How not to go crazy from stress and uncertainty. Is it easy to “go crazy” or schizophrenia in our lives?

When a person says that he is going crazy, he actually means something of his own by this. For example, someone loses their head from jealousy, and someone calls their fear madness. Neither medications nor attempts to force yourself to think about good things help solve this problem. Internal states a person is controlled by the unconscious, the psyche. If you are driven by the fear of madness, there is only one way to get rid of it...

It's hard when life isn't happy. But it’s really scary when the cause of problems is not circumstances or other people, but “what’s sitting in your head,” when it seems like you’re going crazy.

Thoughts become confused, the world is perceived as an illusion, voices are heard, obsessive delusional or suicidal thoughts arise. Or you explode with fear and panic when you can’t even go outside or talk to someone. Why does this happen and what to do about it? ?

All the causes of internal and external troubles are in the human psyche. You can reveal its structure and solve any problem forever with the help of training “ System-vector psychology».

Fear of madness as it is

When a person says that he is going crazy, he actually means something of his own by this. For example, someone loses their head from jealousy, and someone calls their fear madness. We will talk about such manifestations a little later. First, about the real, natural fear of madness. This is the fear of losing control over your own consciousness. People describe it like this:

“What should I do if the mind itself stops obeying me? At first I was afraid that I would throw myself out of the window. Now I’m afraid that if my mind stops obeying me, I’ll do something terrible to my loved ones... I know that I’m not crazy! But what if I do?! It’s like there’s another person in me, poisoning my life, he’s preventing me from being creative and working. I started losing weight, my family is worried. All strength goes into overcoming fear, trying to cope with it...”

Such experiences are familiar only to owners. The sound artist feels, although he does not realize, that consciousness is his most important tool, the loss of which is like death.

Consciousness as the main tool of life

The fact is that carriers of the sound vector have a special role in the life of society. They were born to reveal the structure of the universe, the causes of all things. For this, nature gives them a special gift - a unique abstract intelligence. Since childhood, the sound engineer has been experiencing inexplicable cravings to science, philosophy, theology, psychiatry. He has the potential to make major breakthroughs in various areas comprehension of the world.

Consciousness is the main instrument of a sound artist, whose natural role is to work not with his hands, but with his thoughts. Reveal the physical laws and spiritual reasons for how the universe works. In a word or formula, convey to others the essence of the laws that govern us.

If, having a sound vector, you are in sufficiently have realized your talents in society, then you will not be bothered by the fear of losing control of consciousness. It can only arise when a person cannot find his place in the world. Then the sound engineer tries to figure out how people go crazy, looking for alarming symptoms and signs.

The cause of fear of madness and how to get rid of it

It happens that the environment in which a person lives greatly traumatizes him. The sound engineer suffers greatly if he has to live in an atmosphere of shouting or scandals, screaming at the full volume of music. Or listen to swearing and insulting words. From such an impact on his particularly sensitive area - the ear - he withdraws into himself, fences himself off from the unbearable world outside.

Relationships with others are repulsive. The speech, thoughts and intentions of most people seem absurd and mundane to the sound engineer. This means that social implementation does not work out. Hidden question “Who am I and why do I live on Earth?”- is not even always realized. There is just a feeling that the most important thing in life is missing. The meaning of what is happening.

The sound guy loses interest in everything and doesn’t want anything. Depression increases, the person becomes lethargic and powerless. He tries to escape into sleep (options include the Internet, games) from a dull and gray reality. Later, on the contrary, insomnia occurs. It happens that your own thoughts are scattered, it is difficult to organize them and somehow express them.

On the background severe conditions Involuntary suicidal thoughts and a feeling that the person is going crazy may occur. Loses the ability to manage oneself, control one’s thoughts and actions. In particularly difficult conditions, he may imagine voices: in his own head or outside.

Neither medications nor attempts to force yourself to think about good things help solve this problem. A person’s internal states are controlled by the unconscious, the psyche. If you are driven by the fear of madness, there is only one way to get rid of it. Realize mental processes that influence thoughts and feelings. Understand the nature of your desires and finally realize your talent. This removes the natural sound fear of madness.

The “System-vector psychology” training also helps with some psychiatric diagnoses, such as endogenous depression, schizotypal disorder, etc. This is confirmed by the results:

When you go crazy... from fear

If there are signs mental problems do you consider your fears or panic attacks- it means nature has endowed you with... Owners of such properties have no risk of truly losing control over consciousness - that is, going crazy. But emotional disorders can arise, and very serious ones. The enormous emotional range of a visual person can swing him anxiety states to enormous amplitude.

It could be causeless fear before the most common actions:

“I feel afraid when I go to my page. Because someone might send a message and then I get scared to read what it says. Not to mention asking the time from a passerby. I am often overwhelmed by emotions, as if something is trying with all its might to tear me apart from the inside. There were times when something came at me, and I just ran down the street at such a speed that I had never run before... Running across the road when the red light was on and pushing passers-by.”

And sometimes, out of fear, real panic attacks are formed, which do not allow a person to live a normal life:

“For a month now I have not been living, but existing, I started taking medications to stop attacks and anxiety. I can't go outside. Nightmare. I get dressed, stand at the door and cry hysterically. I can’t even get to a psychologist to ask for advice. I just cry and cry and think that it’s time to go to the hospital.”

What to do if you become a hostage to your own fears? Is there a way to get rid of them?

Why does fear arise?

The problem of fear arises when a huge range of emotions of a visual person does not find realization in society, in activities that are useful for everyone. In ancient times, it was the fear of death - the strongest innate emotion in the visual vector - that helped the entire flock survive. First to notice the danger, visual person experienced extreme fear and an instant “Oh!!!” warned the entire flock of danger.

Today we are not threatened by predators, but the innate mechanism of fear remains the same. Your pulse and breathing quicken, your muscle tone increases - you are ready to flee or, conversely, you cannot even lift a finger despite the fact that there are no visible, objective reasons for fear. It is obvious that today such fear not only brings nothing useful to anyone, but also seriously spoils life.

How not to become crazy from fear and panic

Focusing on the feelings and emotions of other people eliminates the natural fear of death. Through empathy. It is the visual person who subtly feels someone’s sadness, grief and joy. He can perfectly realize himself in a profession related to communication or helping people. The main thing is to be attentive to the feelings of others, then fear is converted into strong love for people, into deep emotional connections with them. AND psychological condition is completely getting better.

But it happens that vicious circle fears come from childhood. Or it arose as a result of psychological trauma. Then the visual person wants, but cannot, open up with his soul. Afraid of pain, afraid of being laughed at and just... afraid. When you are controlled by fear and panic, any admonitions that you need to meet people halfway are meaningless. You just can’t take a single step.

You can get rid of fears and panic forever through understanding your psyche. When every detail of the psyche that rules you is realized, fear goes away. There is an ability to establish emotional connections with people and maximize your natural talent for sensuality in your personal life and in society. This will ensure that fears no longer control you. This is from people who have completed Yuri Burlan’s training:

How not to go crazy with problems

Modern city dwellers often have a set of 3-4 vectors. Each of them can leave its mark on how a person perceives himself and the world around him. What problems and conditions is he experiencing?

For example, those who have a sound-visual connection of vectors may simultaneously experience both an audible fear of going crazy and a strong visual fear of death. Then, simultaneously with depression and suicidal thoughts, fear of the dark, visions, and visual hallucinations may occur.

“Something was often pounding in my head, it was difficult to sleep. Insomnia began when I was 10 years old. From that moment on, I was afraid that I would commit suicide. One day I went to the cinema. When the film ended, I went outside, it was already dark, and the lights were not on. Then something happened to me. I stopped understanding where I was, some strange images appeared from the darkness. There was a feeling of unreality of what was happening"

Each vector has its own unbearable situations that provoke severe stress. And, as a result, negative states appear.

Whatever problem you come to, you will receive a guaranteed solution. You will be able to understand the causes of any of your serious conditions and get relief from them.

Proofreader: Natalya Konovalova

To go crazy is to be in a state of uncertainty and a compulsion to take some action. External circumstances of different directions affect a person simultaneously, which is why he cannot decide, choose, or take an action. Sometimes this is a consequence of accumulation various problems, which a person does not solve in time. And when the moment of their obligatory fulfillment comes, a person does not have enough time, strength, or opportunity.

How more people puts it off until later, the more things he has to do. This is reason number one. The second reason is that a person generally bothers about having problems or troubles.

Site specialists psychological assistance the site offers their services if you can’t figure out your problems and thoughts on your own, so as not to go crazy. For now, let’s look at the main approaches to solving this issue.

The frantic pace of life and the need to constantly achieve something make a person a “rat” running on a wheel. Numerous problems, worries and thoughts begin to twist a person into their own rut. The person does not even notice how he begins to rush about. He needs to do this, think about that, solve that issue and provide help somewhere. The person is torn, not having time to do anything. And when things pile up, you feel like you're going crazy.

To prevent this from happening, you should unload yourself a little from the thoughts that are spinning in your head. After all, it is still unknown what thoughts are driving you crazy. You may simply be worried about something and worry about what's coming, which can also drive you crazy.

Most of the fears and worries that a person experiences throughout his life are just figments of his imagination. Undoubtedly, a person is faced with real frightening events. But there are not so many of them. Most of everything you fear happens in your mind, even sometimes without objective evidence in your mind. real world.

A person scares himself with his own thoughts. A person spends a lot of time worrying about his future, which will never happen. Often people are afraid of what will not happen. Why is this happening? Common cause What people worry about their future is the past they have already experienced. It is quite possible that you have already experienced an unpleasant event and are now afraid of its repetition. Moreover, often in the real world there is no objective evidence that an unpleasant event will happen again. But a person is already afraid in advance that history will repeat itself.

In other words, a person scares himself with his own thoughts based on the fears that are inherent in him or have already happened to him. Having once gone through an unpleasant situation, a person now begins to think that this will always happen to him. That is why a person often encounters something that again causes fear in him, because he himself goes there, communicates with those people and provokes this situation, not noticing that everything can happen differently.

Man gets scared own thoughts, not what happens in the real world. Do you also follow what you are afraid of: what you observe in reality, or the thoughts that are spinning in your head?

Analyze why you think a given thought and not another. After all, you can think a lot of different thoughts on the same issue. Of all the variety of thoughts, why do you think exactly the thought that scares you? You have a choice what to think. And if an unpleasant situation happened to you, this does not mean that it must happen again. Usually what scares you rarely happens. But why is a person’s life so much of the time filled with fears? Because a person scares himself with what he thinks about.

You can go crazy from any thought - even from the anticipation of something pleasant. For example, a bride may be preparing for a wedding already 3 months before it takes place, which will worry, worry, and upset her every time something doesn’t go according to plan.

Everyone suffers alone with their own thoughts. Moreover, you can suffer from both good and bad. Here you can give one and only effective advice: If you are going crazy with your own thoughts, then stop constantly replaying them in your head. Stop constantly thinking about your problems and ways to solve them. If you are not ready to put your thoughts into action, then they only hinder you from living a normal life.

However, people do not understand such a simple idea. Usually give them more ideas complex nature about how to get rid of constant thoughts and problems so as not to go crazy. As they usually say: it is impossible not to think, that is, a person is not even going to make attempts to control his own thoughts, so give him advice that should also help him rid himself of a dizzy state.

Let's try to look at them:

1. You should train your mind as well as your body. How to do it? Courageously face your troubles and simply don’t go crazy about their occurrence. Solve your problems as they arise, and don’t worry about it.
2. Give up the idea that problems are bad. In fact, problems are results that you are not happy with. You yourself achieved it through your actions. If you don't like this result, then take other actions that will lead you to a different outcome.
3. Understand that problems happen to all people. There is not a single person who has never had problems. Absolutely everyone has troubles, difficulties, troubles. This is part human life, which indicates where a person has not adapted to the world around him. He took actions, but they did not lead to what he wanted. This means you need to change your actions so that they lead to the desired result.
4. Control your emotions. Or rather, don’t give in to them. Negative results, that is, problems cause discomfort. You feel unpleasant, offended, or don’t like something. It's one thing to experience emotions that indicate you're not happy. Another thing is to obey your emotions, immerse yourself in them, believe that nothing else can be changed, etc. Stop giving in to your own emotions, even if they appear within you.

Haste, the need to do several things at once, dissatisfaction with the results, the constant accumulation of new tasks and other factors lead to the feeling that a person is going crazy. It's time to do something about this if you can't handle it calmly.

How not to go crazy with thoughts and problems?

If you want not to go crazy with thoughts and problems, you need to change your lifestyle. Start with the following:

• Review your work and rest schedule. Only because large quantity things should not be abandoned good sleep. Rest so that you have plenty of energy to cope with life's problems.
• Do it in moderation physical exercise. You don’t need to burden yourself, but you shouldn’t lie on the couch all the time. Sport refreshes the head.
• Take a break from your daily routine. You shouldn't devote all your time to them. Better think about your problems only at the moment when you have to solve them and accomplish them necessary actions. If you are resting now, then leave all thoughts for later.
• Deal with the urgent and important matters, postponing for later other worries that can wait.
• Set yourself feasible goals. Don’t dream about something you’re not ready to put effort into, otherwise your desires will turn into hard labor.
• If you are overwhelmed by emotions, then throw them out. Give yourself time to be emotional and weak for a while, so that you can then gather your strength and move on.
• Don't refuse help. If you see that you can't cope, ask for help.
• Surround yourself positive people who will not only help you, but also support you morally in a difficult situation. The same applies to life: deal not only with problems and worries, but also with something pleasant. Surround yourself with pleasant things and hobbies that will give you positivity.
• Eliminate from your lifestyle all sad songs, films, TV series and even people who oppress you, make you suffer or burden you with their problems. You have it too life is not easy, and you complicate it even more.
• Try to view your personal problems as an opportunity to express yourself. You created your own problems, so you are strong enough to fix them, which will only require changes on your part.

Every person goes crazy in their own way. Moreover, note that he is going crazy not because the world is “killing” or oppressing him, but because some thoughts are spinning in his head. A person becomes a victim of his own thoughts, which he does not want to control and which he allows to oppress him.

Why do people go crazy? It has to do with the expectations, desires and values ​​that people hold that prevent them from achieving satisfaction and happiness in the world. It should be understood that goals, expectations and values ​​are a product that is invented by the person himself. Nature does not offer man any value other than life itself. A person must value his life and take care to preserve it. And everything else is secondary.

However, a social and reasonable person begins to set goals for himself, to expect and demand something, to create certain rules lives by which the whole world should live. As a result, the world does not obey the invented rules, expectations, goals are not realized if a person does nothing, but only demands that everything be presented to him.

The most important problem is a person’s attitude towards problematic situations. From childhood he is taught to suffer if they appear. If he has problems and he cannot solve them the first time, then he must admit his own worthlessness. We can say that all suffering is a consequence of upbringing, when people are taught to a certain model of behavior in a specific situation. And if a person has been taught to suffer, then he will definitely do it if he does not notice how absurd his actions are.

How can you not end up going crazy?

A person must be responsible and objective so as not to go crazy. Problems happen to everyone. However, some people suffer because of their appearance and immediately give up, while others calmly treat them and begin to correct them.

As a result, a person gets what he put effort into. And if a person has spent a lot of time thinking about his thoughts and thinking about problems, then it is not surprising that he will go crazy. How could it be otherwise if a person does not decide anything, but is only a victim of his own erroneous actions, negative emotions and thoughts, inaction and unwillingness to correct situations?

A break up…
And they never meet -
And the savings heat half the world.

With accumulated tenderness he can melt ice, fill up hills,
Move anticyclones and stop precipitation.
To her rescued passion, like a killer whale,
Lead the others away from the rocks, the whalers, the darkness.

Vera Polozkova. Instead of SMS

There is still a glimmer of hope... It still seems that he loves... But finally there is a clear understanding - no longer... The last thread connecting him with him has broken. And it takes your breath away... And it seems that it’s the end of everything. And you ask yourself: why? What is my fault? What did I do wrong? And you don’t want to come to terms with the fact that nothing happened and no one is to blame, he just no longer has the desire to share his life with you...

A break up. Love and hate

We will not talk now about why people break up - this is a separate topic. Let's focus on rehabilitating the "patient", the one whose love remains unrequited. This difficult period After a breakup, people often evaluate very negatively. How many feelings and experiences befall someone who is left alone. This is resentment, and jealousy, and the still undying hope that the beloved will return, and everything will be as before. And even hatred because the pain caused by the breakup is unbearable.

A break up

It’s easier to break up by hating. There will always be a rationalization: “He is a goat, and I am a victim. He ruined my life." And I feel so sorry for myself. And you understand that you are right, and he is wrong. So it’s better to cut off, chop off, not see, not hear, so as not to hurt, and quietly hate, driving yourself crazy with your hatred.

But it’s still easier this way. Everyone understands you, nods their head in approval: “Yes, yes, there is no need to regret about him. He's not worth you. You will find something better." Try to let go with love and understanding... Is it difficult? Almost impossible. You have to be very developed person to do this. Or understand yourself, your desires, your reactions and find a way out of this situation that is worthy of a HUMAN.

A break up. Sufferers

People with visual and anal vectors suffer the most from a break in relationships. Only the audience truly knows what love is and creates the strongest emotional connections. For them, the meaning of life is love, and the loss of the object of love is tantamount to the loss of life. Unhappy love often becomes the cause of suicide among them.

Undeveloped visual vector, turned inward, can lead to love addiction, when a loved one replaces the entire Universe and becomes the only source joy, happiness, desire for life. Such a viewer will use any means to seek the attention of his partner, including hysterics, tears, breaking dishes, public scenes. And although such a life will look like hell, a break in the relationship in this case will create a situation for him that is incompatible with life.

A break up

Marina Golomolzina

PHOTO Getty Images

Have you ever been on the edge nervous breakdown, going down the subway in the morning? Have you ever had an irresistible urge to yell at a teenager who is pissing you off for the hundredth time? Did you want to smash into pieces the office of the boss lecturing you? What prevents us from taking action in such situations? Could it happen that the internal brakes fail?

“Yes,” says psychiatrist and therapist Marie-Noelle Besancon. – In a situation of hypercontrol, when a person is completely exhausted and too depressed, he is more likely to “fly off the rails.” However, there is an important clarification: “ Mental disorder rather, it threatens those who have an innate predisposition to it, notes psychiatrist Grigory Gorshunin. “That is, if such a disease is diagnosed in close relatives: father, mother, brother or sister.”

Society calls for "positivity", but this is a fake behavior. We end up hating those we love most. And we break down

A one-time “loss of temper” indicates overexertion and the need for rest, and not at all the onset of the disease. And yet sometimes it seems that the attacks of madness are becoming more and more frequent: forty year old woman threatens an electrician with a knife in his hands, a man shoots at his neighbors because his girlfriend left him; The postman tries to commit suicide right at work...

In hospital emergency centers, in medical-psychological services and elsewhere, doctors, psychiatrists and therapists are inundated with requests for help. But statistics do not confirm an increase in cases of insanity. What's the matter? “We live in a society that avoids complexity and promotes ‘positivity,’” explains psychoanalyst Vincent Estellon. – You need to love everyone: friends, family, husband, wife, children. But this is pretend behavior - human nature is based on duality. Thus we begin to hate the people we love most. And we break down."

Mental inequality

Madness is the most human trait, Sigmund Freud believed. Jealousy or anger can lead to madness: in the heat of a quarrel, we say what we didn’t want to say, we break objects. There are factors that exceed our understanding and cause us to lose control of ourselves. This can happen to anyone. There are a million factors that throw the mind out of balance. Loss and deep sorrow, heavy, unhappy love, passion, betrayal...

Stressful situations and the use of toxic substances (alcohol, drugs) that affect our consciousness - all this can lead to us losing self-control. But it is impossible to predict the course of events in advance. Everything depends on the body’s ability to resist, on the mental organization of each person, and most importantly, on his vulnerability. Some people emerge from life's trials with severe mental trauma, while others do not.

A fragile child who is lucky with his parents has a stable psyche and will be able to overcome many tragedies

“The disease can develop with greater or less ease depending on the environment in which a particular person is immersed,” explains psychoanalyst Pierre Marie. – It is no coincidence that we say that everything is laid before the age of six: a fragile child who is lucky with his parents - they have a stable psyche, they care about his upbringing - will be able to overcome many tragedies. But if he served for consolation (for example, he replaced another, deceased child in the family) or was an object of deep sadness, it will be much more difficult for him to overcome life’s trials. In this regard, there is deep injustice “at the start” - everything that happens in the first years of life is imprinted forever. This is where the formation of our personality begins. Any child perceives the world in the context of the parental relationship in which he is immersed.”

"Normal" fluctuations

Reckless actions or sudden attacks Insanity is not always a symptom of mental illness. “We should not forget that any person, even the strongest and most resilient, has moments when he does not understand very well where he is - in the realm of the imaginary, in illusions, in the unreal world - although he is aware that “None of this is reality,” notes Marie-Noëlle Besançon. – Such fluctuations are part of the “normal” functioning of the psyche. True, sometimes they frighten us so much that we try to forget them as quickly as possible.” Has this never happened to you - you stop hearing the person you are talking to who is boring to you? Silently, unnoticed by others, we leave ourselves every day, leaving our minds for a split second. But we are not sick.

When to go to a specialist?

And how can we determine the line beyond which we should seek help from a specialist? “And you shouldn’t,” Grigory Gorshunin clarifies. – The specialist’s task is to help you if you yourself want this help. For example, if you are afraid of losing control of yourself, or you notice that your bad mood is not caused by specific events, but accompanies you all the time, or you understand that your behavior is destroying relationships that are important to you.” And we also make the decision about whom exactly to turn to. “If you don’t want to discuss your life and are determined to drug treatment, then you can consult a psychiatrist, and if, on the contrary, you prefer to avoid medications, but are ready to change your lifestyle, then it makes sense to talk with a psychotherapist,” clarifies Grigory Gorshunin.

Teenage seizures

They frighten those who become their unwitting witnesses and plunge parents into despair. And this is not without reason - after all, attacks of insanity are always very strong, and especially among teenagers. “Such attacks often occur in adolescents, but are rarely repeated more than once,” explains psychoanalyst Pierre Marie. “This is not a symptom of mental illness, but a sign that something is wrong with the child.” Let's take, for example, a graduate who is preparing to enter a university. He is under enormous pressure! And sometimes insanity - the only way tell your neighbors: “Leave me alone, everyone!” It will pass without a trace after a few days of hospitalization.” The crisis will disappear as suddenly as it appeared.

Two types of violations

Psychiatrists do not use the term “madness” in professional conversations. They talk about "disease", about " mental disorders" Among these, two main categories can be distinguished – psychoses and neuroses. Psychoses include disorders associated with loss of contact with reality: delusions, hallucinations. The most famous of the psychoses is schizophrenia, but there are others: persecution mania (paranoia), erotomania... “Neuroses are like an excessive exaggeration of ordinary feelings,” defines Marie-Noelle Besançon. “For example, depression is a distorted manifestation of grief, and anxiety disorders are a distorted manifestation of fear.”

And one more important clarification: health does not mean any particularly positive outlook on life. According to Grigory Gorshunin, “a healthy soul is not the content of thoughts, but the way of handling them.” Neurosis is not the presence of bad things, but the power of bad things. These two things are constantly confused and people try to “get rid of the bad.” But we need to get rid of the need for evil power, from the “right to torment and suffer.”

For many of us, the beginning of the year is stressful: behind us is a year with unsolved tasks, unfulfilled hopes, and ahead is complete uncertainty. Let's try to gather the spiritual strength that survived the holidays in order not only to restore peace of mind, but also try to stay in it longer.

You need to collect within yourself and leave behind the positive emotions that the holiday brought.

They lay it out so carefully Christmas decorations, collecting the Christmas tree after the holidays. For a whole year we remember the elegant Christmas tree and its decorations, despite the fact that now it lies in a dark cardboard box. It’s the same with positive emotions and memories – we collect, store and recall in difficult cases.

Learn to see miracles in every day

In those little things that we either don’t notice or take for granted. It could be anything - a sunny winter day and snow-covered trees, an unexpected call from an old friend or a get-together with girlfriends. Interesting book, an exciting film, a journey far or near - we highlight, remember and keep everything that can bring positive.

Of course, it’s hard to immediately learn to understand halftones in a series of days. Therefore, for starters, you can keep a diary - what was good about the past day. For example, I learned to look for funny things even in the most ordinary things. Thus, a squabble between two grannies on a tram turned from a banal squabble into a cheerful, almost Gogolian scene. If it seems that nothing good happened during the day, you can go “on the contrary” and be glad that you didn’t get a beating from your boss when he was in a bad mood.

Minimize negative emotions

Unfortunately, those who work have two fronts for receiving negativity. It is important not to be like the Canadian lumberjacks, who think about the ladies in the forest, and talk to the ladies about the forest. Therefore, there are some tips for separating the emotions of work and home. Don't bring work into the house. An exception can be made for the case when an incident at work concerns the whole family and it is necessary to either discuss and make a collective decision, or involve someone as an arbitrator. Use the situation as an invaluable experience and learn from it.

Three steps on how to correctly separate emotions into work and home

“If I hadn’t told him then...” or “If it were possible to turn back time, of course, both I and she would…”. Life goes on as usual and, until a time machine is invented, indulging in dreams of what would happen if... is extremely unproductive. Consider the situation from all sides, using logical and systems approach, learn lessons from it, take them into account and move on - a technique that is more productive and less energy-consuming than moaning about something that happened a long time ago.

As a rule, as soon as emotions interfere in a situation, logic recedes into the background. And the situation begins to resemble a snowball - living the situation again, we get deeper and deeper into emotions. And we dump negativity on those around us, innocent in our bad mood. Needless to say, this will not lead to anything good.

For example, being stressed from a quarrel with a friend, we come to work and communicate impolitely with a colleague who, it seems to us, is minding his own business or giving inappropriate advice. As a result, the offended colleague goes to tell others about our emotional breakdown, and we, having cooled down, feel ashamed. But in general, I don’t want to apologize: “why did he bother?”, “and it’s already late, he croaked at everyone anyway.” We seem to have justified ourselves, but our souls feel disgusting. And we go on to sow negativity further. Sound familiar?

To avoid such a situation, it is better to stop after the first negative situation and end it emotionally and logically. A quarrel with a friend is not nuclear war, so you can decide for yourself what you expect from this relationship next - and, as a result, what needs to be done. If it's just a disagreement and you value your relationship, then it's okay to apologize. If the quarrel only deepened your alienation, there is probably no point in continuing the relationship that is burdening both of you.

We often repeat the same mistake, for example, having broken up with a childhood friend and realizing the wrongness of the separation, we continue to support even those relationships that have outlived their usefulness. The negative emotion left over from the first breakup prevents us from logically assessing the quality of the current relationship and its importance to us.

Therefore, in every situation we need to determine “here and now” - what is happening, how significant is it for us, and will it be significant in 5-10 years?

2. Don’t waste your time on trifles

Many of us are thrown off track by little things. For example, a friend of mine may despair over a broken nail or a snag on her tights that only she can see. Such perfectionism annoyed her even in “peacetime,” but now, probably, it’s simply driving her crazy. Therefore, I propose to treat such little things more simply. And at the same time, revise the list of little things in the direction of increasing their size. If you ask yourself: “What does this compare to the health of my loved ones?” or others important things, many little things will seem so insignificant that there will simply be no reason to get stressed. This does not mean becoming an indifferent and soulless bastard, but you shouldn’t waste your time on trifles.

3. Find a friend and advisor

Each of us has a friend or relative who knows how to put us in our place with a couple of calm phrases. We can call him in panic or despair, so that when we hear calm voice and logical arguments, calm down and start thinking, and not bursting with emotions.

Psychologists have a supervisor, but I think it is useful for each of us. No wonder Valery Panyushkin:

Find someone you trust. Someone who's in right moment will be able to come and say: “You are tired,” and you will believe it. Moreover, you will believe it, even if you have already completely lost your mind. Because in in good condition You yourself understand that you are tired. But in that state when you are so tired that you are no longer able to think, you just need a trusted person. Someone who can, without using it, from the bottom of his heart, give you useful advice or just listen.

Prolonged stress leads us to exhaustion. We become so tired from emotional storms that we exhaust ourselves and irritate those around us. To prevent this from happening, you need to practice “emotional hygiene” - maintain calm and balance of positive and negative emotions, no matter how difficult it may be.

In practice, this means being able to find positive emotions and work carefully with negative emotions. For example, analyze situations that make you want to “growl and bite” and choose a couple of strategies that allow you to survive them without much emotion - like work situations. For example, I was terribly annoyed by the crush on the morning tram - it was extremely unpleasant to come to work crumpled, angry and already exhausted. Then I came up with a couple of alternative routes or places on the tram if I don’t have time for an alternative. And either I leave earlier and avoid the crush, or I take a longer, but less crowded route. Or I choose a seat on the tram and patiently count the stops to the metro, after which, as a rule, there is no crowding. This is my conscious choice, thanks to which the situation went from fatal to working. Yes, sometimes I still come to work wrinkled and with trampled shoes. But it doesn't bother me now.

So, to cope with stress more productively you need to:

• Be able tocurb b your emotions and for most life situations have a couple of solutions in reserve. Then the terrifying uncertainty can be replaced by choosing a solution from those already available.
• Be open to new experiences.
• Don't be afraid to make a mistake – sometimes it is a step into another perspective, an unexpected discovery of new paths or horizons.
• And don't expect immediate results , even if you are focused on instant results, success and achieving new heights. This works in both professional and personal life.

The more calm, conscious perception and readiness for change in your life, the less afraid you are of everyday storms. Dalai Lama said:

Under no circumstances should you lose hope. The feeling of despair is here the real reason failures. Remember: you can overcome any difficulty. Be calm even when you find yourself in a difficult and confusing situation: it will have little effect on you if your mind is calm. On the contrary, if the mind allows you to get angry, then you will lose peace even if the world will be serene and cozy.