Interesting education. What is more important - to love or to be loved? What does it mean to love

The answer to the question posed involves an analysis of the moral foundations and essence of people's lives. Literature, both world literature and our own, Russian, certainly contributes to understanding the essence of human life and insight into its most varied manifestations.

At the center of A. Kuprin’s story “The Garnet Bracelet” is the tragic story of the unrequited love of a modest telegraph operator Zheltkov for Princess Vera Nikolaevna. The hero has been in love with the princess for 8 years, loves from afar, and this love leaves no room for other interests in his life. The mysterious power of an unearthly sublime feeling connected his life with this woman. All his thoughts were focused on her. “It’s not my fault, Vera Nikolaevna, that God was pleased to send me, as great happiness, love for you... for me, my whole life lies only in you.” This is what he writes in his suicide note. He fell in love with Vera Nikolaevna when she was still a girl, and for 7 years he cherished in his heart a reverently silent, chivalrously sublime love for her. Selfless devotion to his feelings raises a man with the funny surname Zheltkov to the pedestal of a hero and martyr, creates for him the aura of a sufferer in the name of the highest ideal - love. For him, it was more important to love than to be loved. However, such sublime love also transforms his beloved.

Reading the story, we understand that Vera Nikolaevna is unhappy, that she does not know what true love is. There is no love in the lives of Vera Nikolaevna’s guests either. General Anosov, talking about his life, says that modern people do not know how to love, but start families out of necessity. He says this: “Love must be a tragedy. The greatest secret in the world. No life conveniences, calculations or compromises should concern her.” In this part of the story, one of the main chords in the narrative sounds, since later Vera Nikolaevna will often recall the words of the general.

Events rapidly escalate, bringing the reader closer to a tragic denouement: Vera Nikolaevna’s husband and brother visit Zheltkov and demand that he end all relations with the princess. The denouement comes the next day: accidentally picking up a newspaper, the princess came across a column where it was published about the mysterious suicide of the official Zheltkov. And again, in her soul, like a refrain, the words of General Anosov about great love that requires nothing in return sounded.

Vera Nikolaevna's farewell to the ashes of a young man, their only date, is a turning point in the heroine's internal state. The dead hero acquires “deep importance... as if, before parting, he had learned some deep and sweet secret that resolved his entire human life. This is how the author shows the great talent of love, equating it with the talents of recognized geniuses. “At that second she realized that the love that every woman dreams of had passed her by.”

True love, just touching her with its wing, changed the essence of Vera Nikolaevna. Love really turns out to be stronger than death, peace, the coldness of immutability, it transforms the heroine, depriving her of peace, exciting, it gives her a new understanding of life

To the sounds of Beethoven’s divine “Appassionata,” which Zheltkov bequeathed to listen to, the heroine, in tears of pain, repentance, enlightenment, comprehends someone else’s life, “which obediently and joyfully doomed itself to torment...” Now this life will forever remain with her and for her. In music and prayer, the young man’s great feeling seems to come to life, the pain and bitterness of parting sounds, and Vera Nikolaevna in her epiphany is convinced that love has passed her by, which “repeats once every thousand years.”

Kuprin shows: Zheltkov dies, but Princess Vera awakens to life, something previously inaccessible is revealed to her. For the hero, love is above all earthly things; it is of divine origin. No “decisive measures” could make him stop loving him; in the hero’s words there is no resentment or complaint, only gratitude for the “tremendous happiness

This ballad about love, which was stronger than death and victorious after death, ends with the recognition that great love for a moment - perhaps forever - united two souls. “Calm down, dear, calm down, calm down... You are the only and last love. Think of me and I will be with you, because you and I loved each other only for one moment, but forever.”

A man with the funny surname Zheltkov not only grows into a tragic hero, but with the power of his feelings he rises above the petty vanity, decency and comforts of life. He turns out to be a man in no way inferior in nobility to aristocrats. Love elevated him, became suffering, the only meaning of life.

So, love for Kuprin is a saving force that protects a person from vulgarity, giving meaning and justification to his entire existence. The story “The Garnet Bracelet” can be called a hymn of love. The hero of this story saw the meaning of life in love, in the adoration of the only woman, without whom he could not live. For him, it was more important to love.

“War and Peace” occupies a prominent place not only in Russian literature, but also in world literature. It is striking in its versatility, the number of heroes and issues raised, and the breadth of life depicted. Tolstoy's heroes deserve special respect. Each of them is an accomplished person and each of them passes the test of love at least once in their life. After all, love is the main driving force not only within the work, but also in real life. Reading this novel, we understand that the author gave the theme of love and personal relationships a fundamental place.

Undoubtedly, at the center of the work are historical events of the early 19th century. However, around military battles, a familiar life takes place, not much different from what it was before the start of the Patriotic War. Only the perception of war is different: different people show themselves differently in a critical situation. Tolstoy clearly distinguishes the characters into those who wholeheartedly support the fate of the country, and those who go to war only for fame, awards and career growth. The author’s “favorite” heroes show themselves at their best, both in matters of war and in matters of love, for which at the end of the novel he rewards them with the highest award - family happiness.

At the center of all the events that take place we see the love of Natasha Rostova and Andrei Bolkonsky. These heroes go through a lot, maintaining a kind and loving heart. Alas, due to external circumstances, they were not destined to stay together, but in the end they both understand how much they loved. Before his death, Andrei forgives Natasha for her fleeting infatuation with A. Kuragin. He also forgives Anatole for the ruined happiness, because he understands that there is no point in anger and resentment, there is only meaning in forgiveness. Natasha finds her happiness in her marriage to Pierre Bezukhov. But does she love him as much as she loved Andrei? The soul of Prince Bolkonsky remained a mystery to Natasha.

Reading Tolstoy’s novel, you involuntarily rejoice at the happiness of the main characters and the fact that at the end of their journey they found a well-deserved reward. In my opinion, for complete happiness, it is not enough for a person to simply be loved. Spiritually mature people learn to love in return and give a part of their soul to the one they love. It was important for Tolstoy to show the moral unity of his heroes through suffering. Only after going through the thorny path of trials can people find their true purpose and find love.

I think it is preferable for everyone to both love and be loved by the one you love. However, in life, often one person loves, and the other allows himself to be loved. And then the question arises: what is better: to love yourself or to be loved? To express my attitude to this problem, I will turn to literary examples.
Many will say that unrequited love is bad. When you love, but you are not, you suffer greatly, experience unbearable mental anguish, and sometimes even think about death. But let's remember the hero of the story A.I. Kuprin "Garnet Bracelet". Poor official Zheltkov, hopelessly in love with Princess Vera Sheina, is forced to shoot himself. He does not want to bother Vera with his love and cannot live without love for her. The tragic end of the hero is sad, but which of them is happier: the one who never loved and who vegetated in a joyless existence, or the one who lived a short, but thanks to love, in spite of everything, a happy life? In his suicide letter, Zheltkov thanks Vera for the great happiness of love given from God.
It turns out that undemanding and sacrificial love is the highest manifestation of love that comes from God and brings a person closer to God. “Divine love” is what Andrei Bolkonsky, one of L.N.’s favorite heroes, felt shortly before his death. Tolstoy. Seeing Natasha, who had previously cheated on him and is now crying on her knees, in front of him, Andrei, in the face of death, forgives her and says that he loves her more, better than before, because this is love not for something or for some reason, but this is love -forgiveness, love-compassion, “Divine love.”
The great feeling of true love, which does not require anything in return, makes a person better, purer, nobler and fills his life with incomparable happiness and true meaning. “Only a lover,” wrote A.A. Blok, “has the right to the title of man.” In addition, it was precisely the ability to love selflessly that allowed A.S. Pushkin to create such immortal masterpieces of human genius as “I loved you...”, “On the hills of Georgia...”, “The faded joy of crazy years...” and many -a lot others.
To sum up my thoughts, I come to the conclusion that loving, even without reciprocity, is many times better than being loved. I wish everyone to experience this wonderful and eternal feeling!
(324 words)

Reviews

You yourself, Timur, answered in the words of A.A. Blok couldn't have said it better.
The great feeling of true love, which does not require anything in return, makes a person better, purer, nobler and fills his life with incomparable happiness and true meaning. “Only a lover,” wrote A.A. Blok, “has the right to the title of man.
And what's the difference between loving and being loved? The main thing is to experience this high feeling at least once in your life and to be HUMAN! I wish everyone to experience this wonderful and eternal feeling! (I couldn’t say it better).
I liked it very much!!! Thank you, Timur!

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You should marry not the one you love, but the one who loves you, says the old female wisdom. It is believed that in this situation everyone will be happy: the wife - because she can twist her husband as she wants, and he - because the object of his adoration is always next to him. But will such a family be harmonious and happy? And how to decide for yourself what is more important - to love or to be loved?

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ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES

Previously, no one especially asked girls whether they loved the young men who wooed them or not - in those days they were more concerned about something else. For example, how many cows, pigs, and chests of money the groom has (in fact, the groom was interested in the same thing in relation to the bride). Now, of course, it is also not uncommon for people to marry chests of money (cows no longer interest anyone), but this is a separate conversation. Today we are talking about something else, about what is more important - is unrequited love enough (when one loves, and the other only allows himself to be loved, when one kisses, and the other only turns his cheek) for marriage? . Let's look at the pros and cons of such a union.

To be honest, we women find it extremely flattering when we know that there is someone who loves us. And even if this someone is completely indifferent to us, it’s still nice - self-esteem increases! It turns out that you are still nothing, despite a couple of extra pounds, a grumbling disposition and clearly not a fashion model appearance. The presence of a Knight nearby, even if bald, fat and old, living in a communal apartment with his mother, but hopelessly in love and ready to fulfill your every whim, any desire, makes you feel like a kind of Beautiful Lady. He gives flowers, takes them to theaters, and sometimes - if you're lucky - dedicates poetry. He appears at your first call and looks at you with devoted eyes, demanding nothing in return. Well, tell me, who doesn’t like it? So we condescendingly decide that it’s not a sin to walk down the aisle for someone so faithful and loving - let him carry it in his arms until retirement (unless, of course, he wears it out first). But, strange as it may seem at first glance, everything that was liked about the chosen one before the wedding begins to irritate after some time. And the advantages gradually turn into disadvantages.

I realized from my own experience that allowing yourself to be loved without reciprocating is unbearable torture. My husband and I have been living for seven years, we have two children, and everything looks great on the outside. But I never felt real passion for him - only sympathy. While he, before and now, literally goes crazy when we part even for half a day, takes care of me like a little child, says a lot of tender words. My friends say that I’m crazy and don’t understand my own happiness, and they openly envy me, because their “halves” are not averse to drinking, and going to the left, and some can even raise their hand. And mine, no matter how you look at it, is so positive that it’s just a role model. But that's why it hurts me! I understand that he deserves more - real love, but not gratitude for love!

And in such a situation, it is not clear who should be pitied more: a man or a woman. One thing is clear - it’s hard for both of them. A woman realizes that it is more important for her to be loved, but she thereby treats her partner as a consumer, and this often gives her a feeling of guilt towards her husband, which, by the way, can lead to serious neurosis. A man goes out of his way to try to win the love of his chosen one, but in response he receives only a vague “thank you” instead of ardent passion. This depresses him, and gradually his love is replaced by growing day by day irritation and aggression towards his partner: “I’m already doing everything to please her, but it’s still not enough for her! What else does she need?!” Therefore, in such families, constant clashes, quarrels, mutual dissatisfaction and fatigue with each other are inevitable.

WILL STAND UP - FALL IN LOVE?

According to psychologists, “falling in love” is not always possible. To be more precise, this happens in very rare cases. More often, events develop according to other scenarios. In one case (the worst), mutual squabbles give rise to almost hatred towards each other. And living with a person who disgusts you is not an easy test. In another case, both eventually come to terms with the fact that they will never be able to love each other again, and try to build a relationship at least on a friendly basis. This is more like an agreement between two sober-minded people who decided that the interests of the children come first, and therefore there is no point in breaking up the family. Perhaps, in this case, children really do not suffer as much as during a divorce (although this is also a big question, because a child can copy the model of parental relationships in his adult life), but can you call such a family harmonious and happy?

In addition, remember Freud, we should not forget about sex, an important component of family happiness. In families where partners love each other, it goes without saying that sex on the side is unacceptable or undesirable. And if in a marriage one loves and the other does not, then the question of “to cheat or not to cheat” is decided much easier. A lady living with an unloved husband may suddenly fall in love with another and lead a double life for many years. Raise children and go shopping with your other half, but love and dream about someone else. And a husband, tired of looking for affection and tenderness from his wife, can go to the side, trying to console himself in the arms of the first beauty he comes across. And if at first it seems like a good compromise - both the wolves are fed and the sheep are safe - then then comes the understanding that it is not possible to snatch a double portion of happiness. Moreover, there is no harmony either on the side or in the family. After all, despite the fact that purely arithmetically two halves add up to a whole, life dictates its own laws. And, according to psychologists, a person can spend his entire life between the passionately desired and the far-fetched necessity, suffering from his own duality. Until he finally realizes what he really wants and makes the right choice.

Therefore, “grandmother’s” recipe for family happiness - allowing yourself to be loved, and not loving yourself - is hopelessly outdated. If you don’t love, then first of all you are robbing yourself. After all, love is a special state of mind, capable of turning any ugly girl into a burning beauty without any help from cosmetologists and makeup artists. Being in love euphoria, a person receives superpower: everything works out for him, everything works out. And the people around him begin to treat him kindly, since amazing positive impulses emanate from a person in love. After all, E. From rightly noted that the one “who truly loves one person loves the whole world.”

And before you give your hand (let’s keep silent about your heart) to an unloved person, you should think a hundred times and weigh the pros and cons. Even if age is closing in on you, and your mother tells you: “Don’t miss it, this is your last chance,” maybe it’s better to wait until the real feeling comes and you understand that it is important to love or be loved to the same extent. Of course, mutual love in itself also does not guarantee strong family relationships, but, you see, this is already something. This is the foundation. But what you build on it will depend only on the two of you.

You sit down and reminisce again.

Only 5 meetings, the first of which was thoughtless, random, but it changed everything in your life. HE appeared. Do you believe that you can fall in love with a person by seeing him only once, and then communicating exclusively on the Internet? Communicating for hours, days on end, discussing everything in the world, telling each other all their ins and outs, but at the same time, not even knowing the typical gestures and facial expressions of a person, not clearly imagining his appearance. Do you believe it? So, without believing it, I fell in love.

This is the third year of this strange communication. No, not like that - it’s been three years since we met. After all, I, as a prudent person, deigned to decide for myself that such a one-sided love would not bring me anything good (And how did I guess that??), because I don’t even have a chance to see this person all the time. And not for the first time (Oh, believe me, not for the first time) I decided to end it. Break off a relationship so dear to me for my own good (Yes, yes). He doesn’t care whether to communicate or not, but for me... The fact is that every new day of communication for me was a new stage of attachment to this person. And to what extent can it go? I decided not to check. After all, the higher you rise, the more painfully you fall. Six months ago I decided to stop and fall into the abyss.
Did it become better and easier because of the thought that if it had happened later, it would have hurt more? Definitely not. Is it easier to control your thoughts and emotions (towards him) without mediocre communication? Also no. Are there any more chances of forgetting him? No. Is it that bad? Yes.

Someone suddenly sits down next to me, interrupting my thoughts. I turn my head and see...Him at my desk. No, this is not the one I was just thinking about. This is not the one I would have dreamed of seeing. On the contrary, I try to avoid this person.

Do you mind if I stay sitting here for the next hour of class? – the question puzzled me. Because yes, I am against it! I so want to refuse him, to explain once again that he is not the one who can win my heart, because it is already taken. But he knows all this very well, and school is not the best place for such conversations.

Yes, of course, sit if you want. - I'm lying again. Why all this? So as not to mess things up again...

I didn’t want to start a conversation, so I decided to once again try to immerse myself in the subject on which I had been sitting for a class, stupidly copying definitions from the presentation for about 15 minutes.
“Elasticity of demand shows what percentage change in demand will follow a one percent change...”

An unfamiliar smell suddenly hit my nose, which distracted me this time. A light aroma of men's cologne was detected. I had never sat so close to this person for so long before, which is probably why the aroma seemed new, unknown and sharply cutting to my senses.

Brr – I tried to throw unnecessary thoughts out of my head, when... Someone’s hand touched my loose hair. And it’s not difficult to guess whose it is. To say that I get irritated when people touch me (and my hair in particular) is an understatement. I tried to control myself so as not to be rude and send me to hell. Honestly, I tried! My hair has been disturbed again.

No need. “I said quietly, gritting my teeth.

What is not needed? – The interlocutor was testing my patience.

Not. Necessary. Touch. My. Hair. “I said clearly separating the words, trying not to get nervous. It doesn't seem to work.

For about 30 seconds the interlocutor showed no signs of life, and I again began to write down material on the topic of the lesson.

They gently almost poked me into the sleeve of my sweater, more like running their finger along a tangent. I shuddered. First of all, it was unexpected. And secondly, I already said. But that's not the point. It was just the wrong hand. I really wanted the person I loved to sit next to me and do the same actions. Perhaps I could be called the happiest in the world! But wishes are not destined to come true.

The unloved hand repeated this movement again. I clenched my teeth so as not to lose my temper. And my “enemy”, it seems, decided to make fun of him:

Can you touch the jacket? – I remained silent, trying to concentrate on the lesson, so as not to throw out all my emotions on him.

You said that you can’t touch your hair, but everything else means you can, right? – At this phrase, I imagined how unloved hands touched my face, and I winced.

Really? – The persistent interlocutor repeated.

Yes. – I muttered, trying to re-focus on the topic of the lesson. But I wouldn’t be me if it worked out.

Literally a few centimeters away from me sat a man who was no one to me. Or rather, he is a problem person for me, because I don’t know how to behave with those who like me, and not vice versa. It’s unusual to even feel somehow in the place of your “victim”.

He turns sharply and literally exhales into my hair - Sasha...

I flinch, afraid to turn and get too close to his face. Such a romantic moment! When they say your name as they exhale...It's incredibly cool! And only after a few seconds you realize that it was your unloved voice that said it, and all your feeling of beauty disappears.

I slowly pull away, turning my head at the same time. And I see the wrong eyes. Yes, there is something in them when this person looks at me, but there is nothing in mine when I look at him.

Do we need to write functions? – The interlocutor asks me in a calm voice.

Yes. “I answer, nodding, without even thinking about his question.

I feel the breath of a stranger, I hear his voice, imagining someone else in his place. My brain is intoxicated by its scent, making it difficult to concentrate on one thought. The guy begins to diligently scribble something in his notebook. And looking at it, I understand that the handwriting is not the same. It's not the same. All wrong. Tears well up in my eyes, I turn away so as not to burst into tears.

An image of someone I worry about so much appears in my head. So beloved, dear, but at the same time so unattainable. I turn around again and look at someone so unloved, alien, but so close. He is ready to give me his heart, but I am not ready to be responsible for him. The person who likes me is ready to do anything for me, and I am only ready to agree to sit at the same desk with him. He wants so much to get closer to me, but I push him away so hard. He wants to be with me so much, but I resist. I look into these dark eyes filled with feeling, at this half-smile addressed to me, and I remember the cold look of gray-green eyes, and a smile that seems to be no different, but so beloved. Every time, imagining someone else in his place, I am ready to throw myself into his arms, not caring about all the rules of decency and my own principles, but in time I remember that this is not HIM. But their reaction would be different... one would most likely push him away, and the other would probably think about it himself often.

People often have a choice - to love or to be loved? For the lucky ones, it's the same person. But I have never been lucky, so I can only tell you my choice. Although you already understood it yourself. Love is more important to me. To give yourself completely to a person, even without receiving anything in return, to achieve him by all means, to suffer, to kill yourself, but to love... Yes, you could choose something else, but there you would have to do everything under pressure. Perhaps the thought comes that this is selfishness? That I’m not ready to do anything for another person? Oh no, you're wrong! For the sake of my loved one, I am capable of anything. And even if you enter into an alliance with an unloved person, it will not last long. Yes, at first you will even be able to play a happy fool in love, then you will become attached to this person, and his feelings will increase tenfold for you. He will want more, and you are unlikely to be able to refuse, because you yourself are already in his power. Just imagine - the first kiss with unloved lips, marriage to an unloved person, the unloved father of your children, the unloved grandfather of your grandchildren... Is it possible to live like this? Yes, he will endure it, he will get used to it, but you will not find happiness in such a relationship. One love is not always enough for two. Or rather, not everyone is ready for this. For example, I’m not ready, so I’ll sit as a lonely virgin, sobbing and remembering the Very Beloved One who doesn’t care about me. I will suffer. I will be bursting with pain inside. I will hate the whole world and curse the one who invented love. And guess what? I won't be alone. There will be a person next to me who experiences the same feelings. And we will suffer together, but separately.

I’m not selfish, I just understand that at one point the non-reciprocal union will fall apart, and you will have to suffer much more than now. I don't want to hurt others, really. Believe me, I wouldn’t wish what I’m experiencing now even on my enemy. I'm sorry I put you through this. Let me go, I'm not your option, you know. Let me not feel guilty. Leave me alone with my pain, and never say “I love you” to me again. Get out of my life. Leave and forgive me for the emotional trauma you caused. I did not want. Is it true. I love another one. Sorry. And HE will never tell me all these words, just as you will never hear them from me.

You ask: “What is more important: to love or to be loved?” I will answer: “Love,” closing my eyes and bursting into tears.