Husband or child? Who should I sleep with? Co-sleeping with a child: to sleep or not to sleep

Currently, the idea of sharing a night's sleep between the mother (and sometimes both parents) and the child is very, very popular. Moreover, it is not pediatricians who are actively promoting it, who are extremely distrustful of the benefits of co-sleeping. The main proponents of the presence of children in marital beds are specialists in breastfeeding and some psychologists... So: is it beneficial or harmful for the health and psyche of a child to sleep at night with his parents?

Is “close” parenting the new yoga?

Many (if not all!) fashion trends come into our society from outside. Even such a seemingly closed area of life as parenthood is also last years has undergone a lot of changes under the influence of overseas “trends”. Young mothers now carry their babies on themselves day and night (slings are incredibly popular these days), agree to breastfeed them “at the first squeak,” and also practice co-sleeping - this is when adults and their children sleep in the same bed at night. But is this joint sleep really necessary and useful?

Experts who deal with young children in one way or another - pediatricians, neonatologists, child psychologists, breastfeeding specialists and others - have unwittingly divided into two camps: some actively support the idea of co-sleeping with children, believing that such a lifestyle in infancy is beneficial baby. Others, on the contrary, were wary: how would this shared sleep affect the psyche of a growing child? Isn’t it risky to keep the fragile, vulnerable body of a baby next to you in a dream? Does a baby, whose intrauterine period of development has already successfully completed, really need constant tactile contact with his mother?

Having carefully and meticulously studied everything possible arguments“pros” and “cons” of sleeping together, we will voice the most reasonable and significant of them. Having selected a worthy argument “with the opposite sign” for each, so that you yourself can evaluate the pros and cons of sleeping together and make a decision - does your child sleep in a separate crib from birth or in yours?

Arguments for co-sleeping

The child has the opportunity to receive as much breast milk as much as he needs. The very idea of on-demand feeding presupposes constant closeness between mother and her child, without regard to the time of day. That is why co-sleeping is, in fact, a natural extension of this style.

HOWEVER, many modern pediatricians do not support the very idea of feeding on demand. There are often situations directly related to the baby’s health when food restrictions play a positive, one might even say partly therapeutic, role. For example, infant colic, some manifestations of diathesis, colds, or even just a very hot and stuffy climate. In most cases, in such circumstances, the pediatrician recommends temporarily reducing the amount of milk that the baby eats per day to allow the body to cope with the problem. And even if the baby’s health is excellent, constant access to food can weaken him.

For example, in this case, the baby needs water, not food. But, experiencing thirst and uncontrolled access to the breast, the child sometimes eats twice or three times more milk than he needs per day. Such overeating often leads to digestive problems, skin rashes, pain and anxiety.

Child stimulating frequently mother's breast(including at night), contributes to the establishment of good, long-term lactation. It's true - the more often the baby is put to the breast, the more milk his mother will produce. And the longer lactation will last.

HOWEVER, in order to stimulate the establishment of lactation, it is enough for the newborn to smack the mother’s breast (even if it is still empty) for just the first few days after birth. But when the process of milk production has more or less improved, there is no longer any need for the baby to literally “hang” on the chest constantly, day and night. Moreover, frequent breast stimulation, which provokes the mother’s body to produce all more milk ultimately leads to the opposite result.

After all, at night, a child who is at his mother’s side does not so much eat milk as simply smack his lips, then falling asleep and then waking up at the breast. It turns out that more than enough milk is produced during the night, but very little is sucked out. What does this mean?

Excess milk will begin to stagnate, and if the mother does not pump regularly, it can lead to lactation mastitis. It’s not for nothing that pediatricians around the world recommend feeding babies only once a night.

Spending night hours in the same bed with parents, the child receives a feeling of security, protection and warmth. Before birth, he felt the constant physical closeness of his mother, and after birth he needs her...

HOWEVER, this does not mean that the baby needs close tactile contact throughout the night. Yes, it's true - if a baby (and especially a newborn) has trouble falling asleep, then with the help you can quickly put him to sleep. But at the same time, it is not at all necessary to put it in your bed at night.

When the birth process is completed, and the child begins his journey in this world as an independent, separate person, priorities change: the baby still needs the mother’s closeness, but now this closeness should be less “physical” in nature, but more intellectual and communicative - the child needs the care, support and warmth of his family, which he now increasingly receives from communication with his family.

And then, don’t forget that a baby has not only night sleep(which parents, in fairness, need extremely badly!), but also during the day. Who stops a mother from simply lying down in silence, hugging her sleeping baby, in the middle of the day?

Radiate love and joy, communicate with your child, and relax with him during “quiet hours” - believe me, this is more than enough to give the baby a feeling of constant protection, care and comfort, but without putting him under your blanket every night.

Arguments against co-sleeping

Parents have the opportunity to get enough sleep and rest fully. How can you relax and sleep soundly when a tiny, fragile body is pressed against your side? Of course, it is absolutely impossible. And only by transferring the baby to a separate crib is the parent able to accept comfortable position, forget yourself and fall asleep.

HOWEVER, it is undesirable in the first months of a child’s life to sleep with the baby in different rooms. Even if you have a radio or video baby monitor, your presence nearby is necessary - the baby needs to be fed at least once a night (and only after 4-5 months can night feedings be stopped), correct his posture, monitor his well-being, etc. Best option in this case, the use of an additional crib, which leaves each family member his living space untouched, but at the same time allows him to control the condition of the baby.

Parents have the opportunity to be with each other. The status of young parents does not negate the status of a man and woman in love with each other. Who, naturally, from time to time want to enjoy each other’s company in their own bed. Whereas the presence of children in it does not in any way contribute to full-fledged sexual relationships.

HOWEVER, if you passionately desire both - marital sex, and co-sleeping with children, a way out can be found in this situation: you will have to move the “testing ground” for passion and carnal pleasures from the bed (which from now on and for the next few years becomes exclusive sleeping place for the whole family) to some other place.

The child’s body quickly gets used to sleeping peacefully and soundly all night. This fact has been confirmed by child psychologists - children who initially sleep in their own separate crib wean themselves off night feedings much faster and easier. In addition, these children usually settle down faster at an older age, after a year - they do not need to re-read all of Andersen before bed or sing 15 lullabies per evening.

HOWEVER, it's not hopeless. There has not yet been a single case recorded where a child, with age, has not learned to sleep separately from his parents. If you practice co-sleeping, you can console yourself with the thought that in any case, sooner (but most likely late) your child will learn to calmly, quickly and soundly fall asleep at some distance from you.

Children who initially sleep separately from their parents are much less likely to develop the so-called childhood nightmare syndrome in the future. And this is also a scientifically proven fact, which is confirmed by multiple studies. Children who sleep in their cribs (and also in their rooms) from the first year of life do not suffer from obsessive thoughts as if there was a bloodthirsty monster lurking under the bed. The same cannot be said about children who are initially accustomed to falling asleep not alone, but under reliable protection parents' bedroom - as a rule, such children aged 2-5 years acutely experience a period of night fears and anxieties...

HOWEVER, the problem of nightmares in children does not present any difficulties for modern child psychologists - they are able to help children not be afraid of the onset of twilight.

How to sleep for parents and children: the best option

In order not to go to extremes, you can rely on an approximate diagram that will take into account both the interests of parents and the needs of children:

1 From birth to approximately 4-5 months the child can sleep directly next to the mother, but in his own separate cot (or even in a cradle, stroller, etc., where he could comfortably sit while sleeping). This is, first of all, convenient for the mother, who, to feed, will only need to stretch out her arms, take the baby and attach it to her breast.
2 After 4-5 months the baby “moves” into the crib. It may well be in the parent's bedroom, or in the room next door - in this case, a radio or video baby monitor is needed. At the age of 4 months, the child can gradually wean himself without night feedings. Quite the contrary: strong long sleep at this age it is better for the baby's health than waking up during the night and feeding. There are reliable studies showing that children who were completely denied night feedings at 4-5 months did not suffer at all from lack of weight.
3 By the year the baby is absolutely ready to “move” to a separate room - the nursery. At the same time, we repeat: during the day, the mother (or both parents) can lie down, doze, and simply be in the same bed with the baby as much as she wants. Only the nighttime co-sleeping of parents and children is subject to doubts and expediency - when the older generation really needs good rest.

Ultimately the choice is yours!

As sensible and loving parents, you should know: throughout the world, among specialists in raising and raising children, there is no unanimous assessment of the phenomenon of co-sleeping between parents and children. Some believe that this trend is useful and pleasant for all its participants, others passionately argue that there are many more problems (both psychological and physical) in a family where co-sleeping is practiced. Among them: children in the future are afraid to be left alone, they are not independent, they experience fear and phobias, they often show selfish tendencies, etc.

Despite what opinions and trends exist in modern pediatrics, you are free to do as you see fit. But in any case, this choice should be determined by the desire of both parents, and not be a concession on the part of the parents in favor of the children.

If all family members are truly comfortable, comfortable and happy for the children to stay in their parents’ bed at night, then sleep well with the whole crowd! But if at least one family member (for example, dad) experiences discomfort, stress, or just a banal desire to sleep separately from the children, this fact should under no circumstances be ignored.

Being a mom and dad is hard work: painstaking, exhausting and daily. The only time and a space where parents have the opportunity to relax and recuperate - this is a night's sleep in their own bed, in which only the two of them are present. If parents who voluntarily deprive themselves of this right - to proper rest and sleep - sacrifice themselves (ostensibly for the sake of their children), they are quite likely not acting wisely...

Because children cannot grow up happy and calm in a family where at least one of the parents constantly lives with a feeling of discomfort. But if, we repeat, both parents sincerely experience true pleasure and delight from the fact that the child is constantly in their bed, then for this family, co-sleeping with children is likely not only pleasant, but also useful.

Being in an “interesting” position, I more than once thought about where the baby would sleep after birth: in his own crib or next to me, so to speak, on the marital bed. In books on child psychology, as well as in accumulated personal experience met completely different mothers different opinions. Someone is an ardent opponent of a child sleeping together with his mother, someone considers sharing a dream the only acceptable and natural one, someone is trying to find a middle ground.

Thus, Dr. Evgeniy Komarovsky, an authoritative parent among parents, believes: “When and with whom to sleep is a personal matter specific woman. It is the woman who decides what is more convenient and comfortable for her. With a child, with a husband, with a lover, the three of us - this is your personal business, as long as everyone gets enough sleep and does not experience discomfort." At the same time, perinatal psychologists unequivocally state: "During close bodily contact, the development of brain cells is stimulated, and the necessary formations are formed between them. neural connections. In a sense, co-sleeping at night naturally continues the microclimate that promotes the development of a variety of social, communication and emotional skills during the day, as the baby is calm and under parental control and protection. The mother is the child’s habitat not only during the day, but also at night.”

There have been no specific facts that co-sleeping between mother and child has a beneficial or negative effect on the baby’s future. No patterns were found in the behavior or life scenarios of children who slept separately from their mother from birth, just like those who slept with her in childhood. It would seem that since science cannot give clear answers about the benefits/harms of mother and child sleeping together, then practice will put everything in its place.

I Googled it. I read the stories different mothers. It turned out that real experience many faces. Each woman chose the appropriate option for herself, focusing on her own ideas about the welfare of the child, as well as listening to other people’s advice and opinions, the most authoritative for her. Perhaps the chosen strategy for organizing a baby’s sleep will work. I also had to rely on my maternal instinct (I hoped that it would wake up) and solve problems as they came (although it is much better to prevent them from appearing at all).

A son was born. In the maternity hospital, he slept in a cradle next to my bed. At night, every two hours I went to bed to feed and change the little one. I didn’t feel tired, just euphoria. I became a mother! What could be more beautiful! After discharge, on the urgent advice of her mother-in-law, a fan of Dr. Spock, she put her son to bed in a separate crib. With a special mattress, with a beautiful baby bed linen, with a musical carousel. I honestly held out for a month. I must say that I was the only one who got up to see the baby at night - my husband was tired at work and when his son grunted, he only sighed heavily and turned over to the other side. During the day I was left alone with the baby. Nanny I didn’t want to hire.

The turning point came when one night I felt incredibly weak and could barely hold the baby in my arms. Mom needs to get enough sleep, I clearly realized. I tried to put my son next to me at night. She slept carefully, afraid of crushing her. I immediately felt the advantages of co-sleeping: I don’t have to get up to feed the baby, he “gets” his own food. It’s funny like this: he sniffs with his nose where the milk is, and then begins to suck greedily. At the same time, he doesn’t even open his eyes, which means there’s no need to rock him to sleep after feeding. There is no need to get up and listen to whether he is breathing or not breathing (sudden infant death syndrome is not a joke). It’s so great to feel your little dear heart beating. It’s so nice to feel a warm little bundle next to you.

That's how we grew up. But my doubts remained: did I do the right thing by taking my son into my bed? What if this later affects his development? What if he won’t be able to make independent decisions and will grow up to be a “mama’s boy” in the worst sense of the word? Maybe we should have endured it and not paid attention to the fact that the baby was clearly uncomfortable in his crib?

Lack of knowledge is fertile ground for various kinds fears, concerns. When we don't know something, we are afraid of it. It is so arranged in nature that a human baby is born completely unsuited to exist separately from its parents. He needs our help and support for a long time. The task of adults is to ensure not only the satisfaction of his natural needs - to eat, drink, breathe, sleep, but also to create comfortable conditions for its development.

First of all, the baby needs to feel safe. Its basis is close connection between child and mother. It is the mother who is a kind of guarantor of reliability, a guide to the outside world for the little man. Mom provides inner feeling child safety.

If you look into the history of development human civilization, co-sleeping between a child and its mother was considered natural until the development of industrial society. Along with the change in landscape, the introduction of technical innovations in daily life Social priorities have also changed: from family, conservative to liberal, praising the freedom of the individual. Accordingly, our ideas about what is right and what is wrong to do when raising children have changed. At the same time, the child’s desire to feel safe remained unchanged. Feeling the mother nearby, her smell, her warmth, the beating of her heart - what was familiar throughout the nine months of the intrauterine period - the child calms down.

Co-sleeping mother and child optimally creates a sense of security, which is so important for full development. However, in addition to the child’s wishes, it is necessary to take into account emotional condition mother, husband’s attitude towards co-sleeping (for example, if the choice is between: taking the child into your bed or remaining a single mother).

So, the first step on the path to co-sleeping is to determine the mental properties and desires of both your own and the child. This allows you to understand whether co-sleeping is needed in a particular case or not. The second step is realizing a simple truth: sleeping with your mother is only useful for as long as it is needed. No more, no less. A mother should not tie her child too closely. Gradually, he should start his own corner and his own activities, and he can still sometimes come to his mother to sleep. Here it is important for the mother not to prevent the child from growing up mentally, not to interfere with and support his desire for independence.

Children usually end up in their parents' bed for several reasons.

Firstly, to parents restless child You often have to get up to go to the nursery and soothe your awakened baby. They end up taking him with them so they know the baby is okay and feels safe.

Secondly, many children are afraid to be alone and always try to stay with their parents at night.

So is it possible to sleep with your child? If yes, up to what age?

Elena Nikolaeva, medical psychologist:

If we talk about babies, then it’s convenient for mommy to sleep next to her. Yes, babies need to co-sleep to get enough maternal warmth in the first months of life. The woman herself is designed in such a way that the maximum concentrations of prolactin, the hormone that leads to milk production, are formed in her body at night while the baby is sucking. And physical contact with the baby only stimulates these processes.

It is impossible to overestimate the fact that at night the mother will not have to jump out of bed to see the baby, she will get better sleep, which means she will feel better and be less irritable, which will immediately affect the baby.

If it is not possible to sleep nearby, then it is worth placing the crib as close as possible so that the child can hear the mother’s breathing, feel her smell, and her heartbeat. Once the baby is 6 months old, he can be placed separately. Even you need your own personal space small child for the formation of full-fledged individuality and independence. The baby should have his own crib from the first days of life, even if he still sleeps with his mother.

The best age for getting used to sleeping separately is closer to 2 years. The fact is that by this time the child has already separated himself from his parents and is slowly beginning to strive for independence. In addition, it is advisable to have time to transfer the child to a separate crib before he starts going to kindergarten. Having gotten used to sleeping separately, the baby can more easily adapt to kindergarten.

If you haven’t managed to teach your child to sleep separately, you shouldn’t move him to bed at the moment when he just starts attending kindergarten. Both events are stressful for the baby.

Until about 4-5 years of age, there are times when a child needs to sleep with his parents (the child is sick, fears, restless night sleep, frequent awakenings), but this should not happen all the time. You can put the child to bed with you, then, when he falls asleep, transfer him to a crib or allow him to lie down with adults in the morning. It is not recommended to sleep with your parents all night.

There is an opinion that co-sleeping with parents deprives the child of the opportunity to learn to fall asleep on his own, and this is an important skill that is necessary in a child’s life. Mothers who are overly worried about their baby, do not let go of themselves, are overprotective, constantly feel anxious, can instill a feeling of anxiety in the child, and he needs to learn to cope with difficulties and fears on his own. Having your own crib, where it’s safe, cozy and your parents are nearby, creates such an experience. Under no circumstances should it become a place where the child is punished: “If you don’t obey, you’ll go to bed!”

How to wean a child from sleeping with his mother

More details

If the child school age is still sleeping with his mother, which means that not everything is in order in the parents’ relationship. After all, bed is intimate area for two. If there is agreement in the family, then the parents agree that the child sleeps only in his own crib and follow this rule. If an old enough child sleeps with one of the parents, the other may feel rejected, which can lead to discord in the family. In this case, it is necessary to explain to the child that parents are two halves and they should sleep together, and when the child grows up, he will also meet his soul mate.

Co-sleeping with other family members - a grandparent, brother or sister - can also be a problem because the child also has his own sexuality. It is not the same as in adults, and it has to develop into a full-fledged one with age, and sharing sleep with adults or other children can unnecessarily stimulate this process.

Why you should trust Dr. Komarovsky

More details

The main purpose of sleep is to get enough sleep and gain strength, and this applies to the whole family: mom, dad, baby and other children. If dad cannot sleep in the same bed with the baby all night because he is afraid of crushing him, he should give up the idea of sleeping together. As an alternative to sleeping together, you can move the children's bed next to the parents' bed and lower its front partition. It turns out that the baby sleeps separately, but at the same time next to his mother.

Who should the child sleep with? There are two answers to this question. With no one. With parents or one of them. Sleeping with parents is beneficial, foreign experts say. Most Russian pediatricians and psychologists say the opposite. I adhere to the point of view of our specialists.

Why shouldn't parents sleep with their child?

Some mothers believe that constant tactile contact with the child is useful. Agree. But why is it needed at night? If during the day you hug and caress him, carry him in your arms, then this “dose” of parental warmth is quite enough.
It is dangerous to place your baby next to you at night: you can simply crush him. Of course, it’s convenient not to jump up to the crib in the middle of the night and do night feeding, but this is just convenient for the mother, not for the baby. You can lie down next to your baby while nap when you have the opportunity to control yourself.
It is not hygienic for adults to sleep together with small children. The baby's body is tender and vulnerable. I won’t go into details, you understand.
Expert research shows that children who sleep with their parents for a long time, are more likely to experience anxiety at night, because do not feel the parental protection at night that they are used to.
If you have trained your baby to sleep with you, you will experience difficulties if you try to wean him from this. The child will throw tantrums, run into the parents’ room in the middle of the night, and won’t fall asleep for a long time, demanding your presence.
Each family member rightfully claims personal space. Sleep should be comfortable for everyone, because... This is the short rest that adults can afford to recuperate. As an option, buy a baby cot, if it’s so important for you that your baby is nearby, and sleep well (“both nearby and not together”).
Adults join intimacy, into which the child should not be initiated. And if, out of habit, a baby comes running to you at night, you will be in a precarious position.
When children who suffer from phobias, who are selfish, who are not independent, who experience nightmares, and who are anxious are examined, it turns out that they slept with their parents until school age.

If from infancy the baby sleeps in his own bed, the parents will have less problems with baby. If you are sure that sleeping together with a child does not cause discomfort to either mom or dad, if you all enjoy this process, then sleep well as a family, fortunately it will benefit you all.

So, two opposing points of view are popular these days: “the baby should sleep with his mother” and “the child should sleep in his own crib.” I would like to note right away that where exactly your baby will sleep is up to you (and your spouse) to decide. Moreover, you will be the one who will best understand what your child needs. And tips from people who study infant sleep on professional level, will help you find answers to many questions and dispel doubts.

The benefits of sleeping separately...

The vast majority of today's mothers grew up in their own separate cribs. They took us “under their wing” when we were sick, rocked us to sleep in a lullaby, and then moved us to our places. But not more. And our mothers and fathers also grew up this way. Some turned out to be an astronaut or a pilot, an exemplary family man, others became drunkards or suffer from loneliness. There is a small percentage of people with severe mental disorders. But, in general, in most cases we love our parents and have not isolated ourselves from each other, continuing to create families and...

Some psychologists argue that this is how it should be: from the first days, put the child in a separate bed and do not accustom him to “handling.” Separate sleep seems to relieve the child from the possibility of falling into excessive dependence on the mother, overcoming the Oedipus complex, and becoming independent in life. early age, as well as avoiding excessive sexualization and even problems with the choice of sexual orientation. Here I would like you to think, since it is not so easy to identify a clear cause for all these effects. Can only one circumstance of sleep (alone or with mother) rule the fate of people?

Some parents are afraid:

Pamper, accustom to your bed;

Press down, “sleep”;

Lack of sleep due to increased self-control;

Developing excessive dependence.

Separate sleep completely eliminates the possibility of being crushed during sleep. If you smoke, drink, use drugs or medications that affect the depth of your sleep, then it is better not to risk taking your child to bed.

If your spouse is against sharing a bed for three, then using a crib will deprive you of an additional topic for quarrels and arguments. You can sleep peacefully in a hug and not think about how it’s safer for you to lie down or turn around.

Some mothers are very afraid and cannot relax and sleep next to their baby. They also have the right to sleep, neglecting which can harm the child, once losing consciousness from excessive fatigue.

There are parents who, without knowing any particular reason, fundamentally insist that everyone should have their own bed, children should sleep all night without waking up or snacking, etc. For example, simply because they themselves were raised that way. And this opinion also has a right to exist.

Dr. Richard Ferber, director of the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at Boston Children's Hospital, offers in his book a system by which you can train your child to fall asleep in his crib on his own. Not without crying, not right away. The mother needs patience and endurance, but the baby sleeps “on his own” and stops waking up “a hundred times a night.” Ferber believes that this is how baby and mother can get enough sleep. Other authors have similar systems. The books of these educators and pediatricians are very popular and have been reprinted dozens of times. This means that for many this approach is acceptable and in demand.

...And the joys of sharing

However, there are many parents who find all these systems difficult to implement and somehow unnatural. If it is inherent in a person to alternate between sleep and wakefulness, walking upright and speaking, then sooner or later he masters all this without special techniques (if we are talking about healthy children). But most are in no hurry to enjoy life away from their beloved mother. And they prefer to fall asleep at her breast. Does this idea resonate with you? Think about whether you should take your baby to bed with you.

Pros of co-sleeping:

Latching at night has a beneficial effect on milk production;

Mom and baby adapt to each other and get better sleep;

You can feed half asleep without getting out of bed;

The child feels protected and loved;

The baby has the opportunity to make up for the lack of touch if the mother does not often take him in her arms, feeds him from a bottle, or is forced to go to work early;

The baby, being close to the mother, sleeps lightly longer time, that is, he sleeps lightly enough to call for help if something goes wrong, for example, there are problems breathing.

Responding to the objections of many parents, supporters of co-sleeping argue that the likelihood of running over your child in a dream is very small, and horror stories this is more related to sudden stop breathing or intoxication of parents.

The need for physical contact for children has been known for a long time. A lack of touch causes developmental delays, lowers immunity and increases the risk of allergic reactions.

Back in the middle of the 20th century, the English psychoanalyst D. W. Winnicott suggested that for several months after birth the child still feels one with his mother and parting with her even at short term cause him fear, a feeling of decay and dying.

The latest findings of scientists related to baby's sleep and its consequences, speak only in favor of co-sleeping. James McCann has done a lot of work and summarized the results of numerous studies. He collected evidence that children who slept with their parents grew up happier and more confident, and had fewer problems in relationships with others.

Dr. William Sears - pediatrician, member advisory board magazine "Parenting magazine", author of dozens of textbooks on pediatrics and family education. William Sears and his wife Martha studied their own baby's sleep using attached sensors and found that if the baby sleeps with his mother, his frequency of respiratory arrests is significantly reduced. A deep dream They associate children sleeping separately with the work of protective mechanisms against stress caused by loneliness and crying. Moreover, pediatricians say that shallow sleep is responsible for better development brain

The Sears emphasize that co-sleeping is the most natural and closest to human nature and remind that no animal lays its young in a separate bed.

Obviously, there is no universal method or rule that would suit every family. How your child will grow up depends not so much on whether he will sleep with you or alone, but on the totality of all internal and external factors his education and development. If you sleep well and everyone in your family is happy with their place in bed, then you have made the right choice.