How to calm someone who has lost a loved one. What to say to someone who has lost a loved one

An old proverb says that joy shared is double joy, and sorrow shared is half sorrow. Psychologist at the Orthodox Center for Crisis Psychology at the Church of the Resurrection of Christ at the former Semyonovsky cemetery Svetlana Furaeva tells how to help a grieving person share his grief.

Faced with the grief of others, many want not just to express condolences, but to do something to help the grieving person, and very often they are faced with a refusal to help. Why is this happening?

The fact is that a person who wants to help is not always able to determine “on the spot” what exactly the grieving person needs right now. Therefore, the chosen behavioral strategies often turn out to be ineffective. Instead of realizing that I could be useful, there is resentment that “I am with all my heart... and he (she) is ungrateful...”

And what to do in such a situation?

First of all, show sensitivity. Help is accepted only when it matches the needs of the person in need. Therefore, it is necessary to assess the state of the grieving person, try to understand what he needs most now - peace, conversation, practical help with the housework, just sit next to him and be silent or help give vent to his tears. To better understand what happens to the griever, let’s look at what the grieving process looks like over time.

First stage - shock and denial of loss. Even if the deceased had been ill for a long time, and the doctors’ prognosis was disappointing, the message of death is unexpected for most people. In a state of shock, a person seems to be stunned by the news, acts “automatically”, and has lost full contact with himself and with the world around him. People who have experienced this state describe it as “it was like in a dream,” “it was like it wasn’t with me,” “I didn’t feel anything,” “I didn’t believe what happened, it’s not true.” This reaction is caused by the deepest shock from the news, and the psyche turns on a kind of braking mechanism, protecting the person from severe mental pain.

Second phase - anger and resentment. The grieving person “replays” the situation in his head over and over again, and the more he thinks about his misfortune, the more questions he has. The loss is accepted and realized, but the person cannot come to terms with it. A search is underway for the reasons for what happened and alternative courses of action. Resentment and anger can be directed at oneself, fate, God, doctors, relatives, friends. The decision “who is to blame” is not rational, but rather emotional, which can lead to mutual resentment in the family.

Next stage - guilt and obsessive thoughts. The grieving person begins to think that if he had treated the deceased differently, acted, thought, spoken, then the death could have been prevented. The situation is played out repeatedly in various versions. These are very destructive feelings that certainly need to be overcome.

Fourth stage – suffering and depression. Mental suffering accompanies all previous stages of grief, but at this stage it reaches its peak, overshadowing all other feelings. Grief, like waves, will rush in and then recede a little. And during this period, a person experiences maximum mental pain, this is the “ninth wave” of grief. People experience this period in very different ways. Some people become very sensitive and cry a lot, while others, on the contrary, try not to show emotions and withdraw into themselves. Signs of depression appear - apathy, depression, a feeling of hopelessness, the person feels helpless, the meaning of life without the deceased is lost. At this stage, chronic diseases may worsen as the person stops taking care of his needs. There are disturbances in sleep and wakefulness, lack of appetite, or excessive food consumption. At this stage, some grievers begin to abuse alcohol or drugs.

Fortunately, this period comes to an end, and the next one begins - adoption and reorganization. There is an emotional acceptance of the loss, the person begins to improve his life in the present. At this stage, life (no longer without the deceased) regains its value. Plans for the future are rearranged, the deceased ceases to appear in them, and new goals appear. This does not mean at all that the deceased is forgotten. On the contrary, memories of him do not leave the grieving person, their emotional coloring simply changes. The deceased still has a place in the heart, but memories of him do not lead to suffering, but are accompanied by sadness or sadness. Often a person finds support in the memories of the deceased.

How long do these periods last? And is it possible to help a grieving person overcome them faster?

The duration of grief is very individual. The grieving process is not linear; a person can return to some stage and relive it again. But there is no need to rush the grieving person. We don’t force a newborn to walk or a first-grader to solve quantum physics problems. In the experience of grief, what is more important is not its duration, but the progress that occurs in the grieving person. I specifically took the time to look at the stages of grief to show that all feelings and reactions to the loss experienced by the grieving person are normal. Accepting these feelings, understanding them and supporting the grieving person at every stage is the very help that will help overcome grief. It is very important to turn to specialists if a person is “stuck” at some stage and there is no positive dynamics.

What should you not do to avoid being refused help?

One of the most common mistakes that loved ones make is a lack of empathy. This can manifest itself in a variety of reactions - from reluctance to talk about the deceased to advice to “strengthen and hold on.” This is, as a rule, not due to the spiritual callousness of loved ones, but to the manifestation of psychological defense. After all, other people’s emotions are reflected in a person’s condition, besides, loved ones also grieve for the deceased, they are also vulnerable at this moment.

Phrases like “he’s better there”, “well, he’s worn out” if the person has been seriously ill for a long time and “now you’ll feel better, you don’t need to look after” have a negative impact on those grieving.

Another common mistake is to devalue the bitterness of loss by comparing it with the losses of other people. “My grandmother was 80 and lived happily, but my neighbor’s daughter died at 25...”, etc. Grief is individual, and there is no way to determine the value of a loss by comparison.

When emotions are strongly expressed, there is no need to talk to the grieving person about how others feel about this. This also applies to the individual characteristics of grief.

You should not talk to a grieving person about the future, because he is grieving here and now. Moreover, you should not paint a bright future when a person is experiencing strong emotions. “You’re still young, you’ll get married,” “you’ll have another child, you’ll have everything ahead of you.” Such “consolations” can provoke an outburst of anger and seriously damage relationships.

So what should you do to support a person in grief?

Firstly, you need set yourself up. We talked about the need to show sensitivity to the grieving person. It is very important. Help is always objective, that is, aimed at someone. The discrepancy between the needs of the grieving person and the helping person’s understanding of what is right and what is wrong, as a rule, complicates the situation. Therefore, you need to be intuitive, have a good feel for what can be useful. Then a psychological adjustment occurs, empathy begins. Naturally, intuitive feeling should not interfere with sober thinking and logic, which are especially important in crisis situations.

Secondly, help should be offered. Perhaps the person at the moment does not want to accept help from anyone, or wants to be supported by another person. Perhaps he is simply experiencing shock and is not able to assess the situation right now. That's why the offer of assistance must be specific. Instead of “How can I help you?”, you should ask: “Do you need groceries?”, “Do you want me to babysit?”, “Maybe I can stay with you at night?”. I will also note that in Russia until the 90s, the principles of raising girls were based on the formation of the style of behavior “stop a galloping horse, enter a burning hut.” And now these women are not able to accept help, not because they do not need it, but because they simply do not understand and do not know how to do it, and the very word “help” directed at them can be a psychological taboo. Simply saying “let me help” will cause misunderstanding. But the specific action that the helper is ready to do can bypass this stereotype of power.

Besides, the offer of help must be real. Offer something you can actually do. It often happens that a grieving person gives up everything just to “get everything back,” and this is the only thing that cannot be done. You should not follow the lead of the grieving person by turning to the occult and spiritualism. This will only bring harm, dragging the soul of a grieving person into the pool, prolonging the period of grief, entertaining illusory, unrealistic hopes.

Preferably don't leave someone grieving alone, be with him. If this is not possible, you should try to organize a “remote presence” using modern communication tools. It's better if it's a live conversation. In a conversation, you should try to avoid general questions “how are you?”, “How are you?”, replacing them with specific ones “were you able to sleep today?”, “What did you eat?”, “Did you cry today?” and so on. This will help identify the problems that the grieving person is currently facing and help cope with them.

It is very important to force yourself listen to the grieving. Not only what you want to hear, but everything that a person experiencing grief will say. And you need to say a lot to those who are grieving. By speaking out their thoughts and feelings, they live through their grief, gradually freeing themselves from suffering. Sometimes you don't have to answer, especially if you don't know what to say. The main thing is to be sincere. Do not create taboo topics, give the opportunity to say everything that is on your heart.

Being sincere about a grieving person helps accept him and his grief. Unconditionally, as a person is now - weak, vulnerable, unhappy, ugly from experiences. Completely. There is no need to force him to be strong, to hold back his tears, or to try to cheer him up. A person must know and feel that he is dear to his loved ones and in such a state that he is allowed to grieve and be weak.

Need to be patient. Some emotional outbursts of the grieving person may be directed at the people around him, and there may be a manifestation of anger and irritation towards the living. This behavior is a manifestation of powerlessness to change the situation. We need to be understanding about this. And, as we have already said, grief has no temporary s x boundaries. You cannot “hurry up” the grieving, or limit their mourning to a certain period. It is more important to understand whether there is progress or not.

For those who are grieving, it is important when they memories of the deceased are supported and encouraged. This takes time and patience, because the memories will be replayed many times, and all about the same thing, causing new attacks of tears and grief. But memories are necessary, they help to accept the situation. Repeatedly reproduced memories become less and less painful, a person begins to draw strength from them to live today.

Necessary help grieving adapt to a new social and living situation. Not to perform for him the functions that the deceased previously performed, but to help him learn to act independently. Otherwise, when for some reason you cannot help do something, the grieving person will again feel unhappy, abandoned, abandoned, and a new round of grief is possible.

It is advisable to try in advance prepare for significant dates for the grieving person. Holidays, anniversaries - all this causes new emotions of grief, because now they pass differently, without the deceased. Perhaps just thoughts about the upcoming date will plunge a grieving person into despair. It is better if someone is with the grieving person these days.

And, of course, you need look after your own health, both physically and emotionally. After all, otherwise a person will not be able to fully help another. In illness or during periods of overwork, we become more susceptible, irritable, and can accidentally injure an already unhappy person. If there is an understanding that there are now not enough resources to support another, there is no need to avoid him, it is better to openly, but delicately, explain that now there is no way to carry on a conversation or come. To prevent the grieving person from feeling abandoned and offended, you need to promise him a meeting or a phone call when you have strength and health. And be sure to keep this promise.

Great support is provided to both those helping and those grieving articles about grief posted on our website Memoriam.Ru. Unfortunately, the emotions experienced by people during periods of acute grief do not allow them to realize the benefits of these materials, but those who want to help their loved ones can cope with reading. The site already has answers to all the questions that arise for both those grieving and their loved ones. How to cope with the death of a loved one? How to help a grieving person? How to help a person's soul? What to do with the feeling of guilt that arises? How to help grieving children? These and many other questions are answered by priests, psychologists, psychiatrists, lawyers and people who have managed to overcome grief. It is necessary to study these materials and tell those grieving and other family members about them. I can tell you from experience that this is a very effective remedy that allows you to “move forward” along the path of grief.

A very powerful resource in overcoming grief is spiritual help loved ones. By these words, let's understand not the implementation of all of the above, but caring for the souls of the deceased and those remaining. If there is a believer in the family, he can explain that observing confessional rituals is not just a tribute to tradition, but specific care for the deceased.

Faith is a great force on the path to overcoming grief. A believer overcomes grief more easily, since his “picture of the world” does not end with death. In all religions, prayers for the dead and acts of mercy are considered good both for the one who is gone and for the one who does it here. If the family is not religious, you need to contact the ministers of the religious denomination that is traditional for this nationality. He needs to ask all the questions that the grieving people have accumulated, and also find out what can help the soul of the departed person. Starting with the performance of rituals, the grieving person can gradually come to understand the mystery of life and death, and this, from experience, helps to cope with the crisis of grief. Such care for the departed, and even if it is supplemented with help to those who are now weaker (even if it is just alms to a beggar), strengthens the grieving person, gives him the strength to live on, and changes the quality of his life.

And in parting I want to say the following. You can endlessly give advice about what is right and what is wrong. But the only correct line of behavior with a grieving person can only be suggested by an open heart and a sincere desire to be useful. I wish everyone who is now trying to help their loved ones strength and patience. You will need a lot of them, but the result is worth the effort.

Here is a collection of short condolences and words of grief that need to be expressed to the family and friends of the deceased person. The texts are suitable for being included in public, spoken in private, or sent in the form of a short letter. They are also suitable for colleagues, friends and other people familiar with the deceased. All texts are written not in verse (in prose), for those who want to express regret in their own words. You will find recommendations at the end of the page.

All names and surnames in the texts are used only for convenience of presentation, do not forget to change them to the ones you need.

My condolences to you and your family. Your mother was a wonderful, wonderful person and you will miss her. I wish you to find peace and consolation... We will pray for you.

Friends, we sympathize with your loss and mourn with you. There are no words that will bring your loved one back to you, but perhaps life itself will help you survive the loss. We will pray that the Lord will give you patience and strength. Your dad lived well, for a long time, accomplished a lot, realized himself and left behind many people grateful to him. He will forever live in their hearts just as he does in yours. May his memory be blessed.

Friends, today is a day of deep sadness. There was a time when we rejoiced and had fun with the one who left us. But today we mourn with you, seeing off a person close and dear to us on their last journey. But we will keep in our hearts the good memory of our friend.

I knew him as an amazingly sympathetic, intelligent person and an extraordinary person. He helped not only me, but also served as a guide and support for many other people on the path of life. May you be at least a little consoled by the fact that today many are grieving with you who were also left without this ray of light in their lives. You are not alone in this difficult time. We mourn with you.

Let me offer you my deepest condolences. I am terribly saddened by the death of your mother. She was a smart, kind and sensitive person, and many people, like me, feel that the world is a darker place without her. I have no words to ease your pain. I'm just sure that your mother wouldn't want you to be so sad.

Please accept the feelings of our deep empathy in connection with the passing of your closest, dearest person, your faithful companion in life. Great loss and great sorrow. Be strong, our dears, we are always with you.

Together with you, we will forever cherish the memory of her in our hearts. She was an amazingly pure, honest, open person, and this earned her the love, appreciation, gratitude and respect of many people. Your mother is the best of people. We will forever keep her memory in our hearts. Hang in there and accept our deepest sympathy for such a bereavement.

Dear Tatyana!

Please accept our condolences on the death of your father! Words are powerless in such grief... Know that in this difficult time your colleagues, friends and like-minded people are with you.

Dear Svetlana and Sidor!

We deeply regret the death of your dear grandmother. She was kind, sympathetic and a good woman. We will all miss her greatly. Please accept our sincere condolences. If there is anything we can do for you, we are ready to help in any way. We are praying for you.

We suffered this heavy loss together with you today and mourn with you. Strength and patience to you to get through this difficult time of loss. Remember, everyone loses a loved one one day, this pain must be endured. Sometimes the cross becomes very heavy, but it will help one day. Be patient, it will get easier after a while. Our condolences.

I sympathize with your misfortune on this sad day. Our life, unfortunately, is not eternal and no words of consolation will help relieve the pain of loss or bring back the departed. I wish you strength of spirit in this difficult time. May the earth be soft rest to him (the deceased). And may the Lord protect you from all troubles.

Your dad was one of the most wonderful and wonderful people I have ever met. I was very lucky to have known him. And now I will miss him greatly, just like you. I express my deepest condolences to you and your family.

Let me offer you my deepest condolences on the death of your colleague and dear friend Kharitonov Khariton. We deeply empathize and share your pain.

It’s hard for us, but especially for you, and we know about it. He was your closest friend, it's a huge loss. Your friend was an excellent comrade for us too, reliable, loyal, simple and always fair. Please contact us at any time with any requests, we will be there for you. Let's stick together during this difficult time.

Please accept my condolences on the death of your dear, close and beloved person - your mother. Having gone to heaven, she will not cease to be your guardian angel.

He meant a lot to you and to me. I mourn with you.

We express our sincere condolences to the family and friends in connection with the untimely death of Sidor Sidorovich Sidorov. The death of a loved one is a great grief and a difficult test. Bright memories of a person who lived his life honestly and with dignity, leaving behind the fruits of his good deeds, will always be stronger than death.

With sincere sympathy, the team of Peace to Your Home LLC

We share with you the bitterness of loss. Your father was a wonderful man. His dedication to his work earned him the respect and love of all who knew him. Please accept our sincere condolences.

I mourn with you and express my deepest condolences to all your family, my friend.

Our condolences to you. He was our colleague, friend and brilliant professional, without whom our entire team would have a hard time. We are experiencing this difficult loss together with you. He will serve as a light and guide for us on our professional path. May his memory be blessed.

I offer you and your family my most sincere condolences. Be strong. May God rest her soul...

Please accept my sincere condolences on the death of your uncle. And please feel free to ask for any help.

Losing a father is a difficult loss. Be strong. He was my close friend and often told me that he tried to raise you wise and strong, and would not want you to lose ground even when he leaves you forever. And also, he wanted you to be able to survive losses and not forget how to smile after them. Therefore, I wish you strength and patience to get through this sorrowful time and move on again.

My condolences. The death of a spouse deprives us of our main support and our partner in life. It is very difficult to find words of consolation. Hang in there.

Dear friend. Losing a mother is the most difficult loss. This pain is hard to cope with and it is impossible for me to find words that will reduce your pain. I will just be there in your grief, contact me at any moment on any issue. And just wait. Time should help at least a little.

Please accept our sincere condolences. May the Lord reward her in heaven for all the good she has done. She is and will forever remain in our hearts...

Today you lost your mother - a reliable guardian angel in life. This is a terrible loss. And I lost my best friend and support in her. I mourn with you. Your mother often told me how much she loves it when you smile. I’m sure she sees us now and is very sad that you are so sad. May the Lord give you strength to survive such a loss and return you to the joy of life. They say he gives difficult trials along with the strength to survive them. Be patient.

Please accept my sympathy. It has never been more expensive or closer, and probably never will be. But in yours and in our hearts he will remain a young, strong, intelligent, kind and cheerful person. Eternal memory to him. Hold on.

This tragedy affected everyone who knew her. Of course, it’s harder for you than everyone else. I want to assure you that I will never leave you without support. And I will never forget her. Please, let's walk this path together.

This is a difficult time in your life. Let our sympathy and support help you and reduce the pain of loss at least a little.

It is difficult to express in words how much good he did to me. All our disputes and disagreements are trifles. And I will carry the good he did throughout my life. I pray for him and grieve with you.

My condolences to you, this is a huge loss and grief. Remember that a person dies, but love does not. And her memory will always illuminate our hearts. Be strong.

Unfortunately, in our imperfect world we have to endure such grief. She was a bright person whom we loved. I will not leave you in your grief. You can count on me at any moment.

Words cannot express how we feel together with you. It’s hard when you lose loved ones, but the death of a mother is a grief for which there is no cure or words of consolation. Please accept my sincere condolences for your loss.

I would like to find words to relieve you of pain or at least reduce it a little. But it is difficult to imagine what words these should be and whether such words exist at all. Bright and eternal memory.

I share with you the inconsolable pain of the bereavement that befell you - the death of your beloved grandfather.

May the Lord bless and comfort you and your family during this difficult time of grief. Please accept our sincere condolences.

The death of a beloved wife is a bitter loss. It’s hard for me to express in words, but I am always with you. I will support you and help you get through it. Be strong.

Please accept our heartfelt condolences on the death of your son. We ask the Almighty to grant you the strength to hold on, patience, perseverance and faith.

The loss of a loved one is a huge grief and test. I sincerely share your pain. Please accept my sincere sympathy and support. May God rest his soul.

It is very sad to lose your loved ones and relatives. It’s doubly worse when the young, healthy, and strong leave us. Lord help his soul.

I'm sorry that she didn't live as long as she would have liked. I mourn with you, empathize, remember and love.

I share your grief of loss. You need to find the strength to survive these most difficult moments and difficult days. He remains in our memory forever.

Lord give you strength, patience and faith, dear friend. Survive it all.

We are deeply saddened by the news of your father's death. He was a fair and strong man, a loyal and sympathetic friend. We knew him well and loved him like our own. We mourn with you.

It is difficult to find the right words in this difficult moment. I mourn with you. Let the fact that few are lucky enough to experience such a huge and pure love as yours will ease your pain at least a little. But let him remain alive in your memory, full of love and strength. May he rest in peace.

I'm just devastated by the loss. It's unbearable to think about it. It's hard to express in words how much I sympathize with you. My heart is broken along with yours. Be strong.

I cannot say any words of sympathy now, because no one is experiencing your grief the same way as you. You just need time... be patient, it will gradually reduce the pain.

Unfortunately, I only now realized how unworthy my arguments and quarrels were with this bright and dear person to me. Excuse me! I mourn with you.

A person who leaves this earth does not really go anywhere because he still continues to live in our hearts and minds. Please accept our condolences and know that he will not be forgotten.

I offer you and your family my most sincere condolences. It’s very difficult, even when you prepare for it, at the last moment you find yourself unprepared. May God rest his soul... and you, hold on. Time will help you...

Please accept my sincere condolences. A terrible, insidious disease that they have never learned how to defeat...

Her path on earth was not easy and full of difficulties, may God take her under his wing and reward her with what she rightfully deserves.

A new star has risen in the sky - it is his soul that has acquired a new meaning and a new purpose...

It's small consolation, but know that we are with you in your grief and our hearts go out to your entire family. Eternal memory to your sister.

Your father was a very resilient, joyful and optimistic person. His wisdom will remain in my memory forever; it will be difficult for me without him. But it’s more difficult for you. Losing your dad is like losing your footing. There are hardly any words that will ease the pain. Try to remember your father's resilience and be the same, he would really like it. I will ask higher powers to protect you from all troubles and for you to find consolation. I'm grieving.

The administration team of the Central District of the Troyekurovsky Village Council deeply mourns the irreparable bereavement - the death of the acting head of the village, Isaak Kharitonovich Tiranozavrov. We express our sincere condolences to family and friends, share their grief, and support them in their hours of grief.

Be strong! With the loss of your brother, you need to become a support for your parents for both of them. May God help you get through these difficult days. Happy memory to a bright man.

Dear Sidor Sidorovich, Tatyana Appolinarievna and Oscar Platonovich!

On behalf of the board of the open joint-stock company “Kuzkina Mother” and on my own behalf, I express my deep condolences and sincere sympathy with the grief that befell you - the untimely death of your father and brother Zakhar Appolonovich Sidorov.

At this difficult time for you, your family and friends, I share your grief and the bitterness of irreparable loss.

Be strong. The Almighty called him to himself - he takes the best. I mourn with you.

My condolences to you. Losing your grandmother is like losing a piece of sunshine in your soul. I will always cherish her memory in my heart. I pray that God will give you warmth and light in your heart, which will help you overcome the pain of loss and find comfort. Peace to her soul, and peace to your heart.

We greatly mourn the death of our dear brother and from the bottom of our hearts we express our sincere sympathy and condolences to his dear wife and all his family and friends. We pray for God's support for all of you, dear ones.

We believe that by God's will we will meet brother Sidor in the future paradise that the Lord has prepared for all who love Him (Revelation 2:7)

Please accept my sincere sympathy for your grief. Losing a friend is like losing one wing. After this it is difficult to fly. I pray to the Lord to help you cope and teach you to live with this loss. Strength, wisdom, goodness to you. Eternal memory to him.

I sincerely sympathize with your grief. But remember, losing your mother does not mean losing her love and warmth. Let them always warm you, and you remember her and all the bright things that she left behind for you. I know she would really like this.

May God give you strength to overcome such a difficult loss. I mourn with you. Now it seems to you that no one needs our dead except us, but this is not so. Look around, if they are so unnecessary, then what are we constantly doing at their graves? Why do we visit them, talk, ask for advice and help? And we always get what we ask for. Even after they left us forever... Be patient, it will become easier. And remember - he stopped being there, but did not leave you. You will see.

- Reading condolences in verse is considered not entirely appropriate in these circumstances; try to avoid them;

You should only offer words of regret when it is appropriate. Do not impose them or harass mourners to fulfill a formality. Do this sincerely, with warmth, at the right moment and do not go overboard with emotional words addressed to the deceased if you did not know him (otherwise the words will sound hypocritical, it’s better not to say anything at all, not to irritate your loved ones - it’s already difficult for them);
If the opportunity to express grief does not present itself, you can format any of these texts in the form of a short letter and send it to your loved ones. This will give them the opportunity to read them when it is convenient, rather than listening to your sorrows when it is convenient for you.
Words of condolences are usually formal words... standard, short and similar to each other. You can make them warmer, more cordial and more personal through intonation and reminders (briefly) of episodes, small details that connected you with the deceased and gave rise to a warm attitude towards him.
Do not impose advice and edifications to help you survive the pain of loss. This annoys loved ones. They (advice) should be given only when you are absolutely sure and see that they are needed or they are guaranteed to be necessary and can help. It's even better if you don't talk, but do something to alleviate the situation. Since any advice most likely will not be received correctly, it will remain just an irritant.

Instructions

To support someone close to you during illness, first of all you need to make it clear that he remains just as dear and necessary to you. And even if the illness has disrupted some of your plans regarding work, personal life, or travel, explain that his condition will not become a burden or burden for you, and caring for him is an important part of your life.

Speak words of love and encouragement. Spend more time with the sick person, talk to him. Share the news and events that happened at your work or throughout the day. Ask for advice. This way, you will emphasize that your attitude towards your loved one has not changed because of whether he is healthy or sick. You still value and value his opinion.

Patients, even in a state of coma, are able to distinguish the voices of relatives, and may also experience certain feelings. Therefore, the kind words you say will only have a positive impact on your loved one. Talk, even if you feel like you are not being heard.

Think of an activity that would be enjoyable for the person you are caring for during their illness. You can just watch some TV program together, read a book, listen to music. If this is a child, do some crafts with him, draw a picture, assemble a mosaic. The main thing is your presence and participation. Many people feel lonely when they are sick, so doing something together is something that can bring joy and encouragement to someone who is sick.

Try to entertain and distract the patient from his illness. Create a cozy atmosphere in the room where it is located. If this is a hospital, bring there any household items, photographs, books. You can bring your favorite indoor plant from home. If the patient is at home, give him a gift without expecting a special occasion. Most cancer patients, being depressed, tend to “give up.” Therefore, by showing this kind of care, you will set an example of faith that he, like you, has a tomorrow, and therefore a healthy future.

If the disease is not infectious, invite friends to visit. Prepare your favorite treat. Drinking tea with friends or work colleagues may improve your mood and give you strength to fight the disease.

Helpful advice

And an important point - do not forget about yourself. Look for the positive in every situation, communicate with friends and loved ones. Exercise, eat well. If you have a healthy mindset, an optimistic attitude and a lot of patience, the sick person next to you will feel comfortable and reliable.

Sometimes it can be difficult to find the words to express support for your loved one. But it is very important that your loved one feels your faith in him, especially in a difficult situation. Sometimes only this faith helps to avoid many mistakes caused by the desire to prove something to others, and sometimes it helps to get back on your feet and start living with new strength.

Instructions

Believe in the strength of your loved one person and to his success. Not in words - it must be an inner conviction. Always consider your loved one person the best in the world. It inspires and inspires confidence. Emphasize and constantly remind about the best qualities of your loved one person, his strengths, especially if a person for some reason experiences uncertainty.

Get rid of the habit of criticizing and doubting. If you want to warn about some consequences or express your feelings, then express only your feelings and concerns and only on your own behalf. Use "I" statements, saying "I'm worried about the consequences" instead of "you're always getting into something."

Think about the good, sincerely wish success in all your loved one’s endeavors. Express to him more often words of approval and support, your understanding and acceptance. If a person is deeply worried, listen to him more. It often happens that by speaking out, a person comes to a decision more easily and quickly, takes steps forward in overcoming painful experiences and doubts.

Create an atmosphere of friendliness and peace at home. A home is truly a fortress that brings a sense of security to a person, gives strength and confidence. By filling it with positivity, comfort, calmness and understanding, you will create a favorable background for moral and psychological support for your loved one. person.

Sources:

words of support for your loved one

In everyone's life person There are situations when support from family and friends is needed. You may not always be able to help in any way, but you can provide moral support even in the most critical cases. If you want to support a friend or acquaintance in a word, but as luck would have it, absolutely nothing comes to mind, read carefully. Perhaps the instructions will contain useful information for you.

Instructions

In any situation, try to look for the positive aspects. Sometimes a person is so upset or exhausted by constant worries that he simply does not have the strength to look for the bright sides. Try to find something positive yourself and cheer up your friend. Turning a story into a joke may not always be appropriate, so try to lighten the mood more carefully, but you can add a certain amount of optimism to a sad story. Of course, there are situations in life in which there is absolutely no and cannot be anything good. You should not look for positive aspects in the death of loved ones or a serious illness - you will only completely ruin the person’s mood and can turn him against you.

What to do when the mood is at zero... when you give up... when you don’t see where to go, and you want to give up everything... once and for all.

Know that even at this moment you are NOT ALONE. There are MANY people like you. There really are a LOT of us already!

So different, so different... and yet I = YOU. YOU = ME.

We offer you 20 quotes from famous people as support and inspiration on your path! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

1. “If you are always in a hurry, you may miss a miracle.” Lewis Carroll

2. “Believe in the fact that there is something to live for, and your faith will help this fact come true.” William James

3. “To reach the goal, you must first go.” Honore de Balzac

4. “The biggest mistake you can make in life is to be constantly afraid of being wrong.” Elbert Hubbard

5. “What is the purpose of man? Be him." Stanislav Lec

6. “Knowledge is a treasure, but the key to it is practice.” Fuller Thomas

7. “Life is not suffering. It’s just you suffering from it, instead of living and enjoying it.” Dan Millman

8. “The fate of a person who sits still does not move.” Philip Farmer

9. “There is no point in looking for a place where you will feel good. It makes sense to learn how to create this well anywhere..."

10. “You cannot change the direction of the wind, but you can always raise the sails to achieve your goal.” Oscar Wilde

11. “When you feel very bad, raise your head. You will definitely see the sunshine." Drew Barrymore

12. “While we pedal and steer towards our goal, it is important not to forget about the beauty that opens before us every day.” Paulo Coelho

13. “Life is beautiful when you create it yourself.” Sophie Marceau

14. “When you really want something, the whole Universe will help make your wish come true.” Paulo Coelho

15. “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it frees the future.”

16. “This world is like an echo in the mountains: if we give up anger, anger returns; if we give love, love comes back.” Osho

17. “Most people are only as happy as they decide to be.” Abraham Lincoln

18. “You can only see what you believe. Believe it and you will see.” Wayne Dyer

19. “You won’t see the most important thing; Only the heart is vigilant." Antois De Saint Exupéry

20. “The goal of every person’s life is to become as happy as possible. Happiness is the goal to which all other goals come down. » Deepak Chopra

Many thanks to my VKontakte administrator Natalya Bukhovtseva for such a wonderful selection of quotes!

We all know how difficult it is to find yourself in a situation where you need to console someone, but you can’t find the right words.

Fortunately, most often people do not expect specific advice from us. It is important for them to feel that someone understands them, that they are not alone. So first, just describe how you feel. For example, using the following phrases: “I know that it’s very difficult for you now,” “I’m sorry that it’s so difficult for you.” This way you will make it clear that you really see what it’s like for your loved one right now.

2. Confirm that you understand these feelings.

But be careful, don’t draw all the attention to yourself, don’t try to prove that it was even worse for you. Briefly mention that you have been in a similar position before, and ask more about the condition of the person you are comforting.

3. Help your loved one understand the problem

Even if a person is looking for ways to resolve a difficult situation, first he just needs to talk it out. This especially applies to women.

So wait to offer solutions to the problem and listen. This will help the person you are comforting understand their feelings. After all, sometimes it is easier to understand your own experiences by telling others about them. By answering your questions, the interlocutor can find some solutions himself, understand that everything is not as bad as it seems, and simply feel relieved.

Here are some phrases and questions that can be used in this case:

Tell me what happened.
Tell me what's bothering you.
What led to this?
Help me understand how you feel.
What scares you the most?

At the same time, try to avoid questions with the word “why”; they are too similar to judgment and will only anger the interlocutor.

4. Do not minimize the suffering of your interlocutor and do not try to make him laugh.

When we encounter the tears of a loved one, we, quite naturally, want to cheer him up or convince him that his problems are not so terrible. But what seems trivial to us can often upset others. So don't minimize another person's suffering.

What if someone is really worried about a trifle? Ask if there is any information that conflicts with his view of the situation. Then offer your opinion and share an alternative way out. It is very important here to clarify whether they want to hear your opinion, otherwise it may seem too aggressive.

5. Offer physical support if appropriate.

Sometimes people don’t want to talk at all, they just need to feel that there is a loved one nearby. In such cases, it is not always easy to decide how to behave.

Your actions should correspond to your usual behavior with a particular person. If you are not too close, putting your hand on your shoulder or giving him a light hug will suffice. Also look at the behavior of the other person, perhaps he himself will make it clear what he needs.

Remember that you should not be too zealous when you console: your partner may take it for flirting and be offended.

6. Suggest ways to solve the problem

If a person only needs your support and not specific advice, the above steps may be sufficient. By sharing your experiences, your interlocutor will feel relieved.

Ask if there is anything else you can do. If the conversation takes place in the evening, and most often this happens, suggest going to bed. As you know, the morning is wiser than the evening.

If your advice is needed, ask first if the interlocutor himself has any ideas. Decisions are made more readily when they come from someone who is themselves in a controversial situation. If the person you are comforting is unclear about what can be done in their situation, help develop specific steps. If he doesn’t know what to do at all, offer your options.

If a person is sad not because of a specific event, but because he has a problem, immediately move on to discussing specific actions that can help. Or suggest doing something, like going for a walk together. Unnecessary thinking will not only not help get rid of depression, but, on the contrary, will aggravate it.

7. Promise to continue to support

At the end of the conversation, be sure to mention again that you understand how difficult it is for your loved one right now, and that you are ready to continue to support him in everything.