Questions for a loved one. Good questions for a guy: about life, about love, about sex. Keep your mouth shut: questions you shouldn't ask guys

You've probably had situations when you wanted to get to know a person better, but didn't know what questions to ask him so as not to seem rude or incorrect. This ultimately led to awkwardness and missed opportunities. We've all been there: when we're interested in someone, it's not always clear how to break the ice. If you really want to get to know someone, you need to learn to ask the right questions. Regardless of whether it's a date or getting to know a work colleague, it's useful to have a few preparations ready.

Experienced communicators know that the right question at the right time can work wonders. It will help you start a conversation, get to know a person better, and achieve your goals. Asking questions is an important key to many effective .

The questions collected below are quite powerful on their own. But how can you make the best use of this list? Here are some important tips that will help you not only start a conversation, but also successfully continue the conversation.

Don't ask one question after another. Let the conversation develop. Give your interlocutor enough time to answer the question. The point of the conversation is not how many questions you have time to ask.

Don't switch from one topic to another. Remind yourself that this is not an interview where you quickly switch between topics of conversation. Let the topic unfold naturally.

Show real interest. If you are truly interested in a given topic, your interlocutor will notice this.

Ask consistent questions. You can avoid moving on to other topics if you engage the other person with a question that flows smoothly from the other person's previous answer.

Emphasize. Don't talk about everything you know. The message you are trying to convey or the question you are trying to ask must be precise and concise.

Here are some good questions that will help you spark interesting conversations and allow you to form deep connections with those around you.

Questions

If you had a card that would get you out of court for a crime, what would it be?

This deep question will introduce you to the darker side of the other person. Interestingly, there is almost no person who will simply tell you that he will not use this card. When the interlocutor answers this question, there is an opportunity to talk about this topic for quite a long time. For example, why did he choose this particular crime?

What book or movie has influenced you the most?

Everyone has a book or movie that has significantly influenced them. By using this question you will get some very interesting insights into the personality of the person you are talking to. You will not only find out which genres he likes most, but also which work he distinguishes from the rest, which can already provide many topics for further conversation.

What would you give your life for?

Of course, you shouldn’t approach a stranger with this question, and certainly don’t ask it right away - he’s not particularly carefree. When using it, you should understand that you can either get a lot of interesting information about your interlocutor or alienate him by being branded an eccentric.

If you could be a character in a book or movie, what would it be?

This particular question will make your discussion partner think twice. And let's be honest, isn't it unpleasant to imagine that you could live in the imaginary world of your favorite book or movie?

At the same time, the answer to this question will tell you a lot about the personality of this person. In almost all cases, he will choose a character that is very similar to him - a person with whom he identifies.

If you could travel back in time, where would you go?

Admittedly, this is a very tricky question to ask whether a person has an interest in history. In this case, even a superficial answer can be developed.

If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be?

Talking about the past gets everyone hooked. Of course, there is a possibility that the person will say that they would not like to change anything, but even in this case, you can use and ask something like: “What, would you even like to change your hairdresser?”

If you had a superpower, what would it be?

The question is not as stupid as it might seem. As a rule, people name such a superpower that they really lack in life. That is, the question has a very strong subtext.

The answer will help you draw a conclusion about the personality of the interlocutor. After all, is he going to use his power solely for selfish purposes, or is there something social in his desire?

Who was your hero growing up?

By asking this question you can learn a lot about a person's personality. Don't forget to ask a counter question about what his current hero is like.

What would you do during a zombie apocalypse?

There are people who would hide, and there are those who would fight. This simple question will help you move on to more informal communication and get to know your interlocutor. The chain of reasoning in this case can show how ready a person is for difficult non-standard tasks, how he thinks.

If you could live anywhere, what kind of place would it be?

There is a risk of running into banal answers (desert island, New York). But it is quite possible that you will receive a comprehensive answer. For example, you will understand that a person has wanted to move for a long time, but he can’t do it. This is an interesting topic for discussion.

Which comedy that you have watched do you think is the best?

Not only will this question help you get some good recommendations for your movie list, but it can also provide some great conversation starters and tell you whether or not the other person has a sense of humor.

Would you buy a one-way ticket to Mars?

Many people are interested in Mars and Musk today. Some say that all this is pointless, others argue that this is the most interesting and amazing adventure in the history of mankind.

If you had the chance, would you choose a different profession?

Asking a person about where he works is boring. It is always much more interesting to talk about the topic “If…”. Half of the previous questions are based on this. People love speculation, especially about a better life.

Most likely, the person has a dream about a new profession, which he will talk about. And then you can ask other questions on the same topic.

What makes you truly happy?

Asking this question is a great way to make friends and other acquaintances. People usually talk about the little things first. They will tell you that listening to music or going out with their friends is what makes them happy. But once you start going deeper, you will find a lot of interesting things.

We wish you good luck!

Colleague, friend, potential partner... You like a person, but you don’t fully understand what kind of person he is, how he will react to your vulnerability, can you trust him with a secret, ask for help? There are articles circulating on psychological “life hacking” sites like “If you want to get to know someone, ask them 38 questions.” Let's imagine what it looks like: you sit a colleague or acquaintance opposite you, ask him questions from the list and carefully document the answers. How many will agree to this?

The other extreme is to believe that you can figure out a person only through several months or years of close communication. Coach John Alex Clark is sure: it’s not about the amount of time, but about observation and the willingness to connect facts into a single chain. There are several simple techniques that can help you discover patterns in behavior and understand your character.

1. Notice the details

Every day we perform thousands of routine actions: talking on the phone, buying food. People's actions can provide insight into their personality and help predict how they will behave in similar situations.

Example A. Someone who chooses the same dish at a restaurant every day may avoid change in life and dislike uncertainty. Such a person may turn out to be a faithful and devoted husband, but it will be difficult to convince him to move to another country or make a risky investment.

Example B. A person who enjoys trading the stock market and other risky ventures is likely to take risks in other areas of life. For example, he may quit his job without finding a new one and without taking care of the financial “safety cushion”.

Example C. A person who never forgets to look both ways before crossing the road can be a cautious person. He will carefully consider every decision before making it and will only take calculated risks.

By analyzing a person’s behavior in one area, you can evaluate how he will manifest himself in other areas of life.

2. Pay attention to communication methods

How does he communicate? Does he build relationships with everyone or single out those who are closest in spirit, and try to stay within the bounds of decency with the rest? Does he act on a whim, without a clear plan, is he guided by impressions or does he try to analyze everything, does he not trust his instincts and strives to be objective? Is he rather a practitioner who lives in a world of facts, tasks, measurable quantities, or a thinker for whom ideas, concepts, diagrams and images are important?

3. Discuss relationships at work, with mutual friends

It seems that “washing the bones” is an empty and meaningless activity. But the main thing is what qualities a person imparts to others, how he interprets their motivations. When talking about others, we most often notice what is in ourselves. Our personal “pantheon” can tell us what we value in people, who we strive to be like, what qualities we try to change in ourselves.

The more often a person evaluates others as kind-hearted, happy, emotionally stable, or polite, the more likely it is that he himself is endowed with these traits. Reasoning like “he’s just pretending, he’s digging a hole for someone” can mean that the interlocutor is calculating and understands only relationships built on benefits.

Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where a meeting with a new person turns out to be a lack of common topics for conversation. The best way to pass the time, and at the same time get to know each other better, are questions. As they say, the best improvisation is a well-prepared improvisation.

Each person is individual. For those who have difficulty maintaining a conversation, it is difficult to get close to someone they don't know well. How to do it?

Start a conversation with a question - this way you will not only start a conversation, but also get to know your interlocutor better. And we will offer you a number of such key questions.

Here is the golden rule of any conversation - ask people questions about yourself to stir them up. Instead of asking general questions like “What is your favorite color,” ask:

1. What do you like most about yourself?

2. If you wanted to change one quality in yourself, what would it be?

3. What do you value most in your life?

4. What do you like to do in your free time on weekends?

5. If you had the opportunity to live anywhere in the world, which place would you choose?

6. What are 5 important things you would put on your “To Do” list?

7. Do you regret anything in life?

Random questions

There are two types of personal questions - direct personal questions, which require direct answers, and subtle personal questions, which seem random but allow you to get to know the person quite well.

The following questions work like magic.

8. Have you ever drank so much that you don't remember anything from the previous night?

9. Would you flirt with a teacher to get a higher grade?

10. When was the last time you laughed so hard that your stomach hurt from laughing?

11. Have you ever jumped into water / skydived / deep dived / snowboarded down a mountain?

12. Would you rather take a 15-hour train ride through beautiful landscapes or an hour-long plane ride?

13. If you were stuck in an elevator with your boss/childhood idol/crush, how would you react?

14. Would you try to hide a hickey from a kiss or would you show it off?

And a few questions about love and marriage

The subject of love and marriage worries many. These questions are truly deep and personal. So make sure you have reached some sort of comfort level with the person before asking them out.

15. What is the first thing you notice in a person of the opposite sex?

16. Are there any specific traits that you would like to see in your life partner?

17. Do you see yourself getting married in the next few years?

18. Would you change your habits for someone?

19. Would you marry your partner if you knew he had a terminal illness?

20. What could put an end to your relationship?

It is very important to ask such questions in the right manner. You should not start a conversation with questions about love or relationships, as a person might consider this as an invasion of his personal space. It is still necessary to establish a certain comfort level before asking such questions.

The advantage is that each of these questions will give you the opportunity to follow from one to the other, giving them sufficient basis for conversation. Add to this the fact that you too can express your opinion and talk about yourself. All you need to do is remember all the questions listed.

Translation and photos from buzzle.com

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As a personal trainer, I use specific, insightful questions to help my clients better understand themselves and to clarify their goals for me personally.

I usually ask open-ended questions that can't be answered with a simple yes or no, so the client has to dig deeper and find answers they may not have even thought about before. Asking the right questions can stimulate deeper, more interesting conversations and discourse, and set the stage for discovering common interests, creating stronger connections, and strengthening mutual understanding and empathy.

There is an art to asking good questions. No one wants to feel like they're being interviewed or like they're being pressured for information. An important and large part of this process lies in the ability to listen carefully to the answer and perceive what lies behind the words.

Listening also involves the ability to observe body language, listen to the tone of speech, and be sensitive to what is left unspoken. It is important to be able to ask thoughtful follow-up questions and keep the conversation going, reflecting its essence. By learning to ask good questions and listen carefully, you will create space for closer, stronger, and more enjoyable relationships.

Here are 25 questions that will help you start an interesting, deep conversation:

1. What is your best childhood memory? This question always makes people smile and often leads to humorous and emotional conversations about family, travel, holidays, traditions, hopes, dreams and friendships. You can learn a lot about a person who shares their childhood memories with you.

2. If you had a chance to change something in life, what would you choose? This question can give you insight into the person's condition and who they are. You will also be able to see his weaknesses and learn about his hopes and dreams. Often, when people share their regrets or unfulfilled desires with others, it broadens their interactions and increases trust.

3. How did you two meet? This is a great question to ask when communicating with a couple. Quite often, telling a story about a first meeting brings people together, bringing back happy memories. This gives them something to enjoy together and allows you to learn more about their background and how they interact with each other.

5. What kind of music do you like? Our favorite music helps define ourselves and reflects the dreams and views of our generation. What we listen to reflects what resonates with our soul. This most clearly and honestly reveals our inner essence and our deep beliefs, which are sometimes very difficult to express in words.

6. If you could go anywhere, where would you choose and why? This question not only allows you to discuss past travel experiences, but also helps you better understand the other person's personality, interests, and adventurous spirit.

7. If you could only have five things, what would you choose? This question really gets people thinking. We are very attached to our things, but there are only a few of them that are of particular importance to us. When people are forced to define this, you can see what material goods they value most.

8. Which school teacher had the greatest influence on you and why? Teachers can play a key role in developing our love of learning, exploring our true desires, and discovering our talents. These people inspire us or simply believe in us and want the best for us.

9. Have you ever thought about what will be written on your tombstone? Although this question is a bit touchy, it touches on important topics, looking deep into the heart. What are we aiming for? How do we want to be remembered and what do we want to leave behind?

10. What was the turning point in your life? This question allows you to move to a deeper level of communication. Often such moments arise when experiencing difficult life situations: death, divorce, job loss, etc. It is during these times that we are forced to make huge mental, physical or emotional shifts.

11. Why did you choose this profession? The story of why a person chose a particular profession helps to learn a lot about him, about his motivations, interests, education and ambitions. We often spend most of our time at work. Consequently, the answer to this question also shows what a person has decided to closely connect his life with.

12. How do you spend your free time? This question serves as an excellent addition to the previous one, creating a holistic picture of how a person managed to organize his life. We will be able to learn about the interests, various hobbies and obligations of our interlocutor.

13. If you won the lottery, what would you do with your winnings? This is a fun question that reveals a person's attitude towards money, work and life goals. Would the person quit his job? Would you buy your dream home? Or would you do something altruistic? Would a person be happy to receive a large monetary fortune or would he want to avoid such gifts of fate?

14. Who do you admire? The answer to this question will reveal who a person wants to be like. We admire people whose actions and character reflect what we want to see in ourselves. Once you know the answer, you can learn more about the true character of the interlocutor.

15. Tell us about your three favorite books. Why did you choose them? Discussing your favorite books creates space for an interesting conversation and helps your interlocutors find a common language. It also gives both parties the opportunity to learn something new and understand different points of view or interests that they had not thought about before.

16. What are you most afraid of? This question is intended to probe the waters and, nevertheless, can reveal a lot. Every person is afraid of something, and it is these fears and concerns that show our vulnerabilities and painful points. When someone shares something like this with you, you need to respond with caution, kindness, and trust. You need to be respectful and sensitive to other people's fears so that they feel safe and can open up to you on a deeper level.

17. What do you understand by the word “love”? Every person has their own “love language”: words, behaviors and attitudes that show how they express their love and that make them feel loved. This is a great question to ask your significant other.

18. What are your strongest qualities? Most people don't feel comfortable answering this question at first because they're trying to be modest. But deep down, we all want recognition for our positive qualities. Typically, people ask the same question to their interlocutor and this creates a positive connection between them.

19. Can you remember your most embarrassing moment? You should not take this issue too seriously and then you can laugh heartily, remembering such moments. Most people like to tell funny stories about themselves, as long as there is no shame or guilt involved. Sometimes people may talk about something painful or shameful. Then it's time to show compassion and participation.

20. If you became president, what would be the first thing you would do? By asking this question, you can learn a lot about the other person's political views, ideals, values, and concerns. If you want to avoid lengthy arguments, just be prepared for the possibility that you may not agree with the other person's opinion. Don't forget that we are all different and that's wonderful. Communication completes us. Be open.

21. How old do you feel now, and why? Ask this question to people over 50 and you'll get some interesting answers. As people age, many people do not feel their chronological age. It is very interesting to know how people perceive themselves internally. It is likely that their age does not coincide with their feelings at all.

22. If you could witness any event from the past, present or future, what would you choose? This is a great question for an engaging conversation. You'll be able to learn about the other person's interests and goals, and perhaps be inspired to explore your own interests more deeply.

23. What skill would you like to learn and why? Most people want to constantly improve for their own satisfaction. This question will give a person the opportunity not only to talk about his desires, but also to think about why he has not yet achieved success in what he wants.

24. What is your idea of ​​a perfect day? Reflecting on this question makes us return to memories of wonderful days lived. The question adds a happy note to the conversation, awakening pleasant feelings and perhaps even a desire to recreate that perfect day.

25. How would your friends describe you? This question allows a person to step back and try to see themselves from a different perspective, bringing self-awareness and self-honesty into the conversation, and making the conversation deeper and more interesting.

By asking these questions, you can also learn a lot about yourself. You show others that you are involved, interested, and respect their personality. You create strong connections, exchange of sincere feelings and genuine information. When others feel valued by you, you create the basis for lasting, mutually beneficial, wonderful relationships.

The questions you will find in this article will help you get to know yourself better. By trying out different situations and asking yourself the right questions, you can discover thoughts and patterns in behavior that you usually miss. Grab a notepad and pen and let's get started.

Know yourself.

1. Who are you?

As luck would have it, nothing comes to mind. The question is so broad that it even causes irritation. We cannot just look inside ourselves; psychological mirrors usually help with this. A psychological mirror is a smart person (ideally a psychotherapist) who would guide you. But if there are none nearby, then the right questions will replace them. And also a pen and paper to catch those thoughts and feelings that can be very well disguised and go unnoticed for a long time.

2. What is the meaning of life? What is love? Who are you?

These questions don't get a bad rap because they're incorrect. They are simply not broken down into more precise pieces, so they are difficult to process. The question of who we are needs to be divided so that it is easier to digest. Not “Who am I?”, but “Who am I at work, in relationships, with friends, children?”

3. What happened to you as a child?

The question seems ridiculous, but, unfortunately, it is not. Almost everything that we are today is the result of behavioral patterns established in childhood (and safely forgotten). Children, due to their mentality, cannot fully understand the characteristics of their own psyche. We live the first 10 years blindly before we even learn to understand our motives and emotions. Now is the time to go back and rethink them.

Freud's theory is overrated, discredited and considered incorrect, you might argue. In some key areas this is true. But Freud's basic idea is considered undeniable and definitely true in psychology: the unconscious and childhood largely determine the choice of partners, sexual preferences and moral principles. Therefore, there is nothing left but to work with this difficult material.

4. What is shown in this picture?

This is a card from an association test developed by Swiss psychologist Hermann Rorschach. The idea is to show you something vague, indefinite, and then your imagination fills in those ambiguities with its own associations, while at the same time releasing some of your repressed fears, expectations, desires. People with hidden aggression will see hostility, scandal. People who suppress sexual desires - the vagina. What do you see?

5. Continue with the following sentences:

• All men are men at heart...
• When you get to know them better, all women...

A favorite technique of psychologists is to ask you to quickly, without thinking, complete an unfinished sentence. We will not be able to fully control our unconscious, and therefore we will discover some important attitudes that we usually suppress. In the process of self-discovery, you will most likely be scared by some things. But that's okay, we're all very weird.

6. Draw your family on a piece of paper

Draw parents, brothers and sisters, a house, the sun, a tree. This is not a strictly scientific method, but it does suggest certain thoughts.

• The one you drew next to you is closest to you.
• The one who is at the greatest distance from you is emotionally far from you.
• By the size of the figure depicting you, you can tell whether you have high or low self-esteem.
• Home is an extension of you, your ego. Is it in good condition?
• Windows characterize the degree of your sociability. Does your house have a door? Do you allow people into your life?

7. Are you optimistic about humanity and the future of the planet?

8. Did you sleep well last night?

We are inclined to deny that there is any connection between the answers to these two questions, attributing all our thoughts about the high to impartial rational calculation. But we must accept the fact that to some extent our thoughts are influenced by our physical state: how we are, what we ate for lunch, how long ago we were hugged. In this sense, despite our big brains, we are not as far removed from babies as we once were.

9. What do you blame your parents for?

Why do you think they were the way they were? What pressured them and what difficulties did they experience? What can a good friend tell you about them?

Of course, your parents may take most of the blame for your failures. But shifting responsibility prevents you from better understanding what is happening in your life. Your parents were in the same position in relation to their parents and also cannot be fully responsible for their mental characteristics. What if we start thinking about the feelings of our parents, who, oddly enough, are also victims?

10. Let's say that you are of traditional sexual orientation. Have you ever wanted to touch the body of someone of the same gender as you?

Sigmund Freud made a brilliant discovery: much remains in the unconscious because of our own disgust or, as he called this phenomenon, resistance. The unconscious contains those feelings and desires that challenge our comfortable view of ourselves. But the price for comfort is high: it is difficult to get to the bottom of the causes of anxiety and neuroses. So we need to come to terms with our endearing quirks and contradictions.

People we tend to find attractive aren't just for objective reasons (because they're friendly, you can talk to them about politics, or they like sports like you). But also because they bring with them problems and difficulties that are especially attractive to us. Most of us go through the same suffering, which is usually associated with the suffering and experiences experienced in childhood.

12. How exactly does your partner irritate you?

Don't just blame the other person for their shortcomings, such as being distant or overly sensitive. We must admit that, on the contrary, it is precisely these shortcomings that attract us. We look for them to reproduce the pattern of dissatisfaction we learned in childhood.

In general, in relationships we look not for what gives us the most pleasure, but for what seems familiar and close. Understanding the nature of this driving force will help us learn to empathize with ourselves and be more understanding towards our partner. After all, how does he know that we find him attractive in part because he can upset us?

13. Write down five qualities of a partner that you really find difficult to live with.

A good partnership is possible not so much between two healthy mature people (there are not so many of them on our planet), but between two crazy people who are lucky enough to find a safe place for the other person in themselves, among their relative madness.

14. How do you feel when you start to like someone?

You may feel depressed and start to bother this person or, conversely, try to run away from the admirer (“Why does he/she have such bad taste?”). This is a typical response from a person who does not know how to love himself, and about half of them are like that (mainly because the people who are most important to us in the past were not interested in us). Start resisting suspicions about yourself. At least in order not to dump them with rage on the person who shows interest in you.

15. What is the main problem in your relationship with your mother?

16. What is the main problem in your relationship with your father?

These questions may sound like clichés, but it takes time for their true significance to emerge. Spend, say, one hour answering each of the questions in writing. If you are honest, you will experience not the most pleasant emotions: sadness, anger, resentment. But in order to move on, you need to deal with your grievances and experiences.

17. What did you learn about relationships from your parents?

Humanity is experiencing unprecedented growth in terms of technological progress: we are learning more and more effectively transferring our knowledge. But we have not made nearly as much progress in the emotional sphere. Because we do not sufficiently realize that the negative patterns of behavior that we acquire in childhood, we reproduce in adulthood. Try to recognize yours before letting them out.

18. What slightly unhealthy, weird things do you find attractive in a partner?

Do your parents have these character traits? According to the theory of repetition compulsion from psychoanalysis, we are all drawn to problematic things that we encountered as children. This does not mean that we will repeat all the actions that will lead to emotional trauma. In some cases, on the contrary, we will avoid every aspect associated with this experience and thus continue to remain attached to it.

19. Make a list of people who really attract you.

Have you ever experienced, even fleetingly, sexual attraction of any kind towards each person on this list? And did this attraction entail any difficulties, no matter what the reason (perhaps this person had a date, or he you, or it made you doubt your sexual orientation)? The reasons for such excitement are always hidden within ourselves.

20. If you assessed yourself impartially, what would you warn a friend about if he were thinking about a relationship with you?

People can tell a lot about themselves and their problems. After all, in fact, we do not need those who are completely free from any problems or shortcomings. We need people who can explain their problems and how they cope with them.

21. Explain what you think is happening in this picture?

It's not clear what's going on in this picture because the image is (intentionally) vague and ambiguous. Therefore, everything you say comes from within. The details you add and the story you tell reflect the state of your inner world. Especially if you are absolutely sure that you understand what is shown in the picture, and you persistently prove it. This image is a test that psychologists use to evaluate your psychological defense mechanism, projection.

22. What is shown here?

Another controversial image. Here you can see many stories: a mother and her sick child, a wife who kills her husband moments before the kiss. Write what you think is happening here. Then ask a friend to do the same. Discuss what aspects of your life and personality you, without knowing it, are projecting into the picture.

23. Write what you will answer to the phrase “I’m very sorry that we splashed your clothes, although we tried very hard to avoid the puddle”?

Your answer can be used to judge your attitude towards disappointments. Typically, there are three options:

• we get angry, we go into a rage;
• we don't go into a rage because of an internal feeling of shame that prevents us from reaching the extreme point, even when there is a reason for it;
• we do not fly into a rage because we think that other people's reactions will be violent and unpleasant if we express our dissatisfaction.

24. How would other people react if you explained to them how you feel?

As children, we form a belief about what will surely happen if we open up about our feelings. Since people often turned away from us, we learned to hide our “bad” thoughts. And at first glance we may seem obedient and friendly, but you just have to look deeper...

To become a mature person, you need to understand the basis of self-knowledge: the world of childhood is not the whole world. This is one part of it, although it has a significant influence, from which we could not escape at the time. But, fortunately, we have become more eloquent and resilient than when we were five years old. Take courage and express your feelings.

25. What weaknesses do you have (or could you have) as a parent?

It is very difficult to imagine the possible disadvantages, especially if we truly want to be loving and kind parents. Nevertheless, we will have shortcomings, and they can be divided into two groups:

• recreated according to the type of unhealthy behavior patterns from their own childhood;
• an overreaction to unhealthy childhood behavior patterns that have influenced our own behavior patterns.

26. Name three sexual scenarios that particularly excite you.

Sexual fantasies can be interpreted as an attempt to recreate what causes us problems or is unavailable in the world outside of sex. So, for example, a uniform can be attractive because people in uniform seem strict and instill fear in us. Or we want to be seen and heard in public because our parents were overly well-behaved prudes. - these are small utopias that tell us about problematic parts of our biography.

27. What unusual sexual attractions do you have?

Everyone has a fear of being (or appearing to be) a pervert. It's part of what makes us civilized. However, self-knowledge includes the recognition that the unconscious is by its nature completely flawed and is not a cause for alarm. We have extremely strong censorship mechanisms that 99.9% of the time prevent any of this from being implemented. At the same time, we can explore without fear what is hidden within us and affects our lives.

28. When did you cry or want to cry as an adult?

Most tears in adulthood are caused not by pain, but by the sight of something incredibly beautiful and close (reconciliation between father and son, the sudden generosity of a stingy person, a beautiful garden). We remind ourselves of what we want it to be, and we feel sad that we so rarely see it like that.

29. Write down the five most important things in your life. How much time do you spend on them?

There is a huge difference between what we say we value and what we ultimately do. Ironically, we don't devote enough attention, time, and resources to the things we care about most. It is very important to realize this. Try to reduce this difference.

30. What things do you often buy, even though it doesn't bring you much joy?

We believe advertising, which, among other things, masterfully convinces us of what we should want. It's no wonder that we often have things that don't bring us any satisfaction, but only boredom and anxiety: clothes that gather dust in the closet after one outing, cars that don't justify their high price, and so on. We must monitor not only our expenses, but also the pleasure (say, on a scale from 1 to 10) that our purchases bring us.

31. What are you trying to say with your clothes?

Any clothing can be equated to the uniform of a certain category of people. It reflects who we see ourselves as and what group we belong to. In addition, our appearance can provide important information about some of our anxieties. What are you trying to protect yourself from with clothing?

32. Name three works of art that mean a lot to you.

Often we love in art what we miss in our real life. Our taste is evidence of some need. For example, we like peaceful pictures because we are always in a hurry. Or carefree music, because we feel a lot of restrictions in our lives. Taste reflects not only who we are, but also how we would like to see ourselves.

33. What is your biggest regret?

We regret something so often. After all, sometimes in life you have to make important decisions without having any idea what you will face, for example, who to marry or whom to marry, where to live, what profession to choose. We have to go blind, and this is not our fault. We must learn to share our regrets and experiences. This is the only way to feel less lonely.

34. What are you slightly addicted to?

Alcohol, shopping, cigarettes, porn, arguments... Addiction cannot be strictly defined as an attachment to one specific substance, this concept is much broader. - this is a feeling of a strong need for something, and the cause is most often a serious problem in some area of ​​our life. Therefore, there is no need to focus on the substance or action that causes addiction. Focus on the sorrows and worries that fuel your addiction to him. Understand that you are not a bad person, this is just how your suffering manifests itself. And the solution to the problem of addiction lies in overcoming this suffering.

35. Make a list of three little things that annoy you about the person next to you.

Little insignificant things upset us because they have a direct bearing on larger issues. They go against some of our psychological expectations, such as punctuality, privacy, organization... Ideally, we need to understand what big things matter to us and protect them, with leniency towards the little things that people sometimes do unintentionally.

36. What negative traits of your character would you not like to show to people?

Almost certainly everyone is already aware of these shortcomings. Other people know more about us five minutes later than we know about ourselves decades later, because their knowledge of others is not suppressed by the unconscious. Honesty towards others comes easy. Instead of hoping that no one will ever notice yours, assume that everyone already knows about them. And in the future, treat them with a little humor and self-irony.

37. Rank the following concepts in descending order of importance in your work:

• money;
• status;
• creation;
• impact on society;
• Colleagues.

Our career aspirations are influenced by three forces:

• parents' hopes;
• expectations of society (other people);
• the feelings that arise during our work.

We are usually the least likely to listen to ourselves. And most often the first two forces win. It may take several decades before we recognize the terrifying fact that we worked only to please a parent (who may have already died) or for the sake of strangers and, most often, people who are indifferent to us. Most likely, it's not too late now.

38. If you knew that you could not fail in your profession, what would you try?

We are often afraid of being embarrassed because our aspirations and desires regarding a career do not correspond to our actual knowledge or skills. And that's why we don't even try. And this is an exact guarantee that your aspirations will never become a reality. We owe it to ourselves to be vocal about what we want to do and who we want to be, even if it won't be easy or without failure.

39. What things have made you jealous lately?

We were taught that envy is bad, and we were strictly forbidden to do it. But in fact, the people or things we envy help us better understand our deepest desires, and this, in turn, tells us a lot about ourselves as a person. Try to keep a diary of your envious feelings, do not accumulate them inside yourself and try to make your dreams come true.

40. What can your work colleagues criticize you for behind your back?

And there is nothing to be offended by. Your fears are well founded. Everything you suspect could have occurred to others, and this is already reality. The point is not to try to avoid such imaginary gossip, but to take measures to combat their existence: do not give others a reason for criticism, strive to be better.

41. What or who do you associate yourself with?

• If I were the weather, I would be...
• If I were furniture, I would be...
• If I were a car brand, I would be...
• If I were a genre of music, I would be...
• If I were food, I would be...
• If I were an animal, I would be...
• If I were a font, I would be...

To ourselves we are something vague and formless, but sometimes we can recognize the key features of our personality through metaphors and analogies. The animal most often turns out to be particularly revealing.

42. Have you ever been unfair to others?

Make a list of guilt-inducing events where you were particularly unfair to specific people and lashed out at them.

What makes you worry? If you shared your concerns, could the situation change? In the future, try to tell others that you are upset instead of making a fuss over small things.

43. How do you react to stimuli?

Someone is annoying you. What would you say: “You’re so annoying when...” or “I feel irritated when you...”?

Psychologists prefer the second formulation: in their opinion, this approach is the essence of good communication. By describing how others affect you rather than blaming them, you avoid putting people on the defensive. Therefore, they are more likely to listen to you. Self-knowledge helps you separate what applies to you and what applies to other people.

44. Which of the following statements applies to you?

• When my partner upsets me, I lose interest, withdraw, and want to be alone.
• When my partner upsets me, I panic, get angry and start a fight.

These are the two most common and unhealthy reactions when you are hurt in . Psychologists describe the first situation as avoidant attachment, and the second as anxious attachment. Choose the third option correctly: explain what hurts you, calmly, confidently and without unnecessary vindictiveness. Only 10% of people do this. But this is the right decision if you want to build a mature relationship.

45. Write down everything bad in your relationship with your parents, and then with your loved one.

Please note that the same problems keep popping up. Or at least you can see a connection between them. There is irony in this. Perhaps it's time to resolve conflicts?

46. ​​What prevents you from making decisions?

Our brain has its shortcomings. Be prepared that when you make important decisions, you will experience them yourself. See mistakes as an opportunity to learn about your weaknesses and take action. Be vigilant when you come to conclusions about your shortcomings, do not let them bother you.

47. Name the first association that comes to mind when you hear these words:

• skirt;
• carrot;
• wool;
• lock;
• movie;
• shot.

We have become so good at hiding what is going on in our souls that the only way to recognize what is really bothering us is to turn off our minds for a while. Analyze your answers, think about what hidden fears and desires they may indicate.

48. How would you describe yourself?

Describe yourself using four adjectives. Ask three friends to do the same. Compare and contrast scores. What did you miss? What did you learn about yourself?

49. Map your failures

Write down your failures, indicating the approximate date they occurred. Next to each failure, write what it taught you.

You must recognize patterns. And the best we can do is understand what behaviors lead us to and what they ultimately give us.

50. What did you literally just lie to someone around you?

None of us lives in absolutely ideal conditions. White lies are the price for belonging to society. The desire for complete transparency is a naive and dangerous illusion.

51. Continue the phrases:

• If a truly kind person wanted to praise me, he would say...
• If a truly cruel person were assessing me, he would say...

Learn to stick to the golden mean between these two extremes. Be a demanding but generous friend to yourself.

52. Are you dominant or submissive in sex? What about the rest of your life?

Usually the second answer is the opposite of the first. In other words, sex is compensation and relief from stress from ordinary existence.

53. What things in your life would make your loved ones worry if they knew about them?

It’s completely normal to have secrets that even your closest people don’t know about. We try not to scare those we love.

54. What would you like to achieve in your career in a year, five, ten years?

Having your own plans means not being an executor of others.

55. What was your favorite thing to do as a child?

Are you experiencing similar feelings now? A good career involves a connection between your adult activities and childhood hobbies and feelings.