How to be calmer in a relationship. How to always stay calm and balanced

Emotional intelligence is “the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions and the emotions of others.” Low emotional intelligence, as a rule, leads to an inability to remain calm and provokes conflicts, and high emotional intelligence extinguishes these conflicts and gives a person the ability to remain calm under pressure and in the most unfavorable circumstances.

Conflict situations are an integral part of life. Even the calmest and most collected person goes through them at some point in their life. In most cases, people have no control over them, and the only aspect of conflict we can control is how we respond. We can learn to recognize, acknowledge and manage our negative emotions. What should I do for this?

1. Take deep breaths

Why: Staying calm and focused during conflict depends on your ability to relax your body. Shallow and shallow breathing is the body’s natural response to stress, so to get rid of this, practice deep breathing, which immediately involves common sense.

How to: Inhale deeply through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth. This type of breathing will stop the production of two stress hormones - adrenaline and cortisol.

2. Focus on your body

Why: Focusing on any physical sensations that arise during a conflict will allow you to consciously change them. When your attention turns to your body, you may notice tension, shallow breathing, and other signs that accompany stress.

How: When you notice your body starting to tense up, try returning to a neutral state by relaxing your shoulders and arms. This open attitude demonstrates positivity—and often defuses conflict.

3. Listen carefully

Why: a person will initiate an argument or some other conflict if he believes that he is not being heard. In addition, it is impossible to resolve a conflict without careful and active listening.

How: Focus all your attention on what the person is saying. Ignore any thoughts of interrupting him with your remarks. Once the person has finished speaking, you will already have the information you need to respond intelligently.

4. Ask open-ended questions

Why: Open questions are essential when resolving conflicts. First, they show that you are paying attention. Second, these types of questions show respect to the person by allowing them to articulate their thoughts.

How to: Learning to ask open-ended questions can be a little challenging. The main thing is not to ask simple questions that require short “yes” or “no” answers. Instead, use constructions that begin with the question words “what,” “why,” “why,” “when,” “where,” and “how.”

5. Keep your voice down

Why: the easiest way to escalate a conflict is to raise your voice, and on the contrary, speaking more quietly and softly, you extinguish the conflict. Volume and tone of voice are also linked to blood pressure. When the pressure reaches a certain point, it becomes more difficult to understand the meaning of what is being said.

6. We agree to disagree

Why: Not every conflict ends in mutually acceptable results. However, you can avoid making the situation worse by politely removing yourself from the conversation.

How: The law of interpersonal conflict is that there are two participants. It is necessary to remove yourself from the conflict under one of two circumstances: (1) the person becomes increasingly hostile or (2) the conversation, despite all your efforts, has reached a dead end.

Unless you're a self-awareness guru, at some point during a conflict you might get really angry. Humans are emotional creatures, and this ability to feel can be used both to our benefit and to our detriment. By following at least one or two tips from the six above, you will undoubtedly feel more confident in any conflict situation. By doing this, you will gain people's trust and respect for your calm and balanced nature.

Events happen to everyone that do not fit into the framework of the usual way of life. Current problems and difficult to understand issues are unsettling. Stress undermines physical and emotional health.

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Maintaining not only external, but also internal calm helps to get out of a difficult situation with dignity, correctly evaluate life lessons and draw conclusions. To prevent experiences from having destructive consequences, psychologists recommend using several effective techniques.

A little excitement is good

This conclusion was reached by scientists from the University of California who are interested in behavioral psychology. Reasons for these conclusions:

1. 1. Light excitement sharpens your senses and helps you tune in to overcome obstacles. Example: after detailed preparation for an exam, an increase in adrenaline in the blood helps to mobilize mental strength, the result is successful passing.
2. 2. Stressful situations serve as an inoculation against subsequent disappointments. A person draws conclusions and takes measures to learn to avoid a similar story in the future. Thus, toothache will force you to be more attentive to visits to the dentist and monitor your health.
3. 3. Timely concern is appropriate. These include cases of injury, when an urgent decision needs to be made, or the risk of losing a job, pushing for active professional development.
4. 4. Sincere feelings about relationships. They become a motivating factor in shaping methods of raising children or communicating with loved ones.

Exciting feelings work as a motive to become reasonable and restrained. But when emotions take over, it is much more difficult to maintain composure.

How not to worry in important situations?

To stay calm and confident, it is important to find out what exactly is causing you to worry. This will help you take the right measures. Frequent stressors:

• important events - for example, a meeting in an official setting;
• a date with your loved one;
• deep regret about past mistakes;
• fear for the future - family, work, health.

There are many reasons to worry. It is unlikely that you will be able to remain calm always and in everything. But equanimity can be learned.

For example, before a date with a girl, a young man reminds himself: the best thing is to be yourself. Artfully pretending in order to become what others want to see is not the answer. After a certain time, character flaws will begin to appear and difficulties will arise in the relationship. What to do to avoid being nervous:

• prepare well;
• arrive at the meeting on time or a little early;
• plan the program;
• be prepared for the unexpected.

There are times when it is inappropriate to show complete composure. Dating is one of these situations.

10 tips for those who don't want to lose their composure

Psychologists use special techniques and habitual actions. By applying them every day, a person becomes balanced and inclined to make sober decisions.

There are many techniques to help cope with a negative reaction to stress. The ones below are simple and effective.

Fears are not what happened

Most future events that cause fear never happen. The imagination can draw terrible pictures of “what if...”. You can't look at everything through rose-colored glasses - life is hard and full of struggle. But you shouldn’t exist in constant anticipation of negativity.

To do this, the “here and now” technique is used:

1. 1. Straighten your back, straighten your shoulders. Inhale and exhale deeply several times, using the diaphragm - the muscular partition that separates the lungs from the abdominal cavity. Lower costal-diaphragmatic breathing will give confidence and equanimity. Clearly feel the air filling your lungs.
2. 2. Look around you. Pay attention to your surroundings and people passing by. Feel the smells floating in the space.
3. 3. Thank fate for what you already have. Many have far fewer benefits.

Listen to the silence

The best time for this is early morning. Birdsong can be heard through the open window; the noise of the city does not distract attention.

Having taken a comfortable position, spend 5-6 minutes in quiet reflection. Pay attention to the feeling of peace that arises inside. At the same time, it is good to remember a pleasant incident from the past - for example, from childhood. What kind of feelings did this event evoke, what colors were especially bright.

Having remembered these sensations, they are evoked in difficult moments of life, stopping for a few seconds. An equally effective technique for many was voluntary slowing down of movements and breathing.

Don't judge or complain

A person tends to seek support from others; this is a natural need. Before you call or text your best friend, here are a few questions to ask yourself:

• Will this be an objective or personal (subjective) assessment of the situation?
• Will such words benefit friendly communication?
• How does the person who is being spoken about negatively feel?
• Will the words spoken change things in a positive way?

Encourage and support others

This principle is similar to the previous one. Positive emotions multiply when they are shared with others.

Finding a person who is having a particularly difficult time and supporting him, providing all possible help - this energizes, gives strength and relieves worries.

Take the present moment as your starting point

Many current situations can and should be corrected. To do this, you will have to realize and take responsibility for your thoughts and actions. The tendency to blame circumstances is inherent in weak individuals. A person who is faithful in small things has a strong character.

If the situation cannot be changed, they change their attitude towards it. Using emerging obstacles as beacons, a strong personality does not look for an answer to the question “why?”, but analyzes what such conditions can serve for.

Find something that helps you relax

For one person this is listening to music, for another it is reading a book or watching a good movie. If you don't have much time, a collection of short funny stories will help.

Caring for animals and plants gives a charge of positive emotions. Communicating with the natural world, going mushroom picking or fishing is something that many city residents miss.

Monitor your diet and daily routine

Attacks of aggression and uncontrollable anger accompany those who do not pay enough attention to their nutrition and rest. A full, healthy sleep includes several phases and lasts an average of 8 hours.

On the planet there is a Buddhist who firmly believes in karma. He never fusses, and when those around him openly pester him, he simply stocks up on popcorn and gets ready to watch an action-packed thriller called “How Life Will Revenge You.” We are not Buddhists, and it is difficult for us to achieve this level of self-control. But everyone can learn to remain calm.

Crazy rhythm

A person now lives in such a crazy rhythm that only by remaining calm can he make the right decisions. According to the latest statistics, the number of people under stress is increasing every year. Study, work, everyday, financial and family problems - all this negatively affects the nervous system. At some certain point, a person simply breaks down due to fatigue and accumulated problems.

So how can you learn to stay calm? First you need to understand what it means to be truly calm. Not indifferent or contemptuous, but calm.

The ability to remain calm refers to the ability to be calm in any given situation. A calm person never loses patience and optimism, even in those cases when it seems to us (who are constantly fussing) that it is impossible to control what is happening.

Due to an excess of stress and constant nervousness, a person can even feel physically ill, so it will be useful for everyone to learn techniques for maintaining calm.

The problem of control and suppression

Quite often, people are faced with the problem of not understanding the difference between suppressing emotions and control. This is far from the same thing. Usually a person begins to suppress emotions after they have taken over his body. That is, they are simply not shown, but hidden somewhere deep within themselves from the external environment. In this case, the negative energy does not go anywhere, but poisons the body, causing various diseases.

Controlling emotions is something else. A person learns not to fall under the power of stress, resist it and does not allow even the slightest hesitation to drive him into a corner. The impact of negative emotions is somewhat reminiscent of a snowball: if you just relax for a moment, they will swallow you up completely.

Therefore, the ability to remain calm in any situation will come in handy if you need to improve your life in all aspects. Surely each of us has noticed more than once that if we feel nervous before an important event, then everything literally starts to fall out of hand, and the person gets irritated for any reason. This negativity can quickly result in - it will be extremely difficult for a person to act and make the right decisions.

Therefore, to build a successful and happy life, you need to know how to remain calm in any situation. Of course, at first you will have to make an effort to train stress resistance, but then the effort will become a habit.

Express methods

For those who are caught off guard by stress, express methods that will restore peace of mind will help you stay calm. If you feel that you are starting to experience stress and irritation while doing something, take a break and distract yourself with something extraneous. This will help restore balance. Otherwise, the tension will increase, and with it the likelihood of a nervous breakdown will increase.

Also, do not immediately share your experiences with friends or relatives. First you need to understand the situation yourself, analyzing the possible causes of stress. For yourself, you need to note all the manifestations of nervousness that manifest themselves at the body level. For example, a person blushes, his fingers begin to tremble, or his heart rate increases. By noting these features, a person in the future will be able to understand how stressed he is and will pull himself together.

Breathing, landscape, acceptance

So how to stay calm in stressful situations? It is important to be able to concentrate on breathing. When the body is under stress, adrenaline begins to be actively produced, this process disrupts the breathing rhythm. To get it back on track, you need to use breathing techniques. The simplest of them is three deep breaths and exhalations. This exercise can be performed both during times of stress and in a calm environment to relax.

Fresh air helps restore stress resistance, because oxygen saturation of the brain helps to calm down. Accepting and understanding them also helps control emotions. If a person feels stressed, he should voice his feelings, formulate and acknowledge negative emotions. For example, say “I’m furious” or “I’m anxious.”

Suspiciousness, visualization, idol

While stress is in its embryonic state, it must be taken under control - this is the first rule of stress resistance. How to stay calm? Don't let the situation escalate to massive proportions. Some people are especially suspicious; it costs them nothing to inflate a fly to the size of an elephant and suffer from it. Therefore, as soon as you feel tension, you need to immediately identify its source and, if possible, get rid of it.

Visualization can also help restore calm. For example, you can imagine that you are packing the problem and all the negativity into a box and throwing it into the sea. True, this technique is only suitable for people with a good imagination.

You can also remember some character or real person who can be called the embodiment of calm, and try to imagine how he would act in a similar situation.

First of all, it is worth applying an objective analysis of the situation. You need to look at the situation from the outside, as if it concerns some other person. By ceasing to be emotionally involved in events, we are able to make sound and reasonable decisions. If your emotions are too high, you need to talk to someone about what is happening. It will be easier for an outsider to look at the current circumstances calmly and see the right way out.

Nutrition

Oddly enough, a healthy diet helps train stress resistance and remain calm in any situation. It has long been proven that food affects not only the body, but also the mood. It is a mistake to assume that coffee, a cigarette, or large doses of flour and sweets will help you calm down. On the contrary, coffee (like any other drink containing caffeine) will make a person even more irritable. Sugar is a source of glucose, and it, in turn, is responsible for vigor and energy. Therefore, eating huge quantities of sweets during periods of stress, a person becomes more excited, impulsive and loses the ability to reason. When you're stressed, eating dark chocolate and foods rich in vitamin C can help reduce cortisol levels. If, with neurosis, a person literally cannot help but eat, he can use sugar-free chewing gum.

Work

The third recommendation is that there is no need to avoid physical labor. A walk, active rest, etc. will help you “disconnect” from problems. It is not so important what exactly a person does, the main thing is that he releases the accumulated energy and does not sit locked up alone with his thoughts.

Physical activity helps the body produce endorphins - hormones of happiness, and they, like nothing else, help cope with stressful situations.

Humor, forgiveness, oblivion

Sometimes a person may encounter a situation in which he will feel guilty and worry about it. To remain calm, you need to realize the severity of your mistake and... forgive yourself for it. There is no person who does not make mistakes, thanks to them we can accumulate life experience. Did you do something wrong? Give yourself a chance to fix this. Every situation should be looked at on the positive side, because everything that is done is for the better.

Increasing stress resistance, or How to maintain calm and efficiency: advice for everyone

Perhaps someone has noticed that confident people with high self-esteem worry less about trifles. They know they can handle the situation. If a person is satisfied with himself and feels calm, regardless of what is happening around him.

To develop self-confidence, you first need to accept your appearance. A person should like himself for who he is, so he needs to look in the mirror more often and give himself compliments.

You should not forget about your achievements, situations when you managed to successfully cope with difficulties, etc. It is important to find time to do what you love and never lose a good mood. The more positive a person is, the less stressed he is. Therefore, it is worth stocking up on a list of life-affirming phrases and repeating them every day.

Even if everything is boiling inside, you need to at least outwardly express calm, this will help restore inner balance.

In all eastern martial arts schools, such as Tai Chi Tsuan, Wing Chun, Qigong, a person’s ability to maintain “calm mind” and be relaxed was considered the most important criterion for the harmonious development of spirit and body. According to psychologists and psychotherapists from all over the world, if a person does not learn to control his emotions and is irritable, then he will not be able to effectively solve the tasks assigned to him, since the productivity of logical thinking and the state of physical health largely depend on the ability to be calm. How to learn to be calm in our turbulent times?

The ability to remain calm will solve the problem of any type of stress and depression, while increasing mental and physical capabilities. Where you need to start to learn to relax and not be nervous, as well as what types of effective practices exist for self-control are the main issues that will be discussed in this article.

Harm from stress

The human mind and body are closely connected. During stress, the brain commands the nervous system to take a “fighting position”; in this mode, the body begins to produce more resources, which leads to rapid exhaustion. A person who is very nervous quickly loses strength, because of this his mental and physical capabilities weaken. The nervous system begins to gradually deplete, diseases appear, uncontrollable outbreaks of aggression, they destroy life in all directions.

Clear mind = control and calm

Purity of mind determines your calmness, control of your reactions and behavior. And by controlling yourself, you control the situation as a whole. The logical question here would be “but what clogs our mind”? And it is clogged by numerous factors that stretch all the way back to childhood and accumulate like a snowball. Starting from childhood fears (for example, many in adulthood are afraid of the dark) to complexes, limiting attitudes, negative thinking and other mental crap that make our lives miserable and unhappy.

The beauty of the system is that it shifts the main work to the subconscious, and you only have to read the ready-made instructions. The work looks something like this: you read the instructions and go about your business, while the subconscious mind solves problems in the background. The ease of use and convenience is off the charts. And so far no psychotechnics can match the stability and quality of results.

Calmness and control come as you free yourself from metal trash. And, believe me, the average person has an amazing amount of it.

Alpha rhythm and its benefits

The body and brain are closely connected. The fact that the brain emits biowaves of different frequencies became known in 1928, when the doctor Berger placed two electrodes on his head and connected them to an electrical measuring device. One of the effective and healthy biorhythms for the development of a calm life is the “alpha” frequency.

The frequency of the alpha rhythm ranges from 8 to 14 Hz. This rhythm refers to the borderline state between wakefulness and sleep. At this frequency, the work of the left and right hemispheres is harmonized. The outside world begins to change places with the inside. Thanks to such harmony, a person begins to automatically relax, while mental and physical regeneration occurs. Scientists say that the alpha rhythm is one of the most useful and restorative states of the human body, which helps fight any type of stress and remain calm in any situation.

Relaxation method by Jose Silva

A significant contribution to the development of the practice of transitioning to the alpha rhythm was made by the famous Spanish parapsychologist José Silva. The goal of his practice is to train people to consciously enter the alpha range, regardless of the situation, in order to be mentally and physically healthy. This will also lead to rapid recovery of the body and increased mental abilities.
When practicing entering the alpha frequency - learning to relax, it is divided into the following stages:

1. The person should be dressed in comfortable clothes. Then take a comfortable sitting or lying position, preferably in a quiet environment. Before the procedure, you can take a relaxing bath.
2. Close your eyes and take several deep breaths, exhalation and inhalation should be the same in time and not sharp. If you breathe too quickly, the body will switch to a higher rhythm and the person will begin to get nervous.
3. Mentally imagine the number 50, you can color it with a certain color. Start a slow countdown in the opposite direction, with each number counted, give yourself a mental setting for deeper mental relaxation.
4. After the countdown reaches 40, you must simultaneously count the numbers and relax your body. You need to start from the scalp and end with your toes. You need to try to relax not only the external part of the body, but also the internal, focusing on the internal organs.
5. After the countdown has reached number 1, you need to imagine any place on the planet where a person most wants to be. From this moment on, the person falls into a state of trance, the external sounds of the world are muffled, and he stops reacting to them.
6. Start a new countdown from 10 to 1, after setting yourself up for an even deeper dive. After the countdown has ended, a phase begins when the subconscious is most receptive to commands.

You can use this state to program a feeling of calm in various life situations, or to build new settings for a specific situation in life. You can program the subconscious for various moments when a person begins to get nervous. How to learn to be calm in our turbulent times?

When a person counts in an ascending line, his body will begin to activate and wake up. Before this, you need to give yourself a mental attitude that when the counting is over, the person will feel healthy, filled with strength and energy. It is also necessary to make a snap of the fingers, which, with long practice, will replace mental arithmetic. This finger snap should be done when a person begins to get nervous in any situation.

With each practice, the ability to relax all parts of the body will be more effective, and the state of immersion will be deeper. When a person learns to enter the “alpha” state without self-hypnosis, he will become mentally strong and stop getting nervous over trifles.

Meditation

This practice came from ancient India, then practiced in the east. In the famous and popular worldwide Chinese gymnastics Tai Chi Chuan, the ability to be calm is a basic skill in the practice of rejuvenation. Calmness is achieved through a special mental state – meditation. Its task is to turn off the disorder of thoughts through internal concentration on some object or sensation and try not to react to the outside world. It is important to control your breathing. The most effective pose for meditation is considered to be the “lotus position”.

Meditation can be done in any environment. Some people use special music to help them achieve the desired state of practice. The most popular music is considered to be Indian, as well as “Schumann frequency”. The advantage of music is that it allows you not to react to the noises of the outside world.

The practice of Taoism as an effective remedy against depression

In Taoism, it is believed that each human organ has its own thinking, and if this organ is filled with negative energy, this will lead to illness and stress. Practice believes that irritation and mental breakdowns are a disease of a certain organ, so it needs to be transformed into positive energy, this should be done using the following techniques:

• Practice the inner smile

It is considered the simplest and most effective in Taoism. During times of stress, it is necessary to feel from which organ the cold is coming. After this, begin to smile at him internally until you feel warmth and tingling. In the philosophy of this school, it is believed that the feeling of warmth means the concentration of vital energy. If the negative energy of the organ is completely transformed into positive, then the person will stop being nervous.

• Foot massage

This type of massage is used as a medicine that Chinese doctors prescribe to their sick patients. It involves stroking the center of the foot with the edge of your hand. This procedure cleanses and rejuvenates internal organs and makes a person calm.

How does running affect your calmness?

Running is good for reducing stress and nervousness. Due to the fact that when jogging, hormones “endorphins” are injected into a person’s brain, he becomes calm and stops being nervous, regardless of the level of stress. Running also has a positive effect on the activity of the central nervous system.

Psychotherapeutic techniques

In order to solve the problem of fear of the unknown, which makes a person nervous, you need to try to switch to the surrounding reality. This technique is also called “being in the moment” and is recommended by all psychology books.

Prevention of nervous conditions

To prevent stress conditions, it is necessary to:

• run at least 30 minutes a day
• drink at least 3 liters of water per day
• sleep at least 8 hours a day
• walk in the park 2-3 times a week
• Eliminate negative people from your life
• switch your brain to positive thoughts

In conclusion

How nervous a person is will determine his physical and mental state, which may affect his health in the future. Therefore, if you remain calm in any situation and react correctly to it, then the problems as such will disappear on their own.

When I was a little younger, I had big goals and aspirations and a strong desire to achieve them every day of my life. In those days, my greatest desire was to live each day with dignity and peace of mind - to be equanimous and move peacefully from one task to another with concentration and calm, controlled energy.

Does everything seem simple? Probably no. But there are steps we can take to at least stay calm more often. Why be calm? Damn it, because it feels fantastic! Anger and impatience wear on our hearts, our souls, and our families. When we control our emotions, we get more done, communicate better, and live more productive and purposeful lives.

1. Try not to be dramatic

2. Think before sharing a problem.

3. Discover metaphors and visualization as a way to stay calm.

Here's what helps me: I try to think of the problem as a node. The more I panic and pull at the ends, the tighter the knot gets. But when I focus completely, I calm down and can loosen one thread at a time.

It also helps if you imagine yourself acting calm and focused. Stop shouting and move as slowly as possible. Speak slowly and quietly. Become the calm and calm person you see in your imagination.

Here's another trick: Do you know anyone who can be called unflappable? Think about what this person would do in your place.

4. Identify the factors that drive you crazy

5. Realize that you can control your emotions.

6. Create a calm environment with relaxing rituals

If calm music comforts you, take advantage of it. If silence calms you, take advantage of it. Maybe you'll play soothing instrumental music, dim the lights, and light some scented candles.

When you come home from work, take a few minutes to allow your mind to calm down before diving into family matters. Sit in your car for a couple of minutes and take a few deep breaths. Take off your shoes and drink a few sips of water. Such rituals are extremely calming during the transition from one activity to another.

7. Take care of your immediate needs

Make sure that you get enough sleep and get enough protein, fiber, vitamins and minerals. Most often, I become irritable when my blood sugar is low. However, all I have to do is eat something nutritious and I feel (relatively) better.

Also try do physical education. Daily workouts help relieve physical stress, which in turn helps you control your feelings. If I feel the need, then instead of jogging for half an hour, I do kickboxing. It helps.

Avoid excessive sugar consumption And caffeine, And don't dehydrate your body. Drink a big glass of water and see if you feel better, calmer and more alert.

8. Pay attention to the soul and spirit

9. Take a break

10. Take a day off

11. Don't forget to breathe

When my children were very young, we helped them calm down by teaching them to breathe from their belly. It still works - for them and for me. Breathing from your diaphragm helps relieve tension immediately and gives you a couple of minutes to calm down. Often this time is enough to assess the situation and regain a sense of control.

During proper belly breathing, your belly will literally rise and fall. To practice, place your hand on your stomach. Inhale through your nose and see if your hand rises as you inhale. Hold your breath for a few counts and exhale slowly.

12. Reflect on quotes that can help calm your mind.

“You are heaven. Everything else is just weather." Pema Chodron

“A calm, focused mind, not aimed at harming others, is more powerful than any physical force in the universe.” Wayne Dyer.

“It’s no use rushing life. If I live on the run, then I live wrong. My habit of rushing will not lead to anything good. The art of living is to learn to give time to everything. If I sacrifice my life for the sake of haste, it will become impossible. Ultimately, procrastination means taking the time to think. This means taking time to think. Without haste, you can get everywhere.” Carlos Petrini is the founder of the “slow food” movement.

“The single most important reason to remain calm is that calm parents hear more. Restrained, receptive parents are the ones whose children keep talking." Mary Pipher.

“Keep calm, serenity, always control yourself. Then you will understand how easy it is to be at peace with yourself.” Paramahansa Yogananda.