Signs of hidden manipulation. "Use" and signs of manipulation

The Tale of Cinderella - a classic collection of manipulative syndromes

Characteristic signs of manipulative behavior using the example of the heroes of the wonderful wise fairy tale about Cinderella.

Manipulating people- this is a psychological technique that hides the control of the interlocutor against his will. By manipulating, a person is forced to take certain actions, and he performs them contrary to his own interests. How to distinguish sincerity in communication from manipulation?

The main characteristic of manipulation in communication is its secrecy. When communicating with a particular person, pay attention to a number of characteristic signs of manipulative behavior. And the wonderful, wise fairy tale about Cinderella will help us with this.

Stepmother syndrome - a classic manipulator technique

1. “Stepmother” syndrome, or provoking feelings of guilt through emotional intimidation

The manipulator acts in such a way that the interlocutor. Manipulation addresses your most important needs and aspects of life. For example, your friend or acquaintance says: “I have no one else to count on but you. After all, you are my friend? If you don't lend me this money, I won't be able to pay for my insurance." Or a neighbor says: “If you don’t take on the public work of organizing parking spaces, then you will definitely have nowhere to park.”

This method was successfully used by the evil stepmother in the fairy tale about Cinderella, intimidating her with the fact that she would deal with her husband, Cinderella’s father, if she did not help her and her daughters. The manipulation was a success. But this is only the beginning of the fairy tale.

2. “Cinderella” syndrome, or playing on self-esteem

4. “Prince” syndrome, or avoidance of any personal requests or claims, use of impersonal language

The manipulator often avoids. He is more likely to say not “I’m asking you for a favor,” but “You know that this needs to be done because...”. The wife says to her husband: “Usually, on their anniversary, husbands give all women a fur coat or a diamond necklace.”

In the fairy tale of Cinderella, the Prince suffers from this syndrome. Instead of directly expressing his feelings and his attitude, almost all the time he falls into allegory and falsely understood “breeding.”

5. Cinderella Father Syndrome - Your own conflicting emotions

The best indicator is your own emotions when communicating. As already mentioned, manipulation is always based on the involvement of the interlocutor’s emotions. The manipulator constructs the conversation in such a way that several situations arise at once. If the conversation is outwardly normal, but you begin to get angry or irritated, think about how sincere the interlocutor is.

If Cinderella’s father understood the reason for his hesitation and did not allow himself to be manipulated... Then there would be no trace of a wise fairy tale!

There are many techniques to combat manipulation. But the best way is to show your interlocutor that you understand his secret motive, to make this motive explicit.

Label it with plain text “Do you want me to...”. Look what happens next: either the interaction will simply stop, or the interlocutor will be forced to move on to a direct and honest discussion of the issue. As soon as the manipulator realizes that we have figured out his mentality, he has no chance to achieve his goal.

Most people have heard about the psychology of manipulation in connection with the socio-psychological impact on people’s behavior during the color revolutions of recent years. Before using methods of mass influence on people as a systemic technology, psychologists studied manipulation techniques at the individual level.

There are many books about the nature and technology of manipulation, about how to recognize a manipulator in your close environment and resist him. There are even trainings that teach techniques for influencing the subconscious for successful business. Which is not entirely ethical, but is in demand.

In fact, unconscious manipulation is part of communication and a natural ability of every person. It becomes a problem if it is practiced consciously to obtain a specific planned result. Because it's violence. Only psychological.

What is manipulation?

Before moving into the field of psychology, the term "manipulation" was used in socialist political science since the 60s. in relation to the “imperialist” media. Previously, in political and everyday situations it was known as “intrigue.”

A concept similar to manipulation - a stratagem - existed in ancient Greece and Rome as a military stratagem. And 3 thousand years ago in China it was used not only in military affairs, but also in interpersonal communication. This is a description of special patterns of behavior that take into account psychology, situation and calculation to achieve a special hidden goal. At the same time, their use to achieve “low” victories was condemned.

In 1939, the treatise “On the 36 Stratagems” was found in the Chinese province of Shenxi. In the book “The Cunning Jesus” (Der Listige Jesus), a Protestant priest from Switzerland, W. Mauch, describes how Jesus used the same stratagems during his life.

What manipulation is in psychology was well described in his work by E. Dotsenko, and, from the point of view of sociology, by S. G. Kara-Murza. The works of H. Breaker and D. Simon and the book of N. Gueguen deserve attention.

If we combine all the definitions, then manipulation is the implicit control of methods of indirect influence on the inner world of a person, using him as a passive object for the sake of dominance, exploitation or to achieve other goals unknown to the “victim”.

But in a consumer society, the speed of advancement through career levels is put above all else. And even if other people are used for this, then with such public morality - “it is their own fault” that they cannot do the same. Manipulators are often effective managers, and “psychological violence” is already presented in some trainings as a result of evolution. Of course, such an individualistic attitude is not only controversial, but also destructive for humanity as a whole. Nevertheless, there is also such a definition: manipulation is the structuring of the world and the spiritual state of others, which always allows you to win.

How to recognize a manipulator?

Acquaintance with begins from childhood. Interpersonal relationships contain elements of such control. The individual weaknesses of loved ones are used: fears, complexes, inadequate self-esteem, naivety, guilt and other pain points. But this is not blackmail, but a veiled influence on the sphere of emotions.

Manipulators become those for whom some traumatic experience in childhood prevented them from finding unity with the world or people. There are born “managers” who directly feel the psychological weaknesses of their neighbors and skillfully play on them.

Hungarian psychologists from the University of Pécs proved that such people's brain activity increased when they saw that their experimental partner was playing fairly. Whereas for the rest, such a surge occurs in the opposite case. Scientists have concluded that the manipulator, having encountered decency, immediately calculates what benefits can be derived from it.

How to recognize a manipulator? Those who control someone else's subconscious often have the personality traits of the “dark triad”:

1. Machiavellianism is cynicism and unscrupulousness in achieving goals, ignoring morality.
2. Psychopathy - ruthlessness, inability to sympathize and empathize, lack of conscience.
3. Narcissism is narcissism, inability to empathize.

What unites them is: manipulative communication style, selfishness, courage, emotional coldness. Dominance, sense of superiority, ambition, perseverance. Oddly enough, but owners of such traits are sexually attractive to women. They also take advantage of this, using their charm and acting skills to arouse sympathy.

The first communication may not portend anything bad. But if, during subsequent meetings, discomfort, anxiety, or recurring negative emotions are felt, this is evidence of “psychological violence.”

It is worth listening to intuition when the behavior and mood of the interlocutor does not correspond to the words: he crosses his arms over his chest, holds them near his mouth, crosses his legs. Sometimes it happens that you really like a person because of his extremely intelligent, friendly behavior - this is also a reason to think about it. Especially if he shows increased interest:

• To any facts of your life. Interested in family, work, hobbies, prospects for the future, facts from the past, especially negative ones.
• To the features of the worldview. What ideals, personal values, attitudes are cultivated. For this purpose, philosophical topics are introduced.

You should be wary of:

1. Obvious flattery. More often used for narcissistic people who easily take it at face value.
2. Imposing yourself, your services and help.
3. Showing love and respect. Favors and gifts. This captivates and draws you into a web of gratitude.
4. Repetitions of phrases, words are pronounced in a different order, sometimes replaced with similar meanings, but the meaning remains the same, so that the idea penetrates the subconscious.
5. Using complex words and special terms to divert attention and reduce nonverbal control.
6. Mosaic conversation: starts with one thing, jumps from topic to topic, ends with another.
7. Haste in the conversation itself and artificial time pressure for actions, so that in the turmoil it is impossible to think about what is happening. At the same time, it is possible to dramatize the consequences and inflame anxiety.
8. Forced jokes and artificial humor.
9. "Mirroring". When the interlocutor copies posture, gestures, manners in order to “be on the same wavelength.”
10. Interrupting and changing the topic by the interlocutor.
11. Answers with questions.
12. Emotional stability. Quick response to objections.
13. Unusual behavior that changes too suddenly.
14. An unpleasant aftertaste after communication, although there were no obvious prerequisites.
15. On the contrary, an inexplicable charm.

Psychological aggressors consciously probe for deep experiences. And they give verbal or non-verbal signs, which the objects of manipulation actions themselves insert into the existing context (explain to themselves), changing reality in accordance with the desires of the manipulators, without realizing it. But if you are warned, you can fight back.

Basic psychological techniques of manipulation

Manipulations are divided into conscious (usually in business communication) and unconscious (in interpersonal). “Puppeteers” use both active and passive methods of manipulation.

The main techniques of manipulation in everyday communication are based on feelings and psychological weaknesses:

• False love. In order not to lose a good attitude towards himself, a person follows the lead of the “puppeteer”, who accepts only those personality traits that are beneficial to him personally.
• Lies and deceit, denial and excuses.
• Caring attitude that was not asked for in exchange for...
• Superficial sympathy that turns out to be “crocodile tears.”
• Cultivating feelings of guilt forces the recipient to fulfill the wishes of the “actor.”
• Depreciation. Self-affirmation at the expense of another's insecurity. And for this they hit self-esteem.
• - the favorite sin not only of Al Pacino’s hero, but also of successful manipulators. “You’re so wonderful, can you do a few more things?” The reward method also works on proud people.
• Evoking pity or sympathy is an easy way to gain trust. To take over later.

• Seduction by benefits, relationships, gifts, recognition or “what do you want, my lord”? And then veiled threats to take it away.
• Anger, irritation that does not correspond to the situation. They force vulnerable and sensitive people to make deals.
• Demonstrative resentment. Which goes away abruptly when you get what you want. This is what differs from sincere.
• Suggestion. Some succumb easily, but all are vulnerable to fatigue.
• Ignoring. Feelings, words, desires of the opponent.
• Irony, sarcasm to shame the interlocutor.
• Minimization and rationalization, as well as feigning innocence. An explanation that inappropriate behavior is not so terrible compared to the “world revolution” or a complete justification. Sometimes with indignation and feigned surprise.
• Projecting guilt (collective, for example) onto a specific person, condemning him, instilling false guilt.
• Feigning stupidity. When they pretend that they don’t understand what they’re talking about.

Everyone is familiar with the basic psychological techniques of manipulation. Some are normal and used in education, although they are no better than motivation and sincere dialogue. Sometimes they are necessary and interesting in a relationship. But one-sided cruel manipulation is unfair and ugly.

Who falls victim to manipulators?

People who have increased responsibility, naivety and gullibility are vulnerable to manipulators. Also lonely and elderly. The following weaknesses and advantages are exploited:

• Low self-esteem.
• Fear of emotions, especially negative ones.
• Passion for pleasure.
• Narcissism.
• Greed
• Lack of consciousness and hyperconsciousness.
• Impressionability and sensitivity.
• Altruism.
• Masochism.
• Impulsiveness.

Thus, it is clear what personality traits should be worked on in order not to become victims of manipulators.

How to resist manipulation?

To spot the manipulator, you should be careful and take your time making decisions. If a “border violator” is identified, the following methods will help to resist manipulation:

1. Find out the goals of the aggressor.
2. Hide your emotions, don't show your vulnerabilities.
3. Be yourself.
4. Do not react to provocations, do not give the opportunity to impose destructive feelings on you.
5. Don't make excuses.
6. Ask direct clarifying questions.
7. Master conscious “superficial” communication so as not to go into existential ones. That is, do not try on other people’s emotions to fit your coordinate system.
8. Calculate what reaction is expected from you. Don't show it.
9. Find out the reasons for your actions by asking: “Why am I doing this?”
10. Know how.
11. Don't be afraid to say you've changed your mind, made a mistake, or don't want to continue the conversation.
12. Leave if you don't like the interaction.
13. Announce that you know the manipulator's goal. When exposed, the games of the “puppeteer” lose their meaning. But they do not admit the accusations; at best, they change the topic. At worst, they will begin to put pressure on your feelings so that you feel that you are wrong.

Don't be afraid of what others will think of you. The best defense against manipulators is to develop assertiveness in yourself in order to be an independent, self-sufficient person and live in emotional balance.

How to recognize manipulation

In an effort to control the ship of your destiny, it is very important not to go too far. After all, if you see every interlocutor as a potential manipulator, you can not only ruin your relationship with the whole world, but also very quickly come to emotional exhaustion. To do this, you need to clearly define what needs to be avoided and what is completely acceptable.

First you need to understand what manipulation is. The dictionary suggests that this word comes from Latin manus, "hand" (more precisely, manipulus– a handful).

In psychology, manipulation is the control of other people as if they were inanimate objects, things. Manipulator literally uses person for his own purposes.

At the same time, we should not forget about an important aspect: the manipulator does everything to make his actions seem neutral or even commendable. He turns the situation so that he wins and so that other people suffer, but at the same time he often creates the appearance of sacrificing his own interests.

Initially, “manipulation” is the control of something with the hands, and the word is still widely used in this sense, for example, “medical manipulation”, and devices that replace the human hand are called manipulators.

Is any management of people manipulation? Of course not. When raising a child, parents and teachers reward him for good behavior and punish him for misbehavior. But this is not manipulation, because in this case, educators act in the interests of the child. Manipulators deceive their victims, making them believe that everything is being done for their sake, but in reality only they win, the rest lose.

Sometimes threats or blackmail can be considered manipulation when the manipulator’s goals turn out to be quite transparent. However, as a rule, the object of manipulation believes that he has the right to decide for himself what to do. He does not notice how skillfully the manipulator can program his behavior.

In Somerset Maugham's story "Louise", the main character has been manipulating the people around her since childhood, based on the fact that she has a bad heart. She must not be upset, tired, or upset. At the same time, she lives for her own pleasure, without denying herself anything, and manages to bury several healthy husbands. In the end, the heroine's daughter becomes the object of manipulation. Louise supposedly has nothing against her marriage, but complains that she will not survive the separation from her daughter. The girl is afraid to risk the life and health of her mother and is ready to sacrifice her happiness.

Manipulations include tricks and intrigues described in literature, starting with fairy tales for the little ones. Let us remember the fox who deceived Kolobok, or her sister from I. A. Krylov’s fable. The bun was eaten, and the crow, who believed the flattery, lost the cheese.

So, manipulation is a hidden influence on a person, in which ideas imposed from outside distort his own desires. In this case, as a rule, as a result of manipulation, the interests of the “object” are somehow infringed.

A classic example of manipulation is the clever move of Tom Sawyer, who did not want to paint the fence on a hot weekend day. When another boy approached him, Tom pretended that painting a fence was an extremely interesting activity. Soon a whole line of people lined up wanting to do this instead of Tom.

What does Tom play? First, he presents work as an exciting game. Secondly, in order to make the job a desired “prize,” he first refuses the other boys, forcing himself to be persuaded. For the same purpose, he also charges a bribe for graciously allowing volunteers to work. In this example, the other boys do not realize that they have become objects of manipulation, and in fact have nothing to lose. All parties are satisfied.

However, situations in which everyone wins are extremely rare. Even if such an impression is created, psychologists argue that objects of manipulation almost always experience a feeling of anxiety, pressure, and discomfort. The subconscious mind tells you that it is advisable to avoid contact with the manipulator, even if he seems to be an exceptionally pleasant person. But we often drown out the voice of the subconscious.

What will help you recognize manipulation?

Firstly, manuals for those who want to manage other people most often recommend “adjusting” to the future victim. If you notice that your interlocutor is copying your facial expressions and gestures, favorite words, or adopting poses similar to yours, be wary. Professional manipulators often resort to casual touching, and in the heat of conversation they may touch your arms, shoulders, etc.

Secondly, manipulators skillfully put their own ideas and ideas into the heads of “objects”. The interlocutor may interrupt you, repeat the same thing over and over again, impose a super-fast pace of speech on you and force you to make a decision immediately, so as not to give you the opportunity to think for yourself. The presence of psychological pressure and time pressure (usually artificial) are almost one hundred percent indicators that they are trying to make you a victim of manipulation.

On the other hand, a manipulator can stir up certain emotions in you. This is achieved in different ways: he may flatter you, or suddenly common interests and roots may be revealed. All this is done so that you feel warm feelings towards the manipulator.

If in a conversation you feel that you are accepting the point of view of another person and are starting to plan your future actions in accordance with this picture of the world - initially not yours, but the other person's - stop.

There is also the opposite way: the manipulator can insult and attack, for example, declare you incompetent, force you to make excuses and prove your worth, etc. In any case, the manipulator is trying to play with your thoughts and your feelings.

It's time to think about it if you notice something unusual in the presentation of information, for example, the interlocutor focuses his attention on unimportant details.

The manipulator may appeal to the fact that you should behave “as expected,” in accordance with some social or other role.

If, when communicating with someone, you realize that you have begun to experience strong emotions (for example, fear), this is a powerful hint from your subconscious. Don't ignore her. The victim of manipulation is characterized by such feelings as unconscious hostility towards the interlocutor, the desire to cry, aggression, melancholy, fussiness, irritation, especially if you cannot explain why you behave this way. This subconscious mind tells you that you are about to lose. You can also track the feeling of narrowed consciousness, fixated on something.

The manipulator may appeal to the fact that you should behave “as expected,” in accordance with some social or other role. If your interlocutor admonishes you: “You shouldn’t worry so much,” perhaps he wants to drown out your inner voice, the voice of your intuition.

Listen to yourself!

How to recognize manipulation...The more weakness, the more lies. Power has a straight path. Johann Paul Friedrich Richter When you feel that you are doing for others what you do not want to do, you are being manipulated. If you agree with someone else's point of view and other people's