Why do people have envy? Envious people - statements of great people. Unlike philosophy, in psychoanalysis there are no categories of “good” and “bad” feelings

Envy eats a person, and this does not depend on whether he emits it or receives it. This feeling turns friends into enemies, breaks relationships, and spoils psychological health. There is no need to envy, and envious people should be avoided. We will talk further about what envy is and what you should be afraid of.

Envy, like jealousy, is the worst quality of the human soul. Even in the Bible, envy is mentioned as one of the deadly sins. And this is no coincidence: it can lead to tragic consequences.

Envy dooms a person to loneliness!

Envious people, realizing that everyone around them is richer and happier, fence themselves off from society in order to get rid of their inferiority complex. Sometimes they show their feelings to others and they, in turn, do not want to communicate with such people. Envy does not attract, it repels.

How does envy affect a person psychologically?

What effect does envy have on a person?

First of all, it interferes with life. The time you spend worrying about other people's achievements could be used wisely for your own benefit. Because of envy, a person stops developing and gushing with ideas that could lead him to success.

Envy is the cause of many bad deeds and even crimes. Hatred, meanness, aggression - all these feelings go hand in hand with envy, and may well result in a terrible act - theft or murder.

Envy dooms a person to loneliness. Envious people, realizing that everyone around them is richer and happier, fence themselves off from society in order to get rid of their inferiority complex. Sometimes they show their feelings to others and they, in turn, do not want to communicate with such people. Envy does not attract, it repels.

How to get rid of envy of people

What to do if you constantly feel jealous of other people? You can get rid of this harmful feeling quite successfully. First of all, you need to understand that we are all different - in appearance, in social status, in mental abilities. This will be the key to success in getting rid of the problem. To avoid serious consequences, you need to try to avoid envious thoughts and switch to achieving some results. And one more thing: learn to be happy for other people. Before you envy someone, it is better to take an example from this person and try to achieve your goals - no less important and significant.

How does envy manifest in people?

It is necessary to avoid envious people in your environment, as they will attract negativity towards you. But to do this you need to learn to recognize such individuals. How to determine if a person has envy? There are several important points to pay attention to.

If a person's mood deteriorates in your presence, most likely he is jealous. You need to pay attention to his reaction during the conversation. If he reacts irritably to your remarks, makes evil jokes - this is envy.
If your friend has stopped complimenting you (this applies more to girls) - this is also a sign of envy.
If a person does not react when you talk about your successes and puts on a mask of indifference, he may also have a negative attitude towards you.
Another sign of envy is copying your gestures, style, habits.

Some people directly say that they are jealous. Even if you think they are not joking, take a closer look. Perhaps this is not a joke at all, this person really shows envy towards you. Be careful!

It turns out that if you yourself are jealous, then it’s not difficult to understand. But recognizing the envy of a friend, colleague, or relative is extremely difficult. After all, we all understand perfectly well that an open smile with all 32 teeth is not yet sincere joy for our successes. It's true? Perhaps this is not a smile at all, but a real grin of envy. Let's figure out how to recognize envy, how to understand that other people envy you. What people? Yes, anyone: girlfriends, friends, neighbors, colleagues, relatives, etc.

How to understand that they envy you: 8 signs that allow you to recognize envy

Do you feel like someone is jealous of you and your family? Want to know how to recognize a friend's envy? It's simple.

You can understand that other women and men are jealous of you by the following signs:

False praise. Expect the first compliments from the envious person, both on business and without. But behind your back he will belittle you. There are no limits to the pretense of such a person.
Boasting. Yes, envious people tend to talk about their successes left and right. They often exaggerate their own achievements. As soon as triumph overtakes you, expect that the envious person will immediately begin to advertise his personal successes.
Downplaying your victories. Unfortunately, people who feel envy will actually say that you are not good enough at what you do, that your success is an accident.
Imitation. When less successful people want to be like their idols, they, as a rule, begin to copy their habits, behavior, manner of speaking, and dressing down to the last detail. If you notice that someone is trying to imitate you, know that he is simply jealous of you.
Rivalry. Insecure people, like people with high self-esteem, are prone to competition. They will often fight with you for no reason or no reason.
Criticism without reason. Just as soon as you buy a new car, you hear from a friend that you are a bad driver. A new luxurious dress will not suit you, and a rich admirer will instantly turn into a bandit.
Ignoring. Complete disregard is to be expected from someone who really can't stand your success anymore. A frank heart-to-heart conversation will not work here. Recognizing envy in this case is not difficult, since envious people simply do not know how to rejoice at the achievements of others.
Gossip. Discussing all your shortcomings and mistakes is a favorite thing for envious people. Sometimes you can learn the most terrible and offensive words about yourself. Alas, envy goes hand in hand with gossip.

After reading these tips, you learned how to understand that other women, men, strangers and relatives envy you. You can check this information in practice.

How to understand that other women are jealous of you. How to recognize a friend's envy.

How to recognize the envy of a friend, how to understand that they envy you

Do you want to have a complete understanding of how to recognize the envy of a friend or other loved one? Well, in this case, conduct an interesting experiment and you can understand whether they envy you or not. Tell us about your next amazing success. And look at the reaction. This way you can easily recognize your friend’s envy.

Rest assured, a loved one does not envy you if:

sincerely rejoices at success (you will feel it);
expresses positive emotions;
does not look away;
does not put on a mask of indifference;
gives real compliments;
doesn't tease;
does not reproach;
does not give in to mood changes in a bad direction.

This list of “symptoms” of envy can be correlated with your behavior. If you do NOT do any of the above, it means that envy has reached you. Don't give in to such destructive feelings. Learn to deal with it, because a sinful feeling can eat away from the inside so much that you don’t want to live. And the most interesting thing is that envy is a completely meaningless phenomenon.

What to do if they envy you?

It is easy to recognize the envy of a friend, sister, mother, aunt and representatives of the stronger half. Anyone can understand that they envy you. Another question: what to do with other people's envy.

If a person really doesn’t like you very much, if you feel his disdain, the reason for which is envy, then it’s better to cut him out of your life. Remember that, your life. The question is, why do you need extra negativity?

If it is impossible or you don’t want to remove an envious person from your life, you can reprimand him properly. But this will not give the desired results. But a positive, peaceful, calm attitude will definitely benefit both you and the one who suffers from envy. You understand perfectly well that weak people who need psychological help are jealous. Your moralizing and unnecessary hassle will not help solve the problem.

What to do when a person says that he is jealous in a white way? At the very least, you should be wary. After all, white envy differs from black envy only in awareness. The lines between them are very thin.

How to understand that other women are jealous of you. How to recognize a friend's envy.

Do you know how to understand that they envy you, how to recognize the envy of a friend or relative? Share your thoughts in the comments.

We are accustomed to viewing envy as a feeling that discredits a person, as a kind of soul-corroding circumstance of an impartial black color. “Envy is a passive state, and it is not surprising that it later develops into hatred.” - wrote Goethe, without even suspecting that he was paving the way for a rather one-sided conspiracy theory against one’s own personality, because by completely depriving ourselves of the ability to envy, we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to move forward.

So who is this individual who believes that he has much less than he could have - an enemy lurking around the corner, an unhappy person or an understimulated individual?

What is envy

The word “envy” itself comes from the common Slavic “to see”, somewhat modified in the intermediate state into “envy”. Seeing what you don’t have, and what, perhaps, is not really needed, but since someone has it, it means you should have it too - this is the most impartial definition of envy. There are others who, in the beautiful style of the Russian language, describe the entire baseness of harmful self-criticism, and not a single one considers the concept of envy as a variant of the triggering mechanism that provokes achievements. However, no - otherwise, if not in a positive way, our classic Pushkin says about it: “Envy is a competition, so it’s definitely of a good kind.”

So, an envious person - who is he?

Causes and Effects

To understand what envy is hidden at the root of our actions, you just need to remember the mental context of the decision that prompted you to take this or that action. Envying your neighbor’s beautiful car and finding a second job so that you can afford no worse is good, but setting your eyes on a colleague’s expensive watch and discussing the origins of such a disproportionate purchase with others behind his back - allow yourself to express a black feeling. It is unlikely that an adequate adult will admit that he was driven by black envy, and certainly someone caught by surprise will try to justify himself in uncontrollable emotions, but are our desires really beyond our control?

How envy is born

Every human desire, before reaching an attempt to translate into action, goes through several stages. At the first stage, the soul-piercing “I want the same” can disappear without a trace in everyday issues and remain unrealized.

At the second stage, desire is achieved only by repeatedly voicing a “sick” topic or endlessly flashing before the eyes of the “desired”. A person who has more reason than emotions, and at this stage will be able to pull himself together and not enter into reasoning with himself “if only, but if only.”

Another thing is that he is a weak personality, initially an envious person, accustomed to giving freedom to empty fantasies, a sort of “Judas” Porfishka Golovlev. In his dreams, this guy will become a general and conquer half the world, but in reality he will draw devils in the fields in a tattered robe. Dealing with such a person is not so much dangerous as it is unpleasant. Actually, embodied hypocritical fantasy is already a transition to the third, extreme stage of envy, which cannot be called anything other than deeply black.

Shades of black are also endowed with such unpleasant “resulting” actions as gossip, petty dirty tricks, false emotionality - all these are clear indicators of when the feeling of envy is entirely built on the false idea that it will still not be possible to achieve what you want.

Another branch of the third stage of the state of envy is the search for a solution to make a dream come true. Of course, there may be negative aspects here too, because in order to get what you want, you can steal it, take it away, sue, and beg, but it will still be a dynamic, albeit in a negative way. Ideally, the stage preceding the action should encourage healthy competition, as A. S. Pushkin voiced in his statement about envious people.

Examples of such envy, translated into action and leading to achievements, can be observed at every step - a politician who rose from the middle class of society, an entrepreneur who built a million-dollar business, starting with the sale of newspapers in the transition, a housewife who wrote a book that became a bestseller. It’s hard to believe, but each of these undertakings was once nothing more than someone’s “I want,” which then became “I can,” and only then “I will do.”

Black and white

Before conditionally separating such concepts as white envy and black envy, let us make a reservation right away that there is no such thing as a feeling of envy painted in light colors. Even if a person achieves something in life not out of his own passion for imitating someone else’s success, he definitely does it in order to evoke this passion in other people or someone in particular. M. Twain characterized this turn of events with his characteristic directness: “If in order to achieve love, a person is ready to do anything, then in order to arouse envy, he will do anything.”

So, envy is the main driver of almost any achievement in the life of an individual, and it does not matter whether it is by nature or due to isolated circumstances. But you don’t want to admit to a bad feeling when you sincerely believe that you are following your path with pure intentions! This is where the term “white envy” comes to the rescue.

White envy - does it exist?

In other words: “I desperately need all the best that you have, but since I am a good person, I am not angry with you for the fact that you already have all this, and I don’t.”

Thinking this way and remembering that he is a good, envious person can even casually admit his “white” feeling - certainly with pathos and a wide smile. But this is not because the confession will be sincere, but because envy is so strong that it is no longer possible to hide it other than to disguise it as admiration for someone else’s luck. In general, words of this kind coming out are a very good sign for the interlocutor. By comparing the wild and inappropriate joy over someone else’s success with body language, which will be discussed later, an intelligent person will understand that it is better to stay away from such a “well-wisher”.

An envious person, but at the same time drawing the right conclusions (“yes, he bought a good car, but that’s because he works not 8 hours a day like me, but 16”), will not rush to cross the lucky person with congratulations of an ambiguous nature, and will not discuss the event with others. He will react with guarded sincerity and will try to do everything possible to repeat the triumph of his comrade. This factor, if you really want to give it a stamp, can be called “white envy.”

How to recognize an envious person by gestures

“Envy was born before us” is an old folk wisdom that very correctly reveals another important truth - being our “dowry” by default, just like the ability to laugh or cry, the need to envy is hidden very deeply in the human essence. You can learn to control it and even almost completely get rid of it, but at the moment when the insidious feeling has already taken possession of you, it is almost impossible to control it. It is easy to recognize an envious person just at the moment when all his harsh negativity is brought down on his interlocutor by non-verbal signs. For those who don’t know, in psychology nonverbal is body language that has nothing to do with oral speech.

His whole body can work against an envious person, so it is important to compare several signals at once so as not to mistake simple boredom or hostility for a bad feeling, which do not always mean that the person is envious. Another thing is feigned boredom, and hostility hidden under a smile, but more on that below.

So, people envy you if:

the interlocutor shows with all his might how bored he is and, while they are telling him about someone’s successes, he lazily turns in his chair, looks around and even yawns;
the interlocutor cannot keep his gaze on you - his eyes endlessly “run away” and eventually turn into narrow slits;
thin folds run from the eyebrows or sub-brow part of the interlocutor’s face to the back of the nose - such a facial picture means the highest degree of contempt and embarrassment at the same time;
the person opposite smiles, but in such a way that the smile seems forced on the face or unevenly glued;
the body of the interlocutor sitting on a chair is tilted in your direction, and the lower part of the torso is unnaturally tense.

Hands are a very revealing part of the body in terms of non-verbal communication, but in the case of an envious person, signs on the face are much easier to decipher. At moments of maximum outburst of negativity, the person opposite can clench his fists, but he can also hang them lifelessly, so try to focus attention on undeniable signals, and add additional signs to the existing picture.

How to prevent an envious person from ruining your life

Even knowing in advance from whom one should not accept assurances of sincere affection, it is not always possible to completely exclude a given individual from one’s social circle. It could be a manager or work colleague, a close relative, a business partner - that is, a person who is aware of your mutual dependence on each other and this makes him even more annoying.

Involuntarily, having found himself involved in this game, the person who inspired envy may begin to feel irritated and display all the same unpleasant behavioral traits as envious people. How to protect yourself from this? First of all, do not allow yourself to be manipulated, that is, do not accept the imposed rules of the game:

do not allow your achievements to be belittled;
do not respond to reproaches, nagging and petty remarks, even if they come from superiors;
in any situation in which the quality of your work is publicly questioned, be able to counter this with icy calm and iron arguments that this is not so;
Never make excuses - black envy is typical because it makes a person feel inferior and casts doubt on the justice of his victories.

It is best to observe people's behavior after you have shared the good news with them, and then the envious person will immediately reveal himself. Even if he radiated joy during the conversation, after the conversation his mood will worsen, he will become boring and taciturn. And if the object of your pride is obvious, for example, new clothes, a child’s toy, expensive kitchen utensils, the envious person will try to “not notice” it as much as possible, showing with all his appearance that such phenomena are commonplace for him.

At the end of the subtopic about how to prevent someone else’s insolvency from controlling you, it is appropriate to quote a quote about envious people from Bernard Shaw himself, that “envy is the best form of recognition of all possible.” This means that you will always remain head and shoulders above the one who tilted his head, looking at the fragments of his broken possibilities.

Women's envy

For the most part, this feeling in women is directed towards family success or financial well-being, and the woman almost does not think about money itself, but desperately dreams of what she could realize with the missing amounts. A friend's successful marriage, the birth of children in someone else's family, a significant purchase in the life of someone from her circle - this is the main list of reasons for a woman's mental torment, although it is far from exhaustive. People may envy their children’s health, beauty, success, and ability to do everything.

The main problem with female envy is the influx of impulsive thinking. That is, in those moments when the unpleasant feeling in her intensifies, you can expect anything from the envious woman - from the rapid spread of gossip behind her back to actions directed against the health or even the life of the one who is negatively directed at.

Often, having cooled down after the surging hatred, a woman begins to repent of what she has done and less often tries to correct the situation. But this should not serve as a reason for approaching a person who has already shown himself in a similar way once, since envy, already launched and having sufficient nourishment, is ineradicable. By allowing an envious woman into your environment, you will only give her the opportunity to hurt you at close range.

By the way, envy on the part of a woman may be unconscious, but here the “lucky” woman exposed to attack must show vigilance. If she notices that her habit of dressing, styling her hair, and manner of communicating find a second embodiment in a stranger, this is already a reason to think. Also, the envious woman, without even realizing it, will try in every possible way to prick the “object”, to bring out emotions.

The best way to get yourself out of the “firing zone” is to not react to bullets whizzing overhead. Women whose attacks are ignored very quickly leave their rivals and switch to someone else.

Men's envy

For a man, the subject of envy is often external status and the ability to realize all his capabilities through his own means. Maybe a man is simply jealous of money - a common occurrence when the amount he has accumulated with difficulty lies completely intact for a long time, since men simply enjoy the feeling of their wealth and suffer cruelly when they are forced to spend it.

The average guy rarely allows himself in his dreams to step over more than one or two steps of the social level, since the lives and successes of people located beyond the visible space reach him as if from another world. Most men have a mental bar, beyond which they do not allow themselves to fantasize until they reach it, but having reached it, they often calm down and reap the fruits of their labors for the rest of their lives.

Large businessmen and politicians are rather the exception to the rule, so there are much fewer of them than owners of small retail outlets or managers of small industries. The law of the “blind spot” applies here - having reached the level previously set for themselves, most men cease to see the prospects ahead of them, but begin to ennoble and push the boundaries in breadth, expanding the comfort zone, but without transgressing it.

Amulet against envy

Forming a protective shell around yourself, through which the corrosive scab of someone else’s negativity cannot break through, is a task more of a psycho-emotional level than a mystical one. However, no one is forbidden to borrow part of the power from the energy space, which can only be connected to by sincerely believing in it. Manipulations to create personal talismans are intended for these purposes.

It is not without reason that the creation of such a man-made amulet involves many stages. While a person is making a talisman, he tunes in to the frequency of his own intention to get rid of the problem and, as he follows certain rituals, he seems to cultivate in himself a firm confidence that the resulting product will take him under its protection.

First of all, the material from which the amulet will be made from envious people is selected. To ensure that it best suits its purpose, let it be a tree that suits you according to your Druid horoscope or a stone according to your zodiac relationship. If the material is plastic, runic symbols are applied to it, while simultaneously pronouncing a prayer appropriate for the occasion (the “algiz” sign is suitable). Then the talisman is sewn into a canvas or leather bag and is constantly carried with you, feeding from the body and giving confidence in protection from bad people.

“Envy was born before us” and will not die with us - this can be continued. So in the fight against this invisible enemy, it is better not to forget that each of us can find ourselves on one or the other side of this feeling. This means that not losing faith in your own strength and perceiving other people’s achievements as an opportunity for your own growth is the only real way to defeat the envious person both in yourself and in the person next to you.

One of the most powerful human emotions is envy. Often it becomes the cause of discord, all sorts of intrigues and even attempts to harm the “lucky one”. There are records of envious people in the chronicles of ancient times. It seems that it has existed as long as man himself.

All religions of the world condemn envy. Morality tells us the same thing: every person knows that envy is not good. However, this insidious emotion arises unnoticed. One has only to give her freedom, and she can take possession of a person.

Is envy harmful?

Many people are afraid of envious people, believing that they can cause harm with their negative energy. They are even looking for some kind of conspiracies and prayers. But the truth is that it is primarily the one who experiences it that suffers. Envious people find themselves trapped in their own thoughts and emotions. First of all, this is a demonstration of weakness and insolvency.

Manifestations of envy:

A person speaks unflatteringly about those who have achieved something, downplaying these achievements, attributing bad motives and dishonest actions. If you bought a house, that means you stole money. Received an award - friends helped, married a beauty - she only needs money, etc. Envious people can’t bear to accept other people’s successes. It seems to them that they are the most worthy, and luck unfairly smiles on others.
Often becomes the cause of gossip. When experiencing anger and irritation, an envious person can invent fables, often even sincerely believing in them.
An envious person can do minor dirty tricks “out of spite,” turn others against you, and speak disrespectfully.
In the most severe cases, it turns into persistent hostility or even hatred.

Paying attention to all these “attacks” can really ruin your nerves. Although, most likely, it is useless to prove anything to such an envious person, trying to reason with him. You can, of course, try and explain that he is making a mistake and is behaving ugly. But the best decision is to simply not pay attention, to leave stupid accusations unanswered. You should not humiliate your dignity by trying to justify yourself. Acquaintances are also not stupid people and are able to distinguish lies from the truth.

How to stop envying people: psychology of thinking

To get rid of this unpleasant emotion, you need to understand its original source. Envy is caused by a feeling of injustice. It seems to you that someone got what you deserve. You shouldn't give in to such thoughts. They blind and deprive you of joy. You should be happy about your own achievements.
If you are not happy with something in life, take active action and change the situation for the better. Then there will simply be no time left to envy.
Learn to be content and grateful for what you have. After all, it is the feeling of dissatisfaction that becomes the basis of envy, which can seriously ruin your nerves and even relationships with others.
Direct your energy in a positive direction, let this force become creative. Life will be filled with new achievements that you can be proud of, and not even a trace of envy will remain.
To stop envying people, you need to focus on your own life, actively engage in interesting,

Envy is one of the seven deadly sins. To be honest, the one who experiences this feeling is not happy with his condition: he sleeps poorly, his stomach is rumbling, and his heart is beating with anger. And all thoughts are filled only with the fact that someone has something better than him. How do you know if they envy you? Don’t hope that the open smile of those around you speaks of joy for your successes - rather, it is an evil grin of envy, and they are ready to devour you for your success with all its giblets.

Signs of “black” envy

All “troubles” begin with the arrival of your successes. With your difficulties and problems, no one is interested in you - they sympathize with you, give you “practical” advice, but nothing more. But as soon as you climb the career ladder or get an awesome groom, that’s it, you’re in. Now learn to read by facial expressions and intonation how people feel about your successes, and figure out which of them is the envious person.

Gossip out of the blue

Surprisingly, they usually come not from fierce enemies, but from that person with whom you were once “on an equal footing” and you communicated well with him. Like, if you get a promotion, then it’s clear where you earned it. And, of course, you bewitched the eligible groom, because you are in no way worthy of him.

Smile-grin

To more accurately explain this point, it is better to give an example from life. Tonya came to work with a new diamond ring. I showed it to a colleague sitting next to me. A thousand emotions were displayed on her face in one second, but pulling herself together, the colleague put on a crooked smile and muttered through her teeth: “I’m happy for you.”

Unreasonable criticism

You have a new car - envious people will definitely tell you that you drive poorly, and soon you will definitely ruin the car. A chic dress - well, of course “it doesn’t suit you.” A rich admirer - in the eyes of envious people, he will turn into a “swindler” who will “cheat and abandon” and at the same time “rip you off like a stick.” There are even more such examples in the article.

Complete ignore

A recent “friend”, who was filled to the brim with a feeling of envy of your success, tries in every possible way to avoid you. Moreover, a frank conversation with an envious person does not go well - he simply does not know how to enjoy other people’s successes, and his stomach rumbles at night and his heart pounds at the sight of you. It’s not possible for him to say directly that he is jealous; another sin gets in the way – pride.

Is there such a thing as “white” envy, or does the same blackness lurk under the light veil? By the way, indeed, there are people absolutely devoid of feelings of envy, but in order to determine this, you must first test the person. So, are you completely busy with your business? Try to have fun, and pay attention to the reaction of each person.

Friends, it would seem, rejoice at your successes, happily treat themselves to your “master’s” table, they say that they have white envy of you, and you are their incentive and role model. Now suddenly “become poorer” and ask someone for a loan with a long deferment. Those who were crushed by the “black toad” will disappear instantly, while they will gloat. And only the person who gave the loan was truly envious “in white”.

Come to a party in a stunning dress and the envy of others will be obvious. Those who look you up and down, criticize and mutter something “good” through their teeth are eliminated right away. And only the person who has a sincerely admiring look at you can be called “white.” It is he who will emphasize in front of everyone how this dress suits your figure, how it harmonizes with the color of your eyes, and so on.

It is the person who does not complain about his life, silently reproaching your merits, that is the bright “envious person”. He will be keenly interested in the details of your successes, will never talk about any “dirt” about you on the side, and will never whine that everything is awry for him.

Fragment from the film "Mask"

arrow_left Fragment from the film "Mask"

From the world of mysticism

Envy is sometimes perceived as the evil eye or damage. And indeed, it’s worth rising a little higher than others, boasting, and suddenly everything goes wrong: the business falls apart, the groom disappears. Is this dark forces, or a pattern?

It’s hard to imagine that an envious person would go to grandma, pay his money and go under your door to bury a dead rat. But how to understand such a negative alignment? These are really the machinations of envious people, only without any mysticism. But as?

Gossip - they really do their dirty deeds: having reached a person important to you in a distorted form, they can influence some decision in your favor.

An unkind look is psychologically suppressive, and it is difficult to get rid of the feeling of discomfort for a long time.

Criticism - indeed, after it you begin to feel insecure behind the wheel or in a chic dress.

And yet - one main piece of advice: you need to rejoice at your successes with your mouth closed. Others know less about them - they sleep better without rumbling in the stomach and rapid heartbeat. Yes, and they themselves should be envied in silence, because anger is also one of the seven deadly sins.