlying reasons in order to stop activating your sores, that is, “hitting” yourself. (This was a very important thought just now, feel it.)

But, if a person has not yet learned to love and accept himself unconditionally, then he probably often falls into states such as pain, suffering, fear, shame, doubt, uncertainty, etc. (layer 2 “jug”).And if a person is often in such states, then he “gets stuck” in them, and it is difficult for him to get out of such a state.

It is aggression helps many people get out of these “failed” states.

Since the internal creative reserves of such a person are already blocked (by his negative attitude towards himself), then the method of “kicking” or “pushing” himself towards the goal is the only thing that works in such a situation.

That is, in such a context, a person has hidden benefit of STAYING aggressive, at least sometimes, in certain situations. A person never admits to having this hidden benefit, that’s why it is hidden, which means the problem remains.

Exit - learn to get out of the “swamp” state in other ways than aggression. For example, this could be increasing your resource status, inspiration, receiving joy, etc.

Features of aggression in women

Women most often suppress their aggression towards a man, but take it out on their children.

Therefore, if you notice aggression towards children, work with your attitude towards a man (husband, lover, etc.) or his absence. And also with your attitude towards yourself. Honestly admit to yourself what stresses/burdens/irritates you, etc. in your relationship with a man. And find correct wording to convey your feelings to him.

Solve your relationship problem! Don’t keep silent and don’t pretend that you are happy, everything suits you, etc. just because you feel dependent/unconfident/unnecessary/useless, etc. in your relationship with a man. A man still feels that something is oppressing you, and will perceive it as “I couldn’t cope” “I’m bad” “I don’t satisfy her” “I can’t make my beloved woman happy” and can increase external “pressure” on you - become ruder, more demanding, find fault with appearance or something else, start cheating, etc. – there are many options.

When you direct your focus to improving your relationship with a man, then most likely it will become more clear to you how you feel about yourself and this is the cause of the problems. Your husband doesn’t “value” you because you don’t value yourself. And all those offensive words What he tells you, you most likely have already said to yourself, mentally, and most likely more than once.

In no case should you take out your dissatisfaction on children, because children perceive ANY communication from their parents with them as “Am I good? or Am I bad?” and often nothing else.

This is the main task of parents - give the child confidence that he is GOOD. He can easily learn everything else on his own.

”EVERY address to a child- in word, deed, intonation, gesture, frowning eyebrows and even silence - we inform him not only about ourselves, our condition, but always about him, and often - mainly about him.” (Yu. Gippenreiter)

If a woman realizes HERSELF through a child

In addition, if a woman has unfulfilled needs and she experiences pain about this (in other words, she has 2, 3 and 4 layers of the “jug” filled), then it also happens that she realizes HERSELF through a child.

Here I mean the deep attitude towards the child: “When everything is fine with the child, then I feel good.” This is why limiting beliefs arise: “Everything is for children!”, “With the birth of a child, my personal life ended,” “I must be a good mother,” etc.

At the same time, “good” is often exactly what she herself has not realized, but she wanted it. Or, “good” is something that fits into HER picture of “how it should be,” for example, “the child received an education, got married, behaves politely with me, the neighbors don’t complain to me about him, is obedient, plays music, does lessons, doesn’t do the opposite, etc.” the list is different for everyone. That is, she herself has already decided what is good for the child and what is not.

And every time something happens to a child that does not fit into this picture of HER “how it should be with my child,” she takes the blame, scolds, blames, is afraid of something, etc. That is, it “hits” itself “I’m a bad mother, I’m bad.” And then most likely he takes it out on someone - a child, husband, etc.

Summarizing

So, in this article I talked about the causes of aggression in women and what to do about it. Aggression is a sign that a person cannot cope with the situation, is not confident in himself, does not feel his right to be, but cannot cope with it himself, so he “hits” those around him. You always have a choice, in any situation, to continue doing what you are used to, or to do something differently. Through overcoming oneself, a person grows spiritually. Through self-study, a person receives information about what can be changed in himself in order to act differently. The "jug" model will help you see more deep reasons aggressive behavior.

In each specific situation, when you are ready to burst into anger or aggression, take a break, and think - what need of mine is not fulfilled now, what pain inside me has been activated, and what do I think about myself in this situation. What does this person have to do with my own pain? And only then say or act something.

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