The ABC of optimism: how to raise happy children. Why is it important to learn to think and live positively?

The way people think has a significant impact on how children feel and behave. Unpleasant, overly critical thoughts can damage a child's self-esteem, interfere with a child's relationships, and cause them to give up before achieving their goals.

Sometimes such a gloomy, pessimistic style of thinking gives emerging thoughts the status of a self-suggested event or a fear coming true. For example, a child thinks: “Other children hate me. All because I’m probably stupid.” He avoids eye contact and remains withdrawn both on the playground and in the school hallways. His behavior prevents him from making friends and confirms and reinforces his conclusion that no one loves him.

Unreasonably negative views often lead to behavioral problems that might not have existed. Tantrums, disobedience and sibling rivalry are just some of the problems that usually arise under the influence of negative thoughts.

However, with some practical techniques, children can learn to recognize and change their negative thinking habits.

Examples of Negative Thinking

There are several types of negative thinking. Some children have a negative view of themselves, while others are afraid that something bad will happen. The following are examples of the main types of negative thinking and how they affect a child's behavior:

Generalization of a specific situation- the child was asked to give his brother his turn in the game. The child thinks: “He always gets everything he wants, but I never get anything!” He is indignant and refuses to play.
Underestimating your abilities- when a child is told that he solved a problem incorrectly, he tears up his work and thinks: “I can’t do anything right! I always only get wrong answers!”
Exaggerating the significance of the situation- the child learns that he gave two out of ten wrong answers in a math test. He concludes, “I’m terrible at math,” and at home in the afternoon he refuses to do his homework on the subject.
Predicting that something bad will happen- the child thinks about the report that he must give to the class tomorrow, and worries: “I won’t be able to cope, and everyone will laugh at me.” He tries to convince his mother that he doesn't feel well, so he should stay home tomorrow.
Focusing on the negative- the child received a good grade for a test in chemistry, met a new friend during recess and was selected to join the team to participate in the brain ring. But when his mother asked about his day, he began to claim that it was a terrible day because he forgot his sneakers in gym class. After which he spent the entire evening frowning and locking himself in his room.

Helping put an end to negativity

Coping with negative thinking is part of a three-pronged approach to developing resilience in children. If you hear your child speaking negatively out loud or observe behavior that suggests he may be thinking negatively, it is important to address the problem as soon as possible. Here are five ways to help your child calm their negative thinking.

1. Acknowledge your child's feelings. When your child cries from physical or mental pain, instead of telling him, “You're okay,” acknowledge his feelings. Show empathy and make it clear that you are trying to understand and understand what he is feeling right now - even if his emotions seem fake. Say something like, “I can see that you are upset” or “I can see that you are nervous.” When children feel accepted, valued, and their feelings are considered, they begin to find healthy ways to cope with unpleasant emotions.

2. Gently point out to your child that his thoughts may be incorrect. The ultimate goal should be for your child to be able to recognize and correct their negative thoughts themselves, rather than relying on you. To help him come to his own conclusions, ask questions that will help him understand that his thoughts may not be correct. For example, if your child says that he is stupid, tell him: “Remember the times when you were sure that you were smart.” Help him identify some exceptions to the rules so that he can see that his idea is not entirely correct.

3. Look at the problem from different points of view. Sometimes the best way to separate emotions from thoughts is to ask, “What would you say to a friend who thought the same thing?” You can also ask your child what their favorite cartoon character or superhero would do if they were in their place. If a child looks at a problem from a different angle, it can change the direction of his thinking.

4. Replace negative thoughts with more realistic ones. Help your child develop a more realistic worldview. Instead of telling himself, “I can’t do anything right,” he will benefit from telling himself, “Sometimes I make mistakes, and that’s okay.” Teach your child to treat himself with the same kindness and respect with which he hopefully treats other people.

All parents understand that it is very important for their children to master mathematics, learn the alphabet, learn to tie shoelaces and be socially active. What few people realize is that children also need to learn positive thinking patterns.

Five ways to teach your child to think positively:

Teach your children to be grateful for everything

Let them begin to think positively through love and gratitude. In the cartoon collection “Good Night Moon,” the bunny wishes good night to all the objects in the room. This attitude towards the surrounding world and objects will model the children’s path towards happiness and health.

Play the game "find the object"

When you're driving in the car, right after waking up, during meals, or throughout the day, ask your child to find different objects and praise or reward him in some way for this. You can search for objects whose names begin with a letter, for example, the first letter in the alphabet. You can learn different funny nursery rhymes or songs. For example, in the book “Brown Bear, What Do You See?” There are poems with which you can learn colors.

When talking to your child or praising and motivating him

Also use gentle and pleasant words such as love, sweet, lovely, wonderful, smile, pleasure and so on. Affirmations are frequently repeated positive statements. Repeat phrases with positive meaning throughout the day. If you can’t come up with it yourself, use the book “I Think I Can”, where you will find patterns of repetitive thoughts to enhance the desired result.

How you feel throughout the day is a result of your attitude and what surrounds you. Our thoughts determine how happy we feel. The images and words we use are very important for a good mood. Teach your children to think positively and they will be able to find a way out of any situation. Watch only good films with your children and read books that make life fun and interesting.

Pay attention only to positive results

Avoid long moralizing and talking about negativity. Talk about safety, protection, happiness, respect, freedom, peace, cleanliness and health. You need to think not about the problem, but about its solution. When you think about negative experiences, you get a lot of stress. Positive thoughts make people happy.

Elmaz Abdulganieva
Wise advice for parents “Teach your child to think positively”

Teach your child to think positively

Try to always and in everything concentrate on positive. Teach yours this too baby. Force yourself and teach your child to think positively- means to perceive failures as invaluable experience, to see in difficult situations a source of self-improvement, and in tragic ones - the path to calm and understanding.

Positive thinking is not blind optimism and unfounded belief in success. Avoid offering to your to kid a picture of the surrounding world, painted exclusively in pink or black and white. At positive In thinking, you perceive the world and yourself in it realistically. Teach your child honestly assess your capabilities in each specific situation. Instill in him the belief that with desire and effort, he can achieve anything he wants.

In difficult situations, do not focus on the question "Why", because the answer to it will not tell you the way out of the current situation. Try replacing this question others: "How?" And "what to do?".

Move from the world of effects to the world of causes. If you teach your child perceive the world adequately and see the causal connection between an action and the resulting situation, this will make it possible not to repeat mistakes in the future and not get stuck on experiencing the situation itself. Perceive the situations in which you find yourself as a source of information, and not a source of negative emotions. Remember, it is not situations that affect us, but we create situations. AND more: teach your child accept everything in this world with gratitude!

We teach baby use his personality strengths

The personality of any person is always multifaceted. Don't focus solely on personality weaknesses baby. For example, shyness in new situations. Instead, constantly highlight his strengths, such as restraint, caution, consideration for other people.

Teach yours child's positive self-perception. Here we have a clear addiction: how more positive a person’s self-perception - the more stable his self-esteem, the more stable his self-esteem - the less he depends on the opinions of others, and the less he depends on the opinions of others - the more self-confident he is.

Child From birth he seems attractive. Almost all complexes about appearance and character traits baby are born from the fleeting remarks of adults. Therefore, be careful with your statements. Noting the strengths baby, be honest with him. Avoid superlative expressions form: the smartest, the bravest, the neatest. Such statements are undesirable, because in this case to kid it's hard to bear the burden "the very best", constantly proving to himself and others that he is perfect in everything. As a result, his self-esteem begins to suffer.

Call more often the child has those qualities that help him solve life's problems. Note his dedication, perseverance, diligence, accuracy. Even if the baby did a bad thing, note that you are proud of his honesty in confessing it, his courage to tell you the truth. If he fails at some task, note his perseverance and strong character. If he committed there is a mistake in the task - praise him for his attention and good memory, which will definitely help him no longer make similar mistakes. Search and find the best aspects of your personality baby. Encourage the use of these strengths and teach him to enjoy them.

Provide emotional support child in any situation

Every person needs emotional support, but children especially. By providing such support to our son or daughter, we show sympathy, respect for them, and demonstrate our closeness. Support parents will give the baby a sense of security and self-worth. Accept and share any feelings your baby has. There are no bad or good feelings. All feelings are given to a person in order to perform a certain function in his life. Even those who are often called bad and fight against them actually report danger (fear, unfulfilled desires (envy) etc. Don’t fight feelings, on the contrary, let them child learns to use them as signals to understand what is happening to him at the moment. Introduce him to the names of feelings and emotions so that he can describe the state in which he is. Learn the different signs of emotions and feelings to the child could understand what other people experience. Help to kid control the intensity of feelings and experiences, because even unbridled joy can affect performance and impair attention, memory, and temporarily narrow perception.

The easiest way to reduce the intensity of your experiences is to talk them out. For the little one parents can do this for the child this way: “I understand that you are upset right now. Vasya offended you. You're probably mad at him." So you teach your child to voice it what he is experiencing. Child an older person will be able to do it himself. Make it a habit for you to ask your baby question: "What are you feeling now?", and pay attention to the fact that the answer contains not only a list of sensations (I’m shaking all over, it’s hard to even speak), but also, as a result, the name of the emotion or feeling that the baby is experiencing (I'm very angry).

But even if you don't share your baby's feelings, listen to him. Never judge child for his feelings, he has every right to them, and there is no reason to be ashamed of them. Accept the feelings child like this, what they are, join, if you share them sincerely, share your experiences. This will bring you closer and help you understand each other better. For example: “You are angry with Vasya because he hit you. I understand exactly what u mean. If I were you, I'd be angry too. And I would also be a little sad and sorry for Vasya, because he cannot express his desires and feelings in another way, in words, like you and I. Don’t you feel sad when you think about it?” This way you can influence both the intensity of feelings baby, and on their palette, showing that his inner world is very rich, and in it there is a place not only for anger, but also for understanding.

Show child his achievements

It is very important to show child his achievements. This contributes to the formation of adequate self-esteem.

Show those drawings for the child which he had done previously. They clearly reflect the successes baby in mastering fine motor skills, skills in depicting objects and the appearance of a plot in them. To the child understood how good is he already learned to speak, let him listen to old audio recordings or watch videotapes. U baby there will be a reason to be proud of himself, which will have a positive impact on his self-esteem.

Parents underestimate the impact of such demonstrations on baby. But the baby still really needs to realize his achievements, because children’s thinking becomes verbal and logical only in adolescence. Before reaching this age, words do not have such a strong influence as material evidence of development. That's why to kid it is important to see and listen to evidence of his development and success in order to fully feel it.

Another good technique is visualizing achievements. For example, for each task completed correctly, give bright card for the child. Undoubtedly, this will cheer up the baby and he will be confident in his abilities. After all, he has done so much successfully for this! You can also use colored magnets that will reflect success in the baby’s behavior and activities.

Memo for parents on organizing partnerships with children:

See the world through the eyes of a child;

Treat your child as an equal;

Accept your child for who he is;

Consider the child’s inclinations, interests and desires;

Always show a sincere interest in your child’s activities and a willingness to provide emotional support.

"Rules of relations with child»

Try to talk to your child openly and frankly on the most sensitive topics.

Beware of receiving child information from other people's mouths.

Be open to communication with child, even if you doubt something, do not hesitate to tell him about it.

Tell us about your experiences at the age you are now. child.

Do not speak negatively about the experiences that were associated with your growing up.

Show affection to to kid, show him your love.

Be especially attentive and observant, pay attention to any changes in your behavior baby.

Try to protect your baby in every possible way if he needs it.

"Organization of children's play activities"

It is advisable to start playing with children with the simplest games, gradually complicating the game tasks and moving on to more difficult games.

You should not learn many games at once.

Teach children to follow the rules of the game, and not to try to win and achieve superiority by dishonest means.

Teach baby don't be happy when others lose.

Children should be rewarded for their success in playing with words, points, funny pictures, icons, etc.

We need to train baby don't be offended When he loses, do not lose heart and do not get angry at the winner, or at the one through whose fault the defeat may have occurred.

It is important that child stored game items carefully, in a place specially designated for them.

“Teaching children to communicate”

Expand your circle of acquaintances baby, invite friends over more often, take him to visit friends, expand walking routes, teach baby take it easy on new places.

Don't worry about it all the time baby, strive to completely protect it from all kinds of dangers; don't try to do everything yourself baby, prevent any difficulties. Give him a certain amount of freedom of action.

Constantly strengthen your child's self-confidence, in your own strength.

Attract baby to carry out various tasks related to communication; create situations in which the shy to kid would have to come into contact with "stranger" adults.

It is important to find for baby something to do, in which he will find himself and achieve success.

Sincerely love and respect baby.

Pay attention child for that that every person is interesting in his own way and worthy of communication.

Teach baby norms of behavior in a team.

« Wise Punishments»

Punishments should not harm health – neither physical nor mental. Moreover, punishment must be useful. To punish is rather to deprive good child than to do anything bad to him.

If in doubt: to punish or not, do not punish.

For one offense - one punishment. Even if there are misdeeds a lot has been done at once, there is only one punishment - for everything at once.

Remember the statute of limitations: It is better not to punish than to punish belatedly.

Punished - forgiven. The incident is over, don't interfere to kid start life over again.

Punishment must be without humiliation. Whatever happens, whatever the fault baby, punishment should not be perceived child as a triumph of your strength over his weakness.

Child should not be afraid of punishment and anger. He should be afraid of your grief.

People with negative thinking are more likely to fail than those who think positively. A bright mind attracts success; a cheerful person more often receives lucrative offers of cooperation and good news. To cultivate an optimist in yourself, you need to make a lot of effort, which manifests itself in daily hard work.

Step #1. Start keeping a diary

Buy a nice notebook and write down everything that happens in it every day. This move will help you track the trend of negative thoughts and find their source. Record your own feelings that cause positivity or negativity.

It is not necessary to keep a diary in paper form; modern gadgets are equipped with notepads that have a formatting function. Once you've made your case, take 20 minutes to analyze the data. Write down positive thoughts in the first column, negative thoughts in the second. Try to transform negative energy into positive.

For example, you feel insecure in a new position because you were fired from your previous job. This leads to constant self-criticism: “I’m a failure,” “I can’t cope,” etc. Try to think more broadly. Change is always good, perhaps this is the job where you will get a promotion. Strive for it, develop confidence and set big goals.

Step #2. Fight negative thoughts

People have been living in their own world with negative energy for years, and this is not normal. A person needs to experience joy and believe in good things. If you fall into this category, turn your life around.

When negative thoughts once again visit your mind, think about whether they are true? In any situation, remain objective, do not defend negative thoughts. How would you react if a stranger said your thoughts out loud? Fight negativity, look for a refutation.

Step #3. Choose the right environment

No matter how good your friends are, they can drag you into the abyss. Assess your own environment: are there people in it who are constantly depressed and depressing? If so, keep communication to a minimum. When your friends don’t believe in their own success and push you towards similar thoughts, claiming that nothing will work out, refuse them.

In cases where it is not possible to stop communicating with such individuals, learn to move away from the topic. During the next conversation, the interlocutor again begins to complain about life: “no money”, “useless wife”? Switch to another topic or try to end the conversation as soon as possible.

Choose your environment wisely, include successful people who have achieved a lot and know how thorny the path to success can be. They overcame the negative, fell, but found the strength to rise. Take an example from such individuals, they are capable of radically changing your understanding of the world. Try to spend most of your free time with “helpful” acquaintances, follow their way of thinking and logical conclusions.

Step #4. Eliminate irritants

In the modern world, negativity is provoked by various factors, be it annoying glowing banners, hard music, stupid films and, of course, people. Eliminate everything that makes you angry. Prefer club music to rock, replace stupid comedies with action films or melodramas. Minimize your interactions with hypocritical people. Spend more time reading books, listen to soothing music, master meditation techniques. There is a lot of motivational literature and film stories that make you want to act and achieve heights. Focus on them.

Step #5. Believe in success

Stop seeing everything as a full-scale disaster, don’t be afraid to think differently. Just because you overslept for work does not mean you will be fired. Assess the situation realistically, do not aggravate the situation. Such thinking causes a person to constantly be in a panic, a feeling of anxiety appears and faith in their own success is lost.

Whenever you have a panicky thought, take a breath and think through the possible outcomes of the situation. Yes, you are late, the boss may issue a fine or deprive you of a bonus if the situation is repeated systematically. Don't add fuel to the fire, you kept your job so everything is fine.

Step #6. Don't be categorical

Categorical behavior is characteristic of insecure people. They mistakenly believe that everything must be perfect or not exist at all. This results in an involuntary division into black and white, without an intermediate phase of gray. This kind of thinking is called “polarization”, as a result of which a person becomes depressed due to the fact that he cannot bring things to perfection. Instead of trying to achieve white, go with a light gray.

For example, you want to build a house or renovate an apartment. In your opinion, housing should have large windows, expensive Italian furniture and high-quality cutlery. Having started to implement it, you realize that there is not enough money for furniture from Italy, and a saucepan for $300 also does not inspire confidence. All this leads to despondency, since ideal plans instantly dissolved.

Instead of getting upset, buy cutlery from a lesser-known brand that is just as good in quality. Buy not an Italian sofa, but a Russian one. This will be the intermediate (gray) phase. After time, you will understand that it is not always possible to achieve 10 points out of 10, sometimes a score of 8-9 is enough.

Step #7. Get creative

Creative people immerse themselves in something with their heads, at a certain moment they are focused only on what they are doing. Consequently, difficulties at work, quarrels in the family, lack of money - all this fades into the background. Even a person who is a mathematician to the core has creative inclinations. Unleash your potential, perhaps you are good at drawing or have a knack for repairing and restoring cars. There are a lot of opportunities, the main thing is to find yourself.

Sign up for courses in cutting and sewing, carving, pottery, or start learning a rare foreign language (Chinese, Japanese). Become different from everyone else, show individuality. If you don’t want to attend specialized clubs, try to reveal yourself yourself with the help of audio and videos.

Step #8. Don't blame yourself

Stop blaming yourself for all mortal sins. This behavior is typical of people who are highly dependent on the opinions of others. Did a friend pass by and not smile? Perhaps today is not her day. Try not to worry about what people will think. For the most part, they are all gossips and envious people who talk a lot behind their backs.

It is worth taking a closer look at communication with relatives and friends. If they try to accuse you inappropriately, learn to fight back. A friend asked for help with moving, but you refused for personal reasons? Did he accuse you of selfishness and disregard for others?

Don't rush into panic. Remember how many times you helped him without further ado. Most likely, the person began to take help for granted, so he did not expect refusal. Learn to say no if the call goes against your wishes.

Step #9. Lead an interesting life

If you constantly sit at home, communicate little with cheerful people, do not play sports or travel, negative thoughts will begin to come involuntarily. To get rid of them, you will have to broaden your horizons.

Get a gym membership or buy a jump rope to be able to release negative emotions through sports. Sign up for a swimming pool or choose a suitable dance direction.

Try to travel more, you don’t have to buy expensive tours, a trip out of town for the weekend is enough.

Find a hobby so that it occupies all your thoughts, develop financially and enrich yourself spiritually. Attend all kinds of entertainment events, be it exhibitions, a concert of your favorite performers, or a historical museum.

To start thinking positively, you need to work on yourself every day. Keep a diary and write down your thoughts and actions. Play sports, reconsider your surroundings. Reveal your creative self, stop criticizing yourself, and don’t take accusations to heart.