How to deal with psychological pressure. How to withstand psychological pressure? How to resist psychological pressure. In the case of children

When we hear the word “violence,” we first of all imagine an aggressive person using force against a weaker person. However, violence can manifest itself not only in the form of physical aggression, but also in the form of psychological pressure and coercion. And many psychologists are sure that emotional and verbal violence is much more dangerous for a person than physical violence, since it cripples not the body, but the psyche and. A person who is regularly subjected to psychological violence gradually loses self-confidence and his “I” and begins to live with the desires and attitudes of the aggressor, making efforts to achieve his goals.

Signs and types of psychological violence

Psychological violence, unlike physical violence, is not always obvious, since it can manifest itself not only in the form of screaming, swearing and insults, but also in the form of subtle manipulation of a person’s emotions and feelings. In most cases, the goal of someone who uses psychological violence is to force the victim to change his behavior, opinion, decision and act as the manipulative aggressor wants. However, it should be noted that there is a separate category of people who use psychological violence and pressure in order to mentally break the victim and make him completely dependent on his will. To achieve their goal, aggressors use the following types of psychological violence:

Protection from psychological violence

The easiest people to succumb to psychological pressure are those who do not have strong personal boundaries and do not know how to defend their own rights. Therefore, in order to protect yourself from psychological violence, you must first of all define for yourself your rights and responsibilities in each area of ​​life. Next, you need to act according to the situation, depending on what type of psychological violence the aggressor uses.

Confronting those who like to command

When faced with someone who likes to command and give orders, you need to ask yourself two questions: “Am I obligated to follow this person’s orders?” and “What will happen if I don’t do what he asks?” If the answers to these questions are “No” and “Nothing bad for me,” then the self-proclaimed commander needs to be put in his place with something like this: “Why are you telling me what to do? It is not my responsibility to carry out your orders." Further orders and commands should simply be ignored.

Practical example: Employees A and B work in the same office in the same positions. Employee A regularly shifts part of his responsibilities to employee B without providing any counter services in return. In this case, confrontation with the aggressor will look like this:

A: You are just printing something, well, print out my report, and then put it in a folder and take it to the accounting department.

B: Am I working here as your secretary? My job responsibilities do not include printing your documents and delivering them anywhere. I have a lot of work to do, so do your report yourself and don’t distract me from my work, please.

Protection from verbal aggression

The goal is to make the victim embarrassed, upset, stressed, start making excuses, etc. Therefore, the best defense against verbal aggression is not to live up to the expectations of the aggressor and to react completely differently than he expects: to joke, remain indifferent, or feel sorry for the offender. Also an effective way to protect against such psychological violence is the “psychological aikido” method developed by the famous psychologist M. Litvak. The essence of this method is to use depreciation in any conflict situations - smoothing out the conflict by agreeing with all the statements of the aggressor (like a psychiatrist agrees with everything the patient tells him).

Practical example: The husband calls and tries to humiliate his wife every time he is in a bad mood. Protection from psychological violence in this case may be as follows:

M: You don’t know how to do anything at all! You are a disgusting housewife, you can’t even clean the house properly, there’s a feather lying under the sofa over there!

Zh: Yes, I’m so incompetent, it’s so hard for you with me! Surely you can do better cleaning than me, so I will be grateful if next time you help me clean the house.

Confronting being ignored

It is important to remember that deliberate ignoring is always manipulation, so you should not succumb to the pressure of the manipulator and try to appease him so that he changes his anger to mercy. A person who is inclined to constantly be offended and “ignore” in response to any actions that do not suit him needs to be made to understand that playing silent is his right, but he will not achieve anything with his behavior.

Practical example: Two sisters live in the same apartment separately from their parents. The younger sister (M) has been accustomed to manipulating her older sister (S) since childhood. In cases where M doesn’t like something, she begins to deliberately ignore S and triple her boycott. Resistance to psychological pressure in such cases is as follows:

S: In a week I’m leaving on a business trip for two months.

S: This business trip is important for my career. And nothing will happen to you in these two months. You are not a small child - you will find something to entertain yourself with.

M: So that means? Then you are no longer my sister and I won’t talk to you!

Resisting psychological pressure from feelings of duty or guilt

Strong personal boundaries are a reliable defense against pressure from feelings of guilt and duty. Knowing the boundaries of his rights and responsibilities, a person will always be able to determine what is not part of his responsibilities. And if a person notices that his boundaries are being violated, he should directly inform the aggressor about the limits of his responsibilities and duties and make it clear that the manipulation has failed.

Practical example: A single mother (M) is trying to prohibit her adult daughter from leaving to work in another city, putting pressure on her sense of duty. The response in this case could be like this:

M: How can you leave me alone? I raised you, raised you, and now you want to leave? Children should be a support for their parents in old age, and you are abandoning me!

D: I’m not leaving you - I’ll call you, come to visit you and help you with money. Or do you want me to lose the opportunity to get a high-paying job and not be able to fulfill my dreams?

M: What are you saying? Of course, I want the best for you, but I will feel bad without you!

D: Mom, you are an adult, and I believe that you can find many interesting things to do. I promise that I will call you regularly and visit you often.

Stand up to bullying

When you hear from a friend, relative or colleague phrases with the meaning “if you don’t do something, then misfortune will happen in your life” or “if you don’t change your behavior, then I will do something bad for you,” you need to ask yourself a question whether the threat is real. In cases where the intimidation or threats have no basis in reality, the blackmailer can be asked to carry out his threat right now. If your life, health or well-being and you are sure that he can carry out the threat, then it is best to record his words on a voice recorder or video camera and then contact the police.

Practical example: Employee A has not done his part on the project and is trying to intimidate Employee B into doing his job. Here's how you can resist pressure in such cases:

A: Why are you going to leave if the project is not finished yet? If we don't finish today, the boss will fire you. Do you want to be unemployed?

Q: I've done my part. I don't think I'll get fired for not doing your job.

A: The boss doesn’t care who does what. He needs results. So help me if you don't want to get kicked out.

Q: What do you think? Why wait until tomorrow? Let's go to the boss right now and ask him to fire me because I refuse to do your part of the duties.

Many people are aware that psychological abuse is being used against them, but they do not dare fight back for fear of ruining their relationship with someone who likes to command, manipulate, or abuse. In such cases, you need to decide for yourself exactly why such relationships are valuable and whether it is better not to communicate with an aggressive person at all than to regularly endure his insults and act to the detriment of yourself, succumbing to his blackmail and manipulation.

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