How to overcome fear and get rid of phobias? How to overcome fear and anxiety: advice from a psychologist Tune in for the best

It is possible to cope with a phobia on your own, but it is better to consult a psychotherapist. The main thing is not to let this process take its course and not try to avoid solving the problem. In order to overcome your fear, you should realize that in most cases all phobias are groundless and meaningless. It is important to learn to believe in yourself and your strengths, to lead a healthy and active lifestyle. In order to think less about the phobia, you should devote a lot of time to your favorite activity, hobby.

You can try to face your fear. However, not everyone will be able to overcome themselves and use such a radical method. During a panic attack, you should breathe correctly, be able to relax the muscles of your face and body, and think about positive things. To get rid of fears, you should not resort to drinking alcohol, drugs or coffee, as this will only lead to stimulation of the nervous system.

Show all

General concept of pathology

Obsessive fears are distinguished by the fact that a person understands the meaninglessness of the phobia, but continues to be afraid. This phenomenon most often occurs in childhood and can haunt a person throughout his life.

There are several hundred obsessive fears. Among them are fears of heights, society, spiders, closed spaces, illnesses, intimate relationships, communication, and others. Such phobias are often uncontrollable and bring a lot of problems to a person, as it interferes with establishing a personal life, getting a job, or communicating with friends and family.

Phobias can be classified based on the situation, the specific object, age, symptoms, and gender of the person. Today, scientists distinguish 4 groups of main phobias:

1. Zoophobias are fears that are associated with flora and fauna.
2. Social phobias involve fear of everything that a person encounters every day.
3. Agoraphobia – fear of open space. These could be doors, windows.
4. Fears that cannot be classified into the previous categories. These include health-related phobias, fear of the dark, fear of confined spaces, and many others.

Signs of obsessive fears

Phobias can be easily recognized by the following symptoms:

Feeling of difficulty breathing, throat spasm.
High heart rate.
Feeling of weakness, faintness.
Numbness of the whole body.
Feeling of horror, intense fear.
Tremor throughout the body.
Vomiting, indigestion.
The body “does not listen” to a person.
The person feels as if he is “going crazy.”

We can talk about the presence of a phobia if at least 4 of the listed signs of obsessive fears are present.

Men's fears

In the modern world, there is an opinion that men are not prone to excessive experiences, and they are practically not afraid of anything. However, this point of view is erroneous, since representatives of the stronger half of humanity also have many fears that men try to overcome:

1. The most common phobia of men is the fear of loneliness. They are afraid of losing their soulmate, being left alone, abandoned and unwanted. However, most men will never admit it because they don’t want to look pathetic.
2. Fear of new relationships. Unlike women, who can easily plunge into new feelings, men try to hide their emotions, experiences and tears. They try to control themselves so as not to fall in love again and not lose their priceless freedom.
3. Fear of looking feminine, since men associate this with weak character, submissiveness and humility. If he has at least once noticed feminine traits in his character or behavior, this fear will always be present in the man’s mind.
4. Fear of the subordinate. Many men like to gossip about henpeckedness. If a young man notices that his friend is completely submissive to his other half, this will cause a storm of protest. Therefore, men do everything possible to avoid being in such a situation by showing their most masculine traits.
5. Fear of failure. Every man wants to achieve material well-being and financial independence. Therefore, if he realizes that he has failed in something, he immediately counts himself among the ranks of losers. The positive side of this fear is that this phobia forces men to become stronger, to reach new heights, overcoming difficulties and obstacles.

It is difficult for a man to overcome fear on his own, no matter what it is associated with. He will need outside help. However, he must understand that all fears are based on subjective factors and characteristics of the man himself.

Most male phobias were formed in childhood or adolescence. For example, if a young man has been rejected by women several times, then this fear will remain with him for the rest of his life. If you are afraid of meeting the opposite sex, you must immediately warn the girl about this. In most cases, such sincerity in a man’s behavior disarms the ladies. He can meet girls as much as necessary until he begins to feel comfortable in the company of a lady. An intelligent and tactful woman will help in this case. It all depends on the willpower and character of the man. After all, in order to overcome their fear, some people need delicate treatment, while others need a tougher approach.

Often, men get rid of fears with the help of alcohol. This is one of the biggest mistakes, since under the influence of alcohol you can only worsen the situation. In order to overcome your fears, you can use other methods, for example, hobbies, hobbies. Active recreation, visiting clubs, going to the cinema will help you cope with the problem. Physical activity can help you recharge yourself with positivity and strengthen your spirit. It is better to give preference to such active sports as tennis, football, kickboxing.

Women's phobias

The difference between typical female phobias and male ones is that they are not associated specifically with one subject, but represent a whole series of interrelated fears

Left alone

This is due to the fact that a woman is afraid of not getting married and being a girl for too long. Married women fear adultery and being abandoned by a man, even if there are no serious reasons for this. Gradually, this thought becomes obsessive and develops into a serious phobia, and depression develops. The reason for the appearance of such fears is a woman’s inferiority complex, self-doubt and low self-esteem.

The fight against this type of fear must begin with self-love. We must believe that every person deserves a good life and respectful treatment.

Lose beauty, old age

This phobia is inherent in successful and self-confident women. However, over time, they begin to think that time moves inexorably forward. The best solution to combat this fear will not be expensive plastic surgery and creams, but a healthy lifestyle, balanced nutrition, active sports and positive thinking.

Old age phobia most often begins to manifest itself in women over the age of 50 and is associated with her place in society and family. This may manifest itself in the fact that they incorrectly indicate their age on social networks and questionnaires. Another option for the manifestation of a phobia is that a woman begins to dress inappropriately for her age, while she looks ridiculous and funny. Women do not want to retire or take care of their grandchildren, citing their public employment. Correction of this phobia must begin with awareness of one’s self. You need to learn to realize and accept your age, along with its positive and negative qualities, to know the value of your years.

Completeness

Fear of being fat can have quite dangerous consequences. Trying to look like the models on glossy magazine covers, women go on radical diets, which leads to anorexia and disruption of the functioning of all organs and systems.

To get rid of this phobia, you should realize the value of your health. Instead of fasting, you can start following a balanced diet and leading an active lifestyle. This will help you maintain your weight.

Before birth

Fear of motherhood, which includes fear of childbirth and pregnancy. A woman has a fear of childbirth, she is afraid of pain and death. This phobia is typical for women with an inferiority complex. The negative aspect of this fear is that it is accompanied by disturbances in the functioning of the autonomic system and has a detrimental effect on the process of conception, pregnancy and childbirth.

Concerns about the child are an integral part of maternal care. But we must not allow natural feelings to develop into a phobia, which can affect the state of a woman’s nervous system. You need to realize that childbirth lasts only a few hours, this is insignificant compared to the whole life ahead. Modern medicine can ensure a relatively comfortable birth (with the use of epidural anesthesia) and guarantee 99% that everything will be fine with the woman. The main thing is to call an ambulance in time at the first contractions. You need to read fewer stories on the Internet and stay positive, since every birth is different. If your friends or sisters had them severely, painfully and lasted for days, this does not mean that it will be the same for you. There are many counter examples.

Insects, amphibians

The reason for the appearance of such fear lies in childhood. In order to get rid of the obsessive fear of insects, spiders and snakes, you need to look fear in the eye: pick it up, touch it.

Driving a car

The fear of driving a car is associated with the fact that a woman is afraid of getting into an accident, damaging the car, breaking traffic rules, or being ridiculed by other road users. This fear does not require special correction. Fear of the road and cars goes away on its own after a woman gains driving experience over time. You can improve your skills on training grounds or not very busy roads.

Public opinion and condemnation by other people

Fear occurs most often in women with complexes and lack of self-confidence. In order to get rid of it, you should set clear priorities for yourself, realize that your own happiness does not depend on the opinions of the people around you.

Types of phobias and methods of getting rid of them

Anyone can have one or more phobias, which affects their character, behavior and attitude towards certain things.

Type of phobia	How to get rid of it?
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. It manifests itself as attacks of panic fear while being in a closed space. It could be an elevator, a car. This group of fears includes fear of crowds	You need to try to communicate more with people who have already overcome fear. You should not avoid crowded places and cramped spaces, since it is impossible to get rid of this fear in absentia. If an attack of fear occurs in an elevator, then by force of will you need to concentrate your attention on some object, for example, buttons
Gerontophobia - fear of one's own aging and fear of communicating with older people	Doctors say that people who have their own point of view, who are difficult to anger, and who do not succumb to a melancholy mood, look good and retain their youth longer. You should replace bad habits with useful ones, think positively
Trypanophobia - fear of needles, syringes, injections, which is caused by poor quality of medical care, careless attitude of doctors towards their patients	To avoid a panic attack, you don’t have to watch the health worker perform the manipulation. You should distract yourself with something, for example, listen to music, watch an interesting video
Aerophobia - fear of flying in an airplane	You should fly as often as possible. Every successful landing will leave a trace in the subconscious that flying an airplane is safe. You need to buy tickets from a company that has a good reputation. When purchasing a ticket, you should choose the middle row away from the window. You should not drink coffee before takeoff. Better eat a mint candy
Dentophobia is the fear of visiting the dentist. People suffering from this phobia go to the dentist in extremely rare cases.	In order to alleviate the patient’s condition, dentists recommend performing all procedures under sedation. Before visiting the dentist, you need to think about the fact that modern medicine has a large number of new painkillers. You can chat with loved ones who recently visited the dentist and nothing happened to them. We must remember that even the most severe pain in a person is erased from memory after 3 hours
Insectophobia - fear of insects, especially ants and bees	When encountering an insect, you need to breathe deeply, try to relax and even smile. You can develop a program for yourself that will help you get rid of this phobia in a few months. To do this, you first need to learn to stay in the same room with the insect for up to 3 minutes. Then don’t be afraid to approach at a distance of 2–3 meters. After this, you need to overcome your fear and not be afraid to watch the insect for 1 minute. You must learn to cover the animal with a can or bucket tied to a long stick
Herpetophobia is the fear of reptiles. This fear is not uncommon. It is mainly associated with lizards and snakes	The best method of getting rid of this phobia is hypnotherapy. In order to cope with fear, you should learn as much interesting information as possible and read about reptiles
Agraphobia is a phobia of sexual harassment. Signs of this fear are rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, dry mouth, increased anxiety	If the fear of sexual harassment prevents you from living and communicating normally with the opposite sex, then treatment by qualified specialists is recommended. In the process of therapy, methods such as suggestion, conversations, hypnosis are used.
Autophobia is a pathological fear of loneliness. A feeling of fear arises in situations when a person is left alone and tries to occupy himself with something, but it is to no avail.	You should realize that it is impossible to be in communication with people all the time. Loneliness is a completely normal phenomenon. You need to find something to do that won't give you the opportunity to be sad. It could be a new job, a hobby, a passion, a pet.
Agoraphobia is the fear of open space. These can be large areas, deserted streets	You should relax, close your eyes and imagine how a person comes home and crosses the threshold of the house, continuing to move around the apartment with slow steps. If at any stage there is a feeling of discomfort, you should start the journey over. You should understand where the “anchor point” is, what forces a person to be at home. The size of the point should not be more than 1 cm. When a person discovers this place and feels comfortable there, he should move further until the fact is realized that the comfort zone is created only by the person himself and no one else
Algophobia - fear of pain. The reason for the development of this phobia is pain previously experienced in an unpleasant situation, for example, in a fight.	You should do auto-training 3 times a week, study relaxation techniques such as yoga, acupressure, tai chi. During a panic attack, you should take deep breaths and exhale with your stomach.
Spectrophobia - fear of mirrors and one's reflection	You should overcome yourself and stand in front of the mirror during the day, start saying nice words to yourself, the room, the mirror. You can invite someone close to you to help

You cannot wait until the process becomes more severe. If you miss the moment when fear begins to develop, then later it will be impossible to overcome it on your own.

Look at the environment and life from a positive perspective. If you imagine an unpleasant future, the situation will only get worse.
Meet your phobia eye to eye. The method is quite radical and quite effective. Although not everyone can dare to do this.
Ability to relax during a panic attack. You can start talking loudly, singing, laughing.
Breathe correctly. Convulsive sobs and sighs will not help in any way to overcome an attack of panic fear. Breathing should be calm, even, deep and rhythmic.
Complete relaxation of the muscles of the body and face will help you calm down faster.
You should not use drugs, alcohol or coffee to overcome your phobia. This will only worsen the situation, since these methods have a stimulating effect on the human nervous system.

Special techniques for dealing with fears

There are many special psychological techniques that will help you overcome fear on your own.

1. Face-to-face technique.

This technique should be practiced twice every day. For 10 minutes you should think only about your fear, bringing yourself to the point of starting a panic attack. Its paradox lies in the fact that in order to get rid of fear, one must experience severe emotional discomfort. After a few minutes, the person begins to realize that there is no danger. You just need to calmly repeat those thoughts that caused anxiety before. This state must be maintained throughout the entire 10 minutes, otherwise everything will be useless.

This technique is based on the ability of the nervous system to quickly recover and stabilize after a strong emotional shock. After just a few days of using this technique, a person notices that he simply has nothing to fill these 10 minutes with. He will begin to get bored as the feeling of fear begins to gradually disappear. The body’s stress system will no longer react violently every time to the appearance of a stimulus.

2. Technique for writing down your fears.

In order to overcome obsessive fear, you can try the technique of writing down your phobia. It consists of writing down verbatim throughout the day all your thoughts that arise about fear from the moment the worry begins until it ends. You shouldn't try to write everything down in nice sentences. You can simply word for word as a stenographer at a meeting.

The essence of this method is that when fear passes from a person’s consciousness to paper, it materializes, acquires features and, as a result, looks primitive and meaningless. After a while, it will become uninteresting to write the same words, and the fear will gradually go away.

3. The technique of singing your phobias.

The technique of singing fear helps to get rid of obsessive thoughts. You need to sing exactly as they appear in your head. If a person sings, then he simply physically cannot remain in a stressful state. You need to choose a short phrase and sing it to a simple tune for several minutes. As soon as the negative feelings begin to disappear, you need to immediately switch your attention to something else.

4. Technique for changing the picture in your head.

This technique works well in cases where a person cannot express his feelings in words, since they are only a picture that appears in his head. At the moment fear appears, you need to imagine a picture completely opposite to your phobia. For example, if a person suffers from claustrophobia, then you need to immediately imagine yourself in a large open field. If a person is afraid of some kind of disease, one must imagine oneself happy and healthy.

There is no need to be afraid to seek help from a specialist. It is necessary to distinguish between a psychotherapist - a doctor who deals with mild mental disorders, for example, phobias, and a psychiatrist who treats severe illnesses, for example, schizophrenia, and who can register the patient. Seeing a psychotherapist has no consequences. The doctor will not prescribe serious drugs, but will help you cope with the phobia through conversation, suggestion, and hypnosis.

All phobias, despite their huge number, have one thing in common - a very strong fear caused by a specific stimulus.

The very feeling of fear and anxiety is a rather unpleasant sensation. Therefore, as people suffering from phobias usually believe, staying away from situations that cause this anxiety is one of the best ways to avoid these feelings.
But there are two reasons why you shouldn't do this:

Avoidance severely limits life.. For example, a person may choose to skip his best friend's wedding, finding 1000 and 1 reasons why he "can't come" just because he is afraid of public speaking and making a toast.
Avoidance makes fears worse. For example, in a situation when a person, walking down the street, begins to sneeze heavily. So strong that it seems unstoppable. What caused this reaction is unknown. But nearby there was an alley with flowers. Assuming that this is due to a reaction to pollen (just an assumption), the route to work changes. Subsequently, avoidance of any colors begins; strong odors; constantly arising thoughts about a possible allergic reaction, etc. And the phobia expands.

So, avoidance is what reinforces any phobia. But if a person stops avoiding a phobia, he has the opportunity to explore his fear and overcome the phobia!

The exposure method is what should help!

Paradoxical but true: to recover from a phobia you need to learn to avoid avoidance. But how to do this if the phobia is very strong? And is there a danger of getting even more scared?
It is for such cases that methods have been developed to help overcome phobias IN DOSAGE and under controlled conditions.
One such method is exposure method. Exposure involves gradually, step by step, interaction with stimuli (or situations) that cause fear.
As a result, a person gets used to fear, sensitivity to anxiety-provoking stimuli decreases and, gradually moving from simple to more complex frightening situations, the person systematically gets rid of the phobia altogether.

The exposure method is a scientifically proven and clinically tested means of combating phobias. You definitely need to master it, even if you personally don’t have phobias!

However, before moving directly to the technology of combating the phobia itself, you need to prepare a little. This is the subject of subsequent material.

How to prepare to use the exposure method?

1. Identify the disturbing thoughts and assumptions that arise in you regarding the object of your fear.

During times of severe anxiety, each of us tends to somewhat exaggerate the degree of danger. Remember the saying: fear has big eyes?
So, we first need to understand how much the danger is exaggerated. Ask yourself a few questions to fill out the “My Assumptions and Fears” table:

What thoughts do I have when I think about the object of my fears?
If this happens, what's wrong with it?
What's the worst that could happen?... And if this happens, what then?
What can I compare what is happening to (what image appears in my head)?
How will I feel when this happens?
Has something similar happened to me before? Will the same thing happen to me now as it did then?

Table No. 1: My assumptions and fears.

The following exaggerations are common:

What is happening is perceived as extreme: everything..., end. Example: I'll go to work along the same route, start sneezing and won't be able to stop.
What is happening is perceived as obvious, even if it is unlikely. Example: during our choir performance, everyone will look only at me and mock me!
Exaggerating one's own helplessness. Example: if a dog senses my fear, it will definitely attack and I will not be able to do anything (run away, scream, swing, etc.).
Nobody can help me / Everything will be the same. We can expect an event with a certain probability based on the repetition of this event in the past. Because our predictions are derived from two facts: from the number of repetitions already observed and from the degree of similarity of repeated events. Example: I have already experienced pain in the dentist’s office, and the same will happen now.

2 . Identify ineffective ways to deal with the phobia.

Every time a person begins to interact with the objects of his fears, a slight aggravation occurs. And it forces us to remain at a distance from the problem, to avoid the object of fear, which is harmful and what “feeds” the phobia. Each of us may have our own (subtle) ways that help us stay “safe.”

Example: Vlada has a fear of driving alone in a car around the city. But she never “gets” to ride in a car on her own. Somehow it turns out that someone is always nearby: fellow travelers, colleagues, in extreme cases, she talks on the phone with her husband during the trip.

So, it is very important to determine what we do in order to remain “safe”. To do this, you need to answer the following two questions:

What would a person who does not have a phobia do in my place?
If there was a person in my place who did not have a phobia, what would he stop doing that I am currently doing?

Write down the answers to these questions in table No. 2:

Since overcoming a phobia involves a gradual immersion in the problem, in the future it will be very useful to return to this list and supplement it.

3. Rational verification of your thoughts and assumptions that arise regarding the object of your fears.

Consciously, a person can understand the irrationality of his fears, but he cannot do anything about it. Fear has arisen and continues to arise.
The purpose of this point is to help the brain doubt the thoughts it has about fears, and not immediately accept them as truth. This rational perception of fears will reduce tension and allow you to be less afraid.
And you can do this by searching for answers to a number of questions below:

What evidence is there (for and against) regarding my assumptions? For example, how many people die from tick bites?
Can my sensations cause me harm? (After all, sensations cannot cause harm and they pass quickly).
Will this fear never end?
What's the worst that can happen? If this happened, what would I do?
Am I exaggerating what I perceive?
Do I know all the information about the object of my fears?
How exactly will my life be limited if I don't continue to take risks?

4. Remember one important thing about the physiology of fear.

As soon as we encounter what we fear, a complex physiological system is triggered. At the same time, physically we feel the usual symptoms of fear: heartbeat, changes in breathing, trembling of hands, legs, etc.

The moment this system starts, the level of anxiety increases very quickly in a short period of time.

So, the body “seems” that anxiety will grow and grow until it becomes unbearable... Up to a sad outcome (heart attack, loss of consciousness, etc.).

But that's not true! Remember: the psyche quickly discovers that there is no real damage to the body. And after reaching the peak, fear ALWAYS begins to decline. It turns out that anxiety goes away on its own. as shown in the graph. Knowing this law will make it easier for you to withstand a little anxiety when you try the exposure method on your own.

By the way, to more easily overcome fear, read the information from Appendix 1!

Exposure method. Detailed instructions for action

Now that you have diligently completed the previous 4 steps, you are ready to begin your solemn march towards victory over your phobia. Here's what you need to do now:

Make a list of situations or stimuli (10 - 20 steps/points) that make up your phobia (see an example of such a list in Appendix 2).
You need to start with a situation that causes anxiety, but the level of anxiety is such that you can cope with it, be patient (we go from less complex to more complex situations).
Write down all the assumptions that arise in your mind. Imagine everything that is happening in detail (so that later you can check how correct your assumptions were).
Actually, a controlled meeting with fear itself. THE PURPOSE OF THIS MEETING IS TO CHECK THE ASSUMPTIONS FROM P. No. 3. In this case, performing the selected step:

Don't run away or avoid the stress itself. Keep in mind that in each situation (step/point) the anxiety level will increase slightly. But if you remain in this situation, the anxiety will decrease (at first about 20-30 minutes, and then the time will decrease);
do not use any defense mechanisms;
check how accurate your assumptions were;
Write down what you have learned about the object of your fears and your ability to cope with it.

Remember, you are doing this experiment to determine how accurate your guess is!!!

It is very important not to try to overcome fear, but only to remain in this situation!!!

Remember your usual ways of dealing with fear and under no circumstances resort to them or run away!!!

Once you are done with fears at one point and feel calm, move on to the next. Don't move if you continue to feel anxious.

This is how, step by step, in a few days you can overcome your fear at home without the help of a psychotherapist!

APPENDIX 1. A secret that will help make the exposure more effective and comfortable

You may feel a certain amount of fear as you go through this or that step. But you can learn to relieve stress with the help of psychotechniques specially designed for this. Any will do. We recommend using either controlled breathing or guided visualization for this purpose. Moreover, you should practice these methods in advance - at home.

Whenever the anxiety becomes too intense, you relieve the tension through relaxation or breathing. And then you return your attention to the situation or stimulus that causes anxiety. As a result, you will notice how fear goes away.

APPENDIX 2. An example of a list of situations for working out the fear of traveling on public transport - minibuses, buses, etc.

Staying at the bus stop and watching other people get on and off the buses in the presence of someone you trust;
Staying at a bus stop and watching other people get on and off buses alone;
Come to the final station and sit in front of an empty minibus in the presence of a friend;
Arrive at the final station and sit in front of an empty minibus alone;
Come to the final station (usually the last stop when crossing several routes) and sit in an empty minibus without a driver (agree with the driver) in the presence of support;
The same as in paragraph 5, but independently;
Sitting in a minibus with the engine running but not going anywhere (agree with the driver);
Travel early in the morning, on the very first bus, when there are no people, 1 stop in the presence of support. (By choosing the route with the shortest distances between stops);
The same, but independently;
Increase the number of stops to 2.
Drive 3 stops;
Go 1 stop, but not in the morning, but when there are a lot of people;
Drive the same route for 2 stops;
Travel by bus – 4.5 stops;
Travel the entire bus route from 1st to 11th.

Keep in mind that each specific case should have its own list. This one is for reference only and is very approximate. Come up with your own! Good luck!

P.S. If for some reason the exposure method is not suitable for you, contact us, we will help you get rid of fear using more effective methods! See more details.

What is fear and how to overcome it?

Overcoming feelings of fear. What are the types of fears? Why does fear grow? Specific steps to overcome fear and anxiety.

Good time to you! In this article I want to consider the topic, how to conquer your fears.

Looking back, each of us can notice that fear accompanies our entire lives, starting from childhood. Take a closer look and you will see that in childhood you experienced fear in the same way as now, only then for some reason it did not stress you, you did not pay attention, it came along with some situation and also disappeared imperceptibly.

But then something in life starts to go wrong, fear becomes almost constant, acute and wraps around like a vine.

Until some time, I did not pay much attention to the feeling of fear, but then I had to face the truth and admit that I was cowardly and anxious, although sometimes I did certain things.

Any assumption, any unpleasant situation could make me angry for a long time.Even things that didn’t make much sense began to worry. My mind grabbed at any, even groundless, opportunity to worry.

At one time I had so many disorders, starting with and ending with obsessions and even PA (), that it began to seem to me that I was just naturally so restless, and this was with me forever.

I began to figure it out and slowly solve this problem, because whatever one may say, I don’t want to live in a nightmare. Now I have some experience and knowledge of how to overcome fear, and I am sure that this will be useful to you.

Don’t just think that I coped with all my fears, but I got rid of many, and I simply learned to live with some and overcome them. In addition, it is, in principle, impossible for a normal person to get rid of all fears; we will always worry in some way, if not for ourselves, then for our loved ones - and this is normal, if it does not reach the point of absurdity and extremes.

So, let's first figure out what the feeling of fear actually is?When you know well what you are dealing with, it is always easier to cope.

What is fear?

Here, to begin with, it is important to understand that there are different types of fear.

In some cases thisnatural an emotion that helps us and all living beings survive in the event of anrealthreats. After all, fear literally mobilizes our body, physically makes us stronger and more attentive in order to effectively attack or escape from the object of threat.

Therefore, this emotion in psychology is called: “Flight or fight.”

Fear is a basic emotion that all people haveinstalled by default; a signaling function that ensures our safety.

But in other cases, fear manifests itself in unhealthy ways ( neurotic) form.

The topic is very broad, so I decided to divide the article into two parts. In this article, we will analyze what fears exist, why they grow, and I will give the first recommendations that will help you learn to deal with this feeling more calmly and soberly and approach situations correctly so that fear does not throw you into a stupor.

The very feeling of fear, all this chill (heat) throughout the body, a clouding “haze” in the head, internal cringing, overwhelming numbness, fading breath, pounding heartbeat, etc., which we experience when we are scared, no matter how terrible everything may seem, but is not more thanbiochemical reaction of the body to some stimulus (situation, event), that is, it internal phenomenonbased on the release of adrenaline into the blood. Fear in its structure is to a greater extentadrenalin, plus more stress hormones.

Adrenaline is a mobilizing hormone secreted by the adrenal glands, it affects the body's metabolism, in particular, it increases blood glucose, accelerates cardiac activity and blood pressure, all in order to mobilize the body. I wrote more about this in the article “”.(I recommend, this will give you an understanding of the connection between the body and the psyche).

So, when we experience fear, we experience "adrenaline feeling", and so that right now you begin to treat the feeling of fear a little softer, you can tell yourself: “the adrenaline has started.”

What are the types of fears?

In psychology, there are two types of fear: natural (natural) fear and neurotic.

Natural fear always manifests itself whenreal dangers, when there is a threatright now. If you see that a car is about to run into you or someone is attacking you, then the instinct of self-preservation will instantly work, the autonomic system will turn on, which will trigger biochemical reactions in the body, and we will experience fear.

By the way, in life we very often experience natural fear (anxiety), evennot noticingthis, it is so intangible.

Examples of such fear:

you have a reasonable fear of inattention while driving (although there are exceptions), and therefore drive carefully;

some are more, some are less afraid of heights, and therefore, in the appropriate environment, behave carefully so as not to fall;

you are afraid of getting sick in winter, and therefore dress warmly;

you are reasonably afraid of becoming infected with something, and therefore wash your hands periodically;

You are logically afraid to pee yourself in the middle of the street, so when you feel like it, you start looking for a secluded place, and you don’t run down the street naked, just becausehealthySocial fear helps protect you from a “bad” reputation that can harm your career.

Natural fear simply plays the role of common sense here. And it is important to understand thatfear and anxiety are normal body functions , but the fact is that for many of you, anxiety has become irrational and excessive (not useful), but more on that below.

In addition, a healthy feeling of fear (anxiety)Alwaysaccompanies us in new conditions. It's fearbefore the new one, fear of losing current comfortable conditions associated with uncertainty, instability and novelty.

We can experience such fear when moving to a new place of residence, changing activities (jobs), getting married, before important negotiations, dating, taking an exam, or even going on a long journey.

Fear is like a scoutin an unfamiliar situation, scans everything around and tries to draw our attention to a possible threat, sometimes even where there is none at all. Thus, the instinct of self-preservation Just is reinsured, after all, the main thing for nature is survival, and for it it is better to be on the safe side in something than to overlook something.

Instinct doesn’t care how we live and feel: good or bad; The main thing for him is safety and survival, in fact, this is where the roots of neurotic fear mainly grow, when a person begins to worry not because of real reasons, but for no reason or for trifles.

Neurotic (constant) fear and anxiety.

First, let's look at how fear differs from anxiety.

If fear always associated with realsituation and circumstances, thenanxiety always based onassumptions negative outcomeof one situation or another, that is, these are always anxious thoughts of worries about one’s own or someone else’s future.

If we take a vivid example with an attack of PA, then a person experiences horror for his future, his thoughts are directed to the future, heassumesthat something could happen to him, he could die, lose control, etc.

Such fear usually arises against a background of stress when we beginattach excessive importance to everything that comes to mind, , we become fixated and catastrophize the situation.

For example:

normal fear for one’s health can develop into an anxious obsession with one’s condition and symptoms;
reasonable self-care or housekeeping can turn into mania for germs;
concern for the safety of loved ones can develop into paranoia;
the fear of harming oneself and others can lead to chronic anxiety and PA, and this, in turn, can result in the fear of going crazy or a constant fear of death, etc.

This is neurotic fear when it forms constant (chronic), increased anxiety , some even leading to panic. And it is precisely because of this kind of anxiety that the vast majority of our problems arise, when we regularly begin to feel strong anxiety for all sorts of and, most often, unfounded reasons, and become very sensitive to what is happening.

In addition, an anxious state can be aggravated by an incorrect or not entirely accurate understanding of certain interpretations, such as: “thought is material,” etc.

And almost all people exhibit social fears. And if some of them have common sense, then many are completely vain and are of a neurotic nature. Such fears interfere with our lives, taking all our energy and distracting us with imaginary, sometimes unreasonable and absurd experiences, they interfere with our development, and because of them we miss a lot of opportunities.

For example, fear of disgrace, disappointment, loss of competence and authority.

Behind these fears lies not only the essence of possible consequences, but also other feelings that people do not want and are afraid to experience, for example, feelings of shame, depression and guilt - very unpleasant feelings. And that is the only reason why many do not dare to act.

I was extremely susceptible to such fears for a very long time, but everything gradually began to change when I began to change my attitude and inner view for life.

After all, if you think carefully, no matter what happens - even if they insult us, ridicule us, try to offend us in some way - all this, most often, does not pose a global threat to us and, by and large, does not matter, because life will go on anyway And,the main thing is that we will have every chance for happiness and success, everything will depend only on us.

I think it makes no difference who is there and what they think of you, it’s important,how do you feel about this? . If someone else’s opinion is most important to you, then you are too dependent on people, you don’t have - you have everything: dad-assessment, mom-assessment, friends-assessment, but notitself-evaluation, and because of this a lot of unnecessary anxieties flowing into a neurotic form, I understood this very well.

Only when we startrely on yourself , and not just count on someone, and we begin to decide for ourselves what influence others will have on us, only then do we become truly free.

I really like this quote I once read:

"No one can hurt you without your consent"

(Eleanor Roosevelt)

IN mostcases related to society, you are afraid of people only because of the likelihood of experiencing some unpleasant feelings, but there is no point in being afraid of either these feelings or people’s opinions, because everything feelings are temporary and natural by nature, and the thoughts of others will remain only their thoughts. Can their thoughts cause harm? Moreover, their opinion is only their opinion out of a billion others, just as many people have so many opinions.

And if you consider that those around you are, to a greater extent, concerned about what they think of them, then they don’t care as much about you as you might think. And is it really possible to equate your happiness with someone else’s thoughts?

Therefore, first of all, it is very important to learn how to manage by the emotions themselves so as not to be afraid to experience them, learn be with them for a while, after all, there is nothing bad in this, no one always feels good, besides, any emotions, even the most acute and unpleasant ones, will pass one way or another and, I assure you, you can fully learn calmly be patient. What is important here is the correct approach, which will be discussed below.

And slowly change your inner attitude towards yourself and the world around you, which I wrote in the article ““.

Why does fear intensify and grow?

There are three areas worth highlighting here:

The desire to get rid of fear completely;
Avoidance behavior;
Inability to deal with the feeling of fear, attempts to constantly avoid, get rid of and suppress fear in various ways, which leads to such a mental phenomenon as “ fear of fear”, when a person begins to be terribly afraid of the very feeling of fear (anxiety), beginning to mistakenly believe that these feelings are abnormal, and he should not experience them at all.

The desire to get rid of feelings of fear and anxiety

This instinctive, avoidant behavior stems from the natural desire of all living beings not to experience unpleasant experiences.

An animal, having once experienced fear in some situation, continues to instinctively run away from it, as, for example, the case with a dog.

There was construction going on, and suddenly the hose near the cylinder broke, and not far away there was a house where there was a doghouse. The broken hose, with its whistle, frightened the dog who was nearby, and it subsequently began to get scared and run away not only from something similar to a hose, but even from a simple whistle.

This case demonstrates well not only how instinctive behavior towards certain things (events and phenomena) is formed, but also how fear is transformed, flowing from one phenomenon to another, something similar to it.

The same thing happens to a person experiencing fear and panic when he begins to avoid first one place, then another, third, etc., until he completely locks himself at home.

At the same time, a person is most often well aware that there is something wrong here, that the fear is far-fetched and it is only in his head, nevertheless, he continues to experience it physically, which means he continues to try to avoid it.

Now let's talk about avoidance behavior

If a person is afraid to fly on an airplane, afraid to go down the subway, afraid to communicate, afraid of the manifestation of any feelings, including fear, or even afraid of his own thoughts, which I myself used to be afraid of, he will try to avoid it, thereby committing one of gross mistakes.

By avoiding situations, people, places or certain phenomena, youhelp yourselffight fear, but at the same time,limit yourself , and many form some other rituals.

The fear of infection forces a person to wash their hands extra often.
Fear pushes people to avoid communication and crowded places.
Fear of certain thoughts can form a “ritual action” in order to protect yourself and avoid something.

The feeling of fear prompts you to run,you give in and run, for a while you feel better, because the threat has passed, you calm down, but in an unconscious psychejust secure it this reaction(like that dog who is afraid of the whistle). It’s as if you are telling your subconscious: “You see, I’m running away, which means there is a danger, and it’s not far-fetched, but real,” and the unconscious psyche reinforces this reaction,developing a reflex.

Situations in life are very different. Some fears and corresponding avoidances seem more justified and logical, others - absurd; but in the end, constant fear does not allow you to live fully, rejoice and achieve your goals.

And thus, you can avoid everything, and from this fear grows in life in general.

A young man, due to fear of failure, fear of experiencing a feeling of insecurity (shame), will not go to meet a girl with whom he could very likely be happy.
Many people will not start their own business or go to an interview because they may be frightened by new prospects and difficulties, and many will be frightened by the very possibility of experiencing internal discomfort during communication, etc., that is, fear of internal sensations.

And on top of that, many people make another mistake when they begin to resist the fear that has arisen, try to suppress the anxiety that has arisen with emotional effort, forcefully calm themselves down, or force them to believe the opposite.

For this purpose, many people drink sedatives, take alcohol, continue to smoke, or unconsciously eat emotions, since food promotes the production of serotonin and melatonin, which makes the experience easier. This, by the way, is one of the main reasons why many people gain weight. I myself used to often overeat, drink, and even more often light up the experience; for a while, of course, it helped.

I'll say right away emotions must be allowed to be, if an emotion has come, be it fear or something else, you don’t have to immediately resist and try to do something with this feeling, so you just strengthen it tension, just watch how this emotion manifests itself in your body, learn to worry and be patient.

All these actions on your part aimed at avoiding and suppressing feelings only make the situation worse. These are actions of psychological defenses, more about this.

How to overcome fear and anxiety?

Fear, as you already understood, not only plays a useful, protective role, but also encourages you to avoid even potential danger, wherever possible. Maybe.

It is not always justified and protects us from danger. Often it simply makes you suffer and prevents you from moving towards success and happiness, which means it is important for us to learn don't blindly believe and give in every impulse of instinct, anddeliberately interfere.

Unlike an animal that is unable to change the situation on its own (the dog will continue to be afraid of the useless “whistle”), a person has a mind that allowsconsciouslygo another way.

Are you ready to take a different path and conquer fear? Then:

1. When some fear arises,you don't need to believe him right away, many of our feelings simply lie to us. I became very convinced of this by observing how and where things come from.

Fear sits inside us and is only looking for hooks to catch on, it does not need special conditions, instinct is ready to sound the alarm for anything. As soon as we weaken internally, experience stress and a bad state, it’s right there and begins to come out.

Therefore, when you feel anxious, remember, this does not mean that there is danger.

2. The very desire to get rid of it contributes to the growth and intensification of fear.

But to completely get rid of fear, as many people dream of it, in principleimpossible. It's the same as wanting to get rid of skin. The skin is the same ashealthyfear performs a protective function - getting rid of fear is like trying to tear off your skin.

Exactly your goal is to get ridand not feeling fear at all makes this feeling even stronger and sharper. You just think: “How to get rid of it, how to get rid of it, and what am I feeling now, I’m scared, horrified, what to do when this is over, run, run...”, thereby mentally looping on this, the autonomic system turns on, and you You don’t let yourself relax.

Our task is to bring fears and anxiety, which are justified in certain situations, to a normal (healthy) level, and not to get rid of them completely.

Fear has always been and will always be. Realize andaccept this fact. First, stop being at enmity with him, becausehe is not your enemy, he just is, and there is nothing wrong with him. It is very important to start changing your attitude towards him from within and don't overemphasize that you are experiencing it.

This emotion is just now excessively acute works inside you because youafraid to experience it. As a child, you were not afraid of this, you did not attach importance to the feeling of fear and did not want to get rid of it, well, it was and was, it passed and passed.

Always remember that this is only internal, chemical reaction in the body (adrenaline plays). Yes - unpleasant, yes - painful, yes - scary and sometimes very, but tolerable and safe,don't resistmanifestation of this reaction, let it make some noise and go out on its own.

When fear starts to weigh in,suspend attention And watcheverything that happens inside you, realize thatin real you are not in danger (the fear is only in your mind), and continue to observe any sensations in your body. Take a closer look at your breathing and hold your attention on it, smoothly align it.

Start to catch the thoughts that excite you, they are the ones that aggravate your fear and lead you to panic, but not drive them away by force of will,just try not to get drawn into the mental whirlpool: “what if, what if, why,” andwithout judging what is happening (bad, good),just watch everything , gradually you will begin to feel better.

Here you observe how your psyche and body as a whole react to some external stimulus (situation, person, phenomenon), you act as an outside observer behind what is happening inside and around you. And thus, gradually, through observation, you influence this reaction from the inside, and it further becomes weaker and weaker. You train your psyche be less and less susceptible to this feeling.

And all this can be achieved thanks to “awareness”, fear is very afraid of awareness, read this in the article “”.

Not everything will always work out, especially at first, but over time it will get easier and better.

Take this point into account and don’t throw yourself into despair if something doesn’t turn out the way you wanted, not all at once, friends, it simply requires regular practice and time.

3. Extremely important point:fear cannot be overcome by theory , avoidant behavior - even more so.

In order for it to begin to fade, you need to consciously go towards it.

The difference between brave people who solve their problems and cowards is not that the former do not experience fear, but that they step over fear,fear and act .

Life is too short to be idle and if you want more from life, you need tointernally change: acquire new useful habits, learn to calmly experience emotions, control thinking and decide on some actions, take risks.

After all “opportunity” is always more important than risk, and the risk always will be, the main thing is that the “opportunity” is reasonable and promising.

to you now very wrongit seems that you first need to get rid of fear, gain confidence, and then act, although, in fact, in reality this is exactly how it isotherwise.

When you jump into the water for the first time, you need to jump, there is no point in constantly thinking about whether you are ready for it or not until you jump, find out and learn.

Step by step, drop by drop, sharp leaps, most won’t succeed, try to win in a hurrystrongfear is ineffective, most likely it will crush you, you need preparation.

Start with less significantfears and move leisurely.

If you are afraid of communication, if you feel uncomfortable among people, start going out to people and communicating, tell someone something good just like that.
If you are afraid of rejection when meeting the opposite sex - first, just “stay nearby,” then start asking simple questions, like: “How to find such and such a place?” and so on.
If you are afraid to travel, start traveling, not far at first.

And at such moments, focus your attention and consider what happens inside you, when you enter a situation, you will begin to know yourself through the reflection of what is happening, you act and consciously observe everything.

You will instinctively want to run, but there is no easy road here: you either do what you are afraid of and then the fear recedes; or you give in to spontaneous instinct and live as before. Fear always arises when we leave our comfort zone, when we begin to act and change something in life. His appearance shows promise, and he teaches us to overcome our weaknesses and become stronger. Therefore, do not be afraid of fear, be afraid of inaction!

4. And the last thing here: practice more mental and emotional rest, it is very important to restore the nervous system, and for most of you it is extremely weakened, without this you simply will not be able to function normally.

I also strongly recommend going in for sports, at least a little doing simple exercises: squats, push-ups, abs - this really helps to overcome fear and anxiety, as it improves not only the physics of the body, but also the mental state.

Homework for you.

Observe your fear, how it manifests itself in the body and where. This may include discomfort in the stomach, heaviness in the head or “haze,” shortness of breath, numbness in the limbs, trembling, chest pain, etc.
Take a closer look at what thoughts come to you at this moment and how they affect you.
Then analyze whether this fear is natural or neurotic.
Write in the comments about your observations, conclusions and ask if you have any questions.

In the next article “” we will talk about individual, important points, this will help you act better and overcome this condition.

Good luck in conquering fear!

Best regards, Andrey Russkikh.

If you are interested in the topic of self-development and health, subscribe to blog updates in the form below.

Each of us faces fear from time to time, and in some cases it is fear that provides us with security. But sometimes fear interferes with our daily life. If you want to overcome fear, this article is just for you.

Steps

Part 1

Understand the reason for fear

It is important to take action in time if fear turns into obsession or phobia. It's completely normal to be afraid of something. Chances are you were scared to ride a bike when you first got on one, maybe you were scared to interview for a new job. However, when fears begin to control your entire life and negatively affect you, it becomes a real problem. If you feel that your fear is turning into a phobia, it begins to cause severe stress, which affects your functioning, you may feel anxious and nervous. Focus on your fears and try to understand how much they affect your life. Are you unable to move forward towards achieving your goals because of your fears? Here are some signs that your fear is developing into a more serious problem:

fear makes you feel anxious and panicky;
you understand that your fear is unfounded;
you begin to avoid certain places and situations;
trying to ignore this fear causes you stress and prevents you from living peacefully;
this fear has existed for six months (or longer).

Understand the symptoms of fear. Fears often manifest themselves in the form of phobias, which can include phobias of specific situations (for example, fear of public speaking), fear of certain animals (snakes or spiders), fear of blood, needles, and so on. When you experience fear, various physiological, mental and emotional reactions occur, which may include:
- increased heart rate;
- labored breathing;
- dizziness;
- heavy sweating;
- overwhelming panic and anxiety;
- the need to disappear;
- feeling of detachment;
- feeling like you might faint or die;
- a feeling of powerlessness over your fear, even if you know it is irrational.
Think about any traumatic events. If you are involved in a car accident, driving can be a scary and intimidating experience that you will try to avoid. Perhaps you were mugged on your way home one day, and the thought of returning home after work automatically triggers panic. There are many ways to deal with fears, and naturally, these include avoiding any traumatic events.
- Although fear is an adequate response of the body to various traumatic events and situations, some of them are simply inevitable. Recognize that your fear is real and the problem needs to be addressed.
Think about how many fears come from childhood. You may be very afraid of snakes, but you cannot even understand where this fear comes from. Some studies suggest that fears can arise in childhood, and children can adopt them from their parents through a special “biological” connection. Other data suggests that children “process” information about the world around them, and they develop certain fears and concerns because they observe different events that may pose a threat. By observing how adults interact with some object or situation, the child learns to create associations, among which is the association “scary” or “potentially dangerous” (regardless of the actual risk).

Recognize that it is normal to be afraid of something. Fear is an adaptive property of our body, which in some way prolongs our life. Do you feel fear when you approach the edge of a cliff? This is an adaptive fear, and it seems to tell you: “This is very dangerous and can cost you your life! Be careful!" It is fear that causes the “fight or flight” response in our body, and this reaction prepares our body for the actions necessary to protect itself.
- Understand that fear can be quite beneficial, remember the positive protective role it plays.
Part 2
Learn to deal with your fear
1. Acknowledge your specific fears. It's easy to ignore or deny your fears, even to yourself. But you can't turn on courage until you face your fear. Acknowledging your feelings is the first step to taking control of the situation.
  - Name your fear. Sometimes fear makes itself known instantly and very clearly, but there are times when it is difficult to understand the anxious feelings that are hidden in the depths of our mind. Try to “pull out” your fear and name it. This can be a specific fear (for example, a fear of cats) or situational (for example, a fear of being called to the board).
  - Don't judge your fears. Acknowledge your feelings without dividing them into “good” and “bad.”
2. Understand triggers. Is it something obvious, like a snake on the road? Perhaps when you walk past your guidance counselor's door at work, you immediately remember walking down the halls in high school? Find out what exactly is causing your fear. The better you understand and acknowledge your fear, the easier it will be to fight it.
  
  Ask yourself how much is this fear holding you back and controlling you? Because of your fear, you are forced to stay at home instead of going to the lesson that you are terribly afraid of? Can't see your relatives because you're afraid to fly? Find out how strong your fear is, how much it controls your mind and your life.
3. Visualize your desired outcome. Now that you are more aware of your fear, think about what exactly you would like to change. Think about how you will live without this fear. How are you feeling? For example:
  - If your fear is commitment, imagine a happy relationship with your partner.
  - If your fear is heights, imagine going on a hike. Try to feel a sense of accomplishment.
  - If you are afraid of spiders, imagine that you saw a spider, but took it calmly.
Part 3
Face your fears head on
1. Learn to recognize false beliefs. Many fears are based precisely on false beliefs or catastrophic thinking. That is, when you see a spider, you may immediately think that this spider will definitely harm you, and you may even die because of it. Learn to identify such thinking patterns and challenge them. Find more information about your fear on the Internet and understand that the actual risk is several times less than you think. Recognize that even the worst-case scenario is unlikely. Start reorganizing your thoughts so that you don't engage in catastrophic thinking, start interacting with those thoughts.
  - When fear arises, pause and think about the actual risk. Revisit your negative thoughts and false beliefs and say, “I accept the fact that some dogs are very aggressive, but most dogs are affectionate and kind creatures. It’s unlikely they’ll bite me.”
2. Try to practice gradual interaction. Once you become aware of your fears and false beliefs, begin to intentionally and gradually confront those fears. Often we are afraid of something because we have hardly experienced it. “Fear of the unknown” is a commonly used phrase that describes the feelings of people who have just encountered something new.
  - If you are afraid of dogs, start small: find an image of a cartoonish, stupidly painted dog on the Internet. Look at the image until you feel no fear.
  - Then look at a photo of a real dog, then do the same with the video. Study different images of dogs until you feel the fear is gone.
  - Then go to a park where owners often walk their dogs and watch the animals until you are no longer afraid.
  - Go visit a friend who has a dog. Observe his interactions with your pet until you feel calm.
  - Ask a friend if you can pet his dog while he plays with it. Pet the animal until you are no longer afraid.
  - Finally, the final step: stay with the dog and spend the whole day alone with the animal.
3. Try to face your fear more and more often. The power that awareness of your emotions gives you is very important for understanding yourself and your feelings and sensations. Additionally, exposing yourself to fear and intentionally verbalizing your fears gives you tremendous power and helps you combat fear and control your emotions. There have been a number of studies that have looked at the fear of spiders. Participants who acknowledged their fears (“I'm really afraid of this spider”) and interacted with the spider once showed much less fear when seeing another spider the following week.
  - Running from fear will not help you get rid of it. The next time you feel afraid, try to delve into it, using words that help you describe your fear and anxiety.
4. Learn relaxation techniques. When your body experiences fear, many triggers prepare your body for a fight-or-flight response. Learn to anticipate this response in advance and counter it using relaxation techniques. Relaxation helps you understand that you are safe and not in danger. In addition, relaxation will help cope with anxiety and stress.
  - Try breathing exercises. Focus on your breathing and begin to count each inhalation and exhalation: inhale for four seconds, then exhale for four seconds. Once you feel comfortable, begin inhaling and exhaling for 6 seconds.
  - If you notice that your muscles are tense, try to focus on relaxing them. One way to do this is to tense all the muscles in your body for three seconds and then relax them. Do this exercise two or three times to relax your entire body.
Reduce the power of fear. Fear can be incredibly powerful in life-or-death situations. People who have been subjected to such fear talk about the feeling of “time slowing down”; at such moments they feel a special surge of energy and instinctively know what to do. While other physiological processes take only half a second to trigger a reaction in the body, the fear system works much faster. Fear also numbs the feeling of pain.
- Understanding the positive aspects of fear will help you use this emotion to your advantage. For example, many people experience stage fright, but this fear can help you improve your productivity and focus on what's in front of you at the moment. Learn to recognize and be aware of your fear, direct it to where it will be most useful.
- Most people feel fear before an event, but once they experience the event, they no longer feel fear. Remember that fear heightens all your senses, so you can complete a certain task more efficiently and effectively.
Start seeing opportunities in fear. Fear can be used as a tool to help us identify problems and solve them effectively. This is a guide, a red flag that warns us that some event or matter requires special attention. Once the initial discomfort of fear has passed, try to better understand your fear to see what you can learn from it.
- When you feel afraid of something unfamiliar, take it as a sign that you need to get to know the person or situation better.
- If you feel a twinge of fear about an upcoming event, create an action plan to ensure you are fully prepared for the event. For example, you can write down your steps on paper, you can rehearse before a performance, or you can work on developing your speech.

Consider consulting a psychologist if you feel like your fears are taking over you and your life. A qualified specialist will help you understand the sources of your fears and come up with ways to combat them.
Use your imagination to calm yourself rather than scare yourself further.
Don't give up! Fighting fear requires courage and energy. When you experience failure, it can be tempting to give up trying. But be determined and persistent, even when it seems impossible.

Warnings

Never do anything too dangerous to face your fear. Be sure to take care of your safety when facing your fears.

Don't lose it. Subscribe and receive a link to the article in your email.

Fear is a necessary protective function of the body. But sometimes fear of something really bothers a person. Especially when it comes to any phobias. Not every fear we have is justified, and often we have to experience it not because of real danger, but because of our negative thoughts and expectations. How to overcome fear? How to learn to distinguish real from imaginary danger? In this article we will look at an effective technique for combating fear caused by vain expectations.

The described method of dealing with fear was developed by Viktor Frankl, an outstanding Austrian psychiatrist, psychologist and neurologist. Frankl named his method method of paradoxical intentions.

Paradoxical intention- a technique for dealing with fear, the essence of which is that a person suffering from fear of waiting, imagined a situation that he is afraid of and tries to avoid.

I am sure that you are familiar with the situation when you are trying with all your might to avoid something, but despite your efforts the opposite happens - the fear of expectation creates an undesirable situation.

Viktor Frankl suggests doing the opposite: imagine a situation that you are afraid of and would like to avoid. But to be truly useful, such a presentation must follow the following rules:

Humor
When presenting an undesirable situation, you must use your sense of humor. We must strive to make the situation not frightening, but funny.

Here's what Frankl writes about humor: “Humor is an excellent means of distancing a person from something. We can say that humor helps a person rise above his troubles, allowing him to perceive himself more detached."

Artificial call

You need to try not just to imagine a frightening situation, but to try to bring it to life!
Just don’t overdo it, don’t intentionally harm yourself or others.

If you are afraid of spilling coffee on yourself, then you should not pour it on yourself, but try to do just that. accidentally. Of course, you won't succeed. But it could work out if all your thoughts were occupied with how not to spill this coffee!

Viktor Frankl writes: “To better understand what happens when using this technique, we will take as a starting point the fear of anticipation - a phenomenon known to every experienced psychiatrist. Doctors know that such fear leads to exactly what the patient fears. For example, an erythrophobic individual who is afraid of blushing actually blushes at the very moment when he enters a room and appears in front of a group of people.
In histories of this disease, fear of some pathological phenomenon is very often encountered, and this fear, ironically, accelerates the onset of this phenomenon. This occurs as a result of increased self-control."

And: “We see that excessive attention turns out to be a significant pathogenic factor influencing the etiology of neuroses; in addition, in many neurotic patients, excessive intention can play a similar role. According to logotherapy[ – one of the types of existential psychotherapy developed by Viktor Frankl – approx. ed.] , the cause of many sexual neuroses is a forced intention to achieve the goal of sexual intercourse - in a man this is expressed in the desire to demonstrate his sexual potency, and in a woman in the desire to show her ability to experience orgasm. The author discusses this topic in detail in his works, noting that the patient, as a rule, strives to achieve pleasure as such (we can say that he is guided by the “pleasure principle” literally). However, pleasure refers to states that cannot be reached directly - they can only be achieved “along the way” or as a side experience. Therefore, the more someone strives for pleasure, the less he achieves it. We can trace an interesting parallel: the fear of expectation, which causes exactly what the patient fears, as well as excessive intention, which encourages him to act straightforwardly, do not allow a person to achieve what he strives for. It is on this dual fact that logotherapy bases the technique known as paradoxical intention. For example, a patient suffering from a phobia and fearing that something will happen to him, the logotherapist encourages him, even for a second, to wish for the reality of what he is so afraid of.”

In order to make the algorithm of paradoxical intentions clearer to you, I will give several examples described by Frankl:

“A young doctor came to our clinic about severe hydrophobia. He's within
suffered from nervous system disorders for a long time. One day he met on the street
his boss and, extending his hand in greeting, found that he was sweating more
ordinary. Another time, finding himself in a similar situation, he already expected to sweat
again, and this fear of anticipation precipitated the excessive sweating. A vicious circle has arisen:
hyperhidrosis caused hydrophobia, and hydrophobia, in turn, caused hyperhidrosis. We
advised this patient, in a situation causing an attack of anticipation anxiety, to try
to purposely demonstrate to people he meets how much he can sweat. Through
week he returned to tell how during each meeting with those who challenged him
fear of waiting, he said to himself: “Just now a liter of water came out of me with sweat, and now
At least ten liters will pour out of me!” What was the result of this paradoxical decision? He suffered from this phobia for four years, and was able to get rid of it in one session
- thanks to this method!

“One day I received a letter from a young student who once attended my
clinical lectures on logotherapy. She reminded me how I demonstrated the method
paradoxical intention, and continued: “I tried to apply your method to myself. I
I also constantly suffered from fear that during dissection classes at the Anatomical Institute,
When the anatomy teacher walks into the room, I'll start shaking. Soon this
fear really began to cause tremors. But, remembering what you told us at the lecture about
how to act in such a situation, I, as soon as the teacher entered the room where
autopsies were performed, I said to myself: “Oh, here comes the teacher! Now I'll show him what it is
good shake, I’ll show him how to shake!” But when I deliberately tried to portray
trembling, I couldn’t do it!”

“Unconsciously and unintentionally, the paradoxical intention is used everywhere. One is mine
an American student, while answering an exam question on this topic, said
the following incident from my life: “My stomach began to growl in the presence of other people.
The more I tried not to do this, the louder he purred. Soon it began to seem to me that
will continue for the rest of your life. I humbled myself and, along with others, began to laugh at
this. It soon passed."

“I once encountered the most severe case of stuttering in my practice: this was a man who stuttered all his life with the exception of one episode. This happened when he was twelve years old, during a ride as a “hare” on transport. He was caught by the conductor, and in order to avoid trouble, he decided to arouse the conductor's pity by posing as a "poor, stuttering boy." But when he tried to stutter, he found that he couldn't do it! Without knowing it, he used the method of paradoxical intention, although not for therapeutic purposes.”

The Paradoxical Intentions Method can also help those who suffer from problems falling asleep: “...the history of patients suffering from insomnia often includes reports that, when going to bed, they begin to think intensely about their insomnia, and this prevents them from falling asleep. As a result, this very attention disrupts the normal process of falling asleep.” I think many of us have spent sleepless nights before the big day, thinking about how much sleep we need. Stop thinking about how you need to fall asleep. Think about something detached and light, falling asleep will happen by itself.

I hope this article has helped you and there will be less fear of waiting in your life.