Let’s analyze an essay with speech errors: “Do you need to admit your own mistakes?” How to learn to admit your mistakes

No matter how hard we try, sometimes we all end up wrong. Admitting our own mistakes is not easy, so sometimes we continue to stubbornly stand our ground instead of facing the truth.

The cognitive dissonance

Our tendency to confirm our point of view forces us to look for and find evidence of our own rightness, even if there is none. In such situations, we experience what in psychology is called cognitive dissonance. This is discomfort from the collision of our attitudes, beliefs and ideas about ourselves, contradicting each other.

Let's say you consider yourself a kind person. Being rude to someone will make you feel very uncomfortable. To cope with this, you will begin to deny that you are wrong and look for excuses for your rudeness.

Why do we cling to our delusions?

Cognitive dissonance compromises our perception. To reduce the feeling of discomfort, we are forced to either change our opinion about ourselves or admit that we are wrong. Of course, in most cases we choose the path of least resistance.

Perhaps you will try to get rid of the discomfort by finding an explanation for your mistake. Psychologist Leon Festinger proposed the theory of cognitive dissonance in the middle of the last century while studying a small religious community. Members of this community believed that the end of the world would come on December 20, 1954, from which they would be able to escape on a flying saucer. In his book When the Prophecy Fails, Festinger described how, after the failed apocalypse, members of the sect stubbornly continued to adhere to their beliefs, arguing that God simply decided to spare people. By clinging to this explanation, cultists coped with cognitive dissonance.

The feeling of dissonance is very unpleasant, and we try our best to get rid of it. By apologizing, we admit that we are wrong and accept dissonance, and this is quite painful.

According to research Refusing to apologize can have psychological benefits By persisting in our wrongness, we often feel better than when we admit it. Scientists have noticed that those who refuse to apologize for their mistakes suffer less from decreased self-esteem, loss of authority and control over the situation than those who admit they were wrong and apologize.

By apologizing, we seem to hand over power to another person, who can save us from awkwardness and us, or who may not accept our apology and add to our mental anguish. Those who choose not to apologize initially experience a sense of power and strength.

This sense of personal power may seem very attractive, but it backfires in the long run. By refusing to apologize for our mistakes, we jeopardize the trust on which the relationship rests, and also prolong the conflict, accumulate aggression, and fuel our thirst for revenge.

By not admitting our mistakes, we reject constructive criticism that helps us break bad habits and become better people.

Other research Who Accepts Responsibility for Their Transgressions?, conducted by scientists from Stanford, showed that people are more willing to take responsibility for their mistakes when they are confident that they can change their own behavior. However, such confidence does not come easily.

How to learn to admit your mistakes

The first thing you need to do is learn to notice manifestations of cognitive dissonance in yourself. As a rule, it makes itself felt through confusion, stress, disturbance of mental balance or feelings of guilt. These feelings don't necessarily mean you're wrong. However, they clearly indicate that it would not hurt to take an impartial look at the situation and try to objectively answer the question of whether you are right or wrong.

It is also worth learning to recognize your usual excuses and explanations. Remember situations in which you were wrong and knew it, but tried to justify yourself one way or another. Remember how you felt when you struggled to rationalize your argumentative behavior. The next time you have these feelings, consider them as an indicator of cognitive dissonance.

Don't forget that people tend to forgive much more often and more than they think. Honesty and objectivity show you as an open person who can be dealt with.

In situations where you are clearly wrong, by not admitting it you are demonstrating a flaw. Anyone who fiercely defends his errors literally shouts about his weakness.

Every unpleasant situation that arises in a person’s life entails not only negative consequences, but also the appearance of negative emotions in the person affected by it. Moreover, in the current situation, the subject can behave differently. The first option: he will blame the circumstances and people around him for what happened. The second option: a person realizes his own guilt and engages in self-flagellation. Both lines of behavior are fundamentally wrong, and therefore ineffective. It is more correct to admit your mistake, learn a lesson from it and try not to repeat such a mistake in the future.

Origins of the problem

Our ability to admit our own mistakes is formed in childhood. This skill is laid down by the child’s parents, or, more precisely, by the attitude of adults towards the mistakes of their offspring. The result directly depends on what type of education the mother and father use. The authoritarian position taken by the latter in relation to the child requires the child to flawlessly conform to the ideal image and model of behavior. Deviation from the standards that parents adhere to is considered by them as a crime. Even the thought of a possible mistake by a son/daughter is unacceptable, not to mention its likelihood in practice. But if this happens, the child is not allowed to correct himself or rehabilitate himself in the eyes of adults. Any attempt is suppressed: parents pointedly (although rarely consciously and intentionally) eliminate the mistake for the child, in addition to everything else, punishing him, causing a feeling of shame and guilt in the fragile personality.

The humanistic position of the mother and father implies, on the contrary, the imposition of sanctions on the person who has made a mistake, since adults in this case believe - and quite rightly - that punishment destroys the personality. According to the humanistic approach, the child must admit his mistake, then realize what is the way to correct it and, finally, carry out this same correction. Unlike authoritarian pedagogy, there is no connection here between the child’s erroneous actions and his personality and, consequently, its humiliation. This means there is no feeling of guilt and shame for what has been done, which can lead to the formation of an inferiority complex in a person in the future. But this strategy is guaranteed to instill the ability to admit your mistakes.

Let's develop the necessary social skills!

If you were unlucky as a child and you, like most children, were subjected to an authoritarian attack from adults because of their ignorance of the psychology of communicating with their own child, know: there is absolutely no need to panic, since you can master the ability to admit your mistakes at any age - the main thing is really want it. There are many ways to achieve your goal. It is advisable to choose not just one, but to use the methods below in combination. Then the result will not take long to arrive.

So, first, focus your attention on your own feelings that arise when you make a mistake.

If these are feelings of fear, shame, guilt or anger at yourself or others, circumstances - try to free yourself from them as soon as possible. Otherwise, following your own mistake contributes to low self-esteem, which will certainly have a very negative impact on the quality of your personality. And the idea of a mistake will also be distorted, and you will become painfully aware of any mistake, even the smallest one, and become fixated on it.

Secondly, understand that mistakes are an integral part of human life, and there is no escape from it. They teach us something, warn us against a possible unwanted next step, and in some cases can even become the beginning of the path to great achievements and discoveries. Let the experience of famous scientists and inventors inspire you - they didn’t succeed the first time, without numerous mistakes.

Thirdly, take personal responsibility for your mistake, and do not blame others or the villain Life for it. This is already half the battle, since the next step will be to master the skill of admitting your own mistakes without any problems.

Fourth, give up the self-criticism that most people usually apply to themselves after they make a mistake. Stop calling yourself a “sheep,” “stupid,” and “stupid” every time you make a mistake. It’s better to try to analyze your action, look not for excuses, no, but for some mitigating circumstances that could serve as an explanation for what happened. Finally, direct your attention to finding the root cause and solution to the problem, rather than wasting time mindlessly beating yourself up.

Fifth, learn to leave your mistakes not to yourself, but behind you. Everything that happens instantly ends up in the past, which means that what matters is not the mistake itself, but the lesson, the experience learned from the last one and taken into service.

And most importantly: get rid of the so-called “perfection complex”, which is equal in strength to the “inferiority complex”, but has the opposite polarity. It lies in the fact that a person considers himself ideal, and therefore does not know how to admit his mistakes. At the same time, strive to achieve excellence. It is important to want to be better than you are today, but not the best of all. This is a huge difference, you just have to think about it to understand this fact.

I had a boss, by the way, probably the best , who taught me very, very much about life and business. He is a very progressive and fast person. One day he said in an insinuating tone: "inability admit mistakes- the biggest problem!" I also thought why a person like him said this so meekly and at the same time strongly. And I remembered this phrase because I respected him (it’s hard not to respect a person who manages to manage several billion-dollar projects and at the same time lead an interesting and rich life).

Then time passed, and the phrase was spinning in my head and I began to notice how many problems I have when I do not admit mistakes. There were a lot of them! It's like evil fate, it turns out. I just didn’t pay attention to it before. And then I began to notice that almost all people don’t know how to admit mistakes, even if they tell everyone and themselves that they can.

After all, admitting a mistake is not just telling someone: “I’m wrong or I’m wrong.” This is to realize that you are wrong, but this is already difficult. Because everyone always has their own truth, and until the rooster pecks, we will fight for this truth, like a bull with a matador.

And you know what else I noticed over time. It is not necessary to say out loud that the mistake is understood and acknowledged. It is important to understand this for yourself and draw conclusions. Because it happens that by admitting your mistake out loud you put yourself in a vulnerable position, so sometimes it’s better to remain silent if possible. Or they don’t expect recognition from you, but you deliberately confess, thereby showing that “What a great guy I am!” Well, if you’ve already been pushed against the wall and you clearly see that you’re wrong, it’s better to admit it both to yourself and out loud! It will be easier for you and everyone! And most importantly, don’t leave yourself feeling guilty!

Cases are different and people are different. But practice and observe yourself in a week. How many times have you admitted, at least internally, that you are wrong, if indeed you are wrong? This is where, of course, the dilemma and discussion begins. But notice, it always begins in internal dialogue in favor of YOURSELF! And to be objective, sometimes it’s worth looking from the outside.

Hello, dear friends! Have you ever seen in your life a person who in every possible way denies his guilt and tries to blame it on someone else? He simply does not know the very truth about admitting mistakes.

First, let's figure out who is capable of showing courage? The unequivocal answer is that he is a courageous man who achieves absolutely any goals. Do you know why such a person quickly gets results? He learns from his failures and tries to correct the situation by any available means. And he succeeds quite well.

When you do it this way, your soul becomes lighter. All anger disappears, the person can even feel perfect! This is so important, because only this funny and amazing feeling moves a person, and some impulse is felt from within. This is what is good and wonderful about the habit of admitting your mistake.

Now let's talk about how a person can learn to admit his mistakes and gain maximum experience.

Recording an error. When you write down exactly what you did wrong, then, for sure, your mind will note this point in the most detail. And thus there will be internal resistance, and no matter how much you want, you will no longer be able to step on the same rake. Therefore, get used to it, most likely it will help. Studying is always helpful.
Speak directly if, for example, you make a confession to a person. There is no need to hide here, you need to say everything as it is. Save your precious time and save yourself from nerves...

First understand that it's about you. This means that it is no one’s fault that you made a mistake. Look into yourself, and then, probably, you will understand more than when you accuse others of something. This is what a person who is confident in himself does, and thus people treat him much better and try to appoint him as leader. Everyone wants to be trusted, but not everyone wants to correct their own shortcomings. He says: “It’s better to resolve the issue as soon as possible, and be done with it.” Therefore, you should not expect any privileges; they will not come at all if you do not change your nature.
Make it so automatic that it becomes a habit. Thus, you will replenish your arsenal with the most necessary things. Only thanks to this, you can move up the steps to wealth, or simply prosperity. It will be much more useful if you begin to apply the recognition of mistakes in your life as early as possible, then you will not have to try to change yourself in the future, this will be much more difficult, because you will already have a formed body, head and soul. That is why all the great geniuses of the world changed unusually in childhood. And now take a quick look at their biography. What are you observing? They did not have any problems, as such, which are very common in life. Why not try to do it like they did?

Many have had to observe the actions of a person who makes excuses. All his thoughts are aimed at clinging to something else in order to at least somehow stay afloat. Fortunately, if you think deeply about this topic, then only after that you can understand that the one who is looking for excuses is wrong.

This is the golden law - admitting mistakes.

But most people do not resort to this type of activity, but only trust their instinct. We are by nature gullible, naive, trying to take pity on the weak, who are simply not worthy of help. All these shortcomings are eliminated if we begin to think, compare, and, finally, whatever happens along the way, we need to restore the highest injustice, despite all kinds of difficulties and barriers.

Look around the world around you. What is happening there? Most make excuses, and only a small part of them act most intelligently. After all, if even a small part of that group disappears, then there will be no natural leaders at all. More precisely, they will break, they will be ruined by their own mistake. Who's watching you? Children, they greedily adopt all your qualities, character traits, and there is no room left for all the benefits that we have even the slightest idea about.

Recognition must be learned.

Be the first to set an example, invest a piece of your soul into the seedlings of the future generation. They, in turn, will not forget this, and will try their best to grow further and develop.

There is such a category of people: they ruthlessly demand that others admit their mistakes. But they themselves do not do this at all. What happens then? There is a quarrel, they do not understand each other, and are simply not able to enter into someone else's position. In order for the relationship to be as beautiful and of the highest quality as possible, you need to discuss that you will admit everything, and if your partner does not do this, then simply remind him.

If he flatly refuses to tell the truth, then you should think: why even have any relationship with such a person? Once upon a time there is only torment waiting on the way. Find a new friend, girlfriend. Such friends exist! And life will improve, you will become happier from various troubles.

Just recently, an interesting study was conducted. And one curious thing came to light. If a person has extraordinary faith in the success of his business, then he can easily admit to his actions. And the one who refuses to believe in anything, then, therefore, does not see any particular benefit for himself in admitting his own mistake. So what follows from all this? This is that the first category of such individuals has a number of advantages. They are able to influence people, decide the fate of a meeting with one word. What advantages do others have? There is none of them.

Agree, admitting a mistake, because such a simple, one might even say “investigation”, reflected the whole essence and tore off all the masks, opening the way to the truth. And those scientists who carried out this, probably, most likely no one knows. And unsurprisingly, even the most authoritative magazines did not write about this. However, it happens.

So the words of people who have the advantage on their side sound exactly like this: “Yes, I agree with you, I made a mistake. But I admit this to you without any joyful concealment, so you can fully rely on me. I’ll try.” and henceforth, speak openly. And without any fear, I will use all my strength to quickly confess and forget about this misunderstanding." You can hear sighs: “how can it be,” “it doesn’t matter.” And as a rule, these are the words that are spoken by the weak.

Who is your preference? The choice between the two types is, of course, up to you. You just need to decide once, and you won’t be in doubt anymore.

So, after a long break, the idea came to write this article. What will it be about? Let's talk about what often prevents us from moving forward, comprehending something new, and developing in general. And, no matter how paradoxical it may be, the cause of problems often lies in our desire to be right!

“...But still, I’m right!”- a phrase that has caused many conflicts, upset nerves and other negative consequences.

“Truth is born in dispute”, said one smart person, but I think he was only half right. Truth is truly born in a dispute if the people participating in the dispute are looking for the truth, and not trying to prove to each other that they are right.

In general, why did I decide to write this article? Simply because for most of my life I was always trying to prove to everyone and everything that “I AM RIGHT!”... At the same time, I experienced real pleasure when I managed to prove that I was right to others.

The other side of the coin was that I simply experienced “hell torment” when I realized that in some situation I was wrong, but I did not have the courage to admit that I was wrong.

The ego is a nasty thing, it makes you feel humiliated and defeated when you are “in the wrong”, when you make a mistake. However, thank God, over the years some wisdom appears, which helps us realize a very simple and comforting fact:

“It doesn’t matter whether you’re right or wrong! It is important that you found the right option, even through personal mistakes. Admitting a mistake frees you from your own shackles, which force you to follow an erroneous decision only for the purpose of “being right in everyone’s wrong.”

When to admit you were wrong(or at least stop trying to prove you're right)?

1. When you are objectively wrong(i.e. some facts have come to light that indicate that you were mistaken). To continue to persist in this case is simply stupid!!! Tell your ego "tsits." It's okay to make mistakes. By admitting a mistake, you become stronger, not weaker (as many people think). On the contrary, the inability to admit your mistake is a sign of weakness.

2. When you see that your opponent cannot be convinced. And really, is it worth wasting your nerves trying to prove to others that you are right (even if you are really right)? Maybe a person prefers to be mistaken! Are you ready to waste your nerves trying to break through a person’s psychological defense?!

From my own experience I will say that this is a useless exercise. In addition, often there is simply no “right” solution. Each person has OWN view of life, because it is HIS LIFE!

If you can follow these two steps, your life will become much calmer. By allowing other people to live their lives, you allow yourself to live YOURS, without having to prove to others your right to live the way you consider “correct”!

"Your life - your rules"- a great thought that relieves nervous shock and stress. Just remember that other people have the right to use exactly the same rule!

Look at the USA, they are trying to impose on everyone their vision of the CORRECT structure of the state. And what? In my opinion, many countries hate the USA for their SHIT democracy (oops, misspelled... democracy).

By trying to impose your CORRECT point of view on everyone, you alienate those around you and become blind to your own mistakes. Refuse such “dermocratic” policies in your life.

Over the past 3-4 years, I have become somewhat wiser in this regard, thanks to which the number of conflicts in my life has decreased significantly. There are already so many negative emotions in life, you shouldn’t provoke them yourself, allowing your EGO to prove that you are right at every step.

Maybe I'm wrong; maybe I'm wrong. Tell me what you think about this in the comments.