How to help a loved one when he feels bad, in his experiences. Emergency psychological assistance: how to properly console a person in trouble

First, understand and accept one thing: even though you have known each other for a long time and you know the person inside out, now this does not mean at all that his behavior will meet your expectations. “There are certain general stages of experiencing grief. You can easily focus on them, remembering, of course, that each of us still needs an individual approach,” explains psychologist Marianna Volkova.

Our experts:

Anna Shishkovskaya
Psychologist at the Gestalt Center Nina Rubshtein

Marianna Volkova
Practicing psychologist, specialist in family and individual psychology

How to support someone if they are in shock

Stage No. 1: usually the person is completely shocked, confused and simply cannot believe the reality of what is happening.

What should I say. If you are really close friends, it is best for you to be close without relying on the phone, Skype or SMS. For some people, tactile contact and the ability to see their interlocutor in person are very important. “At this time, conversations and attempts to express condolences are not necessary,” Marianna Volkova is sure. - None. Therefore, if your friend asks you to stay close and refuses to communicate, do not try to get him to talk. Contrary to your expectations, things will not get easier for him. It’s worth talking about what happened only when your loved one is ready for it. In the meantime, you can hug, sit next to, hold hands, stroke the head, bring tea with lemon. All conversations are strictly on business or on abstract topics.”

What to do. The loss of a loved one, sudden terrible illnesses and other blows of fate require not only reflection, but also a lot of worries. Don’t think that providing this kind of help is easy. It requires a lot of emotional investment and is very exhausting. How to support a person in such a situation? First, ask how you can help. A lot depends on what state your friend is in. You may have to take on organizational issues: calling, finding out, negotiating. Or give the unfortunate person a sedative. Or wait with him in the doctor’s waiting room. But, as a rule, it is enough to at least deal with everyday issues: clean up, wash the dishes, cook food.

How to support a person if he is acutely worried

Stage No. 2: accompanied by acute feelings, resentment, misunderstanding and even aggression.

What to do. It is clear that communication at this moment is difficult. But right now, a friend needs attention and support. Try to come more often, to be in touch if he is left alone. You can invite him to visit for a while. It is important to clearly understand whether you are mentally ready for this.

Words of condolences

“Most people, when expressing condolences, use common phrases that do not carry any meaning. Actually, this is a manifestation of politeness and nothing more. But when it comes to a loved one, something more than formality is needed. Of course, there is no template that fits every situation. But there are things that definitely shouldn’t be said,” says Marianna Volkova.

1. If you don’t know what to say, be silent. It’s better to hug one more time, show that you are nearby and ready to help at any moment.
2. Avoid expressions like “everything will be fine,” “everything will pass,” and “life goes on.” You seem to promise good things, but only in the future, not now. This kind of talk is annoying.
3. Try not to ask unnecessary questions. The only appropriate one in this situation is: “How can I help?” Everything else will wait.
4. Never utter words that could devalue the importance of what happened. “And some people can’t walk at all!” - this is not a consolation, but a mockery for a person who has lost, say, an arm.
5. If your goal is to provide moral support to a friend, first of all you yourself must be stoic. Sobbing, lamenting and talking about the injustice of life is unlikely to calm you down.

How to support someone if they are depressed

Stage No. 3: at this time the person becomes aware of what happened. Expect your friend to be depressed and depressed. But there is good news: he is beginning to understand that he needs to somehow move on.

What should I say. We are all different, so the best thing you can do is ask what exactly your loved one expects from you.

1. Some people need to talk about what happened.“There are people who, in a difficult situation, vitally need to speak out loud their emotions, fears and experiences. A friend doesn’t need condolences; your job is to listen. You can cry or laugh with him, but you shouldn’t give advice or put in your two cents in every possible way,” advises Marianna Volkova.
2. Some people need a distraction to cope with grief. You are required to talk about extraneous topics, to involve a person in resolving some issues. Invent urgent things that require full concentration and constant employment. Do everything so that your friend has no time to think about what he is trying to escape from.
3. There are people who, in difficult life situations, prefer loneliness - this makes it easier for them to cope with their emotions. If a friend tells you that they don't want any contact yet, the worst thing you can do is try to get under their skin with the best of intentions. Simply put, to forcefully “do good.” Leave the person alone, but be sure to make it clear that you are nearby and ready to provide all possible help at any time.

What to do.

1. In the first case, help of a domestic nature is often required, especially if your loved one is not one of those who easily negotiate, communicate and can easily choose the best of several proposed options.
2. You must help your friend move a little away from what happened. If you are connected by work issues, you can carry out distracting maneuvers in this direction. A good option is playing sports. The main thing is not to torture yourself and his grueling workouts, but choose what you like. You can go to the pool, court or yoga together. The goal is to try to have fun.
3. In the third case, you only need what is asked of you. Don't insist on anything. Invite them to “go out and unwind” (what if they agree?), but always leave the choice up to the person and don’t be intrusive.

How to support someone when they have already experienced grief

Stage No. 4: This is a period of adaptation. One might say – rehabilitation.

What should I say. It is at this time that a person re-establishes contacts, communication with others gradually takes on its usual form. Now a friend may need parties, travel and other attributes of life without mourning.

What to do. “If your friend is quite ready to communicate, there is no need to try to somehow behave “correctly” in his company. You should not try to forcefully cheer up, shake and bring to your senses. At the same time, you cannot avoid direct glances or sit with a sour face. The more familiar you establish the atmosphere, the easier it will be for a person,” Marianna Volkova is sure.

Visit to a psychologist

No matter what stage a person is in, friends sometimes try to provide help that is not needed. For example, forcefully send you to a psychologist. Here you will have to be especially careful, because sometimes it is necessary, and sometimes it is completely unnecessary.

“Experiencing trouble, sadness is a natural process that, as a rule, does not need professional help,” says psychologist Anna Shishkovskaya. – There is even a term “grief work”, the healing effect of which is possible provided that a person allows himself to go through all stages. However, this is precisely what becomes a problem for many: allowing oneself to feel, to face experiences. If we try to “run away” from strong, unpleasant emotions, to ignore them, the “work of grief” is disrupted, and “stuck” may occur at any stage. That’s when the help of a psychologist is really needed.”

Cons of support

The tragedy they experience sometimes gives people a reason to manipulate others. We are, of course, not talking about the first, most difficult period. But you may be required to be present continuously for a long time. Your personal life, work, desires will not be taken into account. Let's say you invited a friend to stay with you for a while - a fairly common practice. But all the agreed upon dates have long passed, and the person continues to visit. You are silent, because it is impolite to talk about inconveniences, but the natural result will be a damaged relationship.

The financial issue is no less important. It happens that time passes, everything that was needed has been done, but the need for investment does not disappear. And you, by inertia, continue to give money, afraid to refuse. " I noticed that you are starting to sacrifice yourself and your interests, which means there is a reason to talk and clarify the situation,” reminds Anna Shishkovskaya. – Otherwise, accumulated resentment and indignation will one day provoke a serious conflict with mutual claims. It would be good not to lead to a scandal, but to define the boundaries in time.”

Personal dramas are just one of those very troubles that friends find themselves in. And your behavior during this period will certainly affect your relationship in one way or another. Therefore, you should rush to help only if you sincerely want it.

In life we ​​often face various obstacles. This could be job loss, illness, death of a family member, financial troubles. At such a moment, it is difficult for a person to find the strength within himself and move on. He so needs support at this moment, a friendly shoulder, warm words. How to choose the right words of support that can really help a person in difficult times?

Expressions that should not be used

There are a number of common phrases that first come to mind when you need to support someone. It's better not to say these words:

1. Don't worry!

1. Everything will work out! Everything will be fine!

At a time when the world has collapsed, this sounds like a mockery. The man is faced with the fact that he does not know how to solve his problem. He needs to think about how to fix everything. He is not sure that the situation will turn out in his favor and he will be able to stay afloat. So, how will the empty statement that everything will work out help? Such words sound even more blasphemous if your friend has lost a loved one.

1. Do not Cry!

Tears are the body's natural way of coping with stress. You need to let the person cry, speak out, and give free rein to their emotions. He will feel better. Just hug and be close.

1. There is no need to give examples of people who are even worse off

A person who has lost his job and has nothing to feed his family does not care at all that children are starving somewhere in Africa. Anyone who has just learned of a serious diagnosis is not very interested in cancer mortality statistics. You should also not give examples that relate to mutual friends.

When trying to support a loved one, remember that at the moment he is morally depressed by his problem. You need to carefully select your expressions so as not to accidentally offend or touch on a sore subject. Let's figure out how to support a person.

Words that will help you survive the turning point

When our loved ones find themselves in difficult situations, we are lost and often do not know how to behave. But words spoken at the right moment can inspire, console, and restore faith in oneself. The following phrases will help you feel your support:

1. We will get through this together.

In difficult times, it is important to know that you are not alone. Let your loved one feel that you are not indifferent to his grief and that you are ready to share all the difficulties with him.

1. I understand how you feel.

When you are in trouble, it is important to be heard. It's good to have someone nearby who understands you. If you have found yourself in a similar situation, tell us about it. Share your thoughts and emotions at that moment. But there is no need to tell how you heroically dealt with the situation. Just let them know that you have been in your friend's shoes. But you got through it and he will get through it too.

1. Time will pass and it will become easier.

Indeed, this is a fact. We no longer even remember many of the troubles in life that happened to us a year or two ago. All troubles remain in the past. Sooner or later we find a replacement for a betrayed friend or unhappy love. Financial problems are also gradually being resolved. You can find a new job, pay off a loan, cure an illness or alleviate its symptoms. Even sadness from the death of a loved one passes over time. It is important to survive the moment of shock and move on.

1. You've been in worse situations. And nothing, you did it!

Surely your friend has already faced obstacles in life and found a way out of them. Remind him that he is a strong, courageous person and is capable of solving any problem. Cheer him up. Show him that he can survive this difficult moment with dignity.

1. It's not your fault what happened.

The feeling of guilt for what happened is the first thing that prevents you from looking at the situation soberly. Let your loved one know that this is how the circumstances developed and anyone else could have been in his place. There is no point in looking for those responsible for the trouble; you need to try to solve the problem.

1. Is there anything I can do for you?

Perhaps your friend needs help, but doesn't know who to turn to. Or he doesn't feel comfortable saying it. Take the initiative.

1. Tell him that you admire his endurance and fortitude.

When a person is morally depressed by difficult circumstances, such words inspire. They are able to restore a person’s faith in their own strength.

1. Don't worry, I'll be there right away!

These are the most important words that each of us wants to hear at a turning point. Everyone needs someone close and understanding nearby. Don't leave your loved one alone!

Help your friend approach the situation with humor. Every drama has a little comedy. Defuse the situation. Laugh together at the girl who dumped him, or at the pompous director who fired him from his job. This will allow you to look at the situation in a more optimistic light. After all, everything can be solved and corrected while we are alive.

The best support is to be there

The main thing we say is not with words, but with our actions. A sincere hug, a timely handkerchief or napkin, or a glass of water can say more than you think.

Transfer some of the household issues to yourself. Provide all possible assistance. After all, at the moment of shock, a person is not even able to cook dinner, go to the grocery store, or pick up children from kindergarten. If your friend has lost a family member, help with funeral arrangements. Make the necessary arrangements and just be there.

Gently shift the person's attention to something mundane that is not related to their grief. Keep him busy with something. Invite to the cinema, order pizza. Find a reason to get outside and take a walk.

Sometimes silence is better than any, even the most sincere words. Listen to your friend, let him speak out, express his emotions. Let him talk about his pain, about how confused and depressed he is. Don't interrupt him. Let him say his problem out loud as many times as necessary. This will help you look at the situation from the outside and see solutions. And you just be close to your loved one in a difficult moment for him.

Olga, St. Petersburg

I think there are several reasons why your support methods are not working. I'll tell you about them. I stepped on all these rake myself. As a result, it turns out that there are very simple principles that are worth following. We will talk about strong experiences and everyday support. As a result, you will learn to support even people you barely know with just a few phrases.

Why is this important, why even understand how to support a person in difficult times?

It’s just that if you manage to really help, the person will remember you as a true friend. I can give two very striking examples for me. Although from the outside they may seem very simple.

I have a friend who you can call at three in the morning. With any bullshit (sorry, there’s no other way to say it). A bad dream, bad news, a broken heart, nervousness about something. You can just pick it up and call. And it's mutual. No, we first write an SMS:“Can I call now?”and then having received an unequivocal “yes, of course,” we call each other. It seems to me that the need for this appears approximately once every two years, hardly more often. But it's priceless. The one who listens usually doesn't do anything magical. He is simply ready to listen and use the right words to remind you that not everything is bad. Then you can calmly go to sleep: you don’t want to cry anymore after you’ve drunk.

And there is another friend. I once called her when my back hurt very badly and I needed to get to the clinic. I had a boyfriend, but I wasn’t ready to ask him to come home from work for this. He gave the go-ahead for me to take a taxi and told me to call if anything happened. And in theory, this was a completely feasible task for me. Except for a couple of very awkward nuances for me. I couldn't tie my shoelaces. (And for some reason this is even more important to me than being able to go to the toilet on my own). And I was afraid that something unpleasant would happen during the trip, even though there were no prerequisites for this. It's just scary that's all. At that moment, both of these reasons seemed shameful to me.

It's more than embarrassing to bother someone for such bullshit. So it seemed to me. But I called this friend of mine. I knew for sure that I would call her. Why exactly to her - I don’t know. She didn’t have to explain about the laces, or the pain, or anything. She just said she would come. And then everything was fine. I wasn't alone. She, of course, hardly remembers this incident. But for me, she remains the very person you can call to tie your shoelaces, simply because you need it. It is clear that for her sake I am ready to come anywhere.

Do you agree that being able to support on time and be there on time is something very important? If yes, like it and let's try to figure out what the magic is.

So, how to support a loved one? What conclusions would you draw from these stories?

So why don’t the usual ones work:

“Oh yeah, don’t worry. Let's go have a drink. Let's watch a movie. Why are you so upset? Yes, everything will be fine! Well, if I were you, I would do this, this and that!”

1) It is important to join the person, and not try to knock him out of his sad state.At the very least, it is always important to start with connection, real CO-FEELING. It is important to plunge into the same story for a while. Because there is something very important in it for your loved one. Otherwise... if it didn't affect anything important... He himself wouldn't worry so much. And if you immediately say, “Oh, forget it,” a person may unconsciously read into this: “your values ​​and your experiences are bullshit!” But it's difficult. This about , about intimacy. If you do this sincerely, you will actually feel a little uncomfortable.

2) Why don’t advice help, and sometimes even have the opposite effect? What are the right words to support someone? I remember this once and for all from the second course after one of the psychological groups. We sorted out the request of one of the participants. At the end, everyone in a circle gives him feedback and support. Naturally there is a lot of advice. And finally, the “hero of the day” himself shares his final impressions. So here’s a common story: “It seems to me that I’m a complete fool. You offer such sensible things, tell how you successfully got out of such stories. I’m starting to feel like I’m the only such loser.” This is paradoxical - but this is a common effect. One SINCERELY tries to support by telling his, and those who listen only become sadder for themselves. How to choose words of support?

• You can talk about your feelings and your attitude: “I'm worried about you. I'm sad to hear this too. I’m also a little confused when you told me everything in detail.”
• You can also use words to make it clear that you are ready to just be there, no matter what happens. "I'm with you". I remember my dad once said to me during a difficult family history: “No matter what, you are my daughter and always will be, and I love you.” Then these were the very words that calmed me down very much.
• You can talk about your similar FAILED experiences, your similar “wrong” experiences. After all, during periods of difficulty, we often feel that we are somehow not very good... Hearing that you are not the only such idiot can be very valuable.
• Advice helps when a person feels better, when he is heard, when he has some strength to do something. This can be seen from him if you look closely. His face changes. Well, advice is good when it’s neutral ideas, like a tool. What to do with these tools, when and which one to use, is up to the individual to decide. And again, it’s good when the advice is just part of your story, which he can listen to if he wants, and not doing good to the subject.

3) Distraction is a good way when both are already tired of crying.Smiley. It is impossible to talk for too long about important difficult topics. Joking, being ironic and being distracted by something is also very important. Good psychologists, by the way, will make a lot of wisecracks during consultations. And that's spot on. And it's very funny. But you need to correctly sense the moment when it really matters, when you need to turn down the heat a little.And for this it is important to be a lively, interesting, enthusiastic person yourself.Otherwise, there is no way to pull the other one out of the quagmire. Otherwise, looking at you and your equally sad and compassionate look, he simply won’t believe you that “everything will be fine.”

4) Even if he is sad, he is not a fool.For some reason, there is a myth that if a person is sad or bad, then he cannot cope. This means he needs to give a whole bunch of advice. But no, this is not always the case. Almost all of us, even in very difficult periods of life, have in our heads an approximate plan of action or options for what to do. We just doubt, worry, are temporarily confused or very tired. Believe me. I've worked with hundreds of people. Everyone always has at least some plan of action. Especially if you support the person, listen to him, calm him down a little - the answer to the question “what do you think you should do about it?” no, no, yes there will be.The main thing is to have time to ask this question BEFOREhis lecture on how to live.

5) Follow the clues.A person in need of help almost always makes it clear in one way or another that he can help him now. Non-verbal. Maybe he is cold, maybe he wants to philosophize and needs a listener, maybe he wants to take a walk or just be alone for a while. Or be with you, but at the same time remain silent. Don't be afraid to just BE CLOSE to a person who is feeling bad. Just being close to someone who is crying. There is no urgent need to change anything. You are not an emergency room doctor on duty. You don't have any super responsibility. Just sit next to each other in the same puddle. Helping people sometimes get carried away with THEMSELVES, what advice they know, what books they read, what mom said, what they write on the Internet... the anxiety from the need to save the one who shed a tear at all costs is so overwhelming that you have the strength to JUST PAY ATTENTION for the one who is sad there is no longer enough.

6) Ask: “How can I help you?”. Yes, everything ingenious is simple. But the trick is that when you ask this question, you don’t need to offer options. You need to do a very difficult thing: be silent. Just be quiet and listen to what the person has to say. If he says: “I don’t know,” you can ask: “Just think about it!..” If he says again: “I don’t know,” say, “Please, when you figure it out, let me know, okay?” - and stay calm for a minute, silently nearby.

7) How to support your loved one in normal everyday activities?Firstly, all the tips listed above work. Just a lower degree of drink. About that, I already wrote. And besides all this, it helps to know in detail how he is doing. What is going on with a person, what are his plans, difficulties, doubts, desires, dreams? What does he think is stopping him? What does he see that could help him? What does he think he can do? This helps a lot. Although by and large it is quite simple.

This is a story about love. All this requires courage. What other courage is there, what is frightening about this? It requires a willingness to be truly close to someone.

Write your stories of true support and your advice on this topic in the comments below.
Your family psychologist, Elena Zaitova.

Hearing

The main thing is to be sure to let the person speak out. You should not be afraid of the flow of revelations and panic: no one requires you to be active and immediately solve all problems. It is also better to leave questions, advice and universal wisdom for later: at this stage, a person just needs to know that he is not alone, that he is heard, and they sincerely sympathize with him.

Listening does not mean standing still like a statue and remaining silent until the very end of the monologue. This behavior is more like indifference. It is possible and even necessary to show “signs of life” in order to console a loved one: say “Yes”, “I understand you”, sometimes repeat words or phrases that seemed key - all this will show that you really care. And at the same time it will help you collect your thoughts: both for your interlocutor and, by the way, for yourself.

It's a gesture

There is a simple set of gestures to help sympathizers. An open posture (without arms crossed on the chest), a slightly bowed head (preferably at the same level as the head of the person you are listening to), understanding nods, an approving chuckle in time with the conversation and open palms are subconsciously perceived as a sign of attention and participation. When it comes to a loved one with whom you are accustomed to maintaining physical contact, soothing touches and stroking will not hurt. If the speaker becomes hysterical, and this also happens quite often, then one of the options to calm him down is to hug him tightly. With this, you seem to tell him: I am near, I accept you, you are safe.

It is better not to experiment with people you don’t know in terms of physical contact: firstly, you yourself may feel awkward; secondly, such behavior may turn off a person with a strict personal space. You should also be very careful if you are a victim of physical violence.

No change

Many of us believe that we should not dwell on stress. “Pull yourself together!”, “Find a reason for joy” - this is a standard set of phrases that the culture of global positivity and lightness of life hammers into our heads. Alas, all these attitudes in 90 cases out of 100 have the opposite effect and do not help at all to console a person with words. Having firmly believed that we must look for the positive in everything, we learn not to work on the problem, but to overwhelm it with a mass of conditionally positive experiences. As a result, the problem does not disappear anywhere, and it becomes more and more difficult to return to it and try to solve it every day.

If a person constantly returns to the same topic, it means that stress is still making itself felt. Let him talk as much as necessary (provided that you can handle this process yourself). Do you see how it has become easier? Great. You can slowly change the topic.

If specifically

What words can you use to comfort someone? Often, someone in trouble feels like a social outcast - it seems to him that his misfortunes are unique and no one cares about his experiences. The phrase “Is there anything I can do to help?” It seems banal and insipid, but nevertheless it shows your willingness to share the problem and be in the same boat with the victim. And it’s even better to offer something specific: “Do you want me to come to you right now and we’ll discuss everything?”, “Dictate the list of what you need - I’ll bring it within a day,” “Now I’ll call all the lawyers I know (doctors, psychologists), maybe What will they advise” or simply “Come any time.” And even if the answer is an irritated grumbling in the style of “No need, I’ll figure it out myself,” the very desire to help will have a positive effect.

Help should only be offered if you are really ready for heroic deeds, wasting time, money and emotions. Don’t overestimate your strengths, promising what you can’t do will only make things worse in the end.

Popular

Under supervision

Assurances like “Don’t touch me, leave me alone, I want to be alone” often indicate not so much a desire to cope with the situation alone, but rather an excessive obsession with the problem and, unfortunately, a state close to panic. Therefore, it is strictly not recommended to leave it alone for a long time. Unless for an extremely limited period of time, while being nearby and keeping your finger on the pulse.

Often the mood to “withdraw into oneself” provokes excessive curiosity of others, sometimes not even close ones at all, their excessive pity, and patronizing attitude. Nobody likes it. Therefore, when you see someone in front of you in exactly this state, you should moderate the level of your feelings and sympathy (at least externally) and make it clear that you are not going to teach him about life or put pressure on him with authority, but at the same time you sincerely want to help.

He she

We are accustomed to believing that a woman is an emotionally unstable creature and is always prone to a hysterical reaction, while a man is strong and resilient by default, and therefore is able to cope with stress alone. However, this is not entirely true.

Recent research by scientists shows that a socially isolated man tolerates stress much worse than a woman left to her own devices: he is more prone to withdrawal and depression (and girls even have an increased immunity in force majeure situations!). And the problem that we, emotional ones, will experience and yet forget, can torment the male brain for a long time. Psychologists believe that such a protracted reaction is a consequence of the fact that boys are taught from childhood to remain silent and pay more attention to their reputation than to their state of psychological comfort.

A man needs consolation, but it will be brought by actions rather than words. How to console a loved one? Your arrival, a delicious dinner, an unobtrusive attempt to stir things up will work much better than verbal confessions. In addition, the active behavior of someone nearby brings men to their senses. And also make it clear that it won’t hurt him to speak out and you don’t see anything wrong with it.

Rescue those who help

Sometimes we get so carried away with saving drowning people that it becomes an obsession. Which, by the way, is condoned by the victim himself: having gotten used to your readiness to listen, he, without realizing it, turns into your personal energy vampire and begins to dump all negative emotions on your fragile shoulders. If this goes on for too long, you will soon need help yourself.

By the way, for some people the opportunity to help someone turns into a way to get away from their own problems. This should absolutely not be allowed - sooner or later there is a risk of a full-fledged nervous breakdown.

If after long and, as it seems to you, therapeutic conversations, you feel like a lemon, fatigue, sleep disturbances, and irritability appear - you should slow down a little. In such a state, you are unlikely to help anyone, but you can easily harm yourself.

Depression

We like to use the diagnosis “depression” with or without reason. And although only a specialist can diagnose this disease, there are still general signs that, if manifested, require urgent seeking of qualified help. This:

Apathy, sadness, prevalence of bad mood;

Loss of strength, motor retardation or, conversely, nervous fussiness;

Slowing down of speech, long pauses, freezing in place;

Decreased concentration;

Loss of interest in habitually joyful things and events;

Loss of appetite;

Insomnia;

Decreased sexual desire.

At least a couple of the symptoms listed above - and you really should find a good psychotherapist for the victim.

Text: Daria Zelentsova

At first glance, there is nothing difficult about supporting a person in difficult times or sympathizing with him when necessary. And yet, so many people find it incredibly difficult to find the right words in situations where they are needed most. How to support a person in difficult times and what should you say? There is no universal “recipe”. And yet, you can learn to understand which words are relevant in which situations. This will allow you to find exactly the support that a person needs most.

Faith and trust

Basically, people in life say and hear very little phrases such as “I believe in you” or “I trust you.” Moreover, psychologists believe that it is the lack of direct expressions of feelings and support that leads people to become isolated and “withdraw.” That is why it is very important not to be shy about saying such words to a person. Of course, it is advisable to say them sincerely, but even if you have doubts, such support will be very useful.

Also, do not confuse the issue of faith and trust. In the first case, it is more about how the parents believe in their child, the wife in her husband, and so on. But trust is more important for friends, comrades, colleagues and those for whom it is important to know your attitude towards them. Therefore, when your loved ones, friends or acquaintances have any problems or difficulties, just say that you believe in them. As a rule, sometimes even such a small step will be enough to provide support.

No pity

You can often meet those who, due to an inability to sympathize or a complete misunderstanding of their words, begin to express pity. It is worth remembering that feeling sorry for someone and expressing sympathy or regret are radically different concepts. In most cases, pity will not console or support anyone. Rather, such words will make a person withdraw into himself even more and feel unnecessary. It is not for nothing that pity is considered one of the most destructive feelings.
Therefore, even if you are talking to a very sick person and trying to support him, do not express pity. Instead, try to bring a smile and create a good mood.

Condolences

In most cases, people have the hardest time finding the right words when it comes to death and funerals. How can you support someone who has just lost a family member or friend while experiencing overwhelming grief? Many people believe that words are completely unnecessary in such situations, but this is often not the case. It's best to say what you think. People always feel sincerity and reciprocate it.

Even if it is difficult for you to find the right words in such a situation, try to offer any help you can. Show that you share the grief and are ready to support the person.

Often, support has a lot in common with inspiration. It is enough to say a couple of the right words for a person not only to gain faith in himself, but also to find the strength to overcome any difficulties. Most often, this type of support is found in families. For example, when a husband or wife decides to change jobs and begins to doubt whether they will be able to find a decent job, there is nothing better than support. The faith of those closest to you can inspire anyone, but you should understand that it needs to be expressed, and not kept to yourself. Not all people know how to understand and “read” even those people with whom they have lived for years, therefore in the right situations, it is important to say everything that you think.

It is not without reason that most creative people can increase their performance and drive many times over if they have a source of inspiration. Otherwise, they will not be able to do even what they have always been able to do without much difficulty. Moreover, a creative person does not always even need words; it is enough to support him with presence or attention.

Depression support

The most common situations when people need support are bad mood, depression and various problems. It is in such cases that the words of a friend, girlfriend, relative or even work colleague can “pull” a person out of the abyss of despair and bring him back to life. Psychologists always emphasize that people are social creatures, therefore the desire to constantly cope with problems alone, although it can train character and willpower, will never make you live in happiness and harmony.