Positive and negative sides of neurotics. Who is a neurotic and what type of personality does he belong to?

A crazy pace of life, prolonged physical and mental stress, excessive demands from society, a difficult environment and problems with parents are the reasons that turn people into neurotics, but they rarely realize it. And since it is for this reason that most often they cannot achieve their goals and improve their personal life, it is important to figure out as quickly as possible whether the person suffers from neuroses and whether he himself is neurotic. After all, you can change and change your life only by finding the true cause of the problems that prevent you from living fully and enjoying it.

How to become neurotic

Increasingly, psychologists are saying that most problems are to blame not only on external circumstances, but on our inaction. It is our incorrect reactions to things and others that have a detrimental effect on how we live and what we do.

No matter how shocking it may be, many people are accustomed to living with grievances and claims. They need them like air, which is why they themselves provoke those around them to negative emotions, to a certain reaction, so that they can then be offended, upset and once again feel sorry for themselves and behave like a victim.

Many will argue that this cannot happen; what sane person is capable of deliberately doing something to make him feel unpleasant and painful. No matter how sad it is, people with a healthy psyche and habits really do not behave this way; only those who suffer from behavior problems behave this way. They do not suffer from mental illness, they are simply accustomed subconsciously to the role of “victim”, so they do not even realize that there is something wrong with them. And many, having the same problems to a greater or lesser extent, will also never notice that there is something wrong with a person and that it is necessary to take care of their own mental health and change ingrained habits in behavior if you do not want to suffer anymore and suffer.

A neurotic is considered to be a person who, at some point in his life, most often in childhood or adolescence, experienced enormous pressure on the psyche, which, due to physiological and psychological characteristics, he was unable to cope with. Such manifestations belong to defensive reactions designed to protect the psyche from even more severe consequences and protect against similar pain in the future.

To explain it quite simply, a person, due to constant pressure or severe internal pain, has lost his settings, and he was unable to maintain a normal reaction to external stimuli and what is happening in life, and now focuses exclusively on emotions and instincts. He has subconsciously acquired completely wrong concepts about love, friendship, success, relationships with others, and attitude towards himself. In his understanding, love is always associated with suffering, quarrels, stormy reconciliations, obstacles and difficulties.

Because at one time he grew up with parents who did not give him love just like that, simply because he was their favorite baby or toddler. The mother could not pay attention, be rude, harsh, inattentive, constantly brush him or her off, the father could be emotionally distant, suffer from various addictions, low self-esteem, which was expressed in constant criticism of family members, and violence. Even when only one parent was like this, the child will transfer his expectations to all representatives of that sex. The boy will believe that all women express love in the same way as his cold mother, that she needs to be conquered, obeyed, obeyed, never upset or greatly distracted by her problems and experiences. The girl will begin to react exclusively to those representatives of the opposite sex who do not pay attention to her, ignore her needs, use and humiliate her.

And that’s all because the children are not used to different behavior. They have subconsciously ingrained this way of behavior that achieving self-love is achieved exclusively through suffering and experiences.

But since the human psyche initially has different settings, and people must love and protect themselves, such behavior leads to an internal feeling of dissatisfaction and tension. A person feels that he or she does not like what is happening to him at all, the consumerist and boorish attitude of the one he or she has chosen is clearly not normal, but they cannot change their behavior, since they are not used to being loved simply for being – this is them, for what they are.

And even after trying to leave and start a new life, their soul will again require these emotions, because they are only used to them. A quiet life without shocks and showdowns will seem boring and uninteresting. And very soon they will either return back to the one who gives them, leaving the one who really loves, but is boring with him, or they will find exactly the same despot, whose behavior and attitude will subconsciously resemble the behavior of their father or mother.

The whole difficulty lies in the fact that any person, be it a man or a woman, who does not build strong family relationships, does not improve their life, does not realize that they are neurotic and should not change partners or place of residence, but it is time to change their own behavior.

It seems to them that the matter is not at all about them, but about those who come across them on the way. They do not realize that they themselves allow such people into their lives, wanting to prove to themselves that they are worthy of the love, respect and attention that their parents did not give them or did not give them at all. And this vicious circle is very difficult to break.

After all, people who have nothing to do with neurotics suffer, get burned, and make mistakes. Everyone experiences emotions. The only difference is that a healthy person will not endure for long and will do everything to change his life and remove from his life those who cause him suffering, even if they are his parents, while a neurotic person will find a lot of reasons why he continues to communicate with those who torments him and constantly humiliates him. And most importantly, no matter what reasons may interfere with dealing with the situation, a healthy person will eliminate them anyway, but a neurotic person, on the contrary, uses them as an excuse for inactivity in order to continue to receive the negative emotions to which he is accustomed.

Symptoms of neurosis

The cause of neurosis in people can be not only the behavior of parents or some kind of traumatic situation, but also too long emotional experiences, as well as heavy physical or mental stress.

Failures in your personal life, constant lack of money, problems at work or long-term unemployment can also trigger the onset of neurosis. Often the reason why people become neurotic due to such situations is their predisposition to it. Since initially they already have such low self-esteem and self-doubt that they are unable to withstand difficulties and look for a way out of a difficult situation, they are confident in advance that they will not succeed.

At the same time, they have no desire to plan the future or dream about anything. They don't want anything, they don't strive for anything. They have no motivation to do anything. And the already difficult situation continues to get worse. They don't think about the future because they are convinced that nothing depends on them.

At the same time, among neurotics there are also those who have high self-esteem, which is much better than low self-esteem, but their problem is that they are offended by others, since they do not want to see and do not want to recognize their “superiority”.

This state of mind causes increased anxiety, nervous tension, fears, and provokes insomnia, which has an even more negative impact on the nervous system.

Neurotics are often concerned about their health, suffer from problems with the cardiovascular system, experience dizziness, and have problems in their personal sphere. They become so immersed in those around them that they forget about their own needs and desires. Often such people do not even know how to determine what they really want.

A huge number of people in most countries suffer from neuroses. This problem has long been known and studied, but still few people think about the fact that he himself may be neurotic, which is why he never manages to achieve what he wants and learn to enjoy life. Therefore, the time has come to find strength in yourself and understand whether this is the reason why you have so many unnecessary problems and difficulties in your life. If “no”, you are lucky, and if “yes”, then it’s time to take care of yourself, your beloved, and become someone who knows how to live happily.

To be happy, it is necessary for me to be successful in any business that I undertake.
To become happy, I need to be accepted, loved and admired by all people at all times.
If I'm not on top, then I'm in the hole.
It's great to be popular, famous, it's terrible to be unpopular.
If I made a mistake, then I'm worthless.
My value as a person depends on what people think of me.
I can not live without love. If my loved ones (lover, parents, child) don’t love me, it’s terrible.
If he doesn't agree with me, it means he doesn't love me.
If I don't take advantage of every opportunity to advance, I will regret it.

Let us consider the consequences to which following the first three rules leads to a neurotic person.

Negative belief of a neurotic No. 1.

Neurotic Rule #1: To be happy, it is necessary for me to be successful in any business that I undertake.

Since success in any endeavor is impossible, a neurotic does not take on those tasks that require significant effort, closing his path to creative growth and self-actualization. This significantly ruins your life. Refusal of such attempts is rationalized by references to circumstances, illnesses, and objective obstacles. However, unrealized abilities do not allow you to live in peace.

Karen Horney notes a neurotic's favorite phrase: “I just want to.” She describes the experiences of one teacher who read an article in a magazine by his former classmate, who was less capable than him, criticized it and said: “I just have to want it, and it will be such an article!” During the analysis, it was possible to bring into consciousness the unsuccessful attempts to engage in scientific activity that had been repressed into the unconscious. He realized that writing an article required very different skills than successfully teaching a class. But he didn’t have such skills!

Check via muscle test , perhaps in your unconscious there are negative beliefs of the following content:

I must be the first in everything.
I have to be the best at everything.
I must always be the best in everything.
Losing (defeat) is a shame.
Losing (defeat) is humiliation.
They love (respect) only the first ones.
They love (respect) only the best.
I am worthy of love (respect) only if I am first.
I am worthy of love (respect) only if I am the best.
If I lose (be defeated), then they will stop loving me (respecting me, taking my opinion into account).
For me there is no other place other than the first.
Second place is already a defeat.
I am the smartest.
I must always do everything right.
You can't make mistakes.
Mistakes are unforgivable.
To make a mistake, to say something wrong, wrong, is a shame.
I should know everything.
In order to be considered, to be respected (loved), I must know everything.
I'm always right).
I must always be right.
In order for people to respect me (love me, take my opinion into account), I must always be right.
If I'm wrong (mistaken), then I don't deserve love and respect.
In order to be loved (respected, my opinion taken into account), I must be perfect in everything.
Everything I do must be done perfectly (excellently).
If it were not for illness (circumstances, parents, husband, wife...), then I would have already achieved success (goals, fame, money...).
It's all of them (illness, circumstances, parents, husband, wife...) who are to blame for what I have something(there may be different options here) it doesn’t work.

Such or approximately such negative beliefs were “found” in some people with whom I worked. After excavation of negative beliefs Using the theta-hilling method, we canceled them and learned the following feelings:

I know how it feels to be loved unconditionally.
I know how it feels to be unconditionally respected.
I know how it feels to be unconditionally appreciated.
I know how my opinion feels and what I say is certainly valuable for the people around me.
I know how to live without fear of mistakes.
I know how to live without the fear of defeat.
I know how to live without the desire and need to blame other people (circumstances) for anything (failures, losses...)

Negative belief of a neurotic No. 2.

Rule neurotic #2: To become happy, I need to be accepted, loved and admired by all people at all times.

A healthy person wants love, and achieves it by improving himself. Having received a refusal, he suffers with dignity. A neurotic seeks love at any cost, using such neurotic mechanisms as bribery, appeals to pity, calls for justice, and, finally, insults and threats.

When a neurotic wants to get love through bribery, his thought can be expressed like this: “I love you more than anything in the world, so you must give up everything for my love.” This technique is most often used by women.

If this technique does not work, the neurotic resorts to pity. His thought is: “You must love me because I am suffering and helpless.” Such suffering provides justification for making excessive demands. This stage comes when they try to get rid of the neurotic, because the neurotic demands too much for his services - to live for his sake.

If the appeal to pity does not work, it is the turn of the call to justice. “This is what I did for you, what will you do for me?” “If I hadn’t freed you from household chores, you wouldn’t have achieved anything,” the loser husband said to his successful wife when she decided to leave him. “Because of you, I stopped doing scientific work, but there were good prerequisites.”

And if all this does not have an effect, insults and threats begin. “I have never heard such insults that I heard from her addressed to me. I learned that I was a traitor, a traitor, a rapist, a scoundrel, and the paper couldn’t stand anything else. But when I left my wife, with whom I had lived well for more than 20 years, she simply wished me happiness. Truly, the best is the enemy of the good! Then my mistress threatened to take revenge on me, shouted that we couldn’t live together on the same earth, and finally, she threatened to commit suicide.”

The neurotic will not carry out threats as long as he hopes to achieve his goal. If he loses hope, he may do so out of desperation and vindictiveness.

It is impossible to live with a neurotic person. He considers even a decrease in the level of love as its end, which hinders the further development of the relationship and, with his nagging, completely destroys it. This is very well described in the novel by Lev Nikolaevich Tolstoy “Anna Karenina”. The heroine of the novel, with her unreasonable jealousy and reproaches, achieved the cooling of Vronsky.

Little of. A healthy person understands that if he does not love, then he may not be loved either. A neurotic is another matter. He may not love a person, but that person should still love him. A graduate of one institute decided to break up with her classmate, whom she dated throughout her studies and whom she was going to marry, since she was proposed to by a financially secure man 10 years older than her. One of the reasons for the breakup was that a classmate would not get back on his feet soon and would not be able to provide for her well. When, after numerous discussions, the relationship was determined, she occasionally met with him and even maintained a sexual relationship with him and was very upset when the former contender for her hand and heart refused such dates. And when she found out that he began dating another girl, she had a neurotic breakdown.

Muscle test the following beliefs:

If I love, then they must love me too.
Love without reciprocity is a shame.
Love without reciprocity is humiliating.
It's a shame to love without reciprocity.
If they love someone other than me, that means I’m worse.
If I did something good to a person, then he is obliged to answer me in kind.
All men (women) should be in love with me.
Everyone must like me.
It's terrible if someone doesn't love me.
If I love a person, then he should be with me even if he doesn’t love me.
If I love a person, then he should be with me even if he loves someone else.
If I love a person, then I must achieve reciprocity in any way (any way).
In love, as in war, all methods are good.
Even if I don’t love, I should be loved.
For unrequited love, love without reciprocity, one must take revenge. Because it's an insult.
I must take revenge to him(here everyone can put their name) because he fell in love with another. Because by doing this he humiliated me.
He humiliated (insulted) me by loving someone else.

Negative belief of a neurotic No. 3.

Rule neurotic #3: If I'm not on top, then I'm in the hole. Following this rule makes the neurotic unhappy even if he has real successes, since he cannot survive the success of another person. And if there is some kind of retreat back, then there is no limit to its grief. Negative belief: “Not a step back.”

Negative belief of a neurotic No. 4.

Rule neurotic #4: It's great to be popular, famous, it's terrible to be unpopular.

Negative beliefs that may accompany this rule:

A person's talent is determined by the degree of his popularity.
I must become famous.
I must, must become popular.
At any cost I must achieve fame and popularity.
I cannot consider myself a full-fledged person until I have achieved fame and popularity.
I can consider myself a full-fledged person only when I achieve fame and popularity.
I can only consider my life successful when I become famous and famous.
If someone doesn't like me, then I'm worthless.
Everyone must like me.
It's dangerous to be unpopular.
Popularity is love.
Popularity is respect.
If I'm popular, that means I'm worth something.
If I'm popular, it means I'm a bright personality.
If I'm unpopular, it means I'm a gray, mediocre person. (Although in life it is often just the opposite. A real diamond cannot always be seen (discerned) at first glance.)
Everything I do is to be popular, to become famous.

Analyze the rest of the rules yourself or go to the original source. Some of Karen Horney's major works have already been translated into Russian and published. In particular, the monographs “The Neurotic Personality of Our Time”, “Self-Analysis”. There is a technical translation of the book “Neuroses and Personal Growth. The path to self-actualization." Karen Horney's work is very relevant to our time and our country. They warn that material success (wealth) does not lead a person to happiness if his intrapersonal problems are not resolved.

Karen Horney does not have her own technique, and in her therapeutic activities she used psychoanalytic procedures, but her ideas turned out to be fruitful for the development of other psychotherapeutic areas. Its influence can be seen in Eric Berne's work on script analysis, where he attempts to provide specific parameters for characters with different tendencies. Representatives of cognitive therapy took advantage of her findings about the essence of excessive neurotic obligations. Another formulation, without reference to Karen Horney, uses her ideas in the psychoanalytic trilogy. There, the source of stress is defined as the exorbitant unconscious claims of a neurotic, which are called “theomania.” Karen Horney's research played a role in the development of humanistic movements and existential psychotherapy.

Using materials from the book “From Hell to Heaven” by Mikhail Efimovich Litvak

If you have problems with independent excavation and the abolition of negative beliefs, then you can sign up for personal consultation by the address This email address is being protected from spambots. You must have JavaScript enabled to view it.. Please indicate "excavation" in the subject line of the email. Consultations are conducted via Skype or Viber. The consultation also uses elements of art therapy, sand therapy, body therapy, transactional analysis and much more. With theta healing, dreams come true :-). And let life become brighter, more interesting, richer! Personal consultations are possible for residents of Dnieper. The first consultation (30 minutes) is free.

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9 rules of a neurotic and their consequences.

This video describes in more detail the 9 rules of a neurotic with specific examples from life. An excerpt from the audiobook “From Hell and Paradise” by Mikhail Efimovich Litvak. Happy listening :-). And if suddenly you recognize yourself, don’t be upset :-). It also happens:-)

Useful materials:

Muscle test for testing negative beliefs.

What to do with negative beliefs? Digging technique. Excavation.

Obligation. What is it and what is the danger?

When using the material, an indexed link to the site is required.

If a person is not socially dangerous, then all his mental manifestations are considered acceptable and normal. He may have deviations, he may suffer or cause psychological problems. However, this is acceptable. Many people today are becoming neurotic. They can be recognized by certain symptoms. If you study the topic of how to communicate with neurotics, you can find the right approach to building relationships.

Considering the topic of neuroticism in the online magazine site, it can be noted that to one degree or another this phenomenon manifests itself in all people. This is due to the social environment in which a person lives. Everyone goes through an upbringing that partly makes people neurotic, and also lives in a society that is itself neurotic.

Symptoms of a neurotic

A neurotic person exhibits symptoms depending on the severity of his condition. A mild degree may be manifested by mental imbalance due to external factors. He feels slightly unstable. The severe form manifests itself in obsessive, hysterical or asthenic behavior. This condition must be treated.

Symptoms of a neurotic are:

Temporary loss of mental and physical disability.

Difficulties in overcoming fears.

Inability to stop an activity that even to a neurotic seems unreasonable.

Learning difficulties.

Fear of getting sick.

Difficulties in intimate life.

Fear of missing something important.

Headache.

Dizziness.

Changes in blood pressure.

Excessive concern for your health.

Desire to be alone.

Fatigue.

Tightness.

Hysterical.

Closedness.

Taking negativity personally.

Complexity.

Not admitting your mistakes.

Attracting attention to oneself and the desire to receive benefits from other people.

Neurotic love

A peculiar manifestation of love is a feeling on the part of a neurotic. He never gets enough attention. He resorts to any means to get what he wants, even scandals and intrigues. He strives for consolation, calmness and support from his partner, while he himself does not want to show willpower or demonstrate his abilities.

The neurotic wants everything to be the way he wants it. He concentrates exclusively on his desires, demanding that his partner fulfill them. If a partner is tired and wants to rest, then the neurotic perceives this as a lack of love for him.

A neurotic will never leave his partner alone. Loneliness makes him anxious, so he always wants to know and even be where his loved one is. He can harass you with calls and talk about empty topics. A neurotic is demanding and capricious, small and unhappy.

Only a codependent relationship is possible with a neurotic person, when one demands and takes, and the other fulfills and gives. If a neurotic is denied help or the realization of his desires, he will perceive this very painfully.

In love relationships, the neurotic constantly makes himself the victim. He presents himself as a defenseless and weak person, on whom not everything depends. It evokes feelings of guilt and pity in the partner. He may cry or suffer in front of his partner.

Being prone to anxiety, a neurotic always commits indiscriminate and obsessive actions.

On the one hand, he needs kindness, advice, and help.

On the other hand, he wants to make others happy. He can help, while inside he remains hostile, picky, and demanding.

He cannot sensibly evaluate his words and actions, which others may not like, which is why he does not understand their behavior. Thus, other people always remain to blame, and the neurotic himself simply considers himself misunderstood.

How to communicate with a neurotic?

In modern society, most people are neurotic. The prevalence of neuroticism makes the phenomenon normal. If you yourself have encountered a neurotic person, it will be interesting to know how to communicate with her. Follow these rules:

Don't teach a neurotic about life, it's useless.

Don't try to change his attitude towards anything. No arguments or reasons will help.

Do not prove that you are right, as you will only experience irritation. It is better to make decisions regarding a neurotic yourself, instantly and ruthlessly.

It is better to end a relationship with a neurotic person, if possible, since such a person can only absorb the energy of those around him, without being able to give it back. Next to a neurotic person, a healthy person will turn into a sick person. This is due to the fact that a neurotic person will commit actions (which cannot be changed) that will not be adequate and appropriate. And constant contact with a neurotic person will develop neurotic qualities in a healthy person.

Bottom line

The desire to receive understanding and support from other people, as well as the desire to command and control others, ultimately makes a person neurotic. In order not to develop neurotic qualities in yourself and not to aggravate your condition, you must not engage in increasing your importance, but focus on your own actions. What matters is what a person does, not what impression he makes or how people evaluate him. Focusing on oneself (one’s own strengths and actions) makes a person healthy, while focusing on the assessment and opinions of others turns a person into a neurotic.

When we talk about neurotics, we first of all imagine a subject who poisons the life of himself and those around him. He either moans and wrings his hands, then falls into hysteria, then hides in a corner and mourns his bitter fate, then tears out his hair. Usually we associate the concept of neurosis either with people of a subtle mental organization, such as: artists, poets, painters, or with dissolute individuals who do not know how to control themselves and are constantly in conflict with others - loved ones, colleagues, and just random people met through on the way to work or in the store.

So who can be neurotic? What is neurosis and how to deal with it? And how can you avoid becoming neurotic yourself? And if it so happens that we too have become part of this large army of people suffering and unable to cope with their condition and their emotions on their own, what should we do, where should we go for help?

What is neurosis and who are neurotics?

First of all, we note that neurosis is not a mental illness, but personality disorder, which can be cured at any stage. So, neurosis today is the most common neuropsychic disorder, which is protracted and, despite its reversibility, even after successful treatment, can cause relapses.

It seems that the definition of a neurotic was excellently given by Doctor of Philosophy E.V. Zolotukhina-Abolina: “Neurotics are... a whole army of variegated people who suffer mentally and, willingly or unwillingly, turn their lives and the lives of their loved ones into a good rehearsal for the underworld.”

There are three groups of people who may be neurotic:

People experiencing internal crisis(war, loss of a loved one, grief) who are not yet neurotic, but may well become one if they do not receive timely help
People who have psychological crisis associated with unhappy love, failed plans, and traumatic factors of varying severity. These are people who are disappointed in themselves and give up.
People with possible crises: puberty and old age. Here we are talking about hormonal changes, which can affect the emotional sphere.

Actually, the second group is neurotic. Or rather, those of us who were unable to cope with the internal crisis on our own. Of course, both representatives of the first and third groups can be neurotic if they are not given help in time or if they themselves cannot cope with their condition.

Formation and development of neuroses

Most often, neuroses are rooted in deep childhood and can be results of improper upbringing. Simply put, neurotics raise neurotics. The formation of a future neurotic often follows the following path from childhood:

The development of neurosis can be comparable to an avalanche or a chain reaction. Over the course of their lives, patients develop a system of values that does not correspond to the realities of life and their real needs. As a result, a person’s life can take the following path, the ending of which is very sad:

Wrong life attitudes.
Internal conflict.
Conflicts with the outside world and people.
Neuroses.
Psychosomatic diseases.
Trauma.
Alcoholism and (or) drug addiction.
Infectious diseases.
Malignant tumors.

Of course, things won’t necessarily go that far, but no neurotic can rule out the possibility of a worst-case scenario. The development of neuroses follows a vicious circle and has a long history of pre-illness.

Personality in the development of neurosis

Personality formation begins in early childhood. Freud argued that in the process of formation in early childhood, an attraction to a parent of the opposite sex arises in a child, which is repressed into the unconscious. It becomes a source of unconscious anxiety and anxiety, and if sublimation does not occur, neurotic symptoms arise.

Adler rejects Freud's claims and believes that early development is due to creative efforts. He declares that the basis for the formation of a neurotic is tension caused by the discrepancy between individual impressions and objective realities.

From the point of view of Karen Horney, improper upbringing causes basic anxiety in the child (a feeling of insecurity and vague anxiety), which over time develops into a basic conflict and leads to the formation of a neurotic personality.

Cognitive psychotherapy states that a person’s thoughts shape his mood, and calls frustrating thoughts maladaptive. They are the ones who contribute to the emergence of neurotics.

An interesting approach is that of Eric Berne, who introduced the concept of transactional analysis. He argues that the life path of a neurotic person is determined not by the demands of life, but by a “personal script.” Moreover, throughout his life, a neurotic, together with his communication partners, is in the triangle “Persecutor – Deliverer – Victim”, constantly moving from one position to another. He also introduced the concept of three personality states (I-states): Adult, Parent and Child.

Personality and psychopathological component of neurosis

The patient’s personal characteristics are closely related to psychopathology; when treating neurotics, it is wrong to underestimate the latter. Not all manifestations of neuroses are associated exclusively with psychological defense, therefore, treatment cannot be limited only to psychotherapeutic methods. The development of neuroses, especially protracted ones, is possible only if there are biological prerequisites, and moreover, it is subject to the laws of medicine.

Over time, the symptoms of neurosis are difficult to separate from personal characteristics. But with prolonged and severe neurotic conditions, the normal functioning of brain structures can be disrupted. This requires adding medication to psychotherapy.

Personality and somatovegetative component

Very often, a person is diagnosed with some kind of somatic disease, but the treatment carried out by a general practitioner gives only temporary relief - the disease returns again and again. This happens when the psychological component of the disease is ignored. Often allergies, gastrointestinal problems, and high blood pressure occur against the background of the patient’s neurosis.

No matter what treatment is prescribed for a neurotic patient, it is impossible to completely defeat the disease without the help of a psychologist or psychiatrist. And, on the contrary, if due attention is paid to neurotic manifestations, drug treatment of a somatic disease may not be required.

Personality and adaptation component

A neurotic is a person with impaired adaptation. There is biological and personal adaptation. Biological determined by genes, random and oriented processes. But genes determine only the boundaries within which individual properties can change.

Psychological adaptation allows a person to adapt to new circumstances by changing his behavior. A good example of adaptation is athletes. During the training process, the body adapts to the load: what previously required enormous effort becomes familiar over time.

Forms of neuroses

Neuroses are usually divided into three types:

Treatment of neuroses

The sooner a neurotic person seeks help, the easier it is to help him. You cannot forcefully cure a neurotic person; you can only make the situation worse.

The best results are obtained by psychotherapy together with the use of medications prescribed by a doctor depending on the course of the disease and the severity of the condition. Moreover, it is necessary to influence all four components of neurosis simultaneously.

In the initial stages of the development of neurosis, a person can try to help himself on his own. If the process has gone far enough, an experienced professional psychologist or even a psychiatrist is needed. In severe forms of neurosis, outpatient treatment methods are ineffective; it is necessary to go to the hospital.

Prevention of neuroses

Neurosis has a tendency to return if we remove the cause that causes it and continue to live as before. You need to change yourself, look at life in a new way. How to stop being neurotic? The following will help:

Personal growth - a person who has something to strive for is less likely to suffer from neuroses.
Find a job that brings you not only material, but also moral satisfaction, and achieve success.
Remember that you cannot control everything.
Communicate more.
Spend more time connecting with nature.
Visit a psychologist or psychotherapist regularly.
Fall in love - many great psychologists have argued that neurosis can be overcome by true love without any medications or doctors.

Psychological Aikido

Rostov psychologist and psychotherapist, candidate of medical sciences, corresponding member of the Russian Academy of Natural Sciences Mikhail Efimovich Litvak, based on the works of Eric Berne on transactional analysis, developed a concept called “psychological aikido”. It helps to get out of conflict situations with dignity, and over time, avoid them. Like real Aikido, psychological Aikido teaches you to use the opponent’s strength against him. This technique will help nip in the bud conflicts that arise at home and at work, and those that simply arise by chance in public places, without turning your opponent against you.

M.E. Litvak in 1982 organized the psychotherapeutic club CROSS (club of those who decided to master stressful situations), which not only works in various regions of Russia and the former Soviet republics, but also in more than two dozen countries in Europe and America. His book “Psychological Aikido” became a bestseller, went through several editions and sold millions of copies. It is written in clear language, with gentle humor and is an excellent guide for those who are tired of conflict and want to start living.

People with various psychological problems are not uncommon in the modern world, and there are a huge number of reasons for this. Not everyone knows who a neurotic is and how dangerous this condition is, much less how to help a person cope with the existing problem.

Who is this neurotic?

Many people mistakenly believe that neurosis is a mental illness, but in fact, it is a personality disorder and can be gotten rid of at any stage of the development of the problem. It is protracted and even with successful treatment, relapses are possible. A neurotic is an individual characterized by constant anxiety, emotional instability and low self-esteem. According to statistics, neuroticism as a personality type is the most common today. There are three groups of reasons that can cause a personality disorder:

An internal crisis, that is, a person who has experienced the loss of a loved one, war or other overwhelming event, can become neurotic.
A stressful situation and traumatic factors of varying severity, for example, or dismissal from work.
Hormonal changes in the body can trigger the occurrence of neurosis. This may occur during puberty or menopause.

Signs of a neurotic

There are a huge number of symptoms that may indicate. A neurotic is a character type that can be described by the following traits:

The presence of a huge number of phobias, and this applies even to quite banal things, for example, the fear of enjoying life.
Constantly expecting failure. Living in such a scenario in any case leads to disappointment.
If you ask people who a neurotic is, the popular answer will be “a loser,” since a person with such a disorder rarely achieves what he wants.
Denying the existence of a problem and suppressing aggression. If present, a person begins to project existing problems onto other people.

Neurotic woman

To notice whether a loved one has mental problems, you just need to observe him from the outside and analyze his behavior. There are a number of symptoms that indicate a neurotic disorder:

Irritation occurs from extraneous sounds, for example, from a pen knocking on a table or neighbors talking behind the wall. He wants to hide from everything in silence.
The desire to constantly go to extremes and the absence of a “golden mean”.
An underestimate does not provide the opportunity to achieve success in life, so people with a psychological disorder begin to take an interest in other people's lives.
When communicating with other people, neurotics constantly expect some kind of negativity.
A violation of one’s own desires occurs, for example, a person with a mental problem may start eating a lot or become a shopaholic.
Discussions on serious topics reveal naivety and stupidity.

Neurotic man

All the symptoms described earlier are also relevant for representatives of the stronger sex, and vice versa. When a mental disorder is present for a long time, physiological problems may arise.

sexual disorders;
neuroticism is also accompanied by dizziness;
blood pressure surges;
constant feeling of fatigue and insomnia;
fear of illness and panic about one's health.

Neurotics and psychotics - differences

Many people confuse these concepts and there are indeed many differences between them. Who these neurotics are has already been sorted out, and as for psychotics, these are people with a severe mental disorder, in which their activities differ significantly from the surrounding reality. Psychotics and neurotics behave strangely, but the former exhibit dangerous symptoms, for example, disorders of perception of the surrounding world, memory and thinking. There are different forms of psychosis: delusional, depressive, affective, alcoholic, hysterical and others.

How to deal with a neurotic person?

A meeting with a person with a mental disorder can happen at any time, and many people have similar personalities in their close circle, so it is important to know how to communicate with a neurotic person:

You should not try to verbally convince the patient that he has a problem; believe me, this is a thankless task that will not bring results.
The desire to show a neurotic the world from its good side, in most cases remains unanswered, since people with mental problems do not hear or perceive any arguments.
For those who are interested in how to manage a neurotic person, you need to know that it is important to act quickly and ruthlessly with such people. Persuasion will not work here, therefore, in order to make adjustments in the life of such a person, you will have to act against his will.

How to help a neurotic?

To achieve positive dynamics in treatment and really help the patient, you cannot do without the help of a specialist. A neurotic is a person with whom it is not so easy to find contact, and a psychologist, using various techniques, will be able to find the reason that provoked the problem.

The first step in therapy is to identify and eliminate negative factors that provoke neurotic reactions. Without normalizing living conditions, it is impossible to achieve progress in treatment.
At the second stage of therapy, obvious symptoms of neurosis are eliminated, which contributes to a more adequate perception of the world around us.
The main task of the specialist at the end of therapy is to activate him so that he returns to society and reacts normally to different life situations.

How to live as a neurotic?

A person with a personality disorder often faces a split personality, with the second “I” always acting against real desires and aspirations. It is important to recognize the problem and make a decision to get rid of the invisible shackles that prevent you from living and developing normally. A neurotic person must direct all his strength to overcome the internal contradictions of his condition. To get results, each person must develop a method of self-regulation for himself independently.

How to stop being neurotic?

Psychologists say that a person with a nervous disorder must learn to relieve tension. To hear yourself and your body, you need to free yourself from subconscious fears, complexes and stereotypes. The neurotic personality type can be rebuilt using the following relaxation exercises:

You need to learn to concentrate on yourself. To develop this feeling, you need to go to the wall and stand with your back against it at a distance of 10-15 cm. Relax and focus on your own condition. Close your eyes and start falling backwards.
To relieve nervous tension, you can start swinging and this method often works on an instinctive level. It is important to find your own rhythm.
It is recommended to keep a psychological diary, where you need to record your own feelings and changes occurring in your inner world. It is important to be aware of your own “I”, to understand values and relationships.
Continuing to find out who neurotics are and how to cope with the problem on your own, it is worth giving one more piece of advice: it is useful to regularly reflect on ideas, people, events, and also conduct an internal dialogue with yourself.

How not to raise a neurotic?

Many parents do not even suspect that by their actions they are harming their child, disturbing his psyche. It is important to know that a neurotic is a personality type that can be formed due to improper upbringing. To avoid mistakes, you need to consider the following tips:

You cannot focus only on achievements and especially on failures.
Parents should not ridicule their child for his actions or defects in appearance.
Explain your decisions and answer all questions. The child must understand the situation and draw conclusions about what is good and what is bad. Phrases like “behave well” or “don’t act stupid” should be excluded, and it is better to give the child an explanation.
Many parents, unwittingly, form phobias in their children. You can’t create fear by saying that a policeman or Baba Yaga will come. Experts do not recommend using the phrases: “stop whining” or “don’t be a coward.”
A neurotic character can be cultivated by instilling in a child the idea that people are all bad and that good deeds should not be expected from them. Many mothers often use the phrase “all men are assholes” with their daughters.

Books for neurotics

There is various literature on this topic in which you can find useful information.

"With neurosis through life" A. Kurpatov. The author talks about who a neurotic is and how a person destroys his own life. Having understood the existing problems, it will be much easier to change your life.
"Neurosis and Personality Growth" K. Horney. This book describes in detail and in accessible language who a neurotic is and his inner world, as well as the development and treatment of such a personality disorder.
"Family Romance of Neurotics" Z. Freud. This book contains several works of a psychiatrist, which at one time shocked the public and became classics of psychoanalysis.