How to deal with psychological pressure. How to withstand psychological pressure? How to resist psychological pressure. In the case of children

When we hear the word “violence,” we first of all imagine an aggressive person using force against a weaker person. However, violence can manifest itself not only in the form of physical aggression, but also in the form of psychological pressure and coercion. And many psychologists are sure that emotional and verbal violence is much more dangerous for a person than physical violence, since it cripples not the body, but the psyche and. A person who is regularly subjected to psychological violence gradually loses self-confidence and his “I” and begins to live with the desires and attitudes of the aggressor, making efforts to achieve his goals.

Signs and types of psychological violence

Psychological violence, unlike physical violence, is not always obvious, since it can manifest itself not only in the form of screaming, swearing and insults, but also in the form of subtle manipulation of a person’s emotions and feelings. In most cases, the goal of someone who uses psychological violence is to force the victim to change his behavior, opinion, decision and act as the manipulative aggressor wants. However, it should be noted that there is a separate category of people who use psychological violence and pressure in order to mentally break the victim and make him completely dependent on his will. To achieve their goal, aggressors use the following types of psychological violence:

Protection from psychological violence

The easiest people to succumb to psychological pressure are those who do not have strong personal boundaries and do not know how to defend their own rights. Therefore, in order to protect yourself from psychological violence, you must first of all define for yourself your rights and responsibilities in each area of ​​life. Next, you need to act according to the situation, depending on what type of psychological violence the aggressor uses.

Confronting those who like to command

When faced with someone who likes to command and give orders, you need to ask yourself two questions: “Am I obligated to follow this person’s orders?” and “What will happen if I don’t do what he asks?” If the answers to these questions are “No” and “Nothing bad for me,” then the self-proclaimed commander needs to be put in his place with something like this: “Why are you telling me what to do? It is not my responsibility to carry out your orders." Further orders and commands should simply be ignored.

Practical example: Employees A and B work in the same office in the same positions. Employee A regularly shifts part of his responsibilities to employee B without providing any counter services in return. In this case, confrontation with the aggressor will look like this:

A: You are just printing something, well, print out my report, and then put it in a folder and take it to the accounting department.

B: Am I working here as your secretary? My job responsibilities do not include printing your documents and delivering them anywhere. I have a lot of work to do, so do your report yourself and don’t distract me from my work, please.

Protection from verbal aggression

The goal is to make the victim embarrassed, upset, stressed, start making excuses, etc. Therefore, the best defense against verbal aggression is not to live up to the expectations of the aggressor and to react completely differently than he expects: to joke, remain indifferent, or feel sorry for the offender. Also an effective way to protect against such psychological violence is the “psychological aikido” method developed by the famous psychologist M. Litvak. The essence of this method is to use depreciation in any conflict situations - smoothing out the conflict by agreeing with all the statements of the aggressor (like a psychiatrist agrees with everything the patient tells him).

Practical example: The husband calls and tries to humiliate his wife every time he is in a bad mood. Protection from psychological violence in this case may be as follows:

M: You don’t know how to do anything at all! You are a disgusting housewife, you can’t even clean the house properly, there’s a feather lying under the sofa over there!

Zh: Yes, I’m so incompetent, it’s so hard for you with me! Surely you can do better cleaning than me, so I will be grateful if next time you help me clean the house.

Confronting being ignored

It is important to remember that deliberate ignoring is always manipulation, so you should not succumb to the pressure of the manipulator and try to appease him so that he changes his anger to mercy. A person who is inclined to constantly be offended and “ignore” in response to any actions that do not suit him needs to be made to understand that playing silent is his right, but he will not achieve anything with his behavior.

Practical example: Two sisters live in the same apartment separately from their parents. The younger sister (M) has been accustomed to manipulating her older sister (S) since childhood. In cases where M doesn’t like something, she begins to deliberately ignore S and triple her boycott. Resistance to psychological pressure in such cases is as follows:

S: In a week I’m leaving on a business trip for two months.

S: This business trip is important for my career. And nothing will happen to you in these two months. You are not a small child - you will find something to entertain yourself with.

M: So that means? Then you are no longer my sister and I won’t talk to you!

Resisting psychological pressure from feelings of duty or guilt


Strong personal boundaries are a reliable defense against pressure from feelings of guilt and duty. Knowing the boundaries of his rights and responsibilities, a person will always be able to determine what is not part of his responsibilities. And if a person notices that his boundaries are being violated, he should directly inform the aggressor about the limits of his responsibilities and duties and make it clear that the manipulation has failed.

Practical example: A single mother (M) is trying to prohibit her adult daughter from leaving to work in another city, putting pressure on her sense of duty. The response in this case could be like this:

M: How can you leave me alone? I raised you, raised you, and now you want to leave? Children should be a support for their parents in old age, and you are abandoning me!

D: I’m not leaving you - I’ll call you, come to visit you and help you with money. Or do you want me to lose the opportunity to get a high-paying job and not be able to fulfill my dreams?

M: What are you saying? Of course, I want the best for you, but I will feel bad without you!

D: Mom, you are an adult, and I believe that you can find many interesting things to do. I promise that I will call you regularly and visit you often.

Stand up to bullying

When you hear from a friend, relative or colleague phrases with the meaning “if you don’t do something, then misfortune will happen in your life” or “if you don’t change your behavior, then I will do something bad for you,” you need to ask yourself a question whether the threat is real. In cases where the intimidation or threats have no basis in reality, the blackmailer can be asked to carry out his threat right now. If your life, health or well-being and you are sure that he can carry out the threat, then it is best to record his words on a voice recorder or video camera and then contact the police.

Practical example: Employee A has not done his part on the project and is trying to intimidate Employee B into doing his job. Here's how you can resist pressure in such cases:

A: Why are you going to leave if the project is not finished yet? If we don't finish today, the boss will fire you. Do you want to be unemployed?

Q: I've done my part. I don't think I'll get fired for not doing your job.

A: The boss doesn’t care who does what. He needs results. So help me if you don't want to get kicked out.

Q: What do you think? Why wait until tomorrow? Let's go to the boss right now and ask him to fire me because I refuse to do your part of the duties.

Many people are aware that psychological abuse is being used against them, but they do not dare fight back for fear of ruining their relationship with someone who likes to command, manipulate, or abuse. In such cases, you need to decide for yourself exactly why such relationships are valuable and whether it is better not to communicate with an aggressive person at all than to regularly endure his insults and act to the detriment of yourself, succumbing to his blackmail and manipulation.

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It is generally accepted in society that violence can only take a physical form. While psychological pressure on a person sometimes harms even more than bruises and abrasions - because it leaves wounds on the soul. Psychological pressure can take a variety of forms - from relatively light ones, such as persuasion, to severe ones - when a person is driven into a corner and pushed into self-destructive behavior (it is almost impossible to get out of such a state without the help of a specialist).

The source of such pressure can be anyone - a boss, an employee, a spouse, a neighbor, even a stranger.

Moral pressure can be applied for some purpose - for example, to force a person to do something that the “aggressor” needs, or maybe without any particular reason, just to get rid of someone.

It is possible to identify it in time, but it also happens that a person becomes aware of the pressure after he has “broken down.”

Types of psychological influence

To suppress the will of another person and get what you want from him, techniques of varying degrees of “dirty” can be used:

  • Pressure on emotions and feelings– for example, feelings of shame, guilt, fear.
  • Intelligence can be connected- usually in this case, the counterpart selects a number of arguments in his favor in advance and bombards his interlocutor with them, without giving him the opportunity to object.
  • Pressure can be applied “to the forehead”– when a person is forced, blackmailed, intimidated.
  • Pressure is exerted by the “aggressor” not directly, but through circumstances, which the attacker is able to influence. For example, this could be a boss who worsens the working conditions of a subordinate, or the breadwinner in the family.
  • Contrary to popular belief, pressure can be exercised not only from a position of strength - say, when a person is physically strong, he has money and power. But also from a position of weakness. For example, when a person complains about his hard life and begs for help, usually backing up his begging with tears and repeating them many times.
  • Humiliation– also a common form of pressure. In front of her, often publicly, they insult him, pointing out the characteristics of his personal qualities, intellectual abilities or appearance.

  • Stepping aside– perhaps the most insidious species. It lies in the fact that the person being attacked feels pressure, but the “aggressor” immediately loosens his grip, as if he had not planned anything. This behavior does not allow you to clarify the relationship directly - because the sly one can make offended eyes and ask: “What did I do to you, why are you doing this to me?”, but at the same time it unsettles you.
  • Suggestion works great if pressing party - a person who is an authority for his counterpart, and the “victim” herself is a person who is easily influenced.
  • "Take it weakly"- a technique familiar to all of us since childhood.
  • Manipulation– is also a very common type of pressure, the difficulty of which is that it is carried out secretly, and a person may not understand for a long time that he is being used.

Realize

This is the most important step towards combating psychological pressure. Of course, if it is carried out directly and openly - for example, when a person is intimidated, it is easy to notice. But more sophisticated approaches, for example, manipulation, persuasion, sidestepping, can be more difficult to track.

We can be an instrument of someone else's will for months or even years without even knowing it, especially if we are talking about a loved one.

There can be many signs that we are being pressured. For example:

  • The interlocutor's constant desire to focus attention on a specific problem.
  • Suspiciously generous promises.
  • Unreasonable feelings of guilt.
  • The emergence of a sense of duty towards a person who has provided a certain service and now asks to respond in kind. Moreover, often no one even asked him for such a service.
  • Sometimes we may notice that we often do something that we ourselves don’t want, but someone else needs it, etc.

Cards on the table

If the pressure is carried out covertly, and a person realizes that he is being pressured, he can immediately openly tell the “aggressor” about it. In this case, many attackers will immediately retreat as soon as they realize that they have been exposed.

It’s rare, but it also happens that a man or woman stops pressuring as soon as the party he has harmed directly declares that he is behaving aggressively and suppressing someone weak.

There are people who don't like to admit it. Although most attackers, unfortunately, will not be bothered by this - they are well aware of what they are doing and often do not deny it.

Your own option

When things are called by their proper names, you can offer your own version of the development of further events and the preservation of relationships, if they make sense. An option that will suit both parties.

Show teeth

Usually those who are under pressure are those who cannot fight back. Thus, in order to reduce the risk of coming under pressure, you need to become stronger yourself. You can strengthen your character and ability to stand up for yourself in a variety of ways. For example, the following tools are effective:

  • Working with a psychologist and psychotherapist.
  • Sports – by making our body stronger, we strengthen our inner resource. For example, martial arts and team sports are good.
  • Communication with strong and confident people and the opportunity to follow their example of how to behave with others.

Feeling the restrained inner strength of a person, those around him are afraid to attack him. At the same time, strength should not be displayed, but others should feel it.

Figuratively speaking, there is no need to wave a saber in front of people, but if they see that its handle is sticking out from under the cloak, they will be more restrained in their actions and statements.

Ignore

If the influence is carried out by someone in order to see the reaction of another person and feed on his defenselessness, vulnerability, it is enough to begin to demonstrate complete indifference to the words of the offender, and he will calm down. This works, although not very often.

Have a heart to heart talk

It also happens that psychological pressure is exerted by a person who wants to take revenge. For example, today's victim once offended him.

In this case, if there is reason to believe that the pressure on one’s own psyche is carried out out of revenge, you will have to step over yourself and sort things out.

Get support

Sometimes psychological violence takes on truly terrible forms. For example, at work, in office life, sometimes a phenomenon called mobbing occurs - when one of the employees, for one reason or another, is subjected to mass bullying from colleagues.

In this case, you can try asking for help - for example, your boss, in-house psychologist or HR manager.

They can help understand the causes of the current situation and influence it.

Psychological pressure - everyone has encountered this. As soon as you give up a little slack, those who have even the most insignificant powers begin to abuse them with all their might. We almost always act as if on autopilot, over and over again playing out ineffective scenarios - flight or.

William Shakespeare wrote: “You may upset me, but you cannot play on me.” Apparently, the master of English poetry and drama had reason to say so. If even the greatest geniuses encounter attempts to manipulate them, this cannot be avoided by us mere mortals.

What is psychological manipulation

Manipulation is a hidden influence on another person, with the help of which a change in his initial attitudes, behavior, and perception occurs. In the overwhelming majority of cases, the main goal of psychological influence is the benefits needed by the aggressor. Since with the help of this influence the manipulator satisfies his interests, this type of behavior is considered unethical. Manipulations that are aimed at satisfying the interests of the victim are extremely rare.

Psychological pressure is a common problem, especially in the post-Soviet space. Many people do not disdain them - from boorish saleswomen in the store to traffic police inspectors. The first thing you need to do if you find yourself in such a situation is to track your emotional reaction and try to stop it (no matter how difficult it may be).

You can often hear recommendations from psychologists to count to ten, try to regulate your breathing, and relax your muscles. However, this does not always help, as does other similar advice. Another, more effective way is to switch consciousness to other objects - for example, looking at the appearance of your opponent. Analyzing the behavior of the aggressor or the work environment, examining the details of clothing, calculating logarithms in your head (if you are a mathematical genius), translating the label of a stapler from English into Russian - all this helps to distract yourself and stop the storm.


The reason for our reactions

Why is it so difficult to stop in a conflict situation, to go beyond the usual behavioral pattern? The reason lies in our physiology, and is explained by the theory of the conditional division of the brain into three main sections:

  1. The “reptile brain” is the most ancient part, activated when a threat to life arises.
  2. The “mammal brain,” which is responsible for experiencing pleasure.
  3. And also the “human brain” - a department that regulates the processes of thinking, rational analysis, and reasoning.

Usually these departments work in peace and harmony. But when a person is “upset,” experiencing anger or fear, arousal predominates in the “reptile brain.” It is this department that dictates the reactions of flight, expression of aggression, and freezing. But in all these cases, a person cannot evaluate his actions from a logical position or understand the opponent’s motivation. This scheme was life-saving for ancient man. Now it causes a lot of inconvenience, although it continues to function in the same mode as millions of years ago.

You can turn off the “reptile brain” only with the help of logical analysis, awareness of the current situation - that is, connecting the frontal lobes. The situation looks much simpler when we have come out of the conflict, cooled down, and are distracted. Physiologically, in the process of analyzing the situation, the following happens - the focus of nervous excitation in the brain moves from more ancient layers to the cortical structures.


Types of manipulations in communication

There are different types of psychological pressure:

  • Compulsion. The most common type of manipulation. In this case, the aggressor influences the victim in the most direct way, using power, money, information, or brute physical force;
  • Humiliation. The manipulator seeks to humiliate the victim as much as possible in order to implement his further plans. For example, at first you may hear a stream of all kinds of information about yourself about how stupid, incompetent, ugly, etc. you are. Insults can refer to mental abilities: “idiot,” “fool.” This type of manipulation always causes indignation and a desire to defend oneself. As a result, a person quickly loses the ability to critically assess the situation, and it becomes much easier for the aggressor to control him. After all, by a certain moment the victim is already in a state of “combat readiness”, in which he will zealously defend his personal boundaries. At this point, the aggressor asks the question: “Can you at least do this?” – and the victim does everything to prove to himself and the whole world his importance;
  • Flattery. One of the most dangerous types of manipulation of the interlocutor’s consciousness. This species poses a particular threat to those who depend on the opinions of others and have low self-esteem. Such a person can quickly succumb to a manipulator. It is quite simple to resist flattery - you just need to voice the real value of your achievements, reflecting the manipulation. For example: “You belong to such a long-suffering people, you have a rich history” - “What are you, every country has pages in its history when its inhabitants had to fight for justice”;
  • Avoiding a direct answer. One of the most common types of hidden manipulations. Its meaning is that the victim is starved to death. When she tries to clarify the situation, she hears something like this in response: “Are you completely? Everything is fine. What nonsense are you talking about? Or the aggressor may constantly ask why you say mean things about him.


Psychological pressure and methods of neutralization

Resisting manipulation is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance.

How can you neutralize psychological pressure?

  • The first thing to do is to realize that the aggressor’s actions pursue a specific goal. You should be wary of his stubborn attempts to draw your attention to some aspects of the issue and complete ignorance of others. Fluctuations in emotions, feelings of sympathy, or, conversely, indignation towards the manipulator, should also not go unnoticed. There are other signals that are worth paying attention to: for example, feelings of guilt, a feeling of lack of time. Analyze the situation in a timely manner. The aggressor knows that once he gets his opponent off balance, he will be very easy to control. However, as soon as you manage to soberly assess the situation, the need for an “urgent” solution to the issue, or the inappropriate feeling of guilt, disappears by itself;
  • Ask questions. They should allow for the possibility of a detailed answer - that is, these are not questions that can be answered with just “yes” or “no.” For example: “What makes you think that I’m afraid? Can you suggest that I have other grounds for refusal? This technique is especially effective in situations where the interlocutor is blaming you, trying to put pressure on you emotionally. Use clarifying questions as if you are interested in his opinion. Refrain from making excuses or trying to explain yourself;
  • If you don't like the negotiation style, feel free to interrupt communication. You are as much a participant in the process as the interlocutor. This is the surest way to avoid making wrong decisions, especially when you are being rushed;
  • Another great technique for resisting manipulation is doing the opposite. For example, the aggressor expects you to be afraid, but you demonstrate courage and determination; expects impudence from you - you show surprise; if you are forced to act in a hurry, you become even slower;
  • Take time - this will allow you to remember the techniques with which you can repel the manipulation. For example, you can suddenly “remember” that you need to take medicine, call your child, or go away to relieve yourself. You can simply drop a pencil on the floor and search for it for a long time. It is advisable that you always have techniques for resisting manipulation at the ready, and that you can use them “automatically.” But if you don’t have such an opportunity yet, a pause will allow you to gather yourself and adjust your behavior strategy.

Bye everyone.
Best regards, Vyacheslav.