Hard times. Learning to think positively: why difficult times are needed

Optimism is a matter of practice

It often happens that a person mistakenly believes that if he finds the reasons for a difficult situation, proves the correctness of his actions, it will be easier to get through difficult times. But all these futile attempts only exacerbate despair, depression and self-pity.

The ability to rejoice, according to psychologists, is nothing more than a habit. In the brain of a person who does not know how to extract positivity from any events occurring in his life, the neural pathway responsible for a positive perception of the world is not activated. This same feature of the human body can be expressed in simpler language: everyone can program themselves for a happy life and good health.

Making optimism a habit is not that difficult. You just need to find and “deposit” in your own memory those seemingly inconspicuous little things (fleeting feelings, smells or sounds) to which the positive “clings,” like a hook.

As one of the simplest methods of “focusing on the positive,” psychologists advise lucky beginners, finding themselves in a given situation, to ask themselves: “What benefit can I get from this experience?” This and similar questions, based on a feeling of gratitude to Fate, are the simplest and most effective way to change your train of thought and get rid of despondency and depression forever.

Negative experiences have value too

Many people fear that an unconditional belief in success will lull their guard, make them vulnerable and attract misfortune into their lives. According to American psychotherapist Philip Perry, the main condition for success is to learn to accept negative events and feelings instead of avoiding them. Fleeing from unpleasant experiences, Philip is sure, is tantamount to a forced stop in the very heart of a viscous swamp, personifying an unlived experience or a voluntary refusal of the opportunity to learn an important life lesson.

Prayer will help you get through difficult times

Psychologists believe that it is much easier for religious people to survive difficult times than their non-religious fellow believers. For Christians, one of the ways to cope with their ups and downs in life is to pray for other people. By wishing others happiness, health and good luck, it is easier for a person to understand that his own difficulties are no different from the misfortunes of others.

Finding yourself in a difficult situation, a person faces a choice: love, believe, accept, give, care, fear, attack, manipulate... and so on. He who chooses love drives out fear and anger. Those who choose war plunge deeper and deeper into the abyss of hatred.

Changes in life can be confusing, leaving a person unsure of what to do next. These could be financial problems, the death of a loved one, divorce. In such situations, it is difficult to know what to do next. However, there are ways to deal with stress in situations when things start to get out of control.

Steps

How to change your way of thinking

Acknowledge your emotions. You may decide to ignore the unpleasant feelings associated with a problematic situation or pretend they don't exist. Remember that by pushing away your feelings, you create even more negative emotions. It's better to accept your feelings and work with them. Don't try to give a reasonable explanation for your feelings - you just need to feel them.

Change your way of thinking. Try to see the current situation as an opportunity for development. For example, remind yourself that during difficult times a person becomes stronger and adapts to change more quickly.

If you didn't get into the university you wanted to go to, it's not the end of the world and you won't be left without an education. Remember that there are other opportunities before you and that there is something good in every situation.
Try to think bigger. Ask yourself if things are really that bad. If you're worried about the future, ask how likely it is that the thing you're afraid of will happen.
If you're constantly stressed, try setting aside time to worry. At the beginning of each day, take 15 minutes to think about anxious thoughts. If thoughts about problems appear in your mind outside of these 15 minutes, remind yourself that now is not the time.

Accept that reality may not live up to your expectations. Often a person wants one thing, but life gives him another opportunity. The greater the difference between what you have and what you want, the more painful it is for you. Understand that what you wanted did not happen, and now you must live in the current conditions.
- It is important not to be outraged by the situation, but to accept the fact that you need to adapt to new conditions. For example, if you don't have a source of finance, don't spend money the way you used to. Realize that you must save now.
Learn to accept situations. You can influence not everything in life, from traffic jams to the behavior of your boss at work. Don't get worked up or irritated. Take a deep breath and accept what you cannot control. You cannot control the situation, but you can control your reaction.

Express gratitude. Even in the most difficult situations, gratitude will help you think more broadly and see beyond the pain. Even if you feel like you've lost a lot, think about what you have, especially the intangibles: friendships, physical abilities, good weather.
- Set aside time every day to think about this. Perhaps you are grateful that you have a dog, children, that you can admire a beautiful sunset, go for a walk, talk on the phone with your sister. Take a few moments to be grateful for all of these opportunities.
- Remember the most difficult moments in your life and remind yourself that you were able to survive them, that you were able to overcome the most difficult things. You've dealt with challenges in the past, and you can handle them now.
Know how to adapt. The ability to adapt is useful in any situation, since changes can be different - temporary or permanent. It is also important to be able to get out of crisis situations. Try to look at the world more broadly and do not think that difficulties will remain with you forever. They will end and you will be able to survive it.

Turn to spirituality. For many people, spiritual practices help them get through difficult times. You can turn to higher powers for help, forgive all offenders, try to look at the situation from a different angle, meditate with the help of positive images.
Ask for help. Don't be afraid to ask someone for advice or help. If you are having trouble dealing with your emotions or don't know what to do, many will be willing to help you. You can talk about your problems with relatives, friends or a therapist. Putting into words what is bothering you can be very helpful. Don't try to survive everything on your own. Trying to cope without the help of others makes life more complicated and difficult.
- Don't let pride stop you from asking for help. No one person knows everything, and you can always come to the rescue yourself in the future.
- Talking about problems will allow you to hear other opinions that may not have occurred to you.
- When talking to a person, tell him what you want. If you want a person to share his opinion, ask him to comment on the situation. If you just want to be heard, be clear about that. Sometimes people with good intentions speak their minds or try to solve problems when you just need to talk.

The wisest, most beloved, and most successful people you know weren't always like this. Most likely, they knew both poverty and defeat, they are familiar with the feeling of losing a loved one, but they still managed to emerge from the depths of their own despair to the light of hope. Their lives have had ups and downs, and through them they have learned to appreciate, feel and understand life, filling them with compassion, understanding and deep wisdom. People are not born like this - they can only become like this. Or not.

My wife and I have worked with thousands of incredible people over the past decade, both online and in real life. In many cases, they felt stuck and lost, unaware of their own amazingness, unable to see that their hardships had strengthened them and given them considerable advantages in this crazy world.

The truth is that when times get tough and we have to face difficult challenges, you can either let the situation do whatever it wants to you, and perhaps even destroy you, or you can let it make you stronger. And the choice is yours.

In today's article, I want to remind you of a few powerful but easily forgotten truths that can help you make wiser choices and emerge stronger even in your darkest days...

1. Pain is an integral part of life and love, and it helps you grow above yourself.

So many of us are afraid of ourselves, our own truth, and most of all, our feelings. We can rant for a long time about how wonderful both life and love are, and then fearfully turn away from them. Yes, we often hide our brightest feelings from ourselves - because both life and love sometimes hurt us very much, and the feelings that bring us pain begin to bother us.

Usually, from childhood, we are convinced that any pain is bad and harms us. But is it possible to experience true life and true love if we are afraid to feel what we really feel? Sometimes we need to feel pain, just as we need to feel alive and loved. Pain is needed to awaken us. But still we try to hide it. Understand this. Pain must be experienced without hiding or hiding - just like everything good that happens to us in this life. Because sometimes the only way to find out how strong you are is to get into a situation where you have no other choice.

It all depends on how you handle situations that don't go the way you would like. In the end, that's all that matters. Pain is a feeling, and all your feelings are part of you, part of your personal reality. And if you are ashamed of them and hide them, you allow lies to destroy this reality. You must stand up for your right to feel and endure pain, the right to the scars it leaves... The right to face the realities of life and love, and become a stronger, wiser, truer version of yourself.

2. The right attitude is already half the victory

We all have dark days and difficult times. Expecting that life will always be wonderful is like dreaming of swimming in the sea, where the waves only rise up and never fall down. However, when you understand that both the rising and falling waves are part of the same ocean, you can come to terms with the reality of life's ups and downs. It will become clear to you that sometimes in order to fly to the top, sometimes you have to go down.

In other words, life isn't perfect, but it's still definitely good. And our goal should not be unattainable perfection, but an imperfect life well lived. Every morning when you wake up, take a fresh look at your life and don't take anything for granted. Everything around is wonderful. Every day is an invaluable gift. Never treat life as if it will be with you forever. After all, she is worthy of respect and admiration.

And never let dark days deprive you of hope. Don't let negativity enter your soul. Don't let bitterness steal your sweetness. And although others may not agree with you, be proud of the fact that you know the world is a beautiful place. Change your thoughts and you change your reality.

And the right mindset is especially important when it comes to recognizing that...

3. Your biggest fears simply don't exist.

When times get tough, it's not always easy to follow your heart and move on, but if you let the lies of fear stop you, that's true tragedy. Yes, fear can be overwhelming, it can seem larger than the whole world, and for good reason - in the history of mankind it has defeated more people than all the armies of the world combined, but... it is not at all as strong as you think. He has exactly as much power as you give him. Yes, yes, in the end it turns out that you have power over him - so use this power!

The key to it is recognizing the fear and making it concrete. Illuminate it with the radiance of your words - fight for it with all your might. For if you do not do this, if your fear remains a formless and all-consuming darkness surrounding you, you may be able to forget about it for a while, but your heart will remain open to further blows - which will not be slow to follow in the moment when you least expect it. Because if you refuse to fight your opponent, he has already defeated you.

But you can conquer fear if you face it. Be bolder! And remember that being brave does not mean not knowing fear at all. This means that you don't let fear stop you on your life's path. Never and never.

4. Experience allows you to develop further

Over time, you will understand that life is not necessarily more difficult or easier than what you imagined - it is both easy and difficult at the same time, but not at all in the way you thought, and not always when you expect it. But this is not a bad thing at all - it just makes life more interesting. If you manage to maintain a positive attitude towards life, almost any surprise in life will be pleasant for you.

When you stop expecting life to be the way you like it, you begin to appreciate it more for what it is. And over time, you will understand that life's greatest gifts often do not come to us in the packaging we expected.

Well, if your plans don't go exactly as you wanted, at least you will gain valuable experience. Well, experience is the most valuable thing we can get in this life, because it is what makes us stronger.

You have the power to transform your wounds and worries into wisdom—you just have to decide to do it. You must accept what happened to you and use the knowledge you gained during it in order to continue your path in life. Remember, the experience you gain gives you a huge advantage in the future. Understand this and you will be free.

5. You can’t just change a situation for which you are not responsible.

Sigmund Freud once said, “The majority of people do not really want freedom, because freedom includes responsibility, and the majority of people are afraid of responsibility.” Don't become one of these people. And when you blame other people for your misfortunes, you are denying that you are responsible for your own life—you are handing over control of that part of your life to someone else.

Remember - in the end, you will always have to pay for your happiness with responsibility. And the sooner you stop trying to make someone else responsible for your happiness, the happier you will be. And if you are unhappy now, it is not someone else who is to blame, but you.

Your happiness primarily depends on how much you trust yourself - in your unbreakable determination to be in charge of your life from this moment until its very end. Regardless of who was responsible for it before. You must start thinking for yourself, deciding for yourself, and choosing your own path in life. Be the hero of your own life, not its victim.

6. The present is the only time you should worry about.

You do not live your life in the imaginary land of Somewhere-Tamiya, where everything is perfect. No, you live it here and now, and deal with reality as it is. Yes, of course you can work towards that ideal tomorrow. But to do this, you will still have to deal with the world of the present.

Sometimes we turn away from the present because we believe, no matter why, that where you are now is not where you should be or where you want to be. But the truth is that where you are now is exactly where you need to be to get to where you want to be tomorrow.

Your friends and family are too wonderful to ignore. Take a moment to remember how wonderful it is to live, to dream, to love. Look around with your eyes wide open and you will see a sea of possibilities in front of you. Most of what you fear simply does not exist. Much of what you love is much closer than you think. You are only one fleeting step away from realizing how wonderful your life really is.

And happiness can only be created for yourself in the present. It cannot exist somewhere in the future, or remain in the past - however, unfortunately, many people think so. Too many young people sincerely believe that happiness will only be achieved in the distant future, and too many older people believe that their best days are long behind them. Don't be first, and don't be second. Don't let the past and future steal your present.

7. You always, always, always, always have something to be grateful for.

Life always gets better when you smile. Being positive in a negative situation is not at all naive - it is a symbol of composure and strength. And if you have reasons to cry and complain about everything and everyone, but instead you continue to smile and appreciate your life - you are doing everything right.

What if tomorrow you woke up with only the things you were grateful for yesterday?

Think about the beauty that surrounds you, look at it and smile. Be grateful for all the little things in your life, because when you add them up, you will see that they are not so small. And at the end of the day we live, it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratitude that makes us happy.

8. Anything big takes time

What is easiest to achieve is rarely worth achieving at all. Just a little patience - and the results available to you will increase many times over. In addition, think about it - if all your desires were instantly fulfilled, would it be worth dreaming about anything at all? You would then lose the pleasure of waiting for the result and moving towards it.

Remember, patience is not the ability to wait. This is the ability to maintain a good mood while working hard to achieve a desired goal. It's the desire to stay focused, taking one small step at a time, knowing that moving one small pebble at a time can ultimately move mountains - because every pebble, no matter how small, moves you forward.

Note: Instant fulfillment of wishes? You deserve better. What is easily obtained often disappears with the same ease. But something that takes a lot of time and effort to create often outlives its creators.

9. Other people have no right to judge and evaluate you.

When we are trying to achieve something important, we often turn to others to evaluate our progress towards the goal. There is only one problem - often they are simply not capable of this...

Remember, you did not come into this world to live up to other people’s expectations, just as others did not come to live up to yours. It’s better to create your own, unique path through life. After all, even the concept of success for each of us is our own. And ultimately, success is a life lived the way you want.

You don't have to be a big personality to impress people. You don't have to be a famous person to matter. You don't have to become a millionaire to be successful. And you don't need other people's approval. The only approval you need is your own. Just believe in yourself and what you want to achieve.

You can be a quiet and modest person - and still be a master of your craft. Just because people don't prostrate themselves before you and ask for your autograph doesn't mean you're a failure. Quiet success is no worse than bright and colorful success, and often much more real. You determine what success is for you. You, not anyone else out there.

10. You are not alone

When you feel bad and scared, it’s so easy to look around and see a bunch of people who, it would seem, are completely fine compared to you. But actually it is not. It can be difficult and difficult for all of us – just for each person in their own way. And if we all just had the courage to talk about it, we would realize that our feelings of loneliness and lostness are not unique to us.

Many of those around you are fighting the same battle as you at this very moment. We are all in this together. So no matter how shameful or pathetic the current situation seems to you, know that many other people are experiencing the same emotions with you. And when you tell yourself, “I'm all alone,” it's just your anxious brain telling you a convenient lie. You are not alone, because more than one or two people have had to deal with this. They may not be near you, and you cannot communicate with them right now, but they exist.

And if life has plunged you into despair, know that I often experience, feel and think almost the same as you. I worry about many of the same things that bother you, and although some people don't understand us, we understand each other. You are not alone!

Afterword

That life is complex is one of its greatest gifts. After all, it is by facing life's difficulties that we become stronger. And this power gives you the opportunity to successfully achieve your deepest and most cherished desires. It is because life is difficult that we can make it truly wonderful. It is the complexity of life that gives us the chance to overcome all these difficulties - and enjoy it. This gives us a chance to change our lives - to really change.

So remember...

When difficult times come, you must be strong enough to cope with them. So don't dream of an easy life - rather dream of being strong enough to overcome the obstacles that stand in front of you.

And now it’s your turn...

What helps you better cope with difficult times? What truths help you move forward, no matter what? Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

Everyone experiences changes in their lives. At first it seems to us that one day this will come to an end, but in fact life is an eternal change, an endless process of renewal. There is even a Chinese proverb: “Nothing ends, but everything changes.” This is how people move forward.

These tips are for those who are experiencing a series of endless changes and do not know how to cope with it. We all still have a lot to learn.

1. Spend only 20% of your time doing the wrong things, and spend 80% on the right things.

It's easy to complain. If you spend 80% of your time doing what is right and 20% of your time is wasted, then what? It is easier to balance life in this way than to answer the question: “So what to do now?”, when you were deliberately mistaken in 50% of cases, hoping for chance, luck, God’s grace and a curve that you are already tired of taking out.

2.You are doing at least one thing right in this bedlam

You can curse your life as much as you want and complain until you get tired of it, but even if your everyday life has plunged into complete chaos, you are still doing at least one thing right. Are you at least reading our advice now, see? Steps are taken one after another.

3.If everything you've tried doesn't work, find a new way.

Let's say you're stuck, stuck and don't know where to go or what to do. Are you repeating the same thing over and over again? So force yourself to do something different! A new action will definitely give a new result, and small changes will result in one big one.

4.Today is a new day

We have all already had the opportunity to verify this from our own experience: the past has no relation to the future. The future can be better! Unless you ruin it with your own hands. You need to realize that the past cannot be changed. Focus on the present or you'll miss your chance. Leave the past in the past and plan for the future.

5. Understand what you want

Really, what? The future is a blank slate. If you can see it, hear it, feel it, then everything will work out for you!

6. There will always be problems

And no one can avoid them. There will be tiny problems, and some the size of an elephant. If it seems to you that you are always upset, disappointed and inconsolable, this only means that you do not notice the bright moments. It is physically impossible to be depressed every second.

7. It is not necessary to understand the cause of the problem in order to solve it.

The vast majority of people believe that to solve a problem it is necessary to get to the root of it and only then eliminate it. “If I knew what led to this... If I could change it...” Unfortunately (or fortunately), there is not a grain of truth in this belief. Double problems await those who strive to comprehend everything. Understanding does not always trigger change. There will always be new moments, new nuances. Life is not a book.

You have enough strength to at least control yourself. It turns out that everything is already good.

We live in very difficult times, a time of crisis and general world chaos. We feel pressure from all sides: prices and taxes are rising, wages are being cut, people are being laid off, all the media are unanimously telling us that everything is bad and will get even worse, and there is a war going on somewhere not so far from us... It’s just that... that is violence against our mind and feelings. In such a situation, it is difficult to remain positive and not succumb to sadness and despondency.

Watching TV and reading the news only spoils your mood and drives yourself into a depressive state, from which it is not so easy to get out without consequences for your health and psyche. Personally, I try to watch TV only when I want to know the news. It is very sad to realize that if no one is raped or killed in the news, then there is no interesting news. It's terrible, but that's how the media gets our attention.

It's actually not all that bad! If you think about it carefully, we have been living in a state of crisis since the collapse of the Soviet Union. Crises only harden us and make us stronger.

To survive this difficult time for us, there are long-proven methods:

1) Limit communication with pessimistic people.

Try to communicate only with positive and bright people who radiate joy and warmth. As a rule, pessimists are losers in life. They are easy to spot: they are always dissatisfied with everything (the government, prices, themselves, rich and generous people), they always complain and whine, envy, instead of taking it and doing something good, at least for themselves.

2) Limit viewing news with elements of cruelty, rudeness and violence.

Watching such programs only spoils your mood, adding unnecessary worries and mental discomfort. Why do you need unnecessary emotional trauma if this does not apply to you personally? This information should be taken only as information and nothing more; if you put it in your head and start thinking about it, then you are guaranteed stress. All the negativity that pours out on us from everywhere brings nothing but destruction, it’s all empty.

3) Start learning something new and positive.

To get rid of unnecessary worries and negative thoughts, you should switch your attention to something more interesting and positive. The world is so big and diverse that when you study something new for yourself, you begin to understand how little we know about this life, how little time we devote to our personal development. As soon as you begin to discover new positive knowledge for yourself, you will notice how your environment and your life will begin to change for the better.

4) Develop new skills and abilities.

When your head and hands are busy with something useful, there is simply no time for depression and empty worries. Learn to do something with your own hands and you can always please yourself and your loved ones. It can be anything: wood carving, clay modeling, repairs, sewing, knitting, deliciously cooked food, etc. If you still haven’t learned to swim, have never skied or played volleyball, then it’s time to master it all. New skills and abilities will always come in handy, because life doesn’t end tomorrow.

5) If you don't like your job, change it!

If you don’t like what you do, you go to work as if it’s hard labor - that means you don’t need this job! Just look for another one! Scary? No, it’s worse to waste your life on something unknown. And worry that someone or something prevented you from realizing your desires and dreams. Only you yourself are responsible for your life and no one will help you except yourself. You will never be truly happy unless you find happiness in work.

6) Check if you are spending your money wisely?

Yes, prices are rising, life is becoming more expensive... But if you look closely, there are now a lot of goods and services that are not very expensive, but of quite decent quality. And there is no point in overpaying for a brand. I’m not talking now about things of image and status. We are talking about everyday goods, such as food or household chemicals, for example. It’s better not to buy semi-finished products, but to learn how to cook deliciously yourself. This is very beneficial for both your health and your budget.

7) Take care of your appearance!

It may sound banal, but the success or failure of your entire life depends on how you look every day. They often tell me: “... it’s easy to say that... if only I had the money for this...” This is complete nonsense, I’ll tell you! In order to look attractive, you don’t have to go to an expensive fitness club or spa. You can go for daily jogging or walking, or do exercises in the fresh air. Not all expensive cosmetics work effectively, I, as a woman, tested a lot on myself and came to the conclusion that we are simply being scammed out of money, promising eternal youth from a miracle jar for 5,000 rubles. The main thing is not to be lazy and make face masks from natural products and douse yourself with cold water. There are so many ways to look good, it’s impossible to list them all.

8) Communicate with yourself positively.

Man is designed in such a way that most of the time he communicates with himself. The head is never empty... there are always thoughts there, and mostly these are thoughts about oneself. Never scold or judge yourself, it is harmful, it destroys you and undermines your self-confidence. Praise and pamper yourself more often, forgive yourself everything. After all, who else should you forgive if not yourself... Let your thoughts about yourself be only positive!

Remember: crisis and difficult times are all temporary phenomena. Everything passes, good and bad, and this crisis will pass. Much depends on how you treat it. For some, a crisis is an incentive for development and growth, but for others a reason to do nothing and live in anticipation of a miracle. It is much easier to attribute your own failures and inaction to the crisis and external circumstances than to try to change your life for the better.

Take action! Don't be afraid to dream! And may your life be happy!