Highly Sensitive People - Life Moments. Sensitive people, what they are

Sensitivity as a personality quality is the ability to feel, express one’s emotions, hear one’s own voice of the soul, subtly capture the shades of the mood of others, understand and empathize with their feelings, and perceive with piercing acuity the beauty of the world, nature, and works of art.

Once the great Teacher Abu Ali Ibn Sina told his students about the need to be observant and vigilant in life. He said that human senses can be trained in the same way as thoughts and muscles. – For example, you enter a room, and your sensitivity immediately captures the most important details. At that moment, the Teacher was informed that they had come to him and asked him to leave. Ibn Sina said to his students: “Sit, I’ll be right back.” And he went out to the visitors. The students decided to test the sensitivity of their Teacher. Placing a blank sheet of paper under the mat on which he was sitting, they waited impatiently for his return: would he feel any change? When Ibn Sina returned and sat down in his place, he immediately read some kind of conspiracy in the slyly narrowed eyes of his students. Having carefully examined his students, he said: “Probably, either I have grown up, or the ceiling has become lower...

Sensitivity is increased vulnerability of the heart. In physiology, it is interpreted as the ability to perceive irritations from the external environment and from one’s own tissues. Human skin reacts to irritation caused by the activation of certain receptors. The main types of sensitivity: tactile, pain, temperature, muscle-articular, vibration. Depending on the sensations, the brain receives the necessary information about the world around us. There is such a joke. The doctor checks sensitivity. - Doctor, oh doctor! And why are you touching me all the time? “I’m checking to see if sensitivity is still there.” - Do I have something? - I do not have. We are not interested in physiological sensitivity, but in stable, clearly manifested personality traits associated with vividly experienced impressions, with the perception of one’s inner and outer world through the heart.

Sensitivity is the ability to know yourself. Women are six times more sensitive than men. Their mind is located in close proximity to the feelings, while in men it is close to the mind. This difference hides the secret of almost all the nuances of relationships between the sexes. This is where many of the characteristics of male and female behavior come from.

Men's nature is responsibility, patronage and care for women and children. Being in contact most of the day with the harsh realities of the outside world, proving every day that he owes him money, a man sometimes becomes an insensitive idol. The sensitive stronger sex sounds like nonsense, nonsense. But life does not like extremes. To perceive the world in its entire rich palette of colors, a man also needs a certain amount of sensitivity. Who can help him learn to hear the voice of his own heart, grasp the nuances of a woman’s mood, and express his feelings more emotionally? He himself cannot reproduce sensitivity in himself. Only a woman with her sensitive heart, softness, tenderness and flexibility is able to kindle a warming fire of sensitivity in it. Man and woman balance each other. A man protects a woman from excessive emotionality, and she protects him from coldness and lack of emotion. Women determine the mood of men with extraordinary ease. He is still climbing the stairs, and his experienced wife can already feel what mood he is in. Men, by and large, envy this ability. They realize that in order to solve many problems, they would benefit from a keen sense of the moods of their boss, partners, opponents or subordinates.

A man, if he has not learned to feel himself, risks becoming an object of manipulation, he is in danger of doing not what he wants himself, but what the manipulators expect from him. There is such a parable. - Today is a terrible day. “Everything seems to conspire to make me nervous, angry and irritated,” one person said to another. “Don’t tell me,” replied his familiar musician, “I have similar problems.” Today, as luck would have it, everyone touches my violin. This makes her upset and makes her impossible to play. - So why don’t you set it up properly and hide it in a case so that inept hands don’t upset it and make dissonant sounds that hurt your sensitive ears? Don't you think that you have only yourself to blame for this? Why do you allow anyone to play your instrument? And since you don’t like what they play, isn’t it better to hide it or play what you like yourself? - I see, dear friend, that you are well versed in music. So why don’t you apply this knowledge to your “instrument” yourself? Why don’t you properly tune your consciousness, take it into your own hands and start “playing” what you like, instead of allowing just anyone to “play” whatever they want on the sensitive strings of your soul? Why, instead of learning to play the song of love, patience and forgiveness, do you play the funeral march of resentment and the funeral march of anger? Don't you think that it's not the people who get on your nerves that are to blame for this, but you yourself? Know that you can choose whether to play yourself or let others play. The choice is yours!

Unlike sensuality, which sees and includes lust, sensitivity sees and simply feels with the heart. Sensitivity loves talking about experiences and emotions, showing sincere reactions to them. She doesn't need to practice eloquence. It’s enough to look at her face and it immediately becomes clear that this is a person who knows how to deeply feel and empathize with the state of another. A sensitive person is usually friendly, quiet, timid and touchy. He lacks energy, activity and initiative. Sensitive people rarely occupy leadership positions because they can be good performers, but when they have to make decisions under conditions of relative risk and bear responsibility for these decisions, they most often give up.

Karamzin wrote: “A sensitive heart is a rich source of ideas: if reason and taste help it, then success is not doubtful and a celebrity awaits the writer.” A striking example of a sensitive person was the great and unique landscape painter I.I. Levitan. Levitan's comrade, Mikhail Nesterov, in his book of memoirs "Old Days", recalled that young Levitan, having waited for the last round of the school by the soldier Zemlyankin, nicknamed "Evil Spirit", was left alone to while away the night in the warmth, there remained a long winter evening and a long night with the fact that so that in the morning, on an empty stomach, you can start the day with dreams of your dearly beloved nature. A special, tearful love for nature and nervous sensitivity to its conditions were inherent in the future landscape painter from the very beginning. Relatives recalled how from an early age he loved to wander through fields and forests, to contemplate some sunset or sunrise for a long time, and when spring came, “he was completely transformed and fussed, worried, he was drawn to the city, where he ran away every time he did.” was given at least half an hour.”

A.P. Chekhov wrote: “...No one has reached such amazing simplicity and clarity of motive that Levitan has recently reached, and I don’t know if anyone will reach it after.” The brilliant landscape painter died in 1900, at the time of the flowering of his favorite phlox. They were placed on his grave by young artists - those whom he taught to comprehend nature sensitively, deeply and soulfully, so as to hear the “vegetation of the grass.”

Petr Kovalev 2013

Hypersensitivity is called excessive psychological vulnerability. It is expressed in increased impressionability, anxiety, and high susceptibility to any sensations. For a long time, such people were considered introverts, but modern research has proven that among hypersensitive people only 70% are introverts, the remaining 30% are extroverts.

What other qualities do such people have? “The nervous system of hypersensitive individuals is particularly sensitive,” explains Ilse Sand, Danish writer, psychotherapist and author of the best-selling book "Close to the Heart: How to Live If You're an Overly Sensitive Person." “We notice many nuances and analyze them deeper than everyone else. We have a rich imagination and a vivid imagination. Thanks to their active work, our “hard drive” fills up faster, and we experience overstimulation. There is nothing wrong with this, but if you are hypersensitive, then in a situation of intense communication you will feel an overabundance of information earlier than ordinary people, which will make you want to withdraw and leave.”

However, it is these traits, according to many psychologists, that can enrich the lives of hypersensitive people. “The reason for increased excitability lies in our overly sensitive nervous system, but thanks to it we are able to experience genuine joy,” says Ilse Sand.

It is hypersensitivity that makes us more creative, responsible, sensitive and attentive to others (which they, no doubt, appreciate).

True, this medal also has a flip side. “Hypersensitive people expect from others the same sensitivity that they show themselves, but in vain - most people are absolutely indifferent to the feelings of others. And it’s better to be prepared for this than to be horrified over and over again,” reminds Ilse Sand.

Overly sensitive people: how to make your life easier

The first and most important thing to do, according to the author of the book, is admit that you are different from others, and stop considering your features as something bad.

The second important step is be more gentle with yourself . As Ilse Sand notes, highly sensitive people often have high standards for themselves and low self-esteem. “High standards must be strictly controlled, otherwise there is a high risk of mental stress. You need to focus on your own life principles and start the process of pacification. The rest is a matter of practice, says Ilse Sand. “The feeling that you can be yourself and don’t have to be overly helpful will have a positive effect on your self-esteem.”

* Find something you like and return to it regularly. “Go for a walk and admire nature, pamper your senses by giving yourself a bouquet of fragrant flowers, listen to good music, start journaling, write poetry or prose, spend time with someone you really care about,” writes Ilse Sand.

* Learn to say “no”. Without this skill, you will constantly suffer from overload and overwork. Don't worry: a politely formulated refusal is unlikely to offend anyone.

* Don't wish for the impossible. “Perhaps you have been reproaching yourself for many years in a row because you do not have enough strength to do everything that those around you do. Or get angry with yourself and force yourself to do activities that overload your nervous system. This happens because you refuse to come to terms with the peculiarities of your personality and want to prove that the level of your abilities is no different from the level of abilities of the majority of those around you, explains the Danish psychotherapist. - Stop going out of your way to prove to others that you are as strong as they are, allow yourself to be soft and sensitive, adjust your life exclusively to yourself and suddenly you will discover that the state of happiness is very different from the feelings of eternal pursuit and struggle."

Recognize your characteristics and learn to live in accordance with them - this is perhaps the main step towards peace with yourself.

I periodically experience “psychological hunger” when my brain demands to read some psychological literature. Recently I had such a crisis again :) And I started browsing the relevant sites. I came across one of the Western ones, dedicated to psychology. There, an article about highly sensitive people caught my attention. I started reading it and realized that it was very, very close to me. All my life I thought that this sensitivity was simply the result of a nervous disorder. But no! :) For crazy people like me, they came up with a name - “highly sensitive people”.

Gifts, also the positive sides:

1. Sensitivity to detail
One of the most noticeable abilities of highly sensitive people is the richness of their sensory perception of the world around them. The smallest details of texture in clothing, ingredients in cooking, the sound of music or even traffic or human conversation, smells and colors are all things that highly sensitive people perceive more strongly than other people.

I periodically get hung up on different shades of color :) I like dark blue, then marsh, then sea green :) It’s better not to start talking about music at all. In my opinion, this is the most brilliant invention of the human mind and heart! Music can convey everything - all emotions and experiences! But, by the way, not everyone knows how to do this. Sometimes a singer comes on stage, sings a song, sings well, and you feel neither warm nor cold from his performance, because he came out and just worked the number, hit all the notes, didn’t go out of tune, and smiled. And sometimes he’ll come out and fake it, but he’ll sing in such a way that for no apparent reason you start crying. It's the same with studio recordings. Sometimes you listen to the original and a cover, and the cover touches you much more than the original, but sometimes it’s the other way around :)

2. Semantic nuances
Highly sensitive people also have the ability to understand the subtle nuances of things, they are more cautious in their actions and more careful in considering different options and possible consequences.

When choosing different options for “what to do,” scenarios of consequences scroll through my head, both 5 minutes in advance and 50 years in advance.

3.Emotional awareness
Such people are more aware of their internal state than others. And this creates the basis for richer and deeper work as writers, musicians, actors and other creative professions.
A strong response to pain, discomfort, and exercise may indicate that such individuals at least have the potential to take better care of their own health.

I periodically try to explain to people around me why something is happening to me. And it turns out to be so difficult!

4. Creativity
Psychologist Elaine Eron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person, writes that about 20% of people are highly sensitive, and 70% of those twenty are introverts, which contributes to creativity. Many great actors are quite shy in life.

I don’t know about introvert/extrovert. Of course, I don’t hide in a corner, and if I see that there is someone to communicate with, I will do it quite actively, but I won’t open my soul to everyone, because practice shows that people are self-absorbed most of the time and are of little interest in someone else’s soul. :) But being creative is always welcome :)))

5. Deep empathic understanding
High sensitivity to the emotions of other people can be a powerful tool for all professionals whose work is directly related to people (executives, personnel managers, teachers, psychologists, psychotherapists, etc.).

In general, empathic understanding is not the result of intellectual effort. Essentially, this is the ability to “get into someone else’s skin.” Many experts consider empathy to be an innate property that is genetically determined. An individual's life experiences can only strengthen or weaken it. Empathy depends on the accessibility and richness of life experience, the accuracy of perception, and the ability to tune in while listening to the interlocutor, on the same emotional wavelength as him.

Curses, also the negative sides:

1. Get overwhelmed easily
The biggest problem of highly sensitive people is vulnerability to sensory and emotional overwhelm. Collecting and processing such a large amount of information from the external and internal world can sometimes become excessive and result in pain, mental exhaustion, stress, anxiety and other similar reactions.

Well, for me this is often a consequence of point 4 (perfectionism)

2. Are influenced by other people's feelings
The other side of sensitivity is reacting to the emotions and thoughts of other people. Being around angry people, for example, can cause highly sensitive people a lot of stress.

This is truly a “curse”! If I start communicating quite closely with a person and open up to him, I automatically begin to read and partially take away his mood. It happens, it seems like I got up on the wrong foot, everything is fine, but I talked to someone who is in a bad mood and that’s it - my mood is spoiled too!

3. The need for a lot of time and a lot of space for yourself.
These people sometimes need time to “step back” and “recover emotionally,” even if this is not always good for their goals or personal growth.

This is exactly what I am doing now :) “Emotional recovery”. And as for space - in the conditions of the capital this is unrealistic :)

4. Unhealthy perfectionism
Overthinking and overanalyzing lead to unhealthy perfectionism or stress reactions over various issues that are perceived as “too much” or “wrong.”

I'm trying to fight him. Sometimes it even works out.

5. Living out of sync with our culture
Modern culture dictates to us that it is normal to be an extrovert, sociable and friendly, but not a highly sensitive introvert.

Do you know who they are highly sensitive individuals? Or maybe you, without knowing it, are such a person? Read on and you will learn a lot of interesting things!

6. They feel good alone

They like to be alone because it allows them to be alone with themselves and their emotions.

Therefore, they are usually referred to as introverts. This is likely due to hypersensitivity, which makes it more difficult for them to interact with the outside world.

7. They know how to sacrifice themselves

They always want to help other people and make their lives as easy as possible. High sensitivity brings awareness that they can make the world a little better.

8. They sometimes cry, sometimes they laugh.

Highly sensitive individuals live in a world of emotions and are able to switch quickly. That's why they can quickly let go of overwhelming, heavy thoughts and look at the world in a new way.

9. Thoughtful and responsible

That is why they work well in a team and successfully achieve all their goals and objectives. If you are working on a project with such a person, consider yourself lucky. He will give 100% of his work to the common cause.

Approximately every fifth individual is characterized by increased psychological vulnerability, and this applies not only to humans. Higher vertebrates can also be divided into two groups - sensitive and more coarse. The latter are determined and more often willing to take risks. We humans are divided not only by gender, but also by belonging to one of two psychological types. And the difference between these types is often greater than between the sexes.

Hypersensitivity is a phenomenon noticed by psychologists quite a long time ago, but previously it was called something else, for example, introversion. According to the American psychologist Elaine Aron, who first described the characteristics of a hypersensitive personality, she herself believed for some time that introversion and hypersensitivity were the same thing, until she established that 30% of hypersensitive people are extroverts.

“Highly sensitive individuals are called uptight, anxious or shy. These qualities can really manifest themselves if such people find themselves in an unusual environment, without finding support and help from others. However, it should be noted that, despite the difficulties that we experience in unusual conditions, in a familiar and peaceful environment we are happier than everyone else.

It is scientifically proven that we have a harder time withstanding unfamiliar surroundings and are happier in a calm atmosphere: according to research, children whose reaction to difficulties was strongly negative (that is, hypersensitive children) were more likely to get sick and make mistakes when they found themselves in a hostile environment. However, in the usual peaceful environment, the same children got sick less often than others.”

Observation and thoughtfulness

The nervous system of hypersensitive individuals is distinguished by special sensitivity. We notice many nuances and analyze them deeper than everyone else. We have a rich imagination and vivid imagination, thanks to which even the most insignificant events of the surrounding reality encourage us to build hypotheses and draw conclusions. Thus, our internal “hard drive” becomes full faster and we become overstimulated.

From an overabundance of impressions, I personally get the feeling that more information simply won’t fit into my head. When I communicate with unfamiliar people, a similar feeling can arise after about half an hour or an hour. I am quite capable of pulling myself together and maintaining a conversation by listening to the other person and pretending that everything is as it should be. However, it takes me a lot of energy to do this, and afterwards I feel completely defeated.

There is nothing wrong with being overstimulated, but if you are hypersensitive, then in such a situation you will feel an overabundance of information earlier than ordinary people, which will make you want to withdraw and withdraw into yourself. Perhaps you will recognize yourself in the description below. Eric says that when he is overexcited, he tries to hide and be alone with himself for a while, but secretly, because he is afraid that others will consider him arrogant, uncommunicative or withdrawn:

During big family holidays - for example, birthdays, I often lock myself in the toilet, look in the mirror and wash my hands for a long time, thoroughly soaping them. But at this moment someone inevitably pulls the handle of the door to the toilet, and I have to leave my quiet and peaceful refuge. One day I decided to hide behind a newspaper - I sat down in the corner, unfolded the newspaper, brought it closer to my face and closed my eyes, enjoying the peace. But my uncle, a famous joker, quietly crept up to me, snatched the newspaper from my hands and loudly announced: “Aha-ah! So our recluse got caught!” Everyone laughed, and I was ready to fall through the ground.

Eric, 48 years old

As a hypersensitive person, you are quickly tired not only of negative impressions - even when you find yourself at a fun holiday, at a certain moment you seem to be oversaturated, and in the midst of the celebration you feel a strong desire to withdraw into yourself. At such moments, this lack greatly depresses us, because in most cases we want to be as “hardy” as everyone else. Leaving the holiday before everyone else, we, firstly, feel awkward in front of the hosts, who beg us to stay. Secondly, we ourselves are sorry to leave the holiday and we are afraid of appearing boring or ignorant to the other guests.

The reason for increased excitability lies in our overly sensitive nervous system, but thanks to it we are also able to experience genuine joy.

For example, those pleasant and calm experiences that arise when we listen to music or birdsong, look at pictures, inhale aromas, taste something delicious or admire a majestic landscape, awaken in us a feeling akin to inner jubilation. We are able to fully appreciate the beautiful, and this gives us incomparable pleasure.

Sensitivity to sensations

If you're hypersensitive, you may have a hard time distracting yourself from strange sounds, smells, or visual stimuli. At times, sensations imposed from outside drive you crazy. Sounds that others barely notice seem like terrible noise to you, making it difficult to concentrate.

For example, on New Year's Eve, the sky, colored with fireworks, probably brings you complete delight, which cannot be said about the explosions of firecrackers. It seems that these sounds penetrate every cell and play on your nerves, so on New Year’s Eve and after it you are not yourself.

When I give lectures or therapy sessions to highly sensitive individuals, I ask listeners to share their best and worst experiences. Often New Year's Eve is included in the list of the worst, and the reason for this is the explosion of firecrackers.

Hypersensitive people are irritated by even completely harmless sounds - for example, steps in the apartment from above. In addition, they are distinguished by very sensitive sleep. From the outside, the hypersensitive seems to be very picky: in particular, they cannot stand cold and drafts, so they try to avoid open-air parties. And visiting a hairdresser sometimes turns into real torture due to the pungent chemical odors. They also have a hard time visiting smokers. Even if the owner tries not to smoke in front of the guest, the smell of tobacco, ingrained in the furniture and curtains, will certainly reach the sensitive nose. I was told about one poor guy who even quit his job because his colleagues were constantly listening to the radio and it was making it difficult for him to concentrate.

Hypersensitive individuals are rare guests in cafes where loud music is played or where there are too many people. It can be difficult for highly sensitive people to find a cafe that suits their taste - especially if they are tired, hungry and are not walking alone.

I'm so hard to please that I sometimes hate myself. Less fastidious people don’t even imagine how easy life is for them!

Suzanne, 23 years old

For us, highly sensitive people, many things are not easy for us. Our pain threshold is lower than others, and therefore hostility from the outside world hurts us much more.

Impressionability

Many hypersensitive people admit that they hate quarrels and swearing. They can hardly stand it when those around them quarrel or are simply in a bad mood. However, this feature also has its advantages: we are able to show sensitivity and respond to the feelings of others. For this reason, we often choose professions that allow us to help others, and we often succeed in this activity.

Highly sensitive people who work in healthcare report that they often feel exhausted at the end of the workday. Because of our impressionability, excessive sensitivity and inability to abstract ourselves, we allow other people's experiences to influence us and therefore, when we come home, we still think about work.

If your work involves people, I advise you to take care of yourself, because stress leads to the most disastrous consequences.

I am often asked if it is possible to overcome excessive impressionability in yourself. Thanks to hypersensitivity, a person develops unique invisible antennas that allow them to capture the mood of others. From time to time I myself want to get rid of these antennas forever and thus cut off the endless stream of impressions.

I want to go blind, deaf and insensitive. And although this is most likely impossible, any of us is quite capable of controlling our own perceptions.

If you feel that your friend or colleague is unhappy with you, you can draw one of two conclusions: “He is angry with me. What did I do wrong? or “He just doesn’t know how to solve his problems himself, and that’s why he’s upset.” By choosing the second way of reasoning, you will significantly reduce the degree of your own experiences. In Chapter 8, I explain the relationship between feelings and thoughts in more detail.

Under favorable circumstances, excessive sensitivity brings certain benefits. Thus, psychologist and neuropathologist Susan Hart noted the following pattern:

Infants who are more responsive to their environment are more likely to respond to stimuli. If at the same time the child is surrounded by love and raised in a calm environment, then he shows greater interest in life and the ability to empathize, knows how to rejoice and more easily achieves a state of harmony with the world around him.

Susan Hart, 2009

Highly sensitive people who grow up in a supportive environment learn from childhood to see a certain advantage in their characteristics. However, those who did not receive affection and love in childhood can also learn to support themselves and manage their lives in such a way as to turn hypersensitivity into an advantage.

Responsibility
and integrity

An experiment involving highly sensitive four-year-olds showed that such children were less likely to lie, less likely to break rules, and less likely to behave selfishly, even when they believed no one was watching. In addition, they resolve moral dilemmas in a more socially responsible manner.

Many hypersensitive individuals sometimes take responsibility for the whole world. Often, from a very early age, we detect dissatisfaction from others and try with all our might to correct the situation.

Feeling that my mother was dissatisfied with something, I was ready to do anything to help her and came up with different ways to make her life easier. One day, for example, I decided that I would smile at everyone we met on the street - both acquaintances and strangers. I thought that in this case they would all decide that my mother was a real sorceress, because she managed to raise such a sweet child.

Hannah, 57 years old

Feeling disharmony, you immediately try to correct the situation and take control of the situation. For example, if someone is arguing at a party, you patiently listen to them, try to console them, or suggest different ways to solve their problem. As a result, you soon get tired and leave the party, and the former enemies forget about the quarrel and continue to have fun.

Responsibility is not a bad quality, but it is not useful in all situations. The main reason that prevents you from remaining indifferent is that other people's experiences greatly affect you and you begin to get nervous. On the other hand, taking responsibility for the whole world is pointless. By taking responsibility for something, you are depriving someone else of responsibility, who could do with learning to take responsibility for their own actions.

Having learned to stay away from other people's quarrels, I certainly extended my life.

Egon, 62 years old

Highly sensitive individuals often consider themselves to be the culprits of the bad mood of others and therefore try to show extreme delicacy. Thick-skinned people are less likely to think about the consequences of their words and actions, which often hurt those who are highly sensitive.

When talking to me, hypersensitive people often admit that an offensive or even simply careless statement they hear addressed to them completely unsettles them. They expect from others the same sensitivity that they show themselves, but in vain - most people are absolutely indifferent to the feelings of others. And it’s better to be prepared for this than to be horrified over and over again.

It is logical to assume that because of such scrupulousness, you are slow to establish contact with other people, and often lose in disputes, because a witty answer comes to your mind only after a couple of days. I will make a reservation, however, that hypersensitive individuals not always They are scrupulous, sensitive and responsible. In a state of overexcitation, we become completely unbearable and capable of rash acts.