The state of despair and spiritual practice. What to do if you're desperate

1. Free yourself from negativity inside you. Don’t keep all your emotions to yourself, don’t accumulate them, it’s better to sit down and cry your heart out or break dishes, go to the gym and take your anger out on a punching bag. The more negativity you throw out, the less worries you will have, and your husband’s leaving the family will be much easier to handle. If you fail to do this, then your condition will only worsen every day, and new grievances will only accumulate.
2. You don't have to be alone all the time with his tormenting thoughts and lead a reclusive lifestyle. Let your relatives and friends be nearby, spend more time with them. Ask them for help, even if it looks like a cry from the soul: “My husband left me, help me!” They will help you overcome difficulties. Don’t hold yourself back and tell your friends and family everything that’s gnawing at you without hesitation. Do not think that you are whining or shifting your problems onto others - this is not so, they will support you in any case and, perhaps, give good advice.
3. Try to always keep yourself busy with something at first. Go to the cinema or theater, find a hobby, have fun, but don't sit at home alone. Distract yourself with all possible activities and drive away bad thoughts.
4. When a husband leaves his family, some women have a desire to take revenge on him. Many try in every possible way to disgrace their husband, tell bad things about him, reveal his shortcomings, delving into intimate details. You shouldn't stoop to this. After all, initially you will not show yourself from the best side, and, most likely, you will ruin your reputation, not your husband’s. Remember that feelings of revenge will not lead to anything meaningful. You will only burden yourself with unnecessary thoughts and worries that will not give you peace anyway.
5. Try to let him go, dispel all thoughts about him, forget the grudges, and you yourself will feel a sense of relief. Get rid of your husband's belongings left after he left. Don't let a shirt forgotten in your closet make you sad every day.
6. Don't rush into finding a replacement husband and dive into a new relationship. It is a misconception that new relationships help you forget past ones. Until you completely get over the breakup, and the memories of your husband stop touching your soul, you will not be able to build a new, full-fledged and healthy relationship, since you will constantly compare your former and current partners. Short affairs won't save you either.
7. Try to accept your new life, you need to get used to it and realize that your husband is gone, but life does not end. You can find a lot of positive aspects in your new position. You may want to rethink some things. And also to accomplish what you have long dreamed of or wanted to do, but still couldn’t decide. As a result, you will have new goals and objectives. No one assures you that going through a divorce is easy, but if you make an effort, it is quite possible. Pull yourself together, follow the advice and everything will work out for you. The main thing is not to rush - everything has its time.

I am a Russian Muslim. I have such a problem... As a child, apparently, my parents didn’t keep track, and my teeth were badly damaged. Now all my moral strength and money go to them, I earn money myself and spend everything on it, I don’t feel inner strength, there is no positivity, there is no feeling that I have feminine strength and health, beauty, although I am a pretty pretty girl, I’m even more afraid give birth to children. This directly affects my appearance - I don’t smile.

In addition, there is a problem with another external feature that significantly determines the attractiveness of a woman. I am 28 years old, and I am still not married, I am constantly haunted by bad thoughts about old age, death, dental problems are associated with old age, and I have not given birth to a single child and for some reason it seems that I cannot. And if I can, then I won’t have enough strength for my husband, where can I get beauty so that he doesn’t leave, the only person that is very important to me is my friend and husband...

Help, how to find positivity and moral strength? I really repel those around me and men too with my despondency and lack of faith in myself. I always think that people have worse problems, but their health is already bad, I could come to terms with such a problem at a more mature age, but I haven’t gotten married yet, and I constantly think that I won’t get married , and who needs me like that...

From a religious point of view:

Beauty is a rather subjective concept; every culture and at different times had its own ideals of beauty. Moreover, these, too, are just the ideals of culture, trendsetters, and not all or even most people. Allah created all people different not only in appearance, but also in character, preferences and other psychological traits. Don’t even doubt that in the eyes of some men you will be not just beautiful, but the most beautiful woman.

Now regarding health. This light was not created by the Almighty as a homeland and a place of eternal life for us, it is just a testing field. Here we are given a short period of time, during which we must prove our loyalty to our Creator by fulfilling all his orders and commands. The Almighty gave all people different appearance, condition, well-being, intelligence, health... All this is a test.

Of course, you and all other people would like to be healthy, the healthiest, and this is normal, because a person always strives for the best. You may not have such good health, but believe me, there are people whose health is even worse, there are those who are counting the days of their lives. Someday visit a hospital for cancer patients, look at them, pay special attention to the children who are there, and then evaluate your health. Is everything so bad that there is nothing left but despondency? Thank the Almighty day and night that you have all the parts of your body, that you can walk, taste food, relieve yourself... After all, there are thousands, and if we take the entire population of our planet as an example, then millions of people who are deprived of all this !

Beauty and many other features that are sometimes taken by young people as the primary criteria when looking for wives are not eternal and are not a guarantee of happiness. Whereas piety, obedience to one’s Creator and observance of all the canons of His religion guarantee this, guarantee happiness both in this world and in the next. For only the same men will come to woo a God-fearing girl, and a pious man will not follow every skirt or look at others. Whereas those who married a girl only because of her beauty can safely begin to pay attention to another, more beautiful than his wife, as is often the case.

Marry only an observant man. Have children and don't be afraid of anything. If you think that only healthy people in all respects can give birth fully, then you are mistaken; if this were so, there would not be 7 billion of us. What can we say about women who have some kind of health problems, when we see that sometimes even HIV-infected women whose immunity is completely undermined give birth to absolutely full-fledged children. Everything is the will of Allah, never forget about this, if you are destined to become a mother, you will definitely become one, and only the Almighty knows whether it is destined or not. With all my heart I wish you good health and family.

: From a psychological point of view

It is difficult, if not impossible, to find a girl who would be completely satisfied with her appearance. In your work you often come across the fact that even an objectively attractive girl, to one degree or another, worries about her own inferiority complexes. They only differ in that they react differently to their shortcomings. Someone simply does not pay attention to them, realizing that he is just a person and for this very reason cannot be impeccable. Others try in every possible way to compensate for this feeling by resorting to all sorts of cosmetic services or even undergoing surgery. As a rule, this category of people, trying to hide their own inferiority, reveals it even more. For this purpose, psychological science even has a special term - overcompensation. But there is a third category of persons, to which, apparently, you belong. These are the people who begin to elevate their own shortcomings almost into a cult and refuse any perspective. They prefer to stay in the shadows and not show themselves again. This is to some extent similar to the behavior of the hero of Saltykov-Shchedrin’s fairy tale “The Wise Minnow,” when a person drives himself into the abyss of his own fears.

Your whole problem is that you often think about possible failures that may occur in your life. Thinking about them, over time you begin to treat these thoughts as an objective reality, as if they really have a place in your life, and you immediately begin to make plans to get away from them. All this together leads you to the idea that it is better not to start anything at all, so as not to end up abandoned and disappointed.

So let’s think together about what kind of attitude can be formed towards a person who not only doesn’t love himself, but is even embarrassed in some ways. Would you get involved with a person who obviously thinks about himself that he will be boring and that he does not represent any value. You will forgive me for such frankness, but it is very important to see yourself from the outside, to understand the nature of your own fears. The whole point is that you can, without suspecting it, be in some kind of vicious circle. On the one hand, the inner conviction of your own inferiority forces you to avoid any changes in life, leading you to the fact that people do not stay around for long, on the other hand. Here you need to seriously change your attitude towards yourself. It will be very difficult to love and appreciate you if you do not love and appreciate yourself. All of us, in principle, intuitively understand what is happening to this or that person, even if we cannot logically justify it all. Our natural instinct almost always tells us that we should keep our distance from this or that person. We just don't all listen to ourselves.

There is no need to dwell on your shortcomings, believe me, for each of them there will definitely be an advantage, the main thing is to dig deep into your strengths. Make a clear action plan, correct what can be corrected. Consult a good dentist, and he will tell you a decent solution. It is quite possible that you will need money, but you start denying yourself today what is not so important, and tomorrow you will have the necessary amount to correct damaged teeth. In general, there is no need to poison your life with all sorts of gloomy thoughts; there are so many interesting things in the world.

Muhammad-Amin - Haji Magomedrasulov

Aliaskhab Anatolyevich Murzaev

Psychologist-consultant at the Center for Social Assistance to Family and Children

Any person has found himself in a difficult situation of grief, failure or loss in his life. Everyone knows the feeling of confusion, despair and hopelessness, the feeling of one’s own inferiority. Some people know how to quickly cope with such a condition and rebuild, some succeed over time, and some are “knocked out of the saddle” for a very long time, if not forever, consider themselves losers, broken by fate or circumstances, stop acting, living a full life , go into illness or binge drinking, and maybe into depression. What to do?

Despair is one of the deadly sins. This means that you should not give in to panic, indulge in decadent moods, despair, lose hope and fall into the blues. It is very easy to proclaim, but very difficult to do. Let's try to figure out how not to give in to despair and how to overcome despondency. Maybe, after all, there are some ways to fight and overcome this difficult mental state.

1. Believe in yourself and your strengths

It means knowing that you can endure and overcome a lot. Know that a lot depends on you and you are not just a “cog”. If it doesn't work out the first time, it will work out the next time.

2. Soberly, honestly (to yourself) and realistically assess your capabilities and abilities

This means being aware of the level of your knowledge and skills, understanding that someone can be better than you. A balanced assessment will allow you to avoid disappointment and trouble, unnecessary and wasted effort. But is anyone stopping us from becoming better, stronger, wiser, more professional? Nobody but ourselves.

3. Calm analysis of the situation

It is necessary to calmly, without emotions, evaluate the unsuccessful experience and understand what was done wrong: perhaps there was not enough effort, or perhaps, on the contrary, too much. Analyzing the situation will give you peace of mind; only in a balanced state can you find a constructive solution. And a calm, even state is no longer melancholy.

4. Learn a lesson

This means understanding that failure is a precursor to victory, and everyone has failures, but not everyone views failure as a failure. It's just an EXPERIENCE. Tolerating failure releases success. It is necessary to develop the habit of taking advantage of failure; this is one of the most important techniques for achieving success.

5. Get support – moral and professional

This means turning to loved ones for help - family, friends. And/or contact specialists - doctors, teachers, psychologists, spiritual teachers. Everyone needs support and help from loved ones in difficult situations. But, if you have asked for help very often and have exhausted the trust of relatives and friends, then a difficult situation is just the case when you can take control of your destiny into your own hands.

6. Look for the positive in what happened.

It is a known fact that as a result of the crisis, one very wealthy businessman lost $100 million. He ONLY had 100 thousand dollars left. He committed suicide. The loss of money was the loss of everything for him, even worse than the loss of life.

And now let’s imagine an average citizen who didn’t have a ruble and suddenly had 100 thousand dollars! A lot of money! It turns out that this is from which point of view to look at. We remained alive and well, everything is fine in the family - the rest can be survived and overcome.

7. Do not break laws - state and moral

This will make it possible to live in harmony with yourself and with others, and will not lead to difficult and dangerous (and perhaps irreparable) situations.

8. Distraction

Remember what Scarlett O'Hara said? “I’ll think about it tomorrow...” An intractable, or maybe completely insoluble situation is not the whole of life, it’s only a part, albeit a very painful one. There should be a lot in life that “keeps you afloat”. These are love, friendship, religion, nature, art (literature, painting, music, etc.), sports, hobbies. Find an activity that will distract you from heavy thoughts, or just do something else. This could be general cleaning, repairs, something that will take all your energy and time. It’s not for nothing that people say that the morning is wiser than the evening.

Just don’t go into alcohol and other similar pleasures. This will only drive the problem deep, from where it will be difficult to get it out, and it will also add to the moral and physical hangover.

9. Avoid negative emotions, especially guilt and shame

These emotions are not helpful in solving difficult life problems. Negative emotions interfere with the full functioning of the brain; with them it is impossible to make the right decision at the moment. And the saddest thing is that negative emotions are the basis for the emergence of various addictions, alcohol, nicotine, drugs, etc.

10. Take responsibility into your own hands

Taking responsibility means understanding that only you yourself are responsible for your life, its quality, personal achievements, and not shifting the blame to colleagues, parents, teachers, bosses, etc. If you did something wrong, then try to correct the situation in word and deed - apologize, talk and explain your position, help fix what you messed up.

11. Smile!

If you feel very bad at heart, try to smile and even forcefully stretch your lips into a smile. The body remembers that this position of the lips corresponds to a good mood, and, surprisingly, the mood will begin to level out and even (!) improve. Tension, emotional and physical, will begin to subside, and the situation will no longer seem so insoluble or tragic.

Failures that haunt us can develop a fear of failure and a strategy for avoiding failure. This means that a person will not strive to achieve success, but will refuse active actions and try with all his might to avoid failure. The worst news is that no one can help you overcome this fear. But the best news is that everything is in our hands. We have a choice: either we grow huge weeds of fear or we can sow the seeds of faith in ourselves and our strengths. Good luck!

(according to St. Silouan of Athos and Archimandrite Sophronius)

First, let’s quote from the famous book “On Prayer”: “From my experience I can say: there are two types of despair: one is purely negative, destroying a person spiritually and then physically. The other is blessed. I can’t stop talking about him.”

Elsewhere, in the book “Elder Silouan,” Father Sophrony adds: “The enemy-devil acts differently with those who accept him, and differently in relation to those who fight. Another is the suffering of proud despair, and another is the suffering of a pious soul, when God allows Satan to make war on the soul. This last temptation is extremely difficult and is rarely tolerated.” Not much has been written about this latter condition; I would like to draw attention to the connection of this state with the suffering of the biblical Job.

Many years of experience of asceticism, the spiritual authority of Father Sophrony, whom many reverence as an elder, and the depth of his creations do not allow us to simply brush aside these words about blessed despair, which are not easy to understand, but require serious thought.

Deadly despair

When they talk about despair in Orthodoxy, they most often mean the first of the types of despair indicated by Father Sophrony - “purely negative and destructive of a person” despair as one of the most serious sins (according to V.I. Dahl’s “Dictionary of the Living Great Russian Language”, despair - this is hopelessness, deprivation of the last faith and hope.

Let us first consider in more detail precisely this kind of despair that destroys a person. As Bishop Varnava (Belyaev) notes, for people leading a spiritual life, this destructive despair also comes in two kinds: “Despair of the first kind occurs from aggravation of the conscience by the multitude of sins committed, when the soul, due to the large number of these ulcers, plunges from their severity into the depth of hopeless grief and hopelessness.

Another kind of despair occurs from pride, when a person who has fallen into some kind of sin does not want to humble himself and admit that he deserves to fall. The first type is healed by abstinence and warm hope in God, and from the latter - humility and not letting anyone down. condemn."

And here is how Father Sophrony describes this state: “As long as pride is strong in a person, until then he can be subjected to attacks of especially painful, hellish despair, which distorts all ideas about God and the ways of His providence. A proud soul, being in painful suffering and the darkness of hell, considers God to be the culprit of its torment and thinks of Him as immeasurably cruel. Deprived of true existence in God, she evaluates everything from her painful and suffering state and begins to hate both her life and, in general, the entire existence of the world.

Staying outside the Divine Light, in her despair she reaches the point where the existence of God Himself begins to appear to her as hopeless nonsense, due to which her repulsion from God and hatred of every being becomes greater and greater.”

The main reasons for such despair are wounded pride, fear of public shame if they find out about the crime committed, fear of punishment, the collapse of ideals or planned enterprises, hopeless love, etc. In the most severe cases, despair can drive a person to suicide.

It should also be noted that many Holy Fathers spoke about the need to fight passions (spiritual warfare) and that passions can be sent to us for spiritual improvement. The Lord is more pleased with our struggle with passions than with a complete absence of passions, dispassion. We know, for example, the testimony of the Monk John Kolov, who first begged God to be granted dispassion, and then, on the advice of the elder, asked the Lord for the return of battles and patience, for, as the elder said, “because of battles the soul comes to prosperity.” "

Gives a very instructive commentary on this important episode for Orthodox spiritual practice, which is reflected in the Holy Tradition. also indicates: “Let the passionate ones who humble themselves be in good spirits. For if they fell into all the pits, and got stuck in all the nets, and suffered from every illness, but after recovery they become luminaries and doctors, guides and mentors for everyone, announcing the types and properties of each illness and with their experience saving those close to the fall.”

It is also impossible not to mention here an instructive incident, which is evidenced by “Trinity Leaves from the Spiritual Meadow.” We are talking about an appearance to a person who was in despair and was about to commit suicide. This man was so shocked by the vision that he threw away the belt with which he had just wanted to hang himself, and headed to, where he received consolation from Father Anfim. Through prayer at the shrine of St. Sergius, he was finally consoled and left the monastery like a newborn baby. He looked at the world with different eyes, and his soul completely calmed down.

Experiencing destructive despair is dangerous, but not yet fatal. A person who has fallen into destructive despair can (and should) still turn to God with fervent prayer of repentance, and the Lord will certainly give him healing and new strength to continue his spiritual warfare. Here is how the Monk Isaac the Syrian writes about this: “If it happens to a person to fall into many different sins, let him not cease to care about good, let him not stop in his course. But let the conquered one rise again to fight against his opponents and daily begin to lay the foundation for the destroyed building, until his very departure from this world.”

In conclusion of this part of the article, it should be noted that, according to the teachings of the Orthodox ascetic fathers, the state of despair is most closely related to sadness and despondency.

Despair “according to God”

There is also a state of mind, externally, in its psychological characteristics, similar to that described above, but fundamentally different. This is how Father Sophrony describes him: “When for the first time a person, providentially abandoned by God, experiences the approach of Satan, then his entire being, both soul and body, is suppressed by great suffering and fear, which cannot be compared with the fear of criminals and murderers, because there is darkness in it eternal death.

The soul then knows that there is a devil; learns the power of his cruelty; and struck by the enormity of the evil standing before her, everything shrinks. From horror, despair and trembling, she becomes so exhausted that she cannot find the strength to pray. She does not feel God the Intercessor with her, and the enemy says: “You are in my power... But do not rely on God and forget Him; He is relentless." At these moments, the soul, not wanting to accept the devil, either silently, without words, freezes with the thought of God, or, at best, finds the strength to call on the name of God. Afterwards she learns that it is in this struggle that God listens exclusively to her.”

As many Church Fathers noted (in particular, St. John Cassian, Nilus of Sinai, Isaac the Syrian, Saints, Gregory of Nyssa, etc.), sinful passions pervert the saving “moods of a person, the psychological basis of which is imprinted in human nature as an undoubtedly useful means, condition, favorable for a person’s fulfillment of his religious and moral purpose.”

These moods, as S. M. Zarin rightly emphasizes, arise in connection with the knowledge of true good, on the one hand, and because of the awareness of the depravity of our life, on the other. They are supported by the contemplation of the bliss of Eternal Life and the desire for perfection. Contemplating the infinite ideal, a person not only feels more deeply and more clearly realizes the imperfection of human nature in general, but at the same time - and this is fundamentally important - he begins to feel the imperfection of his own personality. In this case, this feeling becomes an active stimulus for the religious and moral development of a person.

The state described above in Orthodox asceticism is called sadness “for God” (for God, for God’s sake).

According to the testimony of St. Isaac the Syrian, sadness becomes useful for us only in one case, when it is sadness “for God.” Sorrow “for God” “arises from repentance of sins or from the desire for perfection, or from contemplation of future bliss. A heart filled with sadness about weakness and powerlessness in obvious physical affairs replaces all these bodily affairs.”

Sorrow “for God” is one of the essential and initial moments of the Christian faith, necessary for salvation. Its difference lies in the fact that it finds its religious and moral foundation, support and main goal precisely in God. A person experiences acute dissatisfaction with his condition (and at the same time feels the impossibility of changing this situation on his own) precisely insofar as this condition becomes a significant obstacle to achieving the only goal valuable to him - the desire for God.

Thus, sadness in this “good” direction helps to maintain activity in a person and encourages him to perform an ascetic feat. This feat of all-round improvement is expressed both in the cleansing of a person from passions and in his acquisition of the most important Christian virtues. The Monk Isaac the Syrian called such “sadness of mind” a precious gift of God.

The state of sadness “for God” differs from the destructive passion we described above in that a person painfully feels within himself the discrepancy between the soul’s desire for God and the desire to achieve this on his own. The main goal of his life becomes God, and not the satisfaction of his own thoughts, desires and passions and not caring about his earthly existence. Being in a state of “ordinary” sadness, a person withdraws into himself, but sorrow “for God” most often leads to the acquisition of Divine grace (for it is said: Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you (Matthew 7:7), and the destructive passions of sadness and despair without repentance can cause hopeless melancholy, apathy and inactivity, paralysis of will and abilities.

The spiritual state that Archimandrite Sophrony writes about and which is psychologically close to a state of despair, however, has its own significant characteristics. Such despair is not based on fear of revealing secret sins or pride, but on insatiable zeal for God. This is a more intense and acute manifestation of grief “for God.” For convenience of presentation, we will further call this state despair “according to God.”

The spiritual state of a person, which is similar in content, is evidenced by speaking about the sacrament of repentance: “What characterizes it (the sacrament of repentance - A.G.) most of all is a painful fracture of the will. Man insulted God; We must now burn in the fire of unwashed judgment. The penitent experiences the illnesses of those giving birth, and in the feelings of the heart in some way touches the torments of hell. In the penitent, the horrors of almost despair, then the breath of the joy of mercy are replaced by one another.”

Father Sophrony uses the terrible word “despair” to describe the extreme suffering felt by a soul that has felt the grace of God and then lost it, in order to emphasize the strength that this sadness “according to God” can achieve.

The Monk Silouan of Athos writes on this occasion about “despondency of the heart”: “When the Lord visits, the soul knows that the dear Guest was and left, and the soul misses Him, and tearfully seeks Him: “Where are You, my Light, where are You, My joy? Your footprints are fragrant in my soul, but You are not there, and my soul misses You, and my heart is sad and aching, and nothing cheers me anymore, because I offended the Lord, and He hid from me.” The Monk Silouan notes that the feeling of the love and grace of the Lord is lost by us “for pride and vanity, for hostility towards a brother, for condemning a brother, for envy, for a lustful thought, for addiction to earthly things,” etc.

As already noted, such a temptation is not often allowed by God. Not all Orthodox believers experience such intense suffering, such zealous sorrow “for God.” This is confirmed by other spiritual writers. Thus, Saint Theophan the Recluse notes that the search for God occurs in different people in different ways: if for some it is “done zealously, quickly, fieryly,” then for others, on the contrary, “the matter proceeds coldly, slowly, and laboriously.” Archimandrite Sophrony obviously belongs to the first group.

Saint Theophan notes with regret that this first group is very small and rare, and such extreme zeal for God, which was later described in the works of Father Sophrony, is not often found among Christians. More often, a person, having ceased to feel the excitement of God’s grace, on the contrary, gets used to it, and again he falls into his usual mortal sins. “The more often these falling away occur,” writes Saint Theophan, “the weaker the excitement becomes, because the heart seems to get used to it, and it turns into a series of ordinary phenomena of mental life.

Together with such belittlement, it moves from an energetic feeling closer and closer to thought, and finally turns into one simple thought and memory. This thought is accepted with consent for the time being, then it is only tolerated, although without displeasure, but coldly, without much attention; and then it becomes annoying, they rush to get rid of it as quickly as possible, and, finally, they feel unpleasant and disgusted from it; he is no longer loved, but hated, persecuted, driven away. Accordingly, the conviction in the need for a better spiritual life decreases...”

Based on this, Saint Theophan strongly recommends that all believers make efforts to acquire the gift of God’s grace and use for this the slightest thoughts about the need to “change their lives and become better in their deeds and internal dispositions.”

Perhaps this state of “ultimate despair for God” is given to some ascetics for greater acquisition of God’s grace. In any case, we have no right to deny what we have not learned.

It must be emphasized that Father Sophrony does not encourage anyone to experience a state of despair “according to God.” He only shares his experience, which he, with God’s help, managed to survive. At the same time, although such zeal for God, which is reflected in the works of Father Sophrony, is not typical for the modern world, it inspired many Orthodox Christians to continue their spiritual improvement and thereby brought numerous fruits.

Inability to overcome spiritual obstacles on your own

The despair that Father Sophrony writes about, in addition to constant zeal for God and an incessant desire for Him, has another reason - the impossibility of overcoming spiritual obstacles on one’s own. “Many times,” notes Father Sophrony, “I came to despair of myself due to my inability to constantly remain in the spirit of the commandments of Christ.”

“Seeing ourselves unable to overcome this death through our efforts, we fall into a kind of despair about our salvation. Strange as it may seem, we need to experience this painful state - experience it hundreds of times so that it is deeply etched into our consciousness. This experience of hell is useful to us. When we carry this torment within ourselves for years, decades, it becomes the constant content of our spirit, an indelible sore on the body of our life. And Christ kept the wounds from the nails of the crucifixion on His body even after the Resurrection...”

The despair that Father Sophrony is talking about here is not despair in trusting in the mercy and grace of God, which is characteristic of destructive passions, but despair in a zealous, irresistible desire to achieve the ideal on one’s own. Father Sophrony calls this state despair “from oneself.”

Each of us is familiar with the suffering that arises from the inability to solve the insoluble, to achieve the unattainable, to do the impossible. In itself, this desire does not carry moral certainty. The moral assessment of this aspiration depends only on the direction of our will.

Having arrived at this situation, for some time we continue to make attempts to realize our aspirations on our own, but soon we lose them and realize the impossibility of achieving the planned result. This feeling, which is usually also called despair, was apparently experienced by Father Sophrony.

As S. M. Zarin notes, “stormy impulses, according to the laws of mental life, must be followed by a reaction in the form of a weakening, decline in mental energy. And this decline actually sets in, expressed in new affective states of sadness and despondency” (and the latter, as we have already noted, is akin to despair).

The Lord gave man free will, and He expects from us our own efforts in spiritual improvement. Such human efforts are, in particular, one of the most important conditions for spiritual warfare. Therefore, there is nothing sinful in these efforts themselves. But these own human efforts have their limits. What is impossible with men is possible with God (Luke 18:27). A person, in the process of his spiritual growth, sooner or later begins to feel this. And the Holy Fathers felt this especially strongly and acutely. A serious internal contradiction arises that requires resolution.

Resolving the contradiction of despair from oneself “according to God”

“Grace-filled despair,” which Father Sophrony writes about, despair of oneself “according to God,” finds its resolution in the acquisition of God’s grace. Going through severe spiritual suffering, through exhaustion, a person becomes spiritually purer, “more transparent” to God.

The resolution of “graceful despair”, spiritual cleansing is a gift of God. It is the Lord who sends His light, His deliverance, which the ascetic’s soul so longs for, so earnestly prays for, having felt the impossibility of acquiring grace through one’s own strength and deeds: “It is far from joyful to see oneself “beggar”, to realize one’s blindness,” Father Sophrony testifies. “It’s extremely painful to hear a death sentence against myself for being who I am.” However, in the eyes of my Creator, I am blessed precisely for the knowledge of my nothingness (cf. Matthew 5:3).

I must see Christ “as He is” in order to compare myself with Him, and from this comparison feel my “ugliness.” My self-loathing was and still is strong. But out of this horror, a prayer of special despair was born in me, plunging me into a sea of ​​​​tears. At that time I did not see any way to my healing; It seemed to me that my ugliness could not be transformed into the likeness of His beauty. And this crazy prayer, which shook my entire being, attracted the compassion of the Most High God to me, and His Light shone in the darkness of my existence. Through the hell of my hopelessness came heavenly deliverance..."

Many Holy Fathers and ascetics spoke about God’s help, which comes in the most difficult and responsible moments of life, associated, in particular, with the refusal to rely only on one’s own strength and with trust in God. Thus, Saint Ignatius (Brianchaninov) emphasizes: “Your cross is vanity and fruitless if, through following Christ, it is not transformed into the cross of Christ.” “The cross is still painful as long as it remains its own. When he is transformed into the cross of Christ, he receives extraordinary lightness.”

Having received God's help and felt His grace, the ascetic does not stop there. Having received a respite from spiritual warfare and the spiritual experience of condemning himself, he, as Father Sophrony writes, “again goes to stand over the abyss.”

“Keep your mind in hell and do not despair”

The Monk Silouan of Athos received a revelation from the Lord: “Keep your mind in hell and do not despair.” For an ordinary person, including a believer, keeping the mind in hell is unbearable. However, by constantly praying for the whole world, the ascetic gradually acquires the ability to plunge into hell without falling into a state of despair. There is no need to despair, the Monk Silouan testifies to this, “for the Lord is immeasurably merciful and loves us.”

As Father Sophrony notes, only a few can keep their minds in hell and not despair. “From constant participation in this feat,” he writes, “the soul acquires a special habit and endurance, so that the memory of hell is so absorbed by the soul that it becomes almost irresistible. The need for such constancy is caused by the fact that a person “living in the world and bearing flesh” is constantly exposed to the influences of the sin that surrounds him, from which, like armor, the soul is protected by the fact that it humbles itself even to the underworld.”

The ascetic, with a special internal movement, descends with his soul to hell, and the fire of hell burns and burns out the passions in him.

Explaining the revelation of the Monk Silouan “Keep your mind in hell and do not despair,” Archimandrite Sophrony (Sakharov) writes: “Keeping yourself in hell was not new for him. Before the appearance of the Lord, he [Elder Silouan] remained in it. New in God's instructions - “and do not despair.” Previously he had reached despair; now again, after many years of difficult struggle, frequent abandonment of God, he experienced hours, if not despair, then still close to him suffering. The memory of seeing the Lord did not allow him to reach his final despair, but the suffering from the loss of grace was no less severe. Or rather, what he was experiencing was also despair, but of a different kind than the first. For so many years, despite all the labors that were extremely possible for his strength, he did not achieve what he wanted and therefore lost hope of ever achieving it.”

“Blessed Elder Silouan said that many ascetics, approaching the state necessary for cleansing from passions, despair and therefore cannot go further. But the one who knows that “the Lord loves us a lot” avoids the destructive effect of final despair and knows how to wisely stand on the edge of it, so that with the power of hellish flame he burns every passion in himself, and at the same time does not become a victim of despair.” The Monk Silouan himself, as Archimandrite Sophrony testifies, sometimes, at the beginning of his spiritual achievement, also fell into despair, but, by the grace of God, he came out of it “with benefit.”

According to Father Sophrony, Elder Silouan was plunging into hell, but “by returning to the memory of God’s love, he avoided despair.” At the same time, “the ultimate human suffering, bearable by nature, is combined with the ultimate bliss, bearable by human nature.”

Archimandrite Sophrony writes that many ascetics “went through painful mental fluctuations, through torment of conscience from the consciousness of their depravity and untruth before God, through destructive doubts and a painful struggle with passions. They knew the states of hellish torment, the heavy darkness of despair, indescribable melancholy and the sorrow of being abandoned by God.” And in this struggle they generated an invaluable experience of spiritual warfare and humility. According to the testimony of St. Silouan of Athos, “The Lord taught me to keep my mind in hell, and not to despair, and thus my soul is humbled.”

In conclusion, I would like to once again quote the words of Archimandrite Sophrony, which can sum up all of the above: “The Lord gave me the grace of despair; and even more than this: holy hatred for my sin, that is, for me, for myself, fused with sin, the stench of which is like poisonous gas. It is impossible to heal through your own efforts. In complete despair of myself, as I am, the only thing left is to rush to God with hopeless hope.”

More and more people are wondering how to avoid despair. Searching for an answer leads nowhere, because the answer lies deep in the subconscious. And you cannot overcome despair on your own, that is, by focusing on yourself and your problem. Fighting despair alone is much more difficult, especially if there is no clear understanding of the causes of despair or despondency.

There seems to be no way out. There is only despair all around, and you are on the edge. All that remains is to hold your breath and doomedly step down into the vacuum, into complete despair. And stay there, perhaps forever...

Psychology of despair

The state of despair is a very difficult feeling, and it is not easy to live with. In the modern world, with its frantic pace, many people are on the verge of despair. They ask themselves or psychology professionals - how not to fall into despair, continue to live, fight, look for solutions to problems?

To understand the reasons why a person’s despair comes from, and to find the answer to the question of how not to fall into despair when on the brink, you first need to define what despair is.

1. Despair is primarily an emotional state. It can also be a deep emotion of bitter disappointment in life and everything connected with it. For example, a person repeatedly made efforts and did not achieve results.

2. Despair is based on deep discomfort and severe dissatisfaction with any life situation or with the whole world in general.

3. Despair implies the absence of a motivational factor: a state of apathy, inability to overcome life's difficulties and ignorance of how to do this.

Thus, despair as an emotion is the result of a feeling of dissatisfaction with life due to its lack of understanding; it is deeply connected with all functions of human life. Long-term exposure may lead to depression.

A person falls into a state of extreme despair or is in a state of melancholy, deep despondency - as a result of dissatisfaction with life. When despair occurs, a person needs immediate psychological help.

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan accurately determines where despair arises in a person. In addition, it explains which people tend to remain in a state of despair for a long time, and who can experience every minute despair due to any events. And most importantly, it answers the question of how not to fall into despair or how to overcome it.

Where does a person’s state of despair come from?

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan shows that any person has individual innate properties that determine the role of this person in society and the way of enjoying life.

Thus, a person born and aspiring to material and social success may experience despair if he loses his property or social status. System-vector psychology defines such people as owners of the skin vector. They are aimed at conquering peaks, and if some kind of trouble occurs, in most cases this will be the motivation to overcome the problem and find a way out of it in any way.

People with the skin vector have a very quick reaction and mental flexibility, which makes them adaptive in any life situations. If despair sets in, it is unlikely that a person with a skin vector will remain in this state for a long time. Most likely, he will try to solve the problem as quickly as possible. “Desperation arose - what to do? It’s clear - look for a way out!”

Another category of people who may experience despair are people with an anal vector. Quite stable in themselves - guardians of traditions, friendship and respect - they do not like change. They can be driven into despair if you constantly interrupt, tug, and do not allow them to finish the job in peace. They also value their family and everything connected with it very much, so the loss of their family can lead them to despair.

When despair is greater than man

In addition, the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan shows two more types of despair, which can be insurmountable and lead to disastrous consequences.

The first type of despair arises from the loss or severance of an emotional connection with a loved one, an animal, or even an inanimate object. It depends on the level of development of properties. This is how people with a visual vector perceive the world. By nature they are the most sensual, emotional and sensitive. They are capable of loving “to the point of madness” and even sacrificing their lives for the sake of love.

When a person with a visual vector loses the object of his love, he can fall into a state of deep despondency and melancholy. To attract attention, he may even try to stage suicide without intending to complete this action.

For people with a visual vector, experiencing diverse and vivid emotions is very important. They, like no one else, are able to feel and convey any emotion in all its beauty and intensity. People with a visual vector usually do not wonder how not to fall into despair, as such. They fall into despair only when their emotional connections are severed and they cannot be restored.

When such a person loses a loved one, becomes desperate and believes that there is no longer any point in living without him or without her, there is usually a long period of despondency and melancholy, tears and consolations, after which you can try to put your emotions in order again, creating a new emotional connection with another person. At the same time, the pain of loss may remain forever, dulling and losing its original sharpness.

The most difficult case of despair is despair in the sound vector. Here, as the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains, despair borders on hopelessness. Dejection, darkness, not knowing where to go, I don’t want to live. And deep depression. This is a constant state of being on the edge - “I’m about to fall apart.” There is no more strength to fight the feeling of despair, to look for a way out of the situation. “How tired I am of this vain world and meaningless living in it!” This is the state of true despair.

Real, crushing, overwhelming despair and a feeling of complete dissatisfaction with life, no matter what you do, is despair in the sound vector. Some seek relief in alcohol and drugs. Does not help. Or it helps, but only for a short time. Then the emptiness of loneliness and the feeling of despair return with even greater itching force.

In fact, only people with a sound vector truly think about the meaning of despair - about how not to fall into this state and how to get out of it.

Despair: what to do if a problem arises

We looked at four types of despair or states similar to this emotion, from the point of view of system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan:

Despair in the skin vector - from large financial losses or deprivation of social status;

Despair in the anal vector - from the loss of family as the most important value and priority in life;

Despair in the visual vector - from the loss of a deep emotional connection;

Despair in the sound vector comes from a lack of understanding of oneself and the inability to realize one’s innate desires and properties.

In the case of the first three vectors, worry - how not to fall into despair - is not their internal issue, nor a life priority, since the feeling of despair for them is a consequence of external factors that they do not control.

As for people with a sound vector, looking from the outside, it is not clear why they experience a feeling of despair and hopelessness “out of nowhere,” that is, without obvious reasons. So, the main thing is how to overcome or not fall into despair - what to do?

The fact is that nature has endowed people with a sound vector with great abstract intelligence and a tremendous ability to concentrate thoughts. That is, the ability to create thought forms, to think. Due to these given properties, they tend to be in thought and receive great pleasure from it.

But it happens, for various reasons, a person with a sound vector does not use the entire volume of his psyche or cannot concentrate at a given moment in his life, and therefore cannot find and formulate a thought.

And then, at this point, frustration arises, that is, the lack of fulfillment of desire and, as a result, the enjoyment of life. A person in this state loses the ability to concentrate on the world around him, people and noise from the outside begin to irritate him. Then the person with the sound vector goes deep into himself, into his thoughts, where he searches and does not find an answer to the questions that trouble him.

And again there is a wall, there is no way out. Again, life has no meaning. Despair and disappointment - one after another. Pointless search for yourself. Again the whole world is against him, and no one understands him.

Therefore, people with a sound vector in a state of despair or close to it wonder about the meaning of their existence. They are looking for an answer on how not to fall into despair or how to deal with despair and its cause, but they do not find it. Then despair creeps up unnoticed in the sound vector, and silence sets in...

How not to fall into despair

Dejection, an attempt to find answers within oneself - all this is the other side of the coin of the limitless possibilities of the sound mind. As the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains, any person is able to feel joy in life and realize their potential, as well as overcome despair, if they know and understand their own psyche.

So, we have already seen that only people with a sound vector truly and seemingly unreasonably fall into despair. Now let's see how to deal with despair, knowing the reasons for its occurrence.

Only the realization of innate properties can make any person happy. In fact, a feeling of despair in any vector can be provoked by negative events that deprive a person of his values. Knowing and understanding what these values ​​are and what caused certain events can help a person with any vector get out of a state of despair. Because the understanding of one’s life priorities and the priorities of other people, their psyche and desires, which system-vector psychology provides, helps combat feelings of despair.

As for the sound vector, these people, in order not to fall into despair, need to understand themselves, their psyche, as well as the psyche of other people. For them, this is one of the basic desires - to understand and understand the essence of man, to find out the root cause of everything. It was people with a sound vector who invented science, philosophy, literature, poetry, music. This is all the result of searching their mind, thinking about the question “Who am I?” Why am I living?

The article was written using materials from online training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan

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