How to competently resolve conflict situations at work. Constant problems in the workplace

Problems at work: 10 simple steps to overcome them

Good afternoon, readers of my blog. Just a few days ago I came across an interesting book, “Happiness at Work,” authored by Sreekumar Rao. I very often write about advice for aspiring businessmen, because having your own business can give you freedom, independence and pleasure in life. Somehow I didn’t think about it, but not everyone becomes an entrepreneur, many don’t like it, but some are happy with what they have, the work they do.
So, in the book “Happiness at Work,” the author talks about how to enjoy what you do day after day. After all, very often the problem becomes a routine that drags on, makes life gray, work irritates and you don’t want anything. Today, based on the advice given by Sreekumar Rao, I will talk about how to solve various problems at work, how to avoid uncomfortable situations, and, ultimately, enjoy what you do.

No need for labels "good" or "bad"

Our problem is that we take everything that happens personally, we try to evaluate everything and give a certain characteristic. If something “bad” happens, don’t beat yourself up. Well, this happened, draw conclusions, learn this life lesson and that’s it, keep working. Remember that in any situation you need to remain calm and sober minded. Because of unnecessary emotions, fuss, and anxiety, the problem will not disappear, but will become even larger and begin to eat away at you from the inside, affecting all your work and the final result.

Extreme resilience is your main character trait.

Extreme resilience is a character trait that will allow you to recover very quickly from troubles. Many people waste precious time judging themselves, or looking for those to blame for their actions. If you become stress-resistant, you can easily recover from any shocks, return to the normal rhythm of work, and continue to fulfill your responsibilities. This character trait will help you not only in work or business, but will also be extremely important in your personal life.
The author of the book “Happiness at Work” notes that if you learn not to divide events into bad and good, but take everything for granted, then you won’t have to develop extreme resilience.

Rao believes that one of the most key aspects of overcoming problems at work is the ability to forget all grievances. Stop bringing up the past, being offended by someone, making plans for revenge and various intrigues. Let go of everything, be kinder and more tolerant. That's when you can bypass most problems and find happiness at work.
How nice it is to wake up every morning with a smile, without offense, without anger, without the desire to harm someone. Change your inner world, and people's attitude towards you will also change.

No need to be jealous

When you begin to envy, somewhere on a subconscious level you agree that you are a loser, that you cannot achieve more, that there are no more opportunities in the world for your development and all that remains for you is to drag out a meager existence.
Envy is a very destructive emotion. It breaks your spirit, your desire to improve, develop and reach new heights. If a person is happy, with good self-esteem, then he does not envy anyone, he knows how to be happy for a colleague, and can set a new goal for himself based on the successes of others.
Many problems at work arise due to the envy of colleagues. Try to remove envy not only in relation to work, but also in all other areas of your life. Live happily, look to your future, build it yourself.

Think about work differently

The problem for many is that they perceive work as something limiting them, something that does not allow them to develop and move forward. Change your attitude towards work. Don’t try to see it as some kind of vicious circle that brings gray colors into your everyday life.
Those of my friends who have not yet gone into private business do this: they see opportunities in work, opportunities to get new acquaintances, new connections, useful information that can be used in the future. Don't get tied to one place. If you work in an office now, this does not mean that in a year you will be there. Set big goals, develop, improve yourself, and you will receive new opportunities for career growth. Once you change your attitude towards work, most of the problems will disappear, and many interesting offers will appear.

More humanity

Our attitude towards colleagues, the way we see them, can create some other problems at work. You should not approach them from the position of “how useful are they for me” or “what can they do.” Very often people smile at their superiors, feeling that they will influence their career, and disrespect their subordinates, because they are inferior. This gives rise to many conflicts. Remember that we are all human and we need to help each other. Build trusting relationships, and then most problems will disappear on their own.

10 year rule

Most problems are not problems at all. Think back to yourself 10 years ago. Now try to remember what bothered you, what you were worried about, what you considered problems. When I do this, I realize that what I was most worried about was not a problem at all, just a small problem that resolved itself. What you focus on now will also look funny in 10 years. I am sure that many will regret that they lost a lot of time trying to solve some problem, but they could have done so many interesting things, developed as a person and professional, and grown in all respects.

The main thing is the process, not the result

Rao is confident that the results are not under our control, but we can increase the chance of a positive outcome if we concentrate more on the process of completing the assigned tasks. If you think only about the final goal, but completely miss the details of achieving it, then expect a disastrous result that will entail additional problems.

Think about other people

Many people believe that in order to succeed in a big company, you need to be merciless, go over your head and not pay attention to anyone. Only such a strategy can lift you to the top of the corporation.
To be honest, I don’t agree with this and fully support Sreekumar Rao’s idea. He says that you should always think about your colleagues, if you passed someone by in the service, did it dishonestly, meanly, then think about the fact that in a couple of years this guy can achieve success and do the same to you.

No need to solve many problems at the same time

The author of the book “Happiness at Work” believes that a big problem is that we try to solve many tasks at the same time. We plan as much for one working day as would be difficult to accomplish in just a few days. In the end, we don’t have time, we get nervous, we get distracted, and this causes discomfort and problems.
The advice is simple - realistically assess your strengths, do only one thing, but do it carefully, concentrating all your attention only on it. Rao advises starting with 20 minutes of work, and gradually increasing the time to 2 hours. Every 2 hours, take a short break and get back to work.

Problems at work: conclusions and my thoughts

Drawing conclusions to this article, I can say that the situation becomes problematic only from our submission. We create most of the problems ourselves, inflating a small conflict or a small incomprehensible situation. First of all, you need to change your attitude towards life, work, and the world in general. Once you understand that all problems can be solved, that it is very easy to avoid them, then life and work will become much more enjoyable.

Here we will talk about how to approach work correctly. The following tips will help you worry less about failures at work, learn to assert your rights as an employee, not be afraid of your bosses, and find a balance between life and work.

I was prompted to write this article by the negative experiences of many of my friends who take their work too seriously and are too emotionally involved in the events that happen in their office. And therefore, intrigues and incidents at work make them worry a lot, thinking about work even in their free time.

My past work experience also provided the basis for this article. I once allowed my employer to exploit me, stayed late at work and saw it as a priority over my personal life. Now I have stopped making this mistake. And I want to tell you about the rules that help me protect my personal life from work, stop worrying about mistakes, about the attitude of my superiors, and consider my work activities as serving my own, and not the interests of others.

This post is mainly about . But I think my advice can help workers of any level.

Rule 1 – Work for money, not for an idea

This is an obvious statement, don't you think? But, as often happens, people forget the most banal things. And this is facilitated, among other things, by your employer. It is more profitable for the employer for the employee to work mainly for the idea, and only then for the money. Why?

A person who understands that the meaning of his work is his salary is very difficult to exploit.

He will not stay a whole month after work, forgetting about his family or personal life, when he is not paid for it. He will not miss the opportunity to move to another place of work with more favorable working conditions, because he works for money. He will not do a lot of work outside his field of activity unless he receives financial compensation for it.

He will appeal to the law that regulates labor relations in controversial situations, instead of silently agreeing with the most absurd demands of employers.
Therefore, many corporations strive to find employees with a desire to work “for the idea” and this desire is encouraged in every possible way during the work process.

Despite the fact that modern corporations are products of capitalist societies, they also contain many features of socialist formations. A “cult of the leader” and regulations on corporate values ​​are being created. The purpose of the company and the collective good are elevated to the rank of the highest interest of each employee's work. An ideological atmosphere is created, surrounded by which the employee works not for the benefit of his own prosperity, but for the benefit of the company, team, society!

They are trying to convince people that, despite the fact that they earn money by working in the company, they are here for the sake of something more than just mercantile interests. And in order to maintain such conviction in people, organizations resort to many different means: trainings, speeches by managers, propaganda, awards, awarding regalia and titles (“employee of the year”), exploitation of the brand, imposing patriotism throughout the corporation, etc. and so on.

The absurdity to which the use of these funds reaches depends on the specific company. In large Western corporations (Western - not in geographical terms, but in relation to the business building model: Japanese and Korean companies can also be attributed to this model, like many domestic organizations), corporate patriotism is cultivated more strongly than in all other companies.

Is this bad? Not always. On the one hand, there is nothing wrong with the company looking for dedicated employees, that it is trying to create incentives for them to work, in addition to monetary ones, thereby increasing their interest in the work process.

On the other hand, patriotism, loyalty, and corporate values ​​can serve as justifications for the exploitation of personnel by unscrupulous employers. Many companies don't care about anything other than their profits. They don't care about your personal life or your personal interests; they want you to work as hard and as much as possible. And the more you work and the less you ask, the more profitable your work is for the managers and shareholders of the company, but the less profitable it is for yourself.

Working “for an idea” also gives rise to a lot of unnecessary stress and frustration. For a person who works for money, the worst possible scenario at work would be his dismissal. He may be afraid that he won't get paid, or won't get paid on time, or won't get a bonus. If he made a mistake at work, he will not lament this, because he will not necessarily be fired for this, will he?

A person working for an idea (or to satisfy his own ambitions) may be afraid that his efforts will not be paid attention to by his superiors, that his colleagues will not admire his professionalism. The employee is “for the idea” of treating his mistakes at work as a personal tragedy, as proof of his personal failure.

Workers for the idea come to work sick, stay in the office late, work on weekends, even if they are not paid. For the sake of work, they are ready to neglect their own health, their personal life and their family. Corporations look at this behavior as a virtue, although in my opinion it is only a form of morbid obsession, servility and addiction.

When you work for money, you have less emotional attachment to your work.

This leaves you with fewer strings tied to your job that the employer can pull for their own benefit rather than yours. And the less attached you are to it, the less frustration you feel and the more space you have to think about something other than work. As a result, you begin to relate to failures more easily, you forget about work when you come home, a reprimand from your superiors does not turn into a personal drama for you, and work intrigues pass you by.

So always remind yourself why you go to work. You are here to earn money, provide for your family. The worst thing that can happen here is that you get fired. For some, dismissal is a critical event, for others it is not, since work can always be found. But, in any case, dismissal does not mean that you will be anathematized, made a traitor to the Motherland. This means simply leaving your current job and looking for a new place and new opportunities.

Work is only a means to achieve goals! This is not a goal to which you should sacrifice your family, your health and your happiness.

Working for money means not only refusing to work primarily “for an idea.” This means not working to satisfy your passions and ambitions. If you work to command, to put pressure on people, to seem important to yourself, then you will perceive any failure at work as a challenge to your self-esteem and, as a result, you will take failures to heart.

Please do not think that I want to force you to give up your love for what you love, replacing it with cold pragmatism. Love your job, but don’t turn this love into a painful addiction! In everything you need to observe moderation.

And I found a better job than the one I worked at before. The new place didn't live up to my expectations, and a month later I found an even better place. That’s where I still work (note: I was working there at the time of writing. I currently work for myself).

Maximum? Exactly. Who said that you should ask your employer for a salary that corresponds to the average salary in the market? Why not get paid above average?

Firstly, it is difficult to talk about the average salary if you do not know what is happening in the labor market. (The only way for an ordinary employee to find out about this is to go to interviews, as I wrote)

Secondly, the average salary is like the average temperature in a hospital. Why should you even focus on this number?

Go to interviews, don’t be afraid to ask for a higher salary than what you are currently paid and look at the reaction of the potential employer. Different companies pay differently. Somewhere they will laugh at your requests, but somewhere they will make you an offer and pay you as much as you ask. Be prepared for anything, visit many different companies, see how things are there.

Otherwise, you will continue to think that you cannot earn more than 50 thousand in your position while working in Moscow. Usually people don’t talk about their salary to anyone because “that’s the way it is.” But this unspoken rule sometimes works against us. We don’t know how much our colleagues earn, how much our friends earn, since no one tells anyone such information.

As a result, it becomes more difficult for us to adequately assess the size of our salary and therefore we put up with what is offered to us. What if you found out that your office colleague, who works the same hours as you work, earns 80 thousand? Would your 50 thousand still seem like worthy compensation then?

(I have actually come across situations more than once when different employees of the same class were paid differently in the same company! Not because they had different experience, but because one asked for more, the other less during the interview! You are unlikely will offer more than you ask, even if they are ready for it.)

Personally, I try to tell my friends how much I am paid if they ask me, and I try to get similar information from them in order to understand what the current situation is in the market and what my position is in this market. Do I need to change anything? Is there another possibility?

Of course, I don’t talk about my salary to just anyone, but this issue can be discussed with friends or close colleagues.

Rule 8 - Don't be afraid of losing your job

Your organization is most likely not unique. If you live in a large city, especially Moscow, then there are many places where you can work even under the best conditions.
Search, learn, explore, develop. And there is no need to be afraid that if you are fired from this company, your life will end. You may find something else. Don't be afraid to lose this place.

There's nothing wrong with that. Moreover, dismissal is not only grief, it is an opportunity. A chance to find something better!

Therefore, do not allow your superiors to blackmail you and intimidate you with dismissal. Moreover, problems in connection with your dismissal will not only be with you, but with the organization in which you work, since the company will have to look for a new employee and train him. So it is unknown who will have more problems.

At my first job, I did a poor job due to the same inattention and anxiety. They started to scare me with dismissal, so they probably wanted to.

I didn't like working for this organization anyway. So I said, “okay, I’ll quit myself.” I was not a genius, I was an ordinary, sluggish, green university graduate. But the company tried to keep even such a person! As soon as I said that I would quit myself, they began to dissuade me from this decision.

It was not profitable for the company to look for another person, despite the fact that I had only worked for a few months and still didn’t know much. Perhaps they thought that I couldn’t cope due to my inexperience and that I needed time to gather my strength and do the job well. They were not mistaken in this, time passed and I eliminated my shortcomings. Now I'm doing a good job with both my main job and my second job (this site).

But I still left this company and got a job for more money and under better conditions.

Conclusion: being fired is not only a loss for you, but also for the company. No one will fire you without the most compelling reasons for this.

If you want to resign of your own free will, but are afraid that you will let someone down, betray someone, then cast aside these stupid doubts! There is no need to perceive the company as a ship in which each employee moves towards a common goal together with other employees. Don't think that if you leave this ship, you are betraying the general idea.

In fact, the purpose of a company is solely the purpose of the owners of that company and shareholders. To achieve their goal on their "ship", they hire oarsmen who are paid for their work. If you want to transfer to another ship that pays you more, why not do it? Would you betray your fellow rowers? No, because they will still be paid no matter where the ship ends up (unless it gets caught in a storm). It may become harder for them to row after you leave, but the captain will find a replacement for you. Moreover, each of your colleagues, just like you, has the choice to leave the ship.

Your goal and the goal of your colleagues on this ship is to row and earn money for yourself and for your family.
The captain's goal is some distant island. But, having reached this island, will the captain share its treasures with you? No, he only pays you for rowing!

Therefore, there is no need to identify your goal with the goal of the corporation. You should not identify your colleagues to whom you have become attached with the heads of the organization. There is a captain, and the rowers are hired workers.

This understanding will help you become less attached to your office and, as a result, worry less about work. After all, there are always other possibilities! And at your current place of work, the light is not reduced by a wedge.

Rule 9 – Know the labor law

Did you know that working on weekends pays double? Do you know that if they want to fire you, then you are required to pay several salaries (Unless, of course, you are fired under an article)?

Now you know. Study the law, do not allow unscrupulous employers to exploit your ignorance of the law. The company is required by law to pay overtime. You have the right to be paid in full for your work.

Of course, domestic organizations often circumvent the law. For example, this happens in companies with the “gray” part of the salary. In such organizations, an employee has fewer rights: he may be fired without warning, he may not be paid or his salary may be reduced without warning. This does not mean that I do not recommend working in such companies. But still, I consider the absence of a “gray” salary to be an essential criterion for choosing a job. If a company operates “in white”, this is a big plus.

I’m writing about this because many people don’t think about it and consider tax evasion the most natural thing! When I went for interviews, I asked the question: “is your salary white?”
They looked at me in surprise and answered: “white?? Of course not! So what?"

And the fact is that I, as an employee, am at great risk when I work in such an organization. More often than not, everything can work out and if the organization is normal, you will be paid. But you are not insured against anything. If a company has problems, if it faces the need to lay off employees, you can simply be easily let go (or simply have your salary cut in half) with virtually no compensation.

Remember, breaking the law and denying you your legal rights is not the norm!

Knowing the law will help you defend your rights and approach your work more easily. After all, you have rights, which means you have guarantees, which means there are fewer reasons for fear.

Rule 10 – Home separate from work

After work, throw all thoughts about it out of your head. Think about something else. Leave all your worries about an unfulfilled plan, an unsubmitted report at your workplace. Work is not the most important thing in life. For many of us, it's just a way to make money. All the endless work intrigues, conflicts, unfulfilled obligations are all nonsense, trifles.

Many of us do not decide people's destinies at work, but are just links in a huge organism that works in the interests of shareholders and owners of the corporation. Is your role in this system really that important to you?

All activities of a corporation are the employment of some people, dividends for other people, and access to certain benefits of third people. All corporations together form a market, which has the function of distributing goods and services in society.

This is undoubtedly useful and helps organize social relations. Such a system is not an absolute evil. But is it really worth deifying this car? Deify the role of a cog in it? Relax! Take this role easier! Didn't get the job done? It's OK. Put it out of your mind if the workday is already over. Think about it tomorrow, as the heroine of one famous novel said.

Stop obsessing over your work. There are many things in life that need your attention and participation. Work is not your whole life.

Some people are proud that they devote themselves so selflessly to their work, they are ready to give up everything in order to please their superiors and help the development of the company. They see in this nobility, loyalty and a certain kind of heroism. I don’t see anything in this other than an escape from my problems, dependence (workaholism), selfishness, weakness, servility to authority, narrow-mindedness, lack of interests and hobbies.

Your family needs you more than your boss. Your health is more important than any money. Life is not designed to be a hero at work for 12 hours every day until retirement. If you spend your whole life focusing only on work, then what will you achieve in the end? Money? Confessions?

Why is all this necessary if you have wasted years of your life? This will make you a hero in the eyes of your boss, but is that all you want?

The endless pursuit of money, recognition, fulfillment of a plan, authority and prestige is a pursuit of emptiness! There will be nothing there in the end, despite what you may now think is the highest goal!

Work is only a means. A means to realize your life goals. Work should be subordinated to these goals, and not vice versa. If you view work as a means, you will be much less upset by failure. Your head will become much less clogged with work matters. You will be able to think about something other than work. And understand what you really want, what is the true purpose of your life...

Conclusion – there is no need to demonstrate knowledge of these rules at work.

As I already wrote, I used to be very worried about work and worried a lot about the result. I was ready to stay late, ignoring my wife’s desire to be with me at least in the evening. I did this because I thought that “this is how it should be”, that this is the most important thing, that work is “everything”.

But then my attitude towards life in general and work in particular began to change (I wrote about this in the article). I realized that there are many things in life that are more important than work and work should be subordinated to my life, and not vice versa.

Some people are so designed that when they suddenly understand something important, come to some new conviction, they surrender to this conviction with all the passion of a new discovery! Only after some time do they manage to find a balance between their discoveries and the demands of the outside world.

Therefore, when I got tired of worrying about failures, when I realized that work was not the main thing, I began to treat it with demonstrative indifference. When my colleagues again began to accuse me of having made a mistake, and because of me some client would not receive his goods today, instead of clutching my head, blaming myself and apologizing (as I did before), I calmly said: “so what? What's wrong? and turned to the monitor.

From one extreme to another. This of course was not entirely correct on my part. But what happened, happened. My new reaction was also understandable.

You should not take my example in this case and sharply reconsider your line of behavior at work. Treat your work more simply, but do not show obvious indifference. If you make a mistake, calmly draw conclusions, try not to make mistakes in the future and openly admit your mistakes. Just don’t suffer about it, that’s all.

If you used to stay late at work all the time, allowed someone else’s work to fall on you, and suddenly you got tired of it, then you don’t need to immediately leave your workplace as soon as 18-00 hits, without having done your work (you can of course do this, if you don’t cherish this place). People don't expect this from you and expect the job to get done. Therefore, you should prepare everyone for the fact that you will no longer sit late into the night and do someone else's work. Warn people about this so they are prepared. Warn new employers right at the interview that you will not agree to free overtime.

I’m not trying to educate you to give a damn, I just want you to have a simpler attitude towards work, have other interests in life besides it, and not allow corporations to exploit your own labor!

I'm also not trying to develop bad employees. If you do not treat work with fanaticism, this does not mean that you will become a careless employee. On the contrary, you will perform many tasks better if you do not worry too much about possible failure.

The influence of human emotions on effective decision making can be seen in poker. This is a game that I really love for its versatility. Victory in it depends not only on luck, but also on the ability to play.

I think any poker professional will confirm the following thesis. If a player is very worried about the result, worried about the mistakes he has made, he will begin to play even worse, make the wrong decisions and make even more mistakes.

Calmness, control of emotions, a calm attitude towards losses are the key to success in poker. If a player is highly emotionally involved in the game, if his goal is to teach other players a lesson, to prove something to someone, to be the very first, and if he is mortally afraid of defeat, he will most likely suffer it.

Therefore, approach your work the same way a good player approaches the game: calmly and with a cool head. Don’t make work a field for realizing your ambitions and resolving your complexes. It is not your life or dignity that is at stake. Work is not the most important thing in life. Relax!

As a final piece of advice, I would advise you not to demonstrate knowledge of these rules during the interview. The employer expects you to work for the idea of ​​the company's prosperity or for the idea of ​​personal professional development, but not for money! Because it is difficult to exploit a worker for money!

If this is expected of you, then play by the employer’s rules and show with your appearance and answers that professional development and the opportunity to work in such a great company are more important to you than money.
I wrote about this in an article.

I hope you find these tips helpful. Some of them are more suitable for young people living in big cities, where there is a wide choice of work. But, I am sure that the advice to take a simpler approach to work will suit any employees, of any age and profession!

How much do you enjoy this job? In the beginning, everything seemed to suit you. But then the worst thing begins to happen: walking every day to work- becomes real torture. Should you make a hasty decision to quit or continue to wait patiently, hoping that everything will work out on its own? There are three serious reasons for dismissal and the so-called most hopeless cases in which you should no longer waste your time and nerves:

Injustice

Injustice may be your illusion. It just seems to you that your bosses or those around you are unfair to you. But if you are destined to experience the following 3 types of injustice with enviable regularity, then these are quite alarming symptoms in which you can hardly count on future improvements!

• you often do the work for 2 - 3 people, and there is always a new reason to dump other people’s tasks and responsibilities on you;
• your colleagues steal your ideas and pass them off as their own;
• bosses or colleagues hold you responsible for the mistakes of others.

Immoral and illegal actions

Dealing with immoral or illegal behavior at work can be more draining than quitting your job and finding a new job. Therefore, do not try to pretend to be a “warrior of light”, but rather think about yourself.

• your colleagues or superiors ask you to cover up their inappropriate, unprofessional or illegal actions, or quietly involve you in committing them;
• your manager demands to falsify papers, electronic documents, reports and other data;
• one of your colleagues uses sex to make a career;
• you receive indecent proposals from managers or experience constant pressure and harassment.

Violation of privacy

In many countries, the right to respect for private life is not given due attention either in legislation or in everyday life.

• some people believe that they can control you, your tastes and hobbies, interfere in your personal life, ask provocative questions and even make obscene jokes in the presence of others;
• Gossip, petty blackmail, espionage and intrigue flourish rapidly in the team;
• one of your colleagues is trying to discriminate against you based on religion, gender or any other basis.

Is it worth fighting or retreating?..

Unfortunately, in some companies, this atmosphere is part of the corporate culture, and the reason for this is the management style of senior management. You can't tailor the corporate culture to suit you. All the above problems in the team can be resolved in the shortest possible time with the help of appropriate actions of the top managers, but some employees believe that all these issues are an integral part of the cutthroat world of business and hence you have to accept the latter. You will not be able to do anything and change the situation if the management itself is satisfied with such an atmosphere in the team.
You could also be very wrong if you think your manager is "out of the loop" and your complaints will most likely have the following responses:

Complaints about injustice:
• you are not very professional and cannot cope with your responsibilities;
• you work as a team and therefore must help others as you all have a common goal. Complaints about immoral and illegal actions:
• you are too impressionable, you mistake sympathy for harassment;
• you are not able to figure out for yourself which actions are legal and which are not legal.

Complaints about violations of the right to privacy:
• your colleagues are trying to get to know you better, but you, in turn, do not know how to find a common language in a team, and this is your problem;
• you are not stress-resistant, conflict-resistant, or take everything to heart.

Retreat plan

If you are in an environment that interferes with your ability to perform your duties, or if your career or reputation is at risk, then allow the company to do without you. If you are sure that all of the above are real and not imaginary reasons for dismissal, then, depending on the severity of the situation, you can contact a lawyer or people who deal with the media. But the last resort is best avoided.
Do you think it's time to find a company where everything will be the way you want? No, this will not happen, because there are no ideal people and no ideal team. However, you are able to change anything, because first of all it is important that your new job was not disgusting to you and you went to it only in a good mood. Never let your emotions take over, but if you feel bad, leave without regret. Focus on a more positive future. You deserve a job that will be a mutually beneficial collaboration, not a torture of constant stress and humiliation. Remember that daily high levels of stress are dangerous for your mental and physical health!

Ecology of life. Lifehack: Let's face it: conflicts with colleagues are sometimes the most difficult interpersonal problems to resolve...

Let's face it: Conflicts with coworkers are sometimes the most difficult interpersonal issues to resolve.Because we don’t choose our colleagues the same way we choose friends, and we cannot appoint our mother as an arbitrator, as during family conflicts. Here's how you can get through this with grace, leaving you better than you were before.

Most people, according to author Bob Burg, do not have the art of persuasion is a key component of resolving problems with colleagues. ‬

That's why he wrote his book, Adversaries Into Allies: Win People Over Without Manipulation or Coercion, which offers advice on how to become an effective and influential person at work. .

“This means becoming a person who knows how to get the desired results from others by instilling in them a feeling of satisfaction with themselves, the situation and you,” explains Burg.

It turns out that this is a very useful skill.

“You create a positive experience and people can't wait to do business with you again,” he adds. “Being a master persuader and negotiator is much more lucrative, both financially and interpersonally, than being a master manipulator—someone who people would like to get rid of but can’t quickly get rid of!”

Consider the following five techniques for resolving office conflicts, as well as Burg-endorsed strategies for the argumentative pro.

Unpleasant situation at work No. 1: your neighbor at work does not understand the boundaries of what is acceptable

Your cavalier coworker uses a speakerphone to discuss everything from meeting clients to dinner with her husband; looks over your shoulder at your monitor; and strongly interferes in your conversations without your consent.

Controlling emotions is a strategy of an authority figure. Key to getting your coworker to give up such annoying habits is in your ability to remain calm."Otherwise, you won't be able to interact with that person in a meaningful way," says Burg.

So before you approach a co-worker, take a deep breath and make a promise to yourself to keep the harsh comments to yourself.

Burg emphasizes the importance of using a friendly (not accusatory!) tone when you say something like, “Hey Mary, I'd like to talk to you about how we can make our work environment more comfortable. I like working next door to you, but lately I’ve often been distracted from a serious project, especially when you’re talking on the phone through the speaker!”

Framing it this way is important because it makes it seem friendlier: you like your coworker, and you're judiciously using the "I" form of the message to describe distractions and your stress rather than her bad habits. And to avoid making her feel the need to defend herself, you focused on just one flaw in her workplace demeanor.

Then continue like this: “Is there any convenient way to tell you that you are interfering with my work and I am distracted? I just don't want any of us to feel out of place when this situation happens again."

This way, Burg explains, you get permission to solve the problem in the future. But remember to maintain composure and goodwill for as long as it takes to teach Mary to do what you want her to do: be a good workplace neighbor.

Unpleasant Work Situation #2: You Have to Deal with the Office Grump

As a new project manager, you've been assigned a team that includes an employee who is notorious for criticizing everything from team building activities to the selection of snacks for the office.

Respecting someone else's value system is a strategy of an authority figure. Burg says this is a classic example of conflicting viewpoints.

You will never be able to fully understand an employee's views on any issue simply because your own belief system - a combination of your upbringing, culture and life experiences - is different from his. But that shouldn't stop you from working on arrangements that satisfy both of you.

Step number one in establishing contact with a grumpy employee who does not want to work in a team - That's a compliment, says Burg. Try this: “You know, Ed, I would like to discuss how to make our work easier and more comfortable. I can tell that you are a deep thinker and that you know how to challenge the status quo.”

Continue like this: “But, nevertheless, sometimes I feel that your train of thought is negative - which is actually not so bad, because not everything around us is rosy. But the next time something makes you anxious, I’d like to hear from you as a solution to the problem as well.”

By steering the conversation in this direction, you show your colleague that you respect his point of view and understand that his skills can lead to greater collaboration in the future.

“This creates something very important in business and in leadership, namely trust,” says Burg. “This is extremely important because people will engage in business, refer to business and only allow themselves to be influenced by someone they can trust.”

Unpleasant work situation #3: Your boss is taking credit for your work.

You have great ideas, and your boss likes them, so much so that you suspect he's promoting them in high-level meetings as if they were his own.

Acknowledging someone else's ego is an authority figure's strategy.“Burning someone's ego in an attempt to resolve a situation is bound to push them away, causing them to feel emotions like resentment or anger,” says Burg. “That’s why in order to get your boss to hear your point of view in such a difficult situation, you need to stroke his ego.”

So start the conversation with good old-fashioned flattery, making sure your friendly attitude is clear before you get to the problem. You could say something like this: “Jean, I really enjoy working with you. I hope that this is mutual and that my work and suggestions are important to the team."

He'll probably be more than willing to agree, and you can move on to the next sentence: "And I'm thrilled that you're presenting some of my ideas to senior management."

Now that you've voiced your appreciation of what he does for you, gently mention your concerns, something like this: “I sometimes wonder if I'm getting everything I deserve, given my level of engagement at work. What do you think about it?"

“Refraining from saying things like, 'Hey, I think you're stealing my ideas!', ask your boss, politely and not in a threatening manner, what's going on. And he will not be able to give free rein to his ego, because there was no open accusation from you,” says Burg.

Now your boss has a responsibility to explain how things stand, and you have the opportunity to discuss how your concerns will be handled in the future.

Unpleasant work situation #4: You want a salary increase from your tight-fisted boss

You've heard that your company's revenue hasn't grown this year, but that doesn't change the fact that you've been waiting for a promotion for a long time and want to discuss this issue with your boss.

Providing a good basis for conversation is an authority figure's strategy. That's your responsibility as a master negotiator, says Burg. You need to be able to defuse the situation and direct potentially difficult transaction negotiations in a direction that is beneficial to you.

“The foundation is what everything else flows from,” he says. Therefore, if you are negotiating with a person who knows the situation as well as you, the conversation will most likely follow the desired course.

Once you realize that you are about to have a conversation with your boss, your main goal should be to establish a solid base. Start with a statement that expresses your awareness of the company's current issues without making your request seem out of place.

Burg offers the following option: "I know that the company's budget is very limited this year, but I would still like to talk with you about what can be done, within the current capabilities, to increase my salary."

After that, present your boss with a list detailing all of your significant accomplishments over the past few years.

“Be prepared to show him when, where and how what you did led to increased profits for the company,” says Burg, adding that the structure of the “I” message creates a realistic, non-aspirational tone that will challenge the boss. favor and desire to take your arguments into account.

Unpleasant Work Situation #5: You Have to Rein in the Arrogant Newcomer

Your fresh-out-of-college assistant is trying to avoid doing menial, mundane tasks like processing the contracts he was hired to do in the first place, so that you can have time to work on serious projects that require more skills than those he was hired to do. possesses.

Communicating tactfully and understandingly is the strategy of an authority figure.“If you want to interact with colleagues to solve pressing problems,” says Burg, “you need to do it skillfully, putting yourself in the position of your opponents. If you don't do this, the other person will become defensive and stubborn,” he says.

First, make it clear to your assistant that we all started somewhere: “John, you know you have potential and you will achieve a lot in this company. I see how much you want to get into the mainstream as soon as possible, and it reminds me of myself at your age.”

The fact that you see and acknowledge his enthusiasm will help him feel more at ease, as will the understanding that you have been in a similar situation yourself.

Continue like this: “What we really need right now is for you to focus on the responsibilities of your current position. This way, you will be able to study everything thoroughly and gain significant experience, which is necessary both for working in this company and for your future career.”

In this way, you mention his own career and future, and express your thoughts in a way that makes his current job especially meaningful to him. This is a tactic that is based on one of Berg's universal rules.

"People do what they do for their own reasons, not yours," says Burg. “So to become an effective persuader, you will need to learn how to connect the other person's goals and needs with the outcome you want.” published

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There are many people who constantly have problems at work, and it doesn’t matter where they work. The situation does not change even in a new workplace.

If the same problems arise every time, do not rush to blame someone, think about your behavior.

Business.com offers a look at the reasons that will prove you are the problem.

1.Everyone is trying to hurt you

It would be very surprising if it were possible to establish good relationships with absolutely all people. But if you constantly deal with bullies, the problem may go much deeper than ordinary differences between people.

One reason could be that you have a personality trait that puts everyone off. Instead of blaming others for bullying you, try to find the flaw in yourself and change it. To make your task easier, ask your friends and family what they don’t like about you and what needs to be changed.

Another reason could be your hypersensitivity. You should not react painfully to comments; take them as an opportunity to improve.

2. You've been fired multiple times.

Many had to change jobs several times. But if this happens to you all the time, you should think about what you are doing wrong.

• Are you slandering your boss?
• Are you constantly unhappy with what you are asked to do?
• Are you late for work?
• Arguing with clients?

Think about your behavior, which may irritate your boss. Do everything you can to change this in yourself.

Read also:

3. You get the worst assignments.

Someone has to do the stupid job. You don't have to do this all the time. Do your employees think differently?

Obviously, you get the worst jobs all the time. You may need to prove that you can handle serious tasks with dignity.

4. Everyone you work with is a complete fool.

It is likely that you are a genius, but this does not mean that there are only fools around. If no one can appreciate your ideas, then think about their originality.

It is likely that you do not know how to express your thoughts and only give out pieces of information. Work more on your speech and ability to express your thoughts.

5. You are always the victim

There may be some discrimination in the workplace, and you may be picked on for trifles, but this cannot happen all the time. If you are not promoted because you belong to a certain nation, because you are a woman or something like that, then these are most likely the excuses that are closest to you.

6. You constantly find yourself in unpleasant situations when others get away with it.

You are 5 minutes late and your boss is ready to kill you, and your colleague arrives 20 minutes late and he calmly greets her. What to do about it?

There could be 2 problems here: you have bad bosses or you are actually doing something wrong.

7. You are never wrong

If you think that something went wrong at work, most likely it is your fault. Don't be afraid to admit it. Mistakes are common to absolutely everyone.

If you pretend that you didn’t notice the mistake, you can provoke big problems. Admitting that you did something wrong will not put you in an uncomfortable position, it will help you correct everything in time.

Don't rush into a defensive position. Instead, think about how you can solve the problem, and you will see that there is nothing wrong with it and it’s not that difficult to fix.

8. Nobody likes you at work.

If you got a new job, most likely, the team already has established relationships, not always good ones. It's not your fault, but you should try to stay out of it.

Ask yourself a few questions:

• Should I pry into people's personal lives?
• Is it worth spreading rumors?
• Is it worth expressing your opinion?
• Should we judge people?
• Should you complain about your problems?

If you can answer yes to at least one question, reconsider your behavior.

9. You scream

It is appropriate to shout only when it is urgently necessary to warn a person that a brick is falling on his head or when a snake is approaching a person. But when a person made a mistake, did something wrong, you shouldn’t raise your tone. Even if you are the boss.

An emotional statement in a raised voice is unlikely to demonstrate your serious attitude. Under no circumstances do you have the right to shout at employees. Besides, this way you are unlikely to be able to prove anything; you will rather push people away from you. Instead, learn to control your emotions and see how much more effective it will be.

10. Your boss said you were the problem.

Sometimes the boss creates a fuss. Of course, it's not always pleasant, but this is your boss. Therefore, when the boss tells you not to do something, accuses you of being passive or demanding, it is better to listen to him.

Never ignore your boss's opinion. Even if he is wrong, it is not a fact that you will be able to prove it, but you can easily lose your job. Either correct what your manager told you or try to find a new job.

The main thing is, under no circumstances should you ignore even minor problems, they will show that something has gone wrong.